CHAPTER XI.
STATE OF THE COURT—THE REGENCY—PRINCESS OF WALES—PRINCESS CHARLOTTE—ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE EDUCATION OF THE PRINCESS—MISS KNIGHT BECOMES LADY COMPANION.
The amendment in the state of the King’s mind was only temporary. From this time he was lost to his family and to his subjects; but his name was still held sacred—he was still beloved and respected. Among the aberrations of his mind there was one which must greatly have contributed to his comfort. He fancied that Princess Amelia was not dead, but living at Hanover, where she would never grow older, and always be well. He endeavoured to impart the same consolation to one of his physicians, who was lamenting the loss of his wife, by telling him that she was not dead, but living at Hanover with Amelia.
I did not quit Windsor even for a day during the remainder of the winter. The drawing-rooms were suspended, and even at the Castle the Queen only received her family, and the persons attached to her service, in her private apartments. Very early in the spring her Majesty, perceiving that I had a very bad cold and cough, insisted on my going into Devonshire, where I was invited to stay with Lord and Lady Rolle till they came to town. The weather was beautiful, and my health was gradually restored.
The autumn of 1811 was particularly fine. The comet[[108]] made a magnificent appearance, and seemed to clear the atmosphere from storms and rain.
The year 1812, remarkable in history on many accounts, was the last which I passed at Windsor. The Regency was now established, fêtes were given at Carlton House, and the Queen and Princesses went occasionally to town. Several birthdays also were kept at Frogmore, and at Princess Elizabeth’s cottage at Old Windsor.
Princess Charlotte was now in her seventeenth year, and was for some time a visitor at the Castle. Her governess,[[109]] Lady de Clifford, having gone to town on account of illness, the Queen commanded me to be present at her Royal Highness’s lessons; or, I should rather say, asked me to be present when her sub-preceptor, Dr. Short, read to her. She was at that time allowed to dine once a fortnight with the Princess of Wales, her mother, at Kensington Palace. I was appointed to accompany her, and received my instructions accordingly. I was not to leave Princess Charlotte one moment alone with her mother, nor prolong our stay beyond a certain hour. When we arrived, the Princess of Wales proposed our seeing the state apartments in Kensington Palace, which occupied our time till dinner was served; after which, Lady Charlotte Campbell,[[110]] who was in waiting on the Princess of Wales, played and sang to Princess Charlotte. The Princess of Wales made me sit by her side on the sofa, and was very gracious.
I must say that I neither saw nor heard anything extraordinary during this visit. Her Royal Highness desired me to give her duty to the Queen, with her thanks for having allowed her daughter to come that day. Of course I executed this commission when I attended Princess Charlotte to the Castle, where we arrived before the party was over. On our way from Kensington to Windsor the carriage stopped, and Lord Yarmouth, who was at that time the most intimate friend of the Prince Regent, came up to the door to speak to the Princess. He, no doubt, afterwards informed the Prince that all was right.
Towards the end of this year I had leave from the Queen to go to town in consequence of a message from Lady Charlotte Rawdon, who wished me to assist her in watching over the sick-bed of her excellent sister, Lady Aylesbury, who had long been in a sad state of health, and was now extremely ill. Lady Aylesbury had been to me more than a sister, and her death was a heavy blow to me. I was standing with Lord Hastings beside her bed when she expired,[[111]] with a calmness that had never forsaken her during all her sufferings.
During the time I was tending Lady Aylesbury’s sick-bed, I had frequent letters from the Royal Family, and wrote daily accounts to her Majesty. She came to town one day, and sent for me. I think it was the day before Lady Aylesbury died. Her Majesty, after inquiring whether any hope remained, told me that a change was about to take place in Princess Charlotte’s establishment, that Lady de Clifford had resigned, and that the Duchess-Dowager of Leeds was to be governess; besides whom, there must be a lady or two. She asked me whether I thought Lady Charlotte Rawdon would be a proper person; but desired I would not say a word to her on the subject. I stated some difficulties which I thought would render this choice inconvenient, and, at the same time, hinted what Lady Aylesbury, I knew, wished, and what I thought might do very well, namely, that Miss Rawdon[[112]] should be about the Princess Charlotte. The Queen seemed rather embarrassed: and dismissed me, as she was going out. I had some hours before received a letter from Princess Mary, hinting to me the same question about Lady C. Rawdon, which I had communicated to Lady Aylesbury, whose sentiments on the subject I therefore knew.
