The Works of the Emperor Julian, Vol. 2

by Emperor of Rome Julian

Introduction

The Caesars, otherwise entitled in the MSS. Symposium or Kronia (Latin Saturnalia) was written at Constantinople in 361 and was probably addressed to Sallust, to whom Julian had sent his lost work the Kronia.[539] The interlocutor in the proœmium[540] is almost certainly Sallust.

“Caesar” was in Julian's time a Roman Emperor's most splendid title, and was regularly used by the barbarians when they referred to the Emperor. The idea and the working out of the satire is Lucianic and there are echoes here and there of Lucian's Dialogues of the Dead, but Julian is neither so witty nor so frivolous as Lucian. In speaking of the gods he allows himself a licence which is appropriate to the festival, but would otherwise seem inconsistent with the admonitions addressed to priests in the Fragment of a Letter. His conception of the State and of the ideal ruler is Greek rather than Roman.

ΙΟΥΛΙΑΝΟΥ ΑΥΤΟΚΡΑΤΟΡΟΣ

(Julian, Emperor)

ΣΥΜΠΟΣΙΟΝ Η ΚΡΟΝΙΑ

(The Caesars)

Ἐπειδὴ δίδωσιν ὁ θεὸς παίζειν· ἔστι γὰρ Κρόνια· γελοῖον δὲ οὐδὲν οὐδὲ τερπνὸν οἶδα ἐγώ, τὸ μὴ καταγέλαστα φράσαι φροντίδος ἔοικεν εἶναι ἄξιον, ὦ φιλότης.

(“It is the season of the Kronia,[541] during which the god allows us to make merry. But, my dear friend, as I have no talent for amusing or entertaining I must methinks take pains not to talk mere nonsense.”)

Εἶτα τίς οὕτω παχύς ἐστι καὶ ἀρχαῖος, ὦ Καῖσαρ, ὥστε καὶ παίζειν πεφροντισμένα; ἐγὼ ᾤμην τὴν παιδιὰν ἄνεσίν τε εἶναι ψυχῆς καὶ ἀπαλλαγὴν τῶν φροντίδων.

(“But, Caesar, can there be anyone so dull and stupid as to take pains over his jesting? I always thought that such pleasantries were a relaxation of the mind and a relief from pains and cares.”)

[B] Ὀρθῶς γε σὺ τοῦτο ὑπολαμβάνων, ἐμοὶ δὲ οὐ ταύτῃ ἔοικεν ἀπαντᾶν τὸ χρῆμα. πέφυκα γὰρ οὐδαμῶς ἐπιτήδειος οὔτε σκώπτειν οὔτε παρῳδεῖν οὔτε γελοιάζειν. ἐπεὶ δὲ χρὴ τῷ νόμῳ πείθεσθαι τοῦ θεοῦ, βούλει σοι ἐν παιδιᾶς μέρει μῦθον διεξέλθω πολλὰ ἴσως ἔχοντα ἀκονῆς ἄξια;

(“Yes, and no doubt your view is correct, but that is not how the matter strikes me. For by nature I have no turn for raillery, or parody, or raising a laugh. But since I must obey the ordinance of the god of the festival, should you like me to relate to you by way of entertainment a myth in which there is perhaps much that is worth hearing?”)

[C] Λέγοις ἂν καὶ μάλα ἀσμένῳ, ἐπεὶ καὶ αὐτὸς οὐκ ἀτιμάζω τοὺς μύθους οὐδὲ παντάπασιν ἐξελαύνω τοὺς ὀρθῶς ἔχοντας, ἀκόλουθά σοί τε καὶ φίλῳ τῷ σῷ, μᾶλλον δὲ τῷ κοινῷ, Πλάτωνι διανοούμενος, ἐπεὶ καὶ αὐτῷ πολλὰ ἐν μύθοις ἐσπούδασται.

(“I shall listen with great pleasure, for I too am not one to despise myths, and I am far from rejecting those that have the right tendency; indeed I am of the same opinion as you and your admired, or rather the universally admired, Plato. He also often conveyed a serious lesson in his myths.”)

Λέγεις ναὶ μὰ Δία ταῦτα ἀληθῆ.

(“By Zeus, that is true indeed!”)

Τίς δὲ καὶ ποταπὸς ὁ μῦθος;

(“But what is your myth and of what type?”)

[307] Οὐ τῶν παλαιῶν τις, ὁποίους Αἴσωπος ἐποίησεν, ἀλλ᾽ εἴτε πλάσμα λέγοις Ἐρμοῦ· πεπυσμένος γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐκεῖθέν σοι φράσω· εἴτε καὶ τἀληθὲς οὕτως ἔχει εἴτε μίξις τίς ἐστιν ἀμφοῖν, αὐτό, φασί,[542] δείξει τὸ πράγμα.

(“Not one of those old-fashioned ones such as Aesop[543] wrote. But whether you should call mine an invention of Hermes—for it was from him I learned what I am going to tell you—or whether it is really true or a mixture of truth and fiction, the upshot, as the saying is, will decide.”)

Τουτὶ μὲν οὖν ἤδη μυθικῶς ἅμα καὶ ῥητορικῶς ἐξείργασταί σοι τὸ προοίμιον· ἀλλά μοι τὸν λόγον αὐτόν, ὁποῖός ποτέ ἐστιν, ἤδη διέξελθε.

(“This is indeed a fine preface that you have composed, just the thing for a myth, not to say an oration! But now pray tell me the tale itself, whatever its type may be.”)

Μανθάνοις ἄν.

(“Attend.”)

