Cole's Funny Picture Book No. 1

by E. W. Cole

Page 109—Strange History of Twenty-Six Funny Women

Strange History of Twenty-Six Funny Women Angelina Armstrong Abruptly Asked an Advertising Agent About an Alliterating Advertisement Appearing, Announcing An Astonishing, Admirable, Attractive, Agreeable, Artistic, And Advanced Australian Arcade. Meaning Cole's Book Arcade. Bridget Bradshaw Bamboozled the Barber's Beautiful Baby By Bouncing it into Believing a Bandbox to Be a Big Book. From Cole's Book Arcade. Clarissa Cox Cautiously Crept & Caught with a Candle extinguisher a Congregation of Catterwauling Cats Conducting a Confounded Corroboree. On the roof of Cole's Book Arcade. Dorothy Dwight in the Dark Drew a Decidedly Delightful Drawing, Depicting a Dictating, Domineering Despot; a Desperate Despoiling Demogogue; a Disdainful Duchess Dowager; a Dainty, Dressy Dandy, and a Downright Double-Dealing Dodger. Which drawing can be inspected at Cole's Book Arcade by anyone who can see clearly in the Dark. Eudocia Emul, the Eccentric Epicurian Empress of Ethiopia, Electrified the East End of Egypt by Eagerly and Easily Eating, as an Experiment, an Egg, an Eagle, an Emu, and Electrical Eel, and an Enormous Elephant, larger than the one Exhibited next to Cole's Book Arcade. Fanny Fagan's Fine, Flossy, Fashionable Feathers Frequently Flopped, Flirted, and Flounced Forcibly From Fun. When she read some of the lively books from Cole's Book Arcade. Georgina Gubbins Gently, Gracefully, Gravely, Grammatically, Graphically, and Grandiloquently Grumbled at her Great-Grandmother. Because she so seldom went to Cole's Book Arcade. Harriet Hopkins Had an Habitual, Haughty, Harsh, Hasty, Huffy, Hateful, Hideous, Horrid, Headstrong, Heedless, Hysterical, Habit of Henpecking Her Husband at Home. When he would not take her to Cole's Book Arcade, to get a book on Saturday night. Isabella Ingram Ironically Inquired of the Illustrious Imperial Indian If Idleness, Ignorance, Impudence, Intemperance, Intolerance, Inhumanity, and Infamy. Were the seven cardinal virtues. She was referred for an answer to the Instructive books in Cole's Book Arcade. Jemima Jenkins, the Jerusalem Jewess, Judiciously Jotted Jokes in her Journal in June on her Journey through Judea to Jericho, beyond Jordan. [N.B.—Jericho, beyond Jordan, is about 10,000 miles from Cole's Book Arcade.] Kate Kearney Kidnapped a Knave, a Knight, a Khan, a Kaiser and a King, and Kindly Kept them upon Ketchup, Kale, Kidneys, Kingfishes, Kittens and Kangaroos. She did not buy her cookery book at Cole's Book Arcade: he doesn't sell books showing how to cook Kittens. Lucy Larkins Lately Let a Lovely, Lonely Lady Look Leisurely at a Large Live Lobster by the aid of a Lucid Little Lime-Light, Borrowed from Cole's Book Arcade. Mary Muggin's Mother Made a Mighty, Monstrous, Mammoth, Monument of Marmalade jars; Mounted up, and Minutely Minced the Moon into a Multitude of Magnificent stars. [N.B.—About 300 bushels of said stars fell on top of Cole's Book Arcade and may be seen on application.]