In my other letters from the Castle I had learned the scene which had taken place. Princess Charlotte, having nearly attained her seventeenth birthday (which took place on the 7th January, 1813), had written a letter to Lord Liverpool, expressing a desire that, as she understood Lady de Clifford had resigned, she might have no other governess, but an establishment of her own, and ladies in waiting. As I did not hear this from Princess Charlotte herself, or see the letter, I cannot exactly say how it was worded, but I believe she wrote it by the advice of Miss Mercer Elphinstone,[[113]] her old and intimate friend, with whom she was not at that time allowed any communication, on account of opposition principles, which, since the change of the Prince’s politics, he had forbidden. The resignation of Lady de Clifford, and the consequent arrangements, had been studiously kept from her Royal Highness, and she was terrified as to what was to be her lot when she discovered these circumstances. How she found means to write to Miss Elphinstone, or hear from her, I know not, but imagine it was through the Princess of Wales. I have always thought that the advice was suggested to Miss Elphinstone chiefly by Lord Erskine. However this may be, the Prince was violently angry when he heard of the letter, and took Lord Eldon (the Chancellor) down with him to Windsor, where, in the Queen’s room, before her Majesty, Princess Mary, and Lady de Clifford, in a very rough manner the learned Lord explained the law of England as not allowing her Royal Highness what she demanded; and on the Prince’s asking what he would have done as a father, he is said to have answered, “If she had been my daughter, I would have locked her up.” Princess Charlotte heard all this with great dignity, and answered not a word; but she afterwards went into the room of one of her aunts, burst into tears, and exclaimed, “What would the King say if he could know that his grand-daughter had been compared to the grand-daughter of a collier?”[[114]]
Things were in a most uncomfortable state after this scene, when Sir Henry Halford told me what arrangements were intended. To soften matters with the Princess, yet not entirely to yield to her demands, he said the Duchess of Leeds was only to have the name of governess, and that her Royal Highness was to have two ladies, to be called “ladies companions;” the first title they had thought of, “ladies assistants,” looking too much like governance. That at first they had thought of Miss Vernon, but it would not do; next of the two Miss Townshends, sisters of Lord Bayning, and nearly related to Lord Cornwallis. At least, he said the appointment was or would be offered to one of them. I then mentioned Miss Rawdon, desired he would call on her, as she was then ill, and expressed my sentiments as to her understanding and accomplishments. This Sir Henry did, and, I believe, spoke to the Queen on the subject; but soon after, on the 12th, as I was at dinner at Lord Moira’s, I had a note from him hinting a wish that I would myself be one of Princess Charlotte’s ladies. I answered this note in very positive terms, by saying that nothing short of an absolute command of her Majesty, to whom I was bound by gratitude and attachment, could allow me to accept it.
Sir Henry called next day, and told me the Prince, in his visit to the Duchess of Leeds, which had lately taken place, concurred with her in anxiously wishing me to be with Princess Charlotte, and added, that my accepting the situation would facilitate the appointment of Miss Rawdon as my colleague. I could only repeat, as an answer, what I had written in my note to him. He went to Windsor next day, and in the evening of the 14th I received a most pressing letter from him, desiring that I would come to Windsor as soon as possible, stating that the Prince was to be there next day with the Duchess of Leeds (who with great difficulty had been persuaded to accept the office), that nothing was wanting to quiet the mind of Princess Charlotte but my presence, that I must take the rank of honourable to dine with them, that I might write a letter to the Queen expressing concern at leaving her, but that she might have the comfort of considering that, when the year of governance was over, I should remain in the family, &c. &c. &c. There was a postscript, in which it was said that the hope of Miss Rawdon coming in should not be given up.
