SOME VERSES TO A FRIEND WHO TWICE VENTURED ON MARRIAGE.
BY THOMAS BROWN.
The Husband's the Pilot, the Wife is the Ocean,
He always in danger, she always in motion;
And he that in Wedlock twice hazards his Carcase
Twice ventures the Drowning, and, Faith, that's a hard case.
Even at our Weapons the Females defeat us,
And Death, only Death, can sign our Quietus.
Not to tell you sad stories of Liberty lost,
Our Mirth is all pall'd, and our Measures all crost;
That Pagan Confinement, that damnable Station,
Sutes no other States or Degrees in the Nation.
The Levite it keeps from Parochial Duty,
For who can at once mind Religion and Beauty?
The Rich it alarms with Expences and Trouble,
And a poor Beast, you know, can scarce carry double.
'Twas invented, they tell you, to keep us from falling;
Oh the Virtues and Graces of shrill Caterwauling!
How it palls in your Gain; but, pray, how do you know, Sir,
How often your Neighbour breaks in your Enclosure?
For this is the principal Comforts of Marriage,
You must eat tho' a hundred have spit in your Porridg.
If at night you're inactive, or fail in performing,
Enter Thunder and Lightning, and Blood-shed, next Morning;
Lust's the Bone of your Shanks, O dear Mr. Horner:
This comes of your sinning with Crape in a Corner.
Then to make up the Breach all your Strength you must rally,
And labour and sweat like a Slave in a Gaily;
And still you must charge—O blessed Condition!—
Tho' you know, to your cost, you've no more Ammunition:
Till at last the poor fool of a mortified man
Is unable to make a poor Flash in the Pan.
Fire, Flood, and Female, begin with a letter,
But for all the World's not a Farthing the better.
Your Flood is soon gone, and your Fire you must humble,
If into Flames store of Water you tumble;
But to cure the damn'd Lust of your Wife's Titilation,
You may use all the Engines and Pumps in the Nation,
As well you may p—— out the last Conflagration.
And thus I have sent you my Thoughts of the matter;
You may judge as you please; I scorn for to flatter:
I could say much more, but here ends the Chapter.