[B] Θύων ὁ Ῥωμύλος τὰ Κρόνια πάντας ἐκάλει τοὺς θεούς, καὶ δὴ καὶ αὐτοὺς[544] τοὺς καίσαρας. κλῖναι δὲ ἐτύγχανον παρεσκευασμέναι τοῖς μὲν θεοῖς ἄνω κατ᾽ αὐτό, φασίν, οὐρανοῦ τὸ μετέωρον,

(At the festival of the Kronia Romulus gave a banquet, and invited not only all the gods, but the Emperors as well. For the gods couches had been prepared on high, at the very apex, so to speak, of the sky,[545] on)

Οὔλυμπόνδ᾽, ὅθι φασὶ θεῶν ἕδος ἀσφαλὲς αἰεί.

(“Olympus where they say is the seat of the gods, unshaken for ever.”[546])

λέγεται γὰρ μεθ᾽ Ἡρακλέα παρελθεῖν ἐκεῖσε καὶ ὁ Κυρῖνος, ᾧ δὴ χρὴ καλεῖν αὐτὸν ὀνόματι, τῇ θείᾳ πειθομένους φήμῃ. τοῖς μὲν οὖν θεοῖς ἐκεῖσε παρεσκεύαστο τὸ συμπόσιον· [C] ὑπ᾽ αὐτὴν δὲ τὴν σελήνην ἐπὶ μετεώρου τοῦ ἀέρος ἐδέδοκτο τοὺς καίσαρας δειπνεῖν. ἀνεῖχε δὲ αὐτοὺς ἥ τε τῶν σωμάτων κουφότης, ἅπερ ἐτύγχανον ἠμφιεσμένοι, καὶ ἡ περιφορὰ τῆς σελήνης. κλῖναι μὲν οὖν ἔκειντο τέτταρες, εὐτρεπεῖς τοῖς μεγίστοις θεοῖς. ἐβένου μὲν ἦν ἡ τοῦ Κρόνου στιλβούσης καὶ πολλὴν ἐν τῷ μέλανι καὶ θείαν αὐγὴν κρυπτούσης, ὥστε οὐδεὶς οἷός τε ἦν ἀντιβλέπειν. [pg 348] ἔπασχε δὲ ταὐτὸ [D] πρὸς τὴν ἔβενον ἐκείνην τὰ ὄμματα δι᾽ ὑπερβολὴν τῆς λαμπηδόνος, ὅπερ οἶμαι πρὸς ἥλιον, ὅταν αὐτοῦ τῷ δίσκῳ τις ἀτενέστερον προσβλέπῃ. ἡ δὲ τοῦ Διὸς ἦν ἀργύρου μὲν στιλπνοτέρα, χρυσίου δὲ λευκοτέρα. τοῦτο εἴτε ἤλεκτρον χρὴ καλεῖν εἴτε ἄλλο τι λέγειν, οὐ σφόδρα εἶχέ μοι γνωρίμως ὁ Ἑρμῆς φράσαι. χρυσοθρόνω δὲ παρ᾽ ἑκάτερον ἐκαθεζέσθην[547] ἥ τε μήτηρ καὶ ἡ θυγάτηρ, [308] Ἥρα μὲν παρὰ τὸν Δία, Ῥέα δὲ παρὰ τὸν Κρόνον. τὸ δὲ τῶν θεῶν κάλλος οὐδὲ ἐκεῖνος ἐπεξῄει τῷ λόγῳ, μεῖζον εἶναι λέγων αὐτὸ καὶ νῷ θεατόν, ἀκοῇ δὲ καὶ ῥήμασιν οὔτε προοισθῆναι ῥᾴδιον οὔτε παραδεχθῆναι δυνατόν. οὐχ οὕτω τις ἔσται καὶ φανεῖται μεγαλόφωνος, ὥστε τὸ μέγεθος ἐκεῖνο φράσαι τοῦ κάλλους, ὁπόσον ἐπιπρέπει τῇ τῶν θεῶν ὄψει.

(For we are told that after Heracles, Quirinus also ascended thither, since we must give Romulus the name of Quirinus in obedience to the divine will.[548] For the gods then the banquet had been made ready there. But just below the moon in the upper air he had decided to entertain the Emperors. The lightness of the bodies with which they had been invested, and also the revolution of the moon sustained them. Four couches were there made ready for the superior gods. That of Kronos was made of gleaming ebony, which concealed in its blackness a lustre so intense and divine that no one could endure to gaze thereon. For in looking at that ebony, the eyes suffered as much, methinks, from its excess of radiance as from the sun when one gazes too intently at his disc. The couch of Zeus was more brilliant than silver, but paler than gold; whether however one ought to call this “electron,”[549] or to give it some other name, Hermes could not inform me precisely. On either side of these sat on golden thrones the mother and daughter, Hera beside Zeus and Rhea beside Kronos. As for the beauty of the gods, not even Hermes tried to describe it in his tale; he said that it transcended description, and must be comprehended by the eye of the mind; for in words it was hard to portray and impossible to convey to mortal ears. Never indeed will there be or appear an orator so gifted that he could describe such surpassing beauty as shines forth on the countenances of the gods.)

[B] Παρεσκεύαστο δὲ καὶ τοῖς ἄλλοις θεοῖς ἑκάστῳ θρόνος ἢ κλίνη κατὰ πρεσβείαν. ἤριζε δὲ οὐδείς, ἀλλ᾽ ὅπερ Ὅμηρος ὀρθῶς ποιῶν ἔφη, δοκεῖν μοι παρὰ τῶν Μουσῶν αὐτῶν ἀκηκοώς, ἔχειν ἕκαστον τῶν θεῶν θρόνον, ἐφ᾽ οὗ πάντως αὐτῷ θέμις καθῆσθαι στερεῶς καὶ ἀμετακινήτως· ἐπεὶ καὶ πρὸς τὴν παρουσίαν τοῦ πατρὸς ἐξανιστάμενοι ταράττουσιν οὐδαμῶς τὰς καθέδρας οὐδὲ μεταβαίνουσιν οὐδὲ ὑφαρπάζουσιν ἀλλήλων, [C] γνωρίζει δὲ ἕκαστος τὸ προσῆκον αὑτῷ. πάντων οὖν κύκλῳ τῶν θεῶν καθημένων, ὁ Σειληνὸς ἐρωτικῶς ἔχειν μοι δοκῶν τοῦ Διονύσου καλοῦ καὶ νέου καὶ [pg 350] τῷ πατρὶ τῷ Διὶ παραπλησίου πλησίον αὐτοῦ, τροφεύς τις οἷα καὶ παιδαγωγός, [D] καθῆστο, τά τε ἄλλα φιλοπαίγμονα καὶ φιλόγελων καὶ χαριτοδότην[550] ὄντα τὸν θεὸν εὐφραίνων καὶ δὴ καὶ τῷ σκώπτειν τὰ πολλὰ καὶ γελοιάζειν.