With this letter came two from Princess Elizabeth, one of which was written by the Queen’s desire to give me a hint that the Prince wished I should come forward to assist him, with many flattering expressions on her own (Princess Elizabeth’s) part; but adding that the Queen would not bias me either way. The other letter was a private one, in which she urged me to write a letter to the Queen, showing an inclination to accept, and offering to consider myself still as in her service, or terms to that effect, which letter Princess Elizabeth wished me to enclose to her. There was also a letter from Princess Sophia, and one from Princess Mary, the first to persuade me to accept the employment from the unhappy persecuted state of Princess Charlotte, and the regard she had for me; the second, adding to these motives the fullest promises of support from the Prince and the national benefit, which Sir Henry had also pleaded. All I could resolve was to write a few lines to the Queen, telling her Majesty I should be at Windsor next day (January 13), at three, to take her pleasure on the subject of Princess Elizabeth’s letter.
At the appointed hour, at which the Regent and Duchess of Leeds were also to arrive, I reached Windsor, and found waiting for me at my own door a servant of Madame Beckersdorff with a letter from the Queen, which was to have been sent to town, but which her Majesty, finding I was coming to Windsor, desired Madame Beckersdorff would get conveyed to me before I came to the Castle. The first part of this letter was relative to the Queen’s pecuniary affairs, which were embarrassed, and on which she desired I would consult Mr. Claridge, her man of business, more particularly as the death of Lady Aylesbury, and the advanced age of Lord Aylesbury, rendered it essential they should in some measure be settled, but insinuating that, instead of paying off her debts entirely, when the arrangement was made, and that interest was settled for money borrowed, a sum might be applied to further improvements at Frogmore and the farm; the last page of the letter was relative to what she was pleased to call a more important subject, the desire of the Prince, as hinted by Sir H. Halford, that I should be about the Princess Charlotte. In this she said she would not bias me, but she doubted whether my health was equal to it; and, after intimating some displeasure at Sir Henry for the proposal, and great affection for me, she evidently showed that she wished me to remain with her till death. One of the expressions was, that Lady Aylesbury was the first, and I was the second.
This letter, the receipt of which I was not to own, hurt me excessively. I saw that the Queen wished me to take the refusal on myself, that she might not offend the Prince. I recollected Lady Aylesbury having owned to me that she was obliged to refuse in a similar manner (putting it on Lord Aylesbury’s unhappiness if she was much away from him), when the King wanted her and myself to be about Princess Charlotte in 1805. In consequence of which she remained, and I became a member of the Queen’s family. I thought of a letter I had received from her Majesty just after Lady Aylesbury’s death, in which she enclosed one for Lord Bruce, desiring he would be reconciled to his sisters, and at the same time saying, as I had lost so good a friend, she would do everything to make my life comfortable.
In all this there seemed to me much difficulty to encounter. I could not find it in my heart to devote myself till death to the Queen’s service, sacrificing the pleasing idea of rendering happy the life of a persecuted young creature whose talents and disposition appeared to me worthy of a better lot than as yet had fallen to her share. Perhaps also my pride had been somewhat hurt, by the Queen not always, as I thought, feeling properly my situation, and I will not say that I had not some wish for a more active and more important employment than that which I held at Windsor, dull, uninteresting, and monotonous. Every year more and more confined, and, even from the kindness of the Royal Family, condemned to listen to all their complaints and private quarrels. I certainly hoped to get honourably out of it, but I did feel attachment for the Queen, and even this letter which annoyed me excited my gratitude.
I therefore went with a heavy heart, after an hysterical fit, to the Castle, and entering Madame Beckersdorff’s room, requested she would inform the Queen that I was there. This she would not do, but said the Queen would ring for me when she wanted me, as she knew I was coming. I waited till past five, when the bell rang. Madame Beckersdorff went, and returned with a message from the Queen, to say that it would be better both for her and myself that we did not meet till next morning at eleven.
In the evening Sir Henry called, on his way to town, and said the Prince was just gone, and had desired him to tell me that all was settled, and that next day I should receive the formal proposal. I told him I feared it would not do, for that I knew the Queen wished me to refuse, but that I would write next day.
