I.—The Kind Red Lioness
I will admit that my head ached and I looked tired; but I was not so depressed as all that. None the less she thought I was, and being a good soul she did what she could to help me, and since I knew her to be a good soul doing all that she could to help me, I had to acquiesce.
“Let me bring you something to cheer you up,” she said. “Of course it’s lonely staying in a country inn all by yourself. I know it must be. But I’ve got something that’ll make you laugh. I’ll fetch it in.”
I feared the worst as Mrs. Tally hastened away; and I knew the worst when she returned bearing the Visitors’ Book.
“There,” she said, “I often have a good laugh over that of an evening. Such funny bits there are in it. Some of the gentlemen we get here are such wags. Look at this”—and she placed her fat finger on a drawing of a young man in a straw hat, leaning against the bar while he blew kisses to an enormous figure behind it.
“That’s me,” she said, pointing to the enormous figure. “I remember that young gentleman so well. He came with two others, on bicycles, and they stayed from Saturday to Monday. So bright they were, and so full of jokes. See what he wrote underneath.”
I read: “Dook Snook, Lord Bob, and the Hon. Billy came and saw and were conquered—to Tally!”
“Do you see the take off in that last word?” she inquired. “Rather smart, wasn’t it? But they’re full of fun, all of them. Here’s another amusing one. I remember that gentleman too. He was always full of his jokes.”
I looked and read: “I was sent to the Red Lion by my doctor for change and rest. The waitress got the change, and the hostess the rest.”
“Isn’t that neat?” the Red Lioness inquired.
I said it was. How could I dash this enthusiast’s spirit by telling her its age?
“This is a bit of poetry,” said my hostess, proceeding to read it:—
“Of all the girls that are so smart,
There’s none like Mrs. Tally,
She is the darling of my heart,
And lives in our alley.
Signed × (Bill Bailey, his mark).
“He was a jolly young fellow,” she added. “Fancy calling himself Bill Bailey!” and she pealed merrily. “I wonder what’s become of him; he hasn’t been here for months,” she added. “Here’s some more poetry:—
“There’s nothing like a Lion that’s Red
For pleasant food and comfy bed.
I mean to come and stay again,
But now must run and catch my train.
Algernon Mull,
296, Broad Walk, Ealing.
“Don’t you think it’s wonderful to be able to make up poytry like that?” Mrs. Tally continued. “I do. I’ve tried, but I never could do anything worth repeating, and as for writing in a Visitors’ Book!... Don’t you agree with me?” she asked.
“Certainly,” I said. “It’s a real gift, there’s no doubt about it. A gift.”
“Yes,” she said, “a gift. That’s what it is. Here’s another funny one.”
I read: “The Ten Thirsty Tiddlers visited the old Red Lion for the fifteenth time. Everything A1 as usual.”
“But of course,” said Mrs. Tally, “although these are amusing and make the book such good reading, it’s the serious compliments we like the best. All comic wouldn’t do at all. Some people, indeed, actually dislike it. There were two lady artists here not long ago who asked me to remove the book from the room, as it was so vulgar. Fancy that—‘remove the book!’ No, it’s the serious things that do us the most good, of course. Like this, for instance”—and Mrs. Tally pointed to the following, one after the other:—
Mr. and Mrs. Wilson Flower, of Dunedin, N.Z., spent a week here very pleasantly in July. The cooking was excellent and everything was most comfortable. They hope to return on their next visit to the dear old country.
Comfortable rooms, good attendance, perfect cooking and the best of landladies. In short, a home from home.
H. A. Martin,
St. Swithin’s, Sydenham, S.E.
My daughter, Mrs. Crawley, and myself have spent a very agreeable week-end here and hope to come again.
J. Murray Phipps,
Member of the Committee of the Royal Musical Society.
We have received every kindness from Mrs. Tally and her very efficient staff.
Mr. and Mrs. J. Arbuthnot Gill,
Wood Dene, Pinner.
“Well,” said Mrs. Tally, “I must go now; but I’ll leave the book with you. And there’s an earlier volume if you like to see it. It’ll cheer you wonderfully, and you’ll just die of laughing.”
The honest kindly soul! There are moments when one is more ashamed of what is called culture than any one can ever be of ignorance.