(For the other gods had been prepared a throne or couch, for everyone according to seniority. Nor did any dispute arise as to this, but as Homer said,[551] and correctly, no doubt instructed by the Muses themselves, every god has his seat on which it is irrevocably ordained that he shall sit, firmly and immovably fixed; and though they rise on the entrance of their father they never confound or change the order of their seats or infringe on one another's, since every one knows his appointed place. Now when the gods were seated in a circle, Silenus, amorous, methinks, of Dionysus ever fair and ever young, who sat close to Zeus his father, took his seat next to him on the pretext that he had brought him up and was his tutor. And since Dionysus loves jesting and laughter and is the giver of the Graces, Silenus diverted the god with a continual flow of sarcasms and jests, and in other ways besides.)

Ὡς δὲ καὶ τὸ τῶν καισάρων συνεκεκρότητο[552] συμπόσιον, εἰσῄει πρῶτος Ἰούλιος Καῖσαρ, ὑπὸ φιλοτιμίας αὐτῷ βουλόμενος ἐρίσαι τῷ Διὶ περὶ τῆς μοναρχίας, εἰς ὃν ὁ Σειληνὸς βλέψας, Ὅρα, εἶπεν, ὦ Ζεῦ, μή σε ὁ ἀνὴρ οὗτος ὑπὸ φιλαρχίας ἀφελέσθαι καὶ τὴν βασιλείαν διανοηθῇ. καὶ γὰρ, ὡς ὁρᾷς, ἐστὶ μέγας καὶ καλός· ἐμοὶ γοῦν, εἰ καὶ μηδὲν ἄλλο, [309] τὰ γοῦν περὶ τὴν κεφαλὴν ἐστι προσόμοιος. παίζοντος ἔτι τοιαῦτα τοῦ Σειληνοῦ καὶ τῶν θεῶν οὐ σφόδρα προσεχόντων αὐτῷ, Ὀκταβιανὸς ἐπεισέρχεται πολλὰ ἀμείβων, ὥσπερ οἱ χαμαιλέοντες, χρώματα καὶ νῦν μὲν ὠχριῶν, αὖθις δὲ ἐρυθρὸς γινόμενος, εἶτα μέλας καὶ ζοφώδης καὶ συννεφής· [B] ἀνίετο δ᾽ αὖθις εἰς Ἀφροδίτην καὶ Χάριτας, εἶναί τε ἤθελε τὰς βολὰς τῶν ὀμμάτων ὁποῖός ἐστιν ὁ μέγας Ἥλιος· οὐδένα γάρ οἱ τῶν ἀπαντώντων[553] ἀντιβλέπειν ἠξίου. καὶ ὁ Σειληνός, Βαβαί, ἔφη, τοῦ παντοδαποῦ τούτου θηρίου· τί ποτ᾽ ἄρα δεινὸν ἡμᾶς ἐργάσεται; Παῦσαι, εἴπε, ληρῶν, ὁ Ἀπόλλων· ἐγὼ γὰρ αὐτὸν τουτῳὶ Ζήνωνι παραδοὺς αὐτίκα ὑμῖν ἀποφανῶ χρυσὸν ἀκήρατον. [C] ἀλλ᾽ ἴθι, εἶπεν, ὦ Ζήνων, ἐπιμελήθητι τοὐμοῦ θρέμματος. ὁ δὲ [pg 352] ὑπακούσας, εἶτα ἐπᾴσας αὐτῷ μικρὰ τῶν δογμάτων, ὥσπερ οἱ τὰς Ζαμόλξιδος ἐπῳδὰς θρυλοῦντες, ἀπέφηνεν ἄνδρα ἔμφρονα καὶ σώφρονα.

(When the banquet had been arranged for the Emperors also, Julius Caesar entered first, and such was his passion for glory that he seemed ready to contend with Zeus himself for dominion. Whereupon Silenus observing him said, “Take care, Zeus, lest this man in his lust for power be minded to rob you of your empire. He is, as you see, tall and handsome, and if he resembles me in nothing else, round about his head he is very like me.”[554] While Silenus, to whom the gods paid very little attention, was jesting thus, Octavian entered, changing colour continually, like a chameleon, turning now pale now red; one moment his expression was gloomy, sombre, and overcast, the next he unbent and showed all the charms of Aphrodite and the Graces. Moreover in the glances of his eyes he was fain to resemble mighty Helios, for he preferred that none who approached should be able to meet his gaze.[555] “Good Heavens!” exclaimed Silenus, “what a changeable monster is this! What mischief will he do us?” “Cease trifling,” said Apollo, “after I have handed him over to Zeno[556] here, I shall transform him for you straightway to gold without alloy. Come, Zeno,” he cried, “take charge of my nursling.” Zeno obeyed, and thereupon, by reciting over Octavian a few of his doctrines,[557] in the fashion of those who mutter the incantations of Zamolxis,[558] he made him wise and temperate.)

