HISTORICAL RHYMES

I. QUEEN ELIZABETH AND SIR WALTER RALEIGH

It was a wet and windy day

The ground was damp and dirty

But yet the Queen she would not stay.

They pressed her, she grew shirty.

“A murrain on you,” she replied

“I care not for the weather.”

And she went forth in all her pride

In silk and ruff and feather.

Beside her walked her courtiers gay

Although with cold they shivered;

How cold they were they dared not say

Lest with a glance be withered.

Look! in the middle of the road

A puddle wide and frightening.

“Wait, Madam!”—forward Raleigh strode

His satin cloak untightening.

Down in the wet he flung his cloak,

She stepped across quite dryly,

Then with her sweetest smile she spoke,

Commending him most highly.

“Pansy”

RULES AS TO BIRTHDAYS
FOR THE BENEFIT OF PARENTS

The person whose birthday it happens to be should be allowed to get up when they choose. There should be sausages for breakfast.

It seems hardly necessary to point out that there should be no lessons, and no walk.

Lunch should be chosen by the birthday person.

Sample Menu for a Birthday Lunch:—

In choosing birthday presents people should remember that the whole point of a present is that it is an extra. Clothes should never be given for birthday presents, because one has to have clothes and it is not at all exciting to be given a pair of stockings. Handkerchiefs do not count as clothes because they are pretty.

Some really good entertainment should be arranged for the afternoon. If in London a matinée is suggested, followed by tea at Rumpelmayer’s. Bedtime should come at least two hours later than usual. If only these few simple rules could be committed to memory by those in authority what completely satisfactory occasions birthdays would be.

“Chrysanthemum”

BADLY-HEARD SAYINGS: 1. “HITCH YOUR WAGON TO A TAR.”