THE CHRISTMAS BROWNIE
Time: Christmas Eve. The story begins at tea-time in the nursery, and ends on Christmas morning, the night being bridged over by Ted's dream.
Scene: Nursery, with fireplace,[13] across corner [Right], nursery pictures on the walls, and toys scattered about. The children seated on little chairs around a low table [L.], having just finished their tea—Ted at one end, Kitty opposite him, Marjorie and Rose on one side [facing the audience], and Robin with his chair half turned away from the table. Curtain rises, showing the children singing a Christmas song, while the nurse goes in and out with a tray, clearing the table. The little girls sit with hands folded, Kitty sometimes helping the nurse, and the boys lounge comfortably in their chairs. When the song is ended, Ted leans his elbows on the table.
Any Christmas song will do. "Oh, Ring, Glad Bells" (from Songs and Games for Little Ones[14]) is a very good one.
Kitty. Oh, I do wish Papa and Mamma would get done their supper and come up here!
Marjorie. Seems to me it takes twice as long to eat supper in the dining-room as it does up here in the nursery!
Ted. Grown folks are so slow about it!
Robin. Guess they have more to eat, too.
Nurse. No, indeed, Master Robin, it's because they're polite and don't eat so fast!
Marjorie. We do gobble just like Thanksgiving turkeys!
Kitty. Rosy-posy never does. [Patting little Rose.]
Ted. Pooh! Rosebud doesn't eat more'n a bite, anyway!
Rose. Maggie, please untie my bib.
Ted. I'll do it for you. [Jumps up and unties it. The others take theirs off, and the nurse carries them all away.]
Kitty. Oh, I'm so excited! I don't believe I can sleep a wink.
Marjorie. Don't you wish to-morrow would come quick?
Boys. You bet!
Marjorie. Santa Claus!
Kitty. Christmas Tree!
Robin. Sleds!
Ted. Candy!
Robin. Big drums!
Boys [drumming with fists on table]. B-r-r-rum! B-r-rum! Brum! Brum! Brum!
Kitty [covering her ears]. Mercy! what a racket! Do be quiet, boys!
Rose [shaking her finger]. Santa Claus'll hear you 'way up at the North Pole!
Ted. I hope he's started on his travels before this, or he won't get here for a week.
Robin. Wouldn't you like to ride with him in his old sleigh, though?
Ted. And help him fill the stockings!
Marjorie. I don't think I'd like going down chimneys much.
Kitty. What a good chimney-sweep Santa Claus must make.
Robin [going to look up chimney]. Oh, isn't it 'most time to hang up the stockings? [Comes to stand beside Marjorie.]
Kitty. Maggie has gone to get them, I think.
Rose. But, Sister, how will Santa Claus know which is which?
Kitty. He'll know yours the minute he sees it, Pet.
Rose. Will he?
Ted. Sure!
Robin. Oh, I say, Ted, wouldn't it be a joke if he got 'em all mixed up, and put my things in Marjorie's stocking, and yours in Kitty's!
Kitty. He won't. He's such a wise old fellow that he always knows, somehow.
Marjorie. Well, I should think it would be lots easier if we marked them! It must be dreadfully hard for him to remember.
Ted. I'll tell you what! S'posing we write a list of the things we want him to bring, too?
Robin. Good for you, Ted. Then he won't have to remember all the letters we've been writing him.
Marjorie. Give us some paper, quick, Kitty!
Kitty [gets paper and pencils from mantel, Ted helping her]. If Santa Claus has to remember all the letters all the children in the world write him every year, shouldn't you think his head must ache? [Divides paper among children. All sit at table and write.]
Ted. Put your name at the top.
Marjorie. And the thing you want most, next.
Rose [to Kitty]. Will Santa Claus mind if I print mine?
Kitty. No, indeed. He likes printing.
[All write busily for a few moments.
Robin. I'm done. Look at that! [Holds it up.]
Kitty. My! what a long list!
Rose. Oh-h-h! Santa Claus'll think you're greedy!
Robin. I don't expect him to give me all those things. That's just so he can choose.
Kitty. Here come Papa and Mamma. Now, Ted, go get the stockings.
[Exit Ted. Enter Father and Mother,
children crowding around them.