Τρίτος ἐπεισέδραμεν αὐτοῖς Τιβέριος σεμνὸς τὰ πρόσωπα καὶ βλοσυρός, σῶφρόν τε ἅμα καὶ πολεμικὸν βλέπων. ἐπιστραφέντος δὲ πρὸς τὴν καθέδραν ὤφθησαν ὠτειλαὶ κατὰ τὸν νῶτον μυρίαι, καυτῆρές τινες [D] καὶ ξέσματα καὶ πληγαὶ χαλεπαὶ καὶ μώλωπες ὑπό τε ἀκολασίας καὶ ὠμότητος ψῶραί τινες καὶ λειχῆνες οἷον ἐγκεκαυμέναι. εἶθ᾽ ὁ Σειληνός

(The third to hasten in was Tiberius, with countenance solemn and grim, and an expression at once sober and martial. But as he turned to sit down his back was seen to be covered with countless scars, burns, and sores, painful welts and bruises, while ulcers and abscesses were as though branded thereon, the result of his self-indulgent and cruel life.[559] Whereupon Silenus cried out,)

Ἀλλοῖός μοι, ξεῖνε, φάνης νέον ἢ τὸ πάροιθεν

(“Far different, friend, thou appearest now than before,”[560])

εἰπὼν ἔδοξεν αὑτοῦ φαίνεσθαι σπουδαιότερος. καὶ ὁ Διόνυσος πρὸς αὐτόν, Τί δῆτα, εἶπεν, ὦ παππίδιον σπουδάζεις; καὶ ὅς, Ἐξέπληξέ με ὁ γέρων οὑτοσί, ὁ Σάτυρος, ἔφη, καὶ πεποίηκεν ἐκλαθόμενον ἐμαυτοῦ τὰς Ὁμηρικὰς προβαλέσθαι μούσας. [310] ἀλλά σε, εἶπεν, ἕλξει τῶν ὤτων· λέγεται γὰρ αὐτὸς καὶ γραμματιστήν τινα τοῦτο ἐργάσασθαι. οἰμώζων μὲν οὖν, εἶπεν, ἐν τῷ νησυδρίῳ· τὰς Καπρέας αἰνιττόμενος· τὸν ἄθλιον ἁλιέα ψηχέτω. ταῦτα ἔτι παιζόντων αὐτῶν, ἐπεισέρχεται θηρίον πονηρόν. εἶτα οἱ θεοὶ πάντες ἀπέστρεψαν τὰ ὄμματα, κᾆτα αὐτὸν δίδωσιν ἡ Δίκη ταῖς Ποιναῖς, [B] αἱ δὲ ἔρριψαν εἰς [pg 354] Τάρταρον. οὐδὲν οὖν ἔσχεν ὁ Σειληνὸς ὑπὲρ αὐτοῦ φράσαι. τοῦ Κλαυδίου δὲ ἐπεισελθόντος, ὁ Σειληνὸς ἄρχεται τοὺς Ἀριστοφάνους Ἱππέας ᾄδειν, ἀντὶ τοῦ Δήμου[561] κολακεύων δῆθεν τὸν Κλαύδιον. εἶτα πρὸς τὸν Κυρῖνον ἀπιδών, Ἀδικεῖς, εἶπεν, ὦ Κυρῖνε, τὸν ἀπόγονον ἄγων εἰς τὸ συμπόσιον δίχα τῶν ἀπελευθέρων Ναρκίσσου καὶ Πάλλαντος. ἀλλ᾽ ἴθι, εἶπε, πέμψον ἐπ᾽ ἐκείνους, εἰ βούλει δέ, καὶ ἐπὶ τὴν γαμετὴν Μεσσαλίναν. ἔστι γὰρ ἐκείνων [C] δίχα τουτὶ τῆς τραγωιδίας τὸ δορυφόρημα, μικροῦ δέω φάναι, καὶ ἄψυχον. ἐπεισέρχεται λέγοντι τῷ Σειληνῷ Νέρων μετὰ τῆς κιθάρας καὶ τῆς δάφνης. εἶτα ἀποβλέψας ἐκεῖνος πρὸς τὸν Ἀπόλλωνα, Οὗτος, εἶπεν, ἐπὶ σὲ παρασκευάζεται. καὶ ὁ βασιλεὺς Ἀπόλλων, Ἀλλ᾽ ἔγωγε αὐτόν, εἶπεν, ἀποστεφανώσω, ὅτι με μὴ πάντα μιμεῖται μηδὲ ἐν οἷς με μιμεῖται γίγνεται μου μιμητὴς δίκαιος. ἀποστεφανωθέντα δὲ αὐτὸν ὁ Κωκυτὸς εὐθέως ἥρπασεν.

(and seemed more serious than was his wont. “Pray, why so solemn, little father?” said Dionysus. “It was this old satyr,” he replied, “he shocked me and made me forget myself and introduce Homer's Muse.” “Take care,” said Dionysus, “he will pull your ear, as he is said to have done to a certain grammarian.”[562] “Plague take him,” said Silenus, “in his little island”—he was alluding to Capri—“let him scratch the face of that wretched fisherman.”[563] While they were still joking together, there came in a fierce monster.[564] Thereupon all the gods turned away their eyes from the sight, and next moment Justice handed him over to the Avengers who hurled him into Tartarus. So Silenus had no chance to say anything about him. But when Claudius came in Silenus began to sing some verses from the Knights of Aristophanes,[565] toadying Claudius, as it seemed, instead of Demos. Then he looked at Quirinus and said, “Quirinus, it is not kind of you to invite your descendant to a banquet without his freedmen Narcissus and Pallas.[566] Come,” he went on, “send and fetch them, and please send too for his spouse Messalina, for without them this fellow is like a lay-figure in a tragedy, I might almost say lifeless.”[567] While Silenus was speaking Nero entered, lyre in hand and wearing a wreath of laurel. Whereupon Silenus turned to Apollo and said, “You see he models himself on you.” “I will soon take off that wreath,” replied Apollo, “for he does not imitate me in all things, and even when he does he does it badly.” Then his wreath was taken off and Cocytus instantly swept him away.)