On the 16th, at eleven, I went to the Queen, who was in bed with a severe cold. She was evidently embarrassed, asked me several questions relative to Lady Aylesbury’s illness and death, and the affairs of the family. She inquired how Lord Bruce had taken the letter she wrote to him. I could not say he was pleased, and she said I might have kept it back, as she sent it open to me with that design, and had expressed herself so in her letter to me. I answered, that I could not feel myself authorised to do that, and our conversation was very gênante, till at last we got on the subject of Princess Charlotte. The Queen spoke of her with all the prejudice and enmity which she had for years imbibed against her, related to me all that had passed between her Royal Highness and the Chancellor, and considered her dignified behaviour as hardness of heart. Before she dismissed me, she said I should receive a letter from the Duchess of Leeds, to propose the employment to me.
I then requested to be informed positively what was her Majesty’s pleasure on the subject, hinting, at the same time, that I thought Princess Charlotte would do all her family could reasonably wish, if she were made happy and treated with confidence, and I might be able to do good and promote harmony, but that I wished to act as her Majesty most desired. The Queen inquired if I could recommend anybody, a sufficient proof that she was resolved, if possible, I should not be that person. I said I could only recommend Miss Rawdon, and repeated poor Lady Aylesbury’s wishes on the subject. The Queen said she had spoken to the Prince, but was fearful it would not do, and then said she would get the Duchess to write to Lord Cornwallis, to urge the Miss Townshends to accept. When I left the room, I said I would send her Majesty a copy of my answer to the Duchess of Leeds when I received the letter.
In the ante-room this letter was given me by Madame Beckersdorff. It was a very handsome one, and expressed the united wishes of the Queen, Prince Regent, and Princess Charlotte, as well as her own. I took it home with me, and after some debate with myself, I wrote an answer, declining the proposal, from the sole motive of not thinking myself at liberty to leave her Majesty’s service. It was worded in the most respectful terms relative to the Prince and Queen, and expressed my attachment to Princess Charlotte. I sent a copy of this letter to the Queen, and at the same time wrote to the Duchess of Leeds, to ask when I might call on her at the Lower Lodge, where she was already settled with Princess Charlotte.
My letter to the Queen went at five, and at half-past six I took my refusal to the Duchess, who expressed the greatest concern, and said all in her power to persuade me to accept the situation, not having entertained the smallest suspicion of any difficulty remaining. I left her, and at the bottom of the stairs found the page, who desired I would walk into the library, where I found Princess Charlotte. I had seen her for a moment when I went in, and was received by her with all the warmth of affection; but she was anxious to learn what had passed between the Duchess and me, and was in an agony of grief and resentment when she found I had been obliged to refuse, though she assured me, when I took leave of her, that I was fully justified with her. I did not name to her the Queen’s letter to me, but only said I could not leave her Majesty without an absolute command.
I returned home, and heard nothing from the Queen. Next morning (17th) I received a very urgent letter from Princess Mary, who was beyond measure hurt at my refusal, and used every possible argument to induce me to retract it. She said the Queen had never treated me as she ought, had never placed me in my proper situation, that the Prince was most desirous to do this, and intended that I should become one of his family; that I should always dine with him when Princess Charlotte did, whether the Queen was there or not, and that the whole family would support me through everything. I heard, likewise, from Princess Sophia, whose arguments were of a different nature, being chiefly addressed to my feelings with respect to Princess Charlotte, and wishing to see me, though not urging it if I felt it improper.
I had informed her Majesty the preceding morning that with her permission I should go to Town at one, having other papers of Lady Aylesbury’s to destroy. I went to the two Princesses who had written to me, and told them that if the Regent, after my refusal (which they said would throw him into the greatest difficulties), still condescended to wish that I should be with Princess Charlotte, I had thought of a plan which might succeed, and set things to rights with the Queen. My mind was made up as to the letter I would write to her Majesty, but what I suggested to the Princesses was that the Regent should send Lord Moira to me to renew the negotiation, and then apply to the Queen to lay her commands on me. To this Princess Mary most cordially and thankfully acceded, and I left her room without seeing the elder Princesses.
