366.
To his Stepmother.
London, January the 26th, 1779.
Dear Madam,
PROSPECT OF A PLACE.
As we are mutually convinced of each other's sentiments, words, compliments, assurances would be as idle as they are useless: yet it would be incumbent on me to employ them, if they became either of us; since I am so unfortunate as to be reduced to those equivocal marks of regard, whilst I receive from you the most solid and substantial proofs of that friendship and real affection which I have invariably experienced above twenty years.—You ask me why I should wish you to wait till Easter, and you seem desirous of an explanation of the latter part of my letter. It is for that very purpose of an explanation that I desired that delay, as it includes a variety of circumstances which I ought not to trust to paper or to the post. I can only say in general that from the assistance of a very powerful friend I have room to hope that I may soon be placed in an honourable and advantageous post[424] either at home or abroad, which would enable me to satisfy my duty as well as inclination by making your residence at Bath easy and comfortable to you in the manner you yourself have calculated your expences. I am not of a sanguine temper, and I am very sensible that besides the usual grounds of doubt and distrust, there are many circumstances which it is impossible for me to explain, that may either forward or delay or entirely disappoint the most rational expectations. Last week things seemed to draw so very near a crisis that I suspended my letter in hopes of making it more satisfactory to you and to myself. At present they are rather thrown back, and for aught I know the present Session of Parliament may end in darkness and uncertainty. Yet, I think the chance is worth waiting for a few months, perhaps somewhat longer; the difference of your income and expence cannot be very important, and if you do not wish me to make a difficult effort, I cannot see any great mischief in your eating a little deeper into your principal. I am the more anxious that you should not hastily quit a place which upon the whole must suit you better than any other; not only because I hope it will not be necessary, but as I am sure in your indifferent state of health, the unpleasant removal would be attended with fatigue of body and anxiety of mind which might be very prejudicial to you.
I am much flattered by your approbation of my pamphlet.[425] It was a disagreeable but a necessary step, after which I take my absolute and final leave of controversy. My second volume advances, and I hope will be finished within the ensuing year (1780). You were right as to the benefit I have derived from the first; under the pressure of various difficulties, it proved a seasonable and useful friend; but if it supported, it did not enrich its author. I did not send a copy of my vindication to Port Eliot, nor indeed to any person except to yourself. Eliot must be in town in a fortnight to a very severe call of the House. I have meditated a letter to him, or rather to Mrs. E., above three months without success.
I am, Dear Madam,
Ever yours,
E. Gibbon.