[D] Ἐπὶ τούτῳ πολλοὶ καὶ παντοδαποὶ συνέτρεχον, Βίνδικες, Γάλβαι, Ὄθωνες, Βιτέλλιοι. καὶ ὁ Σειληνός, Τούτων, εἶπε, τῶν μονάρχων τὸ σμῆνος[568] πόθεν ἐξηυρήκατε, ὦ θεοί; τυφόμεθα γοῦν ὑπὸ τοῦ καπνοῦ· φείδεται γὰρ οὐδὲ τῶν ἀνακτόρων ταυτὶ τὰ θηρία. καὶ ὁ Ζεὺς ἀπιδὼν πρὸς τὸν ἀδελφὸν αὑτοῦ [311] Σάραπιν καὶ τὸν Οὐεσπασιανὸν δείξας, Πέμπε, εἶπε, τὸν σμικρίνην· τοῦτον ἀπὸ τῆς Αἰγύπτου ταχέως, ἵνα τὴν φλόγα ταύτην κατασβέσῃ· τῶν παίδων δὲ τὸν πρεσβύτερον [pg 356] μὲν παίζειν κέλευε μετὰ τῆς Ἀφροδίτης τῆς πανδήμου, τὸν νεώτερον δὲ τῷ Σικελικῷ θηρίῳ παραπλησίως κλοιῷ δῆσον. παρῆλθεν ἐπὶ τούτοις γέρων ὀφθῆναι καλός· λάμπει γὰρ ἔστιν ὅτε καὶ ἐν τῷ γήρᾳ τὸ κάλλος· ἐντυχεῖν πρᾳότατος, χρηματίσαι δικαιότατος. [B] ᾐδέσθη τοῦτον ὁ Σειληνὸς καὶ ἀπεσιώπησεν. εἶτα ὁ Ἑρμῆς, Ὕπὲρ δὲ τούτου, εἶπεν, οὐδὲν ἡμῖν λέγεις; Ναὶ μὰ Δί᾽, ἔφη, μέμφομαί γε ὑμῖν τῆς ἀνισότητος. τῷ γὰρ φονικῷ θηρίῳ τρὶς πέντε νείμαντες ἐνιαυτοὺς ἕνα μόλις ἐδώκατε τούτῳ βασιλεῦσαι. Ἀλλὰ μὴ μέμφου, εἶπεν ὁ Ζεύς· [C] εἰσάξω γὰρ ἐπὶ τούτῳ πολλοὺς κἈγαθούς. εὐθέως οὖν ὁ Τραïανὸς εἰσήρχετο φέρων ἐπὶ τῶν ὤμων τὰ τρόπαια, τό τε Γετικὸν καὶ τὸ Παρθικόν. ἰδὼν δὲ αὐτὸν ὁ Σειληνὸς ἔφη, λανθάνειν τε ἅμα καὶ ἀκούεσθαι βουλόμενος. Ὥρα νῦν τῷ δεσπότῃ Διὶ σκοπεῖν, ὅπως ὁ Γανυμήδης αὐτῷ φρουρήσεται.

(After Nero many Emperors of all sorts came crowding in together, Vindex, Galba, Otho, Vitellius, so that Silenus exclaimed, “Where, ye gods, have ye found such a swarm of monarchs? We are being suffocated with their smoke; for brutes of this sort spare not even the temple of the gods.”[569] Then Zeus turned to his brother Serapis, and pointing to Vespasian said, “Send this niggard from Egypt forthwith to extinguish the flames. As for his sons, bid the eldest[570] sport with Aphrodite Pandemos and chain the younger[571] in the stocks like the Sicilian monster.”[572] Next entered an old man,[573] beautiful to behold; for even old age can be radiantly beautiful. Very mild were his manners, most just his dealings. In Silenus he inspired such awe that he fell silent. “What!” said Hermes, “have you nothing to say to us about this man?” “Yes, by Zeus,” he replied, “I blame you gods for your unfairness in allowing that blood-thirsty monster to rule for fifteen years, while you granted this man scarce one whole year.” “Nay,” said Zeus, “do not blame us. For I will bring in many virtuous princes to succeed him.” Accordingly Trajan entered forthwith, carrying on his shoulders the trophies of his wars with the Getae and the Parthians. Silenus, when he saw him, said in a whisper which he meant to be heard, “Now is the time for Zeus our master to look out, if he wants to keep Ganymede for himself.”)

Μετὰ τοῦτον ἐπεισέρχεται βαθεῖαν ἔχων τὴν ὑπήνην ἀνὴρ σοβαρὸς τά τε ἄλλα [D] καὶ δὴ καὶ μουσικὴν ἐργαζόμενος, εἴς τε τὸν οὐρανὸν ἀφορῶν πολλάκις καὶ πολυπραγμονῶν τὰ ἀπόρρητα. τοῦτον δὲ ἰδὼν ὁ Σειληνὸς ἔφη, Τί δὲ ὑμῖν οὗτος ὁ σοφιστὴς δοκεῖ; μῶν Ἀντίνοον τῇδε περισκοπεῖ; φρασάτω τις αὐτῷ μὴ παρεῖναι τὸ μειράκιον ἐνθαδὶ καὶ παυσάτω τοῦ λήρου καὶ τῆς φλυαρίας αὐτόν. [312] ἐπὶ τούτοις ἀνὴρ εἰσέρχεται σώφρων, οὐ τὰ ἐς Ἀφροδίτην, ἀλλὰ τὰ ἐς τὴν πολιτείαν. ἰδὼν αὐτὸν ὁ Σειληνὸς ἔφη, Βαβαὶ τῆς σμικρολογίας· εἷς εἶναί μοι δοκεῖ τῶν διαπριόντων τὸ κύμινον ὁ πρεσβύτης οὗτος. ἐπεισελθούσης δὲ αὐτῷ τῆς τῶν ἀδελφῶν ξυνωρίδος, [pg 358] Βήρου καὶ Λουκίου, δεινῶς ὁ Σειληνὸς συνεστάλη, παίζειν γὰρ οὐκ εἶχεν οὐδ᾽ ἐπισκώπτειν, μάλιστα τὸν Βῆρον, καίτοι καὶ τούτου τὰ περὶ τὸν οἱὸν καὶ τὴν γυναῖκα πολυπραγμονῶν ἁμαρτήματα, [B] τὴν μὲν ὅτι πλέον ἢ προσῆκεν ἐπένθησεν, ἄλλως τε οὐδὲ κοσμίαν οὖσαν, τῷ δὲ ὅτι τὴν ἀρχὴν συναπολλυμένην περιεῖδεν, ἔχων καὶ ταῦτα σπουδαῖον κηδεστήν, ὃς τῶν τε κοινῶν ἂν προύστη κρεῖττον καὶ δὴ καὶ τοῦ παιδὸς αὐτοῦ βέλτιον ἂν ἐπεμελήθη ἢ αὐτὸς αὑτοῦ. καίπερ οὖν ταῦτα πολυπραγμονῶν ᾐδεῖτο τὸ μέγεθος αὐτοῦ τῆς ἀρετῆς· τόν γε μὴν υἱέα οὐδὲ [C] τοῦ σκωφθῆναι νομίσας ἄξιον ἀφῆκεν· ἔπιπτε γὰρ καὶ αὐτὸς εἰς γῆν οὐ δυνάμενος ἵστασθαι[574] καὶ παρομαρτεῖν τοῖς ἥρωσιν.

