CHAPTER IX.
I Receive My Diploma for Nursing from St. Vincent's Hospital—Trouble Among the Sisters.
Hundreds of people take trips like Sister Rita and I took in 1907 every year and there is nothing said about it, for it is only a common trip for the people of the world. But for two nuns in their garb to travel from one side of the continent to the other, and from the north to the south, on a trip like this, is extraordinary. In all my sisterhood life, I have never known any other two sisters to go on such a trip. I have known them to take longer trips, some of them to Europe, but always on business.
Once more at the hospital where we had spent so many years in drudgery, the smoldering pride and natural ambition which had been suppressed and rudely beaten and forced into oblivion, came from the hiding place with renewed vigor. We realized that a great something had taken place within us. We could not see things in the same light as before. The trip had been educational for us, and the knowledge acquired had driven deep into our hearts the conviction of the truth with such power that we found a terrible battle raging within us—Romish convent "rot" on one side and light on the other.
What were we to do? We had no homes, no place to go to live the remainder of our earthly sojourn; we had served the best part of our lives for the Roman institution and were no longer young; our health was not the best; helpless from every point of view, it was a plain case of go to work, "for better or for worse."
It was impossible for us to believe opened-eyed the foolishness of all the silly superstitions we had so long lived, and yet from it there was no escape, as it was by rule and practice and demand, compulsory. We talked it over and realized that we stood in need of a remedy to counteract the wiles of darkness—neither allopathic nor homeopathic prescription could accomplish this for us, and we knew from experience that the Romish priest could do nothing for us as he was the fountain head of the darkness and ignorance, except perhaps administer a spiritual emetic in the confessional. So we just took up our part of the work as tools, grinding for the Roman machine.
Naturally, the conditions at the hospital were the same as they had always been, but the great change that had taken place in my life caused me to be more independent than I had ever been before. I saw that the treatment accorded the sisters, doctors, nurses and patients was not right, as well as they knew it. They soon realized the degree of independence I had delegated to myself, and I was overburdened with complaints of the wrongs that were going on. Not that I could directly correct the irregularities, but that I might have some influence with those in charge of the workings of the institution.
At St. Vincent's there were sixty sisters—simply women—in whose hearts existed the same aspirations, cravings and desires inherent in all human flesh. There were those sisters with their whole heart and soul perfectly sincere in their religion. Others who were the schemers, intriguing in the most cunningly devised plans imaginable, workers of iniquity and the greatest injustices in the guise of religious show. To your face this class would be so sanctified, always saying prayers and looking to heaven, but when your back was turned, they would step on you, trample you under their feet, or knife you to attain their end, and that they might be glorified and exalted in the eyes of their companions and superiors. The outside world will never know the real meaning of the word "scheme" until they have the opportunity of seeing the hellish plottings of a sister-schemer.
It is only natural that a sister will do her utmost to have work in which she is interested and has some inclination toward, so that she can see and hear those things pleasing to her. Then when she is in her chosen work, she will do all in her power, just the same as other people, to attain the best position possible that life might be brighter and she do the most good, as well as to have a little more authority. In order to gain her aspirations, a sister is compelled by the hell-bound system to live in continual fire—the fire of fear and remorse—the fire of fierce wrangling through pride, jealousy and ambition. Patients and doctors have come to me many, many times, with proof of the awful jealousy and inharmony among sisters. They could not understand that a sister's world was so small and cramped by obedience that they could not get away from their last scene of hell and latest oppression.
It was about this time, soon after my return from the East, that there was a demand from the doctors and patients for more efficient nursing. It had been public talk that the sisters did not train for the care of the sick and consequently did not have diplomas. And yet, these sisters, with only experimental knowledge of nursing, were head-nurses, as superintendents and teachers in the training-school. Superiors were appointed who never had any previous hospital experience, coming directly from orphanages, schools or kitchen work. Others who came direct from Canada, who could not speak a dozen words of English, would be appointed to some high office. From these we would be compelled to take orders which meant blind and military obedience under penalty for the non-observance.