Kitty. Mamma, we've made lists——
Robin. Of the things we want——
Kitty. And we're going to pin them on our stockings——
Marjorie. Because we thought we ought to save poor Santa Claus all the trouble we could.
Mother. What thoughtful children! I'm sure Santa Claus will appreciate it.
Robin. Now, sit down and write your lists, quick!
Father [laughing]. Santa Claus will be frightened by such an array of wants. [Father and Mother sit down and write.]
Father. Do you think his pack will hold out?
Robin [with scorn]. 'Course it will! That pack hasn't any bottom at all.
Marjorie and Rose [taking hands and dancing]. Oh, goody! goody! goody!
[Enter Ted, with Maggie, who gives stockings
to the children and helps them to pin
on the lists.
Father. I don't see my sock anywhere. This surely isn't mine! [Holds up a long stocking.]
Marjorie. Oh, Papa, it would be too mean to hang up one of your horrid little ones!
Robin. No, sir!
Ted. Socks are no good on Christmas Eve. We've got one of Mamma's for you.
Father [laughing]. Oh, I see. Very well. But it's lucky they're to be marked. Santa Claus would never in the world recognize this one.
Mother [to Robin, who is stretching his stocking as much as possible]. Robin, what are you doing?
Robin. Just making it bigger. Now, come along. Papa's on the first hook. [All go to fireplace and hang stockings, Nurse helping Rose. All stand back to gaze.]
Kitty. Don't they make a fine show?
Boys. Hurrah! Hurrah! [Children all clap.]
Mother. Softly, children! [To Nurse.] Maggie, they will never go to sleep if they are so excited! [To children.] Sit down here a little while and sing some of your Christmas songs before you go to bed.
Kitty. Oh, no, Mamma, let Rosebud sing her song for us, and we'll be quiet.
Mother. Very well, dear.
Ted. Let her stand on the table, so everybody can hear. Come, Rosy! [Ted and Kitty help her up. Father stands by fire, Marjorie with her arm about Mother, Nurse in door, Kitty sits on a corner of the table, Robin in a chair, Ted leaning over the back of it. Rose sings, "In another land and time." (From "Songs for Little Children.")[15] When the song is ended, Mother comes forward, kisses Rose, and lifts her down.]
Mother. Now, Maggie, take her to bed. [Nurse leads her out.]
Father. Yes, it's high time you all went. Good-night, all of you!
Children. Good-night, Papa! Good-night, Mamma!
Robin [runs to fireplace, and bends over, shouting]. Good-night, Santa Claus!
Father. Now, scamper, every one of you! [Chases them out, Mother follows. Stage darkened somewhat. Enter the Brownie suddenly, through fireplace. Stands (Center) for a moment, finger on lips, then rushes to door, peeps out, comes back, looks under table, and then, as if satisfied, goes to stockings, and stands examining them, feet wide apart, and hands on hips. Comes to Father's, measures it with his hands, then lifts it by the toe, and points to it, grinning. Doubles up with laughter. Suddenly puts his hand to his ear, and bends over, listening. Rushes to door, runs back, and vanishes in chimney. Enter Ted.]
Ted [softly]. I just can't go to bed yet. Robin went to sleep the very minute he got into bed. Don't see how he could. Maggie thinks I'm all nicely tucked in, and she's gone downstairs. [Goes to fireplace and looks up chimney.] I do wish I could catch Santa Claus. No signs of him yet, and I don't hear the sleigh-bells. I think I'll just sit down and wait. [Crosses to his own chair, and sits facing audience, with one elbow on table.] I believe I could give Santa Claus a few pointers, anyway. [Brownie puts his head out of fireplace, and then shows himself entirely, gradually creeping nearer and nearer Ted, as if irresistibly drawn by his remarks.] He does give people pretty much what they ask for, but [slowly] if he just stopped a minute to think about it, he'd find out what silly things they do think they want, sometimes. But [sighs] he's getting so old that he doesn't find it out at all. [Brownie, behind him, raises his hands in horror, then shakes his fist at Ted.] I really think it would be a good thing for Santa Claus to choose one person in each family to help him out,—with the planning, anyway, if he doesn't like to have anyone else fill the stockings. S'posing he chose me! I could help him a lot! [Brownie springs excitedly on the table, and bends over Ted, shaking his fist in his face.]