Nancy Nuttall was a Nonsensical, Noodlesome, Nincompoopish, Namby-pamby, Numskulled, Needle-woman; Nevertheless, at Ninety-Nine she Neatly and Nimbly Nabbed in the Nuptial Noose a Notable Noble Nabob of Nagpoor. And directly after the marriage Nagged him into sending for books to Cole's Book Arcade. Olivia Oliphant, of Omeo, ordered an Obstinate Old Organ-grinding Ostrich to Overwhelm with Oil an Olive, an Onion, an Orange, an Onion, an Orange, an Ocean, and an Oat. And then go to Cole's Book Arcade and get a book. Papline Potts, a Poor, Penniless Peasant, Prettily, Pleasantly, Pathetically and Perfectly Played a Piece of music in a Parlour at a Pleasure-Palace to a Picked, Packed Party of Particular Personages, consisting of Peers, Peeresses, Princes and Princesses. The piece of music was bought Quarter-Price at Cole's Book Arcade. Quintina Quirk Quarrelled with the Queer, Quaint, Quadroon Queen of Quito, and Quizzingly Questioned her Quivering, Quaking Quartermaster. If he was Quite sure he bought all his pens and pencils at Cole's Book Arcade. Ruth Robertson's Rich Rival, Regardless of Right, Rhyme, or Reason, Recently Ran a Rapid, Rattling Race Round a Regiment of Royal Russian Red Republicans, Instead of Running into Cole's Book Arcade. Seraphina Susanna Selina Sally Snooks, a Sober, Serious, Staid, Seraphic, and Sentimental Sailoress, Solicited a Situation as Superior Saloon Stewardess on the Splendid Spanish Steamship Salamanca, and Straightway Stipulated with the Sprightly Supercargo to Slyly and Suddenly Sail Southward at Sunrise for Six Shillingsworth of Select Stationery to Cole's Book Arcade. Theresa Toodles Thatched a Trumpery Tipperary Theatre Three Thousand and Thirty-Three Times, and Then Took To Table-Turning and Table-Talking. But never Turned into nor Talked about Cole's Book Arcade until afterwards. Urania Upton was Uncouth, Ungraceful, Unfashionable, Unladylike, Uninteresting, Unpresentable, and Ugly. She was Unpoetical, Unmusical, Unlearned, Uncultured, Unimproved, Uninformed, Unknowing, Unthinking, Unwitty and Unwise. She was Unlively, Undersized, Unwholesome and Unhealthy. She was Unlovely, Ungentle, Uncivil, Unsociable, Untameable, and altogether Unendurable. She was Unkind, Unfeeling, Unloving, Unthankful, Ungrateful, Unwilling, Unruly, Unreasonable, Unwomanly, Unworthy, Unmotherly, Undutious, Unmerciful, Untruthful, Unfair, Unjust and Unprincipled. She was Unpunctual, Unthrifty, Unskilful, Unready, Unsafe, Unfit, and totally Unprofitable. She was Unknown, Unnoticed, Unheeded, Unobeyed, Unloved, Unfriended, Unemployed, Unvalued, Unpopular, and actually Unpitied. She was Unsuccessful, Unfortunate, Unlucky, Unpaid, Unshod, Unfed, Unquiet, Unsettled, Uncertain, Undecided, Unhinged, Uneasy, Upset, Unhappy, and Utterly Useless. Until, by chance, she went to Cole's Book Arcade, and got some good instructive books, and now she is the very best person in Australia, and the best but two in the world. Victoria Vincent Valiantly Vaccinated a Vapouring, Verbose Varmit of a Vulgar Villainous Vagabond, who Very Verdantly Ventured on a Versatile, Veteran, Valueless Velocipede to Visit the Viceroy of Venice, instead of Visiting Cole's Book Arcade. Wilhelmina Wilkins Was a Worthy, Witty, Widow Washerwoman, Who Washed Woollen Waistcoats, Worsted Waistbands, and Water-proof Wrappers With a Washing-Machine, and lived Well upon Water-gruel; Whereupon William Watson, a Wide-awake Widowed Waterman, Wisely Walked With her—Whispered, Winked, Wooed, Won, Wedded, and Wafted her across the Wide Waste of Water Waves, and got her a Weird Waltz. Quarter-Price at Cole's Book Arcade. Xantippe Xman, the eXiled eXqueen of the eXquimaux, eXceedingly eXcelled in eXerting an eXquisite eXactness in eXpense in general; but eXhibited the most eXceptional, eXtensive, eXtraordinary, eXcessive, eXtravagant, but eXcusable eXuberance. When she visited Cole's Book Arcade, to buy books. Yellena Yellat, the Yellow Yahoo of Yokohama, Yawned Yesterday at Yon Yelping Yokel of the Yankee Yeomanry. And told him that he, being ignorant, should go at once and get educated at Cole's Book Arcade. Zenobian Zoziman, the Zouave Zemindaress of Zululand, was no Zany, but rode on a Zanzibar Zebra, resided in a Zing-Zag Zenana, Zealously studied Zanyism, Zealotism, Zoology, Zoonomy, Zoophytology, Zoolatry, Zymology, Zincography And many other 'isms, 'ologies, 'olatries, 'ographies, etc., out of the works she bought at Cole's Book Arcade.

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