It was decided that some of the sisters should be given diplomas to show their qualifications for nursing. I was one of the chosen few who received a beautiful scroll of paper certifying that I had completed a thorough course of training in medical and surgical nursing and had undergone a satisfactory examination, in the branches taught in the training school, before certain members of the hospital staff who had attached their signatures. It was also signed by the Superior Provincial and the local Superior. This diploma was a triple falsehood on the face of it, as I had not taken a course of training, I had not taken an examination before these doctors, or any other doctors, on the tenth day of June, 1901, or any other time; and, moreover, I did not receive it until after I had returned from my trip East, which was 1907, which shows that it was either back-dated or had been kept in "cold storage" for several years.
Fac-simile of the Diploma I Received from St. Vincent's Hospital.
This was simply another delusion of the Roman Catholic Hierarchy to hood-wink the public and cause them to think that the Roman institutions were as efficient as other institutions. Personally, I was qualified to nurse in nearly all branches, as I will prove to my readers before I close this book, but what I knew was not learned by a "thorough training" by any teacher other than the teacher of experience, and now, with over fifteen years of hospital work to my credit, I was receiving what the ordinary nurse receives after three years' training—the diploma.
About 1910 the new addition to St. Vincent's was opened for occupancy and it could then accommodate about four hundred patients.
The reports of the unfair treatment of the sisters and others as well, were coming to me so fast that I decided to try to right them from within the order. It was only the beginning of the end for me. I appealed to all the women authorities, from the local superior to the Mother General, but to no avail. It simply caused the sisters in authority to look upon me with suspicion and disfavor, and from the very first, reports were circulated about me losing my faith, and being a "bad religious." Orders were given the sisters on my floor as to the management and also as to the manner in which they were to treat me.
The reports of what was going on had reached the Mother House in Montreal, and the assistant Mother General, who was a very good friend of mine, and at the same time endeavoring to smooth matters over in the community, asked me to take the office of superior at Astoria. It was simply an attempt to get me out of St. Vincent's and I refused to take the office, knowing that I could not treat the sisters as a superior had to.
A letter soon came from the Mother House, which I will here copy, with others, showing how the news of strife within the community travels. Also how cautious a sister must be with her letters. The envelope was addressed to me, and on the top of it had these words: "P. S. If not there return to me unopened."
Providence Mother House,
Montreal, Feb. 11th, 1910.
(This letter is for yourself alone.)
Sr. Lucretia,
Portland, Oregon.
Dear Sister:
What's up? It seems people find you so very, very naughty—so naughty that strong measures are required. Look out, the comet (Haley's Comet) may play serious tricks! But nonsense apart, do write me what has happened in that house? You cannot imagine how anxious I am, knowing what injustice is sometimes meted out under the plea of good order and merely for the sake of carrying out certain plans to attain ones end. Be watchful. I love the community with all my soul, but I hate the iniquity wrought by some of its members through jealousy and ambition. God help the weak! I shall say no more today, but leave it all to the strong right arm of the Almighty.
Good-bye and believe me,
Sincerely yours,
SISTER M. WILFRID.
This letter is proof that I was not the only sister who knew of the wrongs and injustices that were going on under the plea of religion. And believe me, I was very grateful to receive this letter from one so high in the order as Sister Wilfrid. It braced me up for the coming battle.
St. Vincent's Hospital,
Portland, Oregon, Feb. 20, 1910.
Rev. Mother Wilfrid, Asst. Gen.,
Montreal, Canada.
Dear Mother Wilfrid:
I am not aware of being so terribly naughty, and the same comet (Haley's) that will play unfair tricks on me might get a few played on it, when tricky cards will be played.
When these strange and strong measures will be put to me I will certainly have to know of them and then it shall be my business to learn the reason, and mine to employ whatever means I may require for justice or peace of soul and body. Any grievous wrongs coming to me through jealous and ambitious evil-doers will not be borne by me in a pent up heart any more like in the past. Accusations, as also insinuations, which falsify will have to come to light and proof. They can say all the dirty, wicked remarks about me they please. I know but precious little good has ever been said of me by the community representatives out here in the past, and I do not expect better yet. If I am American in my views and ways, it does not make me irreligious or disloyal. My faults and shortcomings are not worse, nor of meaner character than those I am with, and have lived with. With little effort I can produce plenty comparisons.