I called on Madame Beckersdorff, to inquire after the Queen’s cold, and to ask if there were any commands for me, but received none. I had no answer whatever to my letter, but only heard that her Majesty had announced the night before, at the party, my refusal of the appointment about Princess Charlotte. At one I went to Town, and dined with Lady Bruce. Soon after dinner, Sir Henry Halford called, and asked to speak with me. He came from the Regent, and said his Royal Highness was grieved and disappointed beyond measure at my refusal, but that he intended next morning to send Lord Moira to me to remove my scruples, and to assure me of the pains he would take to settle the mind of her Majesty on the subject.
On the 18th, Lord Moira came and told me how very anxious the Regent was for my coming into his service, and how embarrassed he would feel himself if I continued to refuse. He offered to go himself, or send a messenger if he was prevented from going, to persuade the Queen to lay her commands on me to accept, and should not be easy until the affair was settled. Lord Moira, however, agreed with me that it would be more fair, as well as more respectful, for me to write, at the same time, to the Queen, and give her the reasons for my listening once more to the proposals made me. The Prince, likewise, wished me to write to the Duchess of Leeds, informing her of my willingness to accept, for fear she might have orders to make fresh applications to the Miss Townshends, or to propose the employment to others. This I did; but although my letter was directed very properly, she did not receive it till six days after date, and it was said that it went by mistake to the young Duke of Leeds in Yorkshire.
In my letter to the Queen I gave her my opinion with respect to her affairs, assuring her that I had copied that part of her letter which related to them, and had afterwards destroyed the whole; that I should speak to Mr. Claridge as soon as he came to Town on the subject she desired; and I also offered some arrangements which I thought would serve to free her Majesty from embarrassment, and particularly the loan of one thousand pounds, without interest, a sum which I knew the Queen was at that time very desirous to procure, and which, added to the salary I gave up, and the house which she might let, would set her completely at her ease in respect to Frogmore and the farm. To this letter I received, next day, two answers: the one, relative to my offer, of course private; and the other, respecting my acceptance of the employment. Both were resentful and bitter to a high degree. I was at Lady Bruce’s when they arrived, and I was hurt beyond expression. I immediately wrote a short note to Lord Moira, expressive of my feelings, and giving up both situations. I took it to his house, where I found Lady Loudon[[115]] and Lady Charlotte Rawdon, and afterwards himself. The ladies approved of my feelings; but Lord Moira did not. He thought my nerves ought to be braced against marks of resentment which he did not think I had deserved. I did not mention to them the pecuniary part of the correspondence, nor is it known to any human being except one friend, who will never repeat it. On the 20th and 21st I remained ill at home; I was rendered so miserable by the Queen’s letters that I would not receive Lady Loudon, who called, or listen to the suggestions of Sir Henry, who strongly pressed me to retract, or at least suspend, my resolution. I had letters from all the Princesses, written in the kindest and most urgent terms, to move me to accept the offered place; but I resisted.
On the 22nd, Lord Moira called and informed me of the result of a letter which the Prince had written to the Queen, enclosing one from himself to the Prince. There was a positive command, as he said, contained in her Majesty’s answer (which he had read) that I should accept the place offered me; and he said that, when the Prince saw him, he had embraced him with the greatest joy, and said that it was to his Lordship that he owed whatever was agreeable to him. Every promise of support and of remaining in the family was repeated, as it was in a letter which Lord Moira wrote to me on the 20th, when I was ill.
On the 23rd, in the evening, I went to Warwick House, where I was to meet Princess Charlotte on her arrival in Town. She came about nine, attended by the Duchess of Leeds, having dined with the Princess of Wales at Kensington, and received me in the most gracious and cordial manner.
The last thing I did before I left my old lodgings to enter on my new duties, was to write a respectful letter to the Queen expressive of the deepest regret at having offended her, and of the sincerest attachment. This letter was never answered.[[116]]