(Next entered an austere-looking man[575] with a long beard, an adept in all the arts, but especially music, one who was always gazing at the heavens and prying into hidden things. Silenus when he saw him said, “What think ye of this sophist? Can he be looking here for Antinous? One of you should tell him that the youth is not here, and make him cease from his madness and folly.” Thereupon entered a man[576] of temperate character, I do not say in love affairs but in affairs of state. When Silenus caught sight of him he exclaimed, “Bah! Such fussing about trifles! This old man seems to me the sort of person who would split cumin seed.”[577] Next entered the pair of brothers, Verus[578] and Lucius.[579] Silenus scowled horribly because he could not jeer or scoff at them, especially not at Verus; but he would not ignore his errors of judgment in the case of his son[580] and his wife,[581] in that he mourned the latter beyond what was becoming, especially considering that she was not even a virtuous woman; and he failed to see that his son was ruining the empire as well as himself, and that though Verus had an excellent son-in-law who would have administered the state better, and besides would have managed the youth better than he could manage himself. But though he refused to ignore these errors he reverenced the exalted virtue of Verus. His son however he considered not worth even ridicule and so let him pass. Indeed he fell to earth of his own accord because he could not keep on his feet or accompany the heroes.)

Ἐπεισέρχεται Περτίναξ τῷ συμποσίῳ τὴν σφαγὴν ὀδυρόμενος. ἡ Δίκη δὲ αὐτὸν κατελεήσασα, Ἀλλ᾽ οὐ χαιρήσουσιν, εἶπεν, οἱ τούτων αἴτιοι· καὶ σὺ δέ, ὦ Περτίναξ, ἠδίκεις κοινωνῶν τῆς ἐπιβουλῆς, ὅσον ἐπὶ τοῖς σκέμμασιν, ἣν ὁ Μάρκου παῖς ἐπεβουλεύθη. [D] μετὰ τοῦτον ὁ Σεβῆρος, ἀνὴρ πικρίας γέμων καὶ[582] κολαστικός. Ὑπὲρ τούτου δέ, εἶπεν ὁ Σειληνός, οὐδὲν λέγω· φοβοῦμαι γὰρ αὐτοῦ τὸ λίαν ἀπηνὲς καὶ ἀπαραίτητον. ὡς δὲ ἔμελλεν αὐτῷ καὶ τὰ παιδάρια[583] συνεισιέναι, πόρρωθεν αὐτὰ διεκώλυσεν ὁ Μίνως. ἐπιγνοὺς δὲ σαφῶς τὸν μὲν νεώτερον ἀφῆκε, τὸν [pg 360] δὲ πρεσβύτερον τιμωρίαν ἔπεμψε τίσοντα. [313] Μακρῖνος ἐνταῦθα φυγὰς μιαιφόνος· εἶτα τὸ ἐκ τῆς Ἐμέσης παιδάριον πόρρω που τῶν ἱερῶν ἀπηλαύνετο περιβόλων. ὅ γε μὴν Σύρος Ἀλέξανδρος ἐν ἐσχάτοις που καθῆστο τὴν αὑτοῦ συμφορὰν ποτνιώμενος. καὶ ὁ Σειληνὸς ἐπισκώπτων αὐτὸν εἶπεν[584] Ὦ μῶρε καὶ μέγα νήπιε, τηλικοῦτος ὢν οὐκ αὐτὸς ἦρχες τῶν σεαυτοῦ, τὰ χρήματα δὲ ἐδίδους τῇ μητρὶ [B] καὶ οὐκ ἐπείσθης, ὅσῳ κρεῖττον ἀναλίσκειν ἦν αὐτὰ τοῖς φίλοις ἢ θησαυρίζειν. Ἀλλ᾽ ἔγωγε, εἶπεν ἡ Δίκη, πάντας αὐτούς, ὅσοι μεταίτιοι γεγόνασι τούτων, κολασθησομένους παραδώσω. καὶ οὕτως ἀνείθη τὸ μειράκιον. ἐπὶ τούτῳ παρῆλθεν εἴσω Γαλλιῆνος μετὰ τοῦ πατρός, ὁ μὲν τὰ δεσμὰ τῆς αἰχμαλωσίας ἔχων, ὁ δὲ στολῇ τε [C] καὶ κινήσει χρώμενος μαλακωτέρᾳ ὥσπερ αἱ γυναῖκες. καὶ ὁ Σειληνὸς πρὸς μὲν ἐκεῖνον,