I will not again suffer humiliating trials cast upon me without cause, and worse, to no purpose, but to incur the displeasure of God and to please deceitful, jealous, scheming spirits.
You ask me what has happened this house? It would take me six months to put it in writing and make a nervous wreck of myself and then be compelled to leave to others what I attempted to better. Time, and sisters who will be trained by home religious, who will understand our people and sisters, can only right things with us out here. Along these lines the trouble lies in this house. We are even bad for knowing where trouble lies, etc., etc., etc. You know as well as I do.
I work hard and know that I work well, and I do my duty the best I know. The crime is, I haven't the "L'esprit de la religieuse," because I am not French and they can't bake me over other than God made me. Amen.
With love in prayer, I am,
Yours very sincerely,
SISTER LUCRETIA,
S. C. S. P.
On March 10th, 1910, I wrote her again, further explaining what was going on, as follows:
Dear Mother Wilfrid:
Another item which stands black against me is that I have been taking care of Archbishop Christie this winter. Three weeks' special nurse and for three months I went nearly every day to his residence to give his arm massage treatment. I did my hospital work all but the entering of a few names along with the extra work. I gave classes in nursing to the sisters two evenings per week.
Now, of course, I should be made to feel very sorry that I have been capable of giving agreeable service to such a distinguished patient. It being out of the question to punish him for being pleased with my care or an expression of a word of gratitude. So, it should behoove me to be put through the expiatory system to atone for my sins of having done well and more than the usual effort. I can't tell where the glory of such Christ-like doings belong. No doubt it is the right spirit—too bad I haven't it. What a grievous sin it must be to please, etc.
Another item, my name was cast a good many times in the ballot box on election evening for the new superior. I suppose I might be called upon to glorify God by expiating for this crime also, in some way or other. Those brilliant gems are being added to other hallows, too. What Paradise! minus innocence. Amen.
As ever.
Very truly yours,
SISTER LUCRETIA,
S. C. S. P.
Just a day or two after I mailed the foregoing letter, I received a note from Mother Wilfrid asking me to write further, explaining more fully the national hatred mentioned in my first letter—she not having received this last one as yet. So on March 18th, 1910, I wrote at length:
Dear Mother Wilfrid:
The only reason French sisters have no use for me, and would never give me a sign of prestige is that I am not French. That is my awful crime. I am liked and approved of by all that I have dealings with—the doctors, the people, the sick—great and lowly—the nurses, the help of the floor—all express happiness and pleasure on seeing me. The English-speaking sisters find a few minutes' comfort of mind and a little peace and enjoyment in my company. In the eyes of jealous, evil minds it must be wicked to possess gifts which radiate peace, happiness and harmony.
I even admit that I am not dead to approbation or condemnation. I naturally like to give to everybody of the best I have, whatever it may be—to receive people well and friendly, to serve someone a lunch, or to do some little favor of whatever kind, or if it were only a few kind words of encouragement. If anyone wishes my secret, I am not jealous to give my recipe. I always made it a particular point to do everything as well as I could and know that I do it with as pleasing and cheerful disposition as possible. But that is poison to the other side. I am and always have been successful in my office. I taught a class of sisters (nursing) since the beginning of last September, and I know that I did it right and successful the times I could get them.
Why such national prejudice and jealousy? Really what the last election (superior's election) here showed, after all the talking of doing away with the spirit of nationality, the prayers and conferences to the same purpose, then the nationality spirit manifested itself with more force than ever before, at least openly, so that one knows what to call it. It shows clearly, too, that there will never be harmony, and it is obvious that one kind will predominate as long as they can, and when they cannot, the next majority will.
Our community has failed to prove, up to now, that it is a success to have mixed nationalities. In time, of course, anyone can see that one kind will give way to the other, but not by means of harmony—probably by the same methods as of the past, the stronger or the majority shall control the weaker or minority. "As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen." Said this time in truth and effect.
First of all, our people, the English-speaking sisters, have no one to go to for redress, who understands them in their troubles and trials and difficulties of a business or social nature, simply silence and obedience without a faint feeling of even a little sympathy in common.
