CHOICE of COMPANY.
The next thing to the choice of friends, is the choice of your company.
Endeavour, as much as you can, to keep good company, and the company of your superiors; for you will be held in estimation according to the company you keep. By superiors, I do not mean so much with regard to birth, as merit, and the light in which they are considered by the world.
There are two sorts of good company, the one consists of persons of birth, rank, and fashion; the other, of those who are distinguished by some particular merit, in any liberal art or science, as men of letters, &c. and a mixture of these is what I would have understood by good company: For it is not what particular sets of people shall call themselves, but what the people in general acknowledge to be so, and are the accredited good company of the place.
Now and then, persons without either birth, rank, or character, will creep into good company, under the protection of some considerable personage; but, in general, none are admitted of mean degree, or infamous moral character.
In this fashionable good company alone, can you learn the best manners and the best language; for, as there is no legal standard to form them by, it is here they are established.
It may possibly be questioned, whether a man has it always in his power to get into good company; undoubtedly, by deserving it, he has, provided he is in circumstances which enable him to live and appear in the stile of a gentleman. Knowledge, modesty, and good-breeding, will endear him to all that see him; for without politeness, the scholar is no better than a pedant, the philosopher than a cynic, the soldier than a brute, nor any man than a clown.
Though the company of men of learning and genius is highly to be valued and occasionally coveted, I would by no means have you always found in such company. As they do not live in the world, they cannot have that easy manner and address, which I would wish you to acquire. If you can bear a part in such company, it is certainly advisable to be in it sometimes, and you will be the more esteemed in other company by being so; but let it not engross you, lest you should be considered as one of the literati, which however respectable in name, is not the way to rise or shine in the fashionable world.
But the company which, of all others, you should carefully avoid, is that, which, in every sense of the word may be called low; low in birth, low in rank, low in parts, and low in manners; that company, who, insignificant and contemptible in themselves, think it an honor to be seen with you, and who will flatter your follies, nay your very vices, to keep you with them.
Though you may think such a caution unnecessary, I do not; for many a young gentleman of sense and rank, has been led by his vanity to keep such company, till he has been degraded, vilified and undone.
The vanity I mean, is that of being the first of the company. This pride, though too common, is idle to the last degree. Nothing in the world lets a man down so much. For the sake of dictating, being applauded and admired by this low company, he is disgraced and disqualified for better. Depend upon it, in the estimation of mankind, you will sink or rise to the level of the company you keep.
Be it, then, your ambition to get into the best company; and, when there, imitate their virtues, but not their vices. You have, no doubt, often heard of genteel and fashionable vices. These are whoring, drinking and gaming. It has happened that some men, even with these vices, have been admired and esteemed. Understand this matter rightly, it is not their vices for which they are admired; but for some accomplishments they at the same time possess; for their parts, their learning, or their good-breeding. Be assured, were they free from their vices, they would be much more esteemed. In these mixed characters, the bad part is overlooked for the sake of the good.
Should you be unfortunate enough to have any vices of your own, add not to their number, by adopting the vices of others. Vices of adoption are of all others the most unpardonable; for they have not inadvertency to plead. If people had no vices but their own, few would have so many as they have.
Imitate, then, only the perfections you meet with; copy the politeness, the address, the easy manners of well-bred people; and remember, let them shine ever so bright, if they have any vices, they are so many blemishes, which it would be as ridiculous to imitate, as it would, to make an artificial wart upon one’s face, because some very handsome man had the misfortune to have a natural one upon his.