(Then Pertinax came in to the banquet still bewailing his violent end. But Justice took pity on him and said, “Nay, the authors of this deed shall not long exult. But Pertinax, you too were guilty, since at least so far as conjecture went you were privy to the plot that was aimed at the son of Marcus.” Next came Severus, a man of excessively harsh temper and delighting to punish. “Of him,” said Silenus, “I have nothing to say, for I am terrified by his forbidding and implacable looks.” When his sons would have entered with him, Minos kept them at a distance. However, when he had clearly discerned their characters, he let the younger[585] pass, but sent away the elder[586] to atone for his crimes. Next Macrinus, assassin and fugitive, and after him the pretty boy from Emesa[587] were driven far away from the sacred enclosure. But Alexander the Syrian sat down somewhere in the lowest ranks and loudly lamented his fate.[588] Silenus made fun of him and exclaimed, “O fool and madman! Exalted as you were you could not govern your own family, but gave your revenues to your mother:[589] nor could you be persuaded how much better it was to bestow them on your friends than to hoard them.” “I however,” said Justice, “will consign to torment all who were accessory to his death.” And then the youth was left in peace. Next entered Gallienus and his father,[590] the latter still dragging the chains of his captivity, the other with the dress and languishing gait of a woman. Seeing Valerian, Silenus cried,)

Τίς οὗτος ὁ λευκολόφας,

Πρόπαρ ὃς ἡγεῖται στρατοῦ;

(“Who is this with the white plume that leads the army's van?”[591])

ἔφη, πρὸς δὲ τὸν Γαλλιῆνον,

(Then he greeted Gallienus with,)

Ὃς καὶ χρυσὸν ἔχων πάντη τρυφᾷ ἠύτε κούρη·

(“He who is all decked with gold and dainty as a maiden.”[592])

τούτω δὲ ὁ Ζεὺς εἶπε τῆς ἐκεῖσε θοίνης ἐκβῆναι.

(But Zeus ordered the pair to depart from the feast.)

[D] Τούτοις ἐπεισέρχεται Κλαύδιος, εἰς ὃν ἀπιδόντες οἱ θεοὶ πάντες ἠγάσθησάν τε αὐτὸν τῆς μεγαλοψυχίας καὶ ἐπένευσαν αὐτοῦ τῷ γένει τὴν ἀρχήν, δίκαιον εἶναι νομίσαντες οὕτω φιλοπάτριδος ἀνδρὸς ἐπὶ πλεῖστον εἶναι τὸ γένος ἐν ἡγεμονίᾳ. τούτοις ἐπεισέδραμεν Αὐρηλιανὸς ὥσπερ ἀποδιδράσκων τοὺς εἴργοντας αὐτὸν παρὰ τῷ [pg 362] Μίνωι· πολλαὶ γὰρ αὐτῷ συνίσταντο δίκαι τῶν ἀδίκων φόνων, καὶ ἔφευγε τὰς γραφὰς κακῶς ἀπολογούμενας. [314] Ἥλιος δὲ οὑμὸς δεσπότης αὐτῷ πρὸς τε τὰ ἄλλα βοηθῶν, οὐχ ἥκιστα δὲ καὶ πρὸς τοῦτο αὐτὸ συνήρατο, φράσας ἐν τοῖς θεοῖς, Ἀλλ᾽ ἀπέτισε τὴν δίκην, ἢ λέληθεν ἡ δοθεῖσα Δελφοῖς μαντεία

(Next came Claudius,[593] at whom all the gods gazed, and admiring his greatness of soul granted the empire to his descendants, since they thought it just that the posterity of such a lover of his country should rule as long as possible. Then Aurelian came rushing in as though trying to escape from those who would detain him before the judgment seat of Minos. For many charges of unjustifiable murders were brought against him, and he was in flight because he could ill defend himself against the indictments. But my lord Helios[594] who had assisted him on other occasions, now too came to his aid and declared before the gods,)

Αἴκε πάθῃ τά τ᾽ ἔρεξε, δίκη κ᾽ ἰθεῖα γένοιτο;

(“He has paid the penalty, or have you forgotten the oracle uttered at Delphi, ‘If his punishment match his crime justice has been done’?”[595])

Τούτῳ συνεισέρχεται Πρόβος, ὃς ἑβδομήκοντα πόλεις ἀναστήσας [B] ἐν οὐδὲ ὅλοις ἐνιαυτοῖς ἑπτὰ καὶ πολλὰ πάνυ σωφρόνως οἰκονομήσας, ἄδικα δὲ πεπονθὼς ὑπὸ τῶν ἀθέων, ἐτιμᾶτο τά τε ἄλλα καὶ τῷ τοὺς φονέας αὐτῷ τὴν δίκην ἐκτῖσαι. σκώπτειν δὲ αὐτὸν ὅμως ὁ Σειληνὸς ἐπειρᾶτο, καίτοι πολλῶν αὐτῷ σιωπᾶν παρακελευομένων· ἀλλ᾽, Ἐᾶτε, ἔφη, νῦν γοῦν δι᾽ αὐτοῦ τοὺς ἑξῆς φρενωθῆναι. [C] οὐκ οἶσθα, ὦ Πρόβε, ὅτι τὰ πικρὰ φάρμακα μιγνύντες οἱ ἰατροὶ τῷ μελικράτῳ προσφέρουσι; σὺ δὲ αὐστηρὸς ἦσθα λίαν καὶ τραχὺς ἀεὶ εἴκων τε οὐδαμοῦ· πέπονθας οὖν ἄδικα μέν, εἰκότα δὲ ὅμως. οὐ γὰρ ἔστιν οὔτε ἵππων οὔτε βοῶν ἄρχειν οὔτε ἡμιόνων, ἥκιστα δὲ ἀνθρώπων, μή τι καὶ τῶν κεχαρισμένων αὐτοῖς ξυγχωροῦντα, ὥσπερ ἔσθ᾽ ὅτε τοῖς ἀσθενοῦσιν οἱ ἰατροὶ μικρὰ ἐνδιδόασιν, [D] ἵν᾽ ἐν τοῖς μείζοσιν ἔχωσιν αὐτοὺς πειθομένους. Τί τοῦτο, εἶπεν ὁ Διόνυσος, ὦ παππία; φιλόσοφος ἡμῖν ἀνεφάνης; οὐ γάρ, ὦ παῖ, [pg 364] ἔφη, καὶ σὺ φιλόσοφος ὑπ᾽ ἐμοῦ γέγονας; οὐκ οἶσθα, ὅτι καὶ ὁ Σωκράτης, ἐοικὼς ἐμοί, τὰ πρωτεῖα κατὰ τὴν φιλοσοφίαν ἀπηνέγκατο τῶν καθ᾽ ἑαυτὸν ἀνθρώπων, εἰ τἀδελφῷ πιστεύεις ὅτι ἐστὶν ἀψευδής; ἔα τοίνυν ἡμᾶς μὴ πάντα γελοῖα λέγειν, ἀλλὰ καὶ σπουδαῖα.