The Jews did not understand our Lord and His suffering, but the Blessed Virgin did. I believe He had a few other household members who were not only loyal, faithful and devoted to Him, but harmonious, too. If there was jealousy and disagreement, I do not believe that a good and generous worker was taken out of office by the Master and put aside as an evil spirit or put through humiliating and heart-rending trials till there would be nothing left but a grimace and distorted body or an insensible being, an object of pity and sadness.
Should religion, if it was the right kind, make people wish and sigh for death to come and put an end to their misery? Why all this profession of religion if it cannot grow a few flowers and plants of joy and happiness, if it has to legislate people so stiff and cramped in body and mind that they cannot bend without breaking, or breath enough left in them without looking haggard or half dead?
Religion and church are not to blame for want of breadth, harmony and strength amongst ourselves in organizations. It is up to the majority of us sisters to make life part Paradise or all Purgatory on earth, and all the sermons on charity that could be preached in the world and all the good will and generosity put together will fail to produce peace and harmony in a community which cannot organize and legislate just and fair dealings to begin with. Man knows and appreciates this.
With the other letters I have sent you, you can see the situation. With love as ever.
Sincerely yours,
SISTER LUCRETIA,
S. C. S. P.
The reply I received was as follows:
My dear Sister Lucretia:
Lest you worry about your letter of March 18th, I come, although I have but a few moments to myself, to say it reached me in due time. I have read and re-read it and find that what you say is true. Oh! if trying to please and comfort (without sacrificing one's religious principles) and succeeding therein were crime, I earnestly wish there were more criminals among us. In any case, I would urge you to continue to make other's lives happy, and not allow the narrow-mindedness of some and the unkindness of others to cast bitterness into your own life. It is hard, sometimes, but there are enough beauties and sweetnesses in life if we will only take them, and I am sure you have proved until now you know where they are to be found and how to make use of them. Continue, dear Sister Lucretia; nothing that is good ever dies; we have often heard this and perhaps so far have had occasions to experience its truth. Allow me to quote a few lines I found not long ago and find encouraging: "If you live the most devoted and disinterested life possible, you will find people sneering at you and imputing your actions to selfish motives and putting a cruel construction on all you do or say. Well, it does not matter, for we shall all be manifested at the Judgment seat of Christ, before God and men and angels. Let us live to please Him, for our integrity of motive will be known at the last, and put beyond all dispute."
I have just learned that Sister Rita has been transferred to Oakland. I hope she will like the South and make herself happy.
Believe me, dear Sister,
Sincerely yours,
SISTER M. WILFRID,
S. C. S. P.
You will observe from the foregoing letters that we, as sisters, do not hold the system accountable for the wrongs we have to endure in the convent. We believe that the sisters alone are at fault, as I have stated in my letters to Mother Wilfrid. But the man or woman with ordinary intelligence, who reads these conditions as they were at that time can readily see the real source. The heads of the institution, who had the sole power, instead of the bettering conditions, tolerated and permitted them to remain. At that, I have my grave doubts if the convent system could ever be harmonious. Think of housing a large number of women under one roof, bound by the ironclad, childish rules and precepts. They are a barrier to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness," which the Constitution of the United States guarantees every citizen. They make progress an impossibility. The outside world thinks the convent system is a success because they see the institutions grow in size and number, which is due to the economic methods of free sister-service. They never have the opportunity to see "success" from within.
As a further proof that the system is the cause of discord, strife and inharmony among the sisters I will copy another letter I wrote to Mother Wilfrid. There is some repetition of portions of my former letters, but I think the whole of the letter will interest my readers, even though it is lengthy:
Dear Mother Wilfrid:
I will bring a few other points before you, Mother, which means inharmony in our order. I do not intend to convey to you the idea that I am an oracle of success. The intention being simply to consider some of the principal essentials required for success. Just a little mental view of things.
We all admit that experience is a great teacher—observation its necessary accompaniment. Both are in vain unless a practical application can be made of the lessons to be learned from them.