Ted [jumps up, and stands off a little way]. Wow! Wha—wha—— Who are you?
Brownie [folds his arms and looks contemptuously down on Ted]. Who is this impertinent snip of a boy who dares to insinuate that my master, Santa Claus, is too old and decrepit to do his work any longer?
Ted. Indeed, indeed, I didn't say that!
Brownie [wrathfully]. What did you say, then? It sounded very much like it. [Shakes his head fiercely.]
Ted. I—I—I just said—that I think he makes mistakes sometimes.
Brownie [sitting down cross-legged on the table]. Very well, we'll just have this matter settled at once. Sit down, now, and let me hear what you have to say. [Ted backs away from his chair.] No, that won't do. Sit down, I tell you. [Ted reluctantly obeys, pulling his chair to a safe distance, and sitting astride of it.] Now then, young sir, will you tell me what complaints you have to register against your last year's stocking? Wasn't everything in it that you asked for?
Ted [anxious to appease]. Oh, yes! and more, too!
Brownie. And wasn't everything in it in perfect order? Was anything broken?
Ted [emphatically]. No! Everything was just out of sight!
Brownie. And weren't all the cracks stuffed tight with candy and nuts and raisins?
Ted. I should say they were!
Brownie. Then I'd like to know the meaning of this discontent! You twentieth-century boys are a set of ungrateful young scamps, who get the best of everything, and then complain of it, and break it up in three days' time. Santa Claus is spoiling you, I say! Boys a hundred years ago were thankful for the slates and schoolbooks we gave them, and the girls were happy enough over corncob dolls. Now you must have steam-engines, and motors, and automobiles, and dolls that walk and talk, and are so full of cogs and wheels that no real flesh-and-blood little girl could love them at all. I tell you, in all my thousand years of existence, I have never met anything so grasping as the modern children! [Talks so loud and gesticulates so wildly that Ted backs away again.]
Ted [meekly]. Please, Mr.—Mr. Brownie, I didn't mean that! Honest Injun, I didn't!
Brownie. Well, then, explain yourself!
Ted. I—I—I was just thinking that people ask Santa Claus for such f-foolish things that it's a wonder he gives them anything at all.
Brownie. Foolish! I should think they were!
Ted. And if there was anybody that could tell Santa Claus about it, it would save him a lot of trouble.
Brownie. And you think you could manage things better, do you?
Ted. I didn't say that,—I said I would like to help.
Brownie [scratches his nose, scowling very hard]. See here. Suppose I let you try. Santa Claus is unusually busy to-night, and is sending a great number of his Brownies out to fill stockings. I was to look out for this house, among several hundred others, and I—a—well, I have a fancy that I should enjoy letting you help.
Ted. Oh, will you, really?
Brownie [jumping off table]. Yes, I have about made up my mind to let you into the secrets of the business. You can learn a few things, I think.
Ted. Good for you! Thank you, ever so much.
Brownie. Never mind. Wait till to-morrow before you thank me. [Grins meaningly.] Now, let's be quick about this—the time is getting short. We'll just go over these lists together, and you can tell me what improvements to make. [They go to the first stocking.]
Ted. Shall I get you a paper to write things down, so you won't forget?
Brownie [shouts angrily]. Forget!
Ted. Yes, I thought maybe since you're so old——
Brownie. That shows all you know about it! Of course there's some excuse for your forgetting, since your memory is only ten years long, but mine's a thousand years long, and I never forget anything! Come, read me this list.
Ted [reading]. "Encyclopedia Britannica." Now Papa can't possibly want that, because he knows all about everything already. And besides, I heard Mamma say she hadn't a bit of room for any more books. "New knife." He did say his old one was dull, but it's altogether too sharp for Robin and me to use, and that's sharp enough for anybody! "New pocketbook." Why, he said the other day he hadn't any money to put into it, so I don't see what good that'll do him. "Key ring." If he has that, he'll put all the keys on it, and there won't be any for Robin and me to drop lead through. [Turns to the Brownie.] So, you see, there isn't a thing that he really wants on that list.
Brownie. Oh, certainly not!