(With Aurelian entered Probus, who in less than seven years restored seventy cities and was in many ways a wise administrator. Since he had been unjustly treated by impious men the gods paid him honours, and moreover exacted the penalty from his assassins. For all that, Silenus tried to jest at his expense, though many of the gods urged him to be silent. In spite of them he called out, “Now let those that follow him learn wisdom from his example. Probus, do you not know that when physicians give bitter medicines they mix them with honey?[596] But you were always too austere and harsh and never displayed toleration. And so your fate, though unjust, was natural enough. For no one can govern horses or cattle or mules, still less men, unless he sometimes yields to them and gratifies their wishes; just as physicians humour their patients in trifles so that they may make them obey in things more essential.” “What now, little father,” exclaimed Dionysus, “have you turned up as our philosopher?” “Why, my son,” he replied, “did I not make a philosopher of you? Do you not know that Socrates also, who was so like me,[597] carried off the prize for philosophy from his contemporaries, at least if you believe that your brother[598] tells the truth? So you must allow me to be serious on occasion and not always jocose.”)

[315] Ἔτι διαλεγομένων αὐτῶν πρὸς ἀλλήλους, ὄ τε Κᾶρος ἅμα τοῖς παισὶν εἰσφρῆσαι βουληθεὶς εἰς τὸ συμπόσιον ἀπελήλατο παρὰ τῆς Δίκης, καὶ ὁ Διοκλητιανός, ἄγων μεθ᾽ ἑαυτοῦ Μαξιμιανώ τε τὼ δύο καὶ τὸν ἐμὸν πάππον Κωνστάντιον, ἐν κόσμῳ προῆγεν. εἴχοντο δὲ ἀλλήλων τὼ χεῖρε, καὶ ἐβάδιζον οὐκ ἐξ ἴσης, ἀλλ᾽ οἷα χορός τις ἦν περὶ αὐτόν, [B] τῶν μὲν ὥσπερ δορυφορούντων καὶ προθεῖν αὐτοῦ βουλομένων, τοῦ δὲ εἴργοντος· οὐδὲν γὰρ ἠξίου πλεονεκτεῖν. ὡς δὲ ξυνίει κάμνοντος ἑαυτοῦ, δοὺς αὐτοῖς ἅπαντα, ὅσα ἔφερεν ἐπὶ τῶν ὤμων, αὐτὸς εὔλυτος ἐβάδιζεν. ἠγάσθησαν οἱ θεοὶ τῶν ἀνδρῶν τὴν ὁμόνοιαν, καὶ ἐπέτρεψαν αὐτοῖς πρὸ πολλῶν πάνυ καθῆσθαι. δεινῶς δὲ ὄντα τὸν Μαξιμιανὸν ἀκόλαστον ὁ Σειληνὸς ἐπισκώπτειν μὲν οὐκ ἠξίου, [C] τὸ δὲ τῶν βασιλέων οὐκ εἰσεδέχετο συσσίτιον. οὐ γὰρ μόνον τὰ εἰς Ἀφροδίτην ἦν παντοίαν ἀσέλγειαν ἀσελγής, ἀλλὰ καὶ φιλοπράγμων καὶ ἄπιστος καὶ οὐ τὰ πάντα τῷ τετραχόρδῳ συνῳδῶν. ἐξήλασεν οὖν αὐτὸν ἡ Δίκη ταχέως. εἶτα ἀπῆλθεν οὐκ οἶδα ὅποι γῆς· ἐπελαθόμην γὰρ αὐτὸ παρὰ τοῦ Ἑρμοῦ πολυπραγμονῆσαι. τούτῳ δὲ τῷ παναρμονίῳ τετραχόρδῳ παραφύεται δεινὸν [pg 366] καὶ τραχὺ καὶ ταραχῶδες σύστημα. [D] τοὺς μὲν οὖν δύο οὐδὲ τῶν προθύρων ἅψασθαι τῆς τῶν ἡρώων ἀγορᾶς ἡ Δίκη συνεχώρησε, Λικίνιον δὲ μέχρι τῶν προθύρων ἐλθόντα, πολλὰ καὶ ἅτοπα πλημμελοῦντα ταχέως ὁ Μίνως ἐξήλασεν. ὁ Κωνσταντῖνος δὲ παρῆλθεν εἴσω καὶ πολὺν ἐκαθέσθη χρόνον, εἶτα μετ᾽ αὐτὸν τὰ παιδία. Μαγνεντίῳ γὰρ οὐκ ἦν εἴσοδος, [316] ὅτι μηδὲν ὑγιὲς ἐπεπράχει, καίτοι πολλὰ ἐδόκει πεπρᾶχθαι τῷ