One of the first essentials of success is common honesty. If those who have had experience in one kind of work could only dare to be sincere enough to express the difficulties they meet, in such a manner as to better conditions. What's in the way? Prejudice, the fear of not standing high as a perfect religious, sisters, whether qualified for leadership or not, ambitious for high offices. If the companion should be a little more gifted in some things than the superior, she should make herself so small and subservient that she can scarcely think. If she cannot look scared, stand back and look perfectly mum. She is proud, independent, trespassing on the superior's rights, disloyal and rebelling against all rightful and lawful authority. She is placed in a responsible position and not permitted to be woman enough to be justified in her own actions. She has to of necessity, due to inorganization, make a blunder of herself and her work. We are constantly blundering and straightening out after each other. Experience should have taught some of us how to improve upon blundering ways. Take for one thing, the frequent changing of the sisters without system or method, often for no reason—then because some have put their heads together to bare so-and-so out, they have to eat "black bread." She has given offence—God alone knows for what trifle. She must be punished and made unsuccessful even if the house and place where she is will suffer the loss of her good and successful work. This might be saying a good deal for a subordinate, but it is the price paid for lessons taught by experience. We will have better organization only when we will have our sisters taught from the time they enter the work for which they have aptitude, talent and inclination, and leave them generally where they are contented and successful and not shift them about from house to house, pillar to post, without serious reason. We ought to know by this time that a work one does not care anything about she will not put much effort or interest in.
To stand the hardships in connection with every occupation, one must have some liking for it and be qualified to succeed. And then there will be plenty of room to love God and suffer for Him, and any number of chances to practice the highest degree of religious perfection—entire abnegation, if you will. Such a one can be on the way to Gethsemane every day with greater fervor rather than murmurs.
As a general rule, people who have worked the greater part of their lives or years in certain works, particularly when they reach the years of about forty, adapt themselves with great difficulty to an entirely different kind. They need the efforts and thoughts as well, of younger years to correspond with their generosity and good will. First of all to grasp the situation, and then a renewing of energy, as it were, they need new thoughts to keep in progress with the changing conditions. I cannot see that we have to be a misfit to be a good religious, and to cripple every natural gift—physically or intellectually.
It takes years of study, practice and experience to acquire the knowledge to fit ones self for the proper and successful way of handling any work or business. People who are every year, or every few years, starting something new, are always beginners, possessing a superficial or smattering knowledge of many things, and thorough in none.
This is the way our house is largely represented here now—and we wonder what is the matter! "What has happened, St. Vincent's?" The greater wonder is that things go on as well as they do.
Another mistake our people make is that of ousting out of office those who do have the good will and energy to capacitate themselves for their work and prove a success all round by making a little more of themselves than the ordinary hum-drum routine sisters. The spirit of the rule is one kind of spirit—and there are other spirits. If I have not the spirit, God forgive me. There are plenty of others who have not the spirit. Is it the spirit when one is successful in an office and in all her dealings with the people she comes in contact with, to not even make an effort to have harmony and understanding on the part of her superiors if misunderstanding and discord exists? They are not able to face you with one correction or complaint, but through the religious system, under cover of all that is holy, to oust her and throw her down and out, as it were, regardless of human feelings or sense of righteousness—no, not even common civility. Anyone not made of cast-iron is bound to break—body and spirit—under such tremendous pressure.
Such is Sister Rita's case, for one.Yours as ever,
SISTER LUCRETIA,
S. C. S. P.
I want it strictly understood by my readers that all the letters I have here produced were written by me while I was yet a sister at St. Vincent's Hospital, and superintendent of the third floor of that institution. I could tell the same facts without the evidence of these letters, and in a great many less words, but I wish to let the world know that I knew while there that the governing heads of the institution were doing nothing to better the then existing conditions of inharmony and discord among the sisters; but, on the other hand, were making matters worse for them by transferring older sisters who were acquainted with the work and supplanting them with younger sisters who were ignorant in the care of the sick.
In a few words the wrongs could be summed up as follows:
National hatred and jealousy;
The rule of the system compelling the sisters to report on the other sisters to the superior, which means a great many false reports;
The employment of sisters who had no previous experience, and the transferring of those who did know about the care of the sick;
Superiors who were absolutely unqualified for hospital work;
Non-care of sick sisters;
Ignorance and blind obedience;
The numberless religious practices which took us away from the sick, very often when they needed the most careful attention;
Besides the taking care of the sick, the many other obligations which the sisters were called upon to perform—such as laundry work, janitor work, kitchen work, etc.
And no one to go to for redress in case of wrong.