Ted. Now, Mamma's. "Half a dozen new bibs." Bibs! They don't belong on her list. She can't have that! "Little rocking-chair." Now, if she has a little rocking-chair, there won't be any room for us on the arms of it,—that wouldn't do at all. "A rose vase." All her vases are broken now, and if she had another, Maggie'd just smash it, too, so what's the use in giving it to her? [Turns to list.] What's all this at the bottom? "Most of all, five good boys and girls to live with till next Christmas"! Jiminy Christopher, how can she want five more?
Brownie [significantly]. She didn't say "more."
Ted [claps his hand over his mouth]. Oh!... P'r'aps she didn't mean that! P'r'aps she meant us! [Stares thoughtfully before him.]
Brownie. Hurry up! Look at this one.
Ted. That's Kitty's. Let's see. "A boy doll and a girl doll." Now, don't you think Kitty's altogether too big for dolls? I suppose little girls must have dolls, but they're terribly silly things. "Half a Dozen Girls." That's nothing but an old girl's book. Give her stories about fights and Indians and bears to read to us. "Paper dolls." There it is again. "Napkin ring." Now, that's the only sensible thing she's got down.... This one's mine. I won't stop to read that, because I only put down the things I've got to have. Let's see if I can read Robin's. [Puzzles over it.]
Brownie [reading Ted's list]. "Boxing-gloves. Baseball. Roller-coaster. Skates. Boots. Marbles."
Ted. Oh, now I see what it is. "Rubber boots." He doesn't need those. I'm going to have some new ones, and my others aren't much too big for him. "Marbles." He's got more marbles now 'n' any boy I know. "Top. Kite"—this isn't the time of year for those things. Never mind, I'll tell you what he wants in a minute. Now, Margie. "Dolls" again. She's got three dozen if she's got one! "Music-box." Pshaw! they just go and smash right away. "Paints." She'd paint up all the chairs and tables in the house and nobody would like it a bit. "Little stove"—that might be nice,—but I'm afraid she'd burn herself. You see, she hasn't got anything good on her list, either. Now, Rose comes last of all. [Looks at Rose's list a moment.] Well, I guess Rosebud ought to have everything she's asked for. [Turns to Brownie, and the two walk away from the fire.] Now, didn't I tell you how it was? People want such silly things! Now, I'll tell you what to bring instead. [Puts his arm across Brownie's shoulder, and whispers in his ear, pointing to one stocking after another.] ... Now, I guess that's all. It was awfully good of you to let me help, and I know they'll all be pleased. [Walks around table, sits with his back to audience. Stretches his arms above his head, and yawns aloud.] I really believe I could go to sleep now. [Drops his head on his hands. Brownie waves his wand above Ted, who gradually sinks down, head on arms, fast asleep.]
Brownie. Now I guess he's in for a good night's sleep. Little scamp! He ought to have some kind of a trick played on him, but Santa Claus forbids any pranks on Christmas Eve. [Crosses to fireplace.] What shall I do about these stockings, anyway? These poor children are going to be dreadfully disappointed to-morrow if I keep my promise to that scallywag, Ted. Perhaps I'd better telephone Santa Claus about it. [Takes up the toe of a stocking and speaks through it, moving it from mouth to ear as he speaks or listens.] Hello! Hello, there! North Pole! Please connect me with Santa Claus.... Hello, is that you, Santa? I want to consult you about some doubtful business.... Yes, sir, Mr. Bird's house.... His boy is making a dreadful mess with these stockings.... He wants them all filled with presents for himself.... What's that you say? Let him try it?... Be a good lesson for him?... All right, sir! Thank you. Any trouble with icebergs? No?... That's good.... All right, good-by! [Drops stocking.] Well, I must see it through, then, I suppose. [Takes down the stockings and carries them into the chimney two at a time. When the last is carried out, he brings them back in the same order, filled. To avoid delay, a double set is prepared, the Brownie leaving the empty ones and bringing the full ones instead.] Well, he's pretty generous to himself, anyway. And he thinks it's all for their good! [Walks over and stands looking at Ted.] I'll just say good-night to you, now, young man.... No! before I go, I believe I'll give you a few Christmas dreams. [Waves his wand and walks slowly to back of stage. Scene darkened, lights thrown on secondary stage, where the curtains part and reveal tableaux as the Brownie's song calls for them.[16] He stands at back, unseen. Raise curtain before the end of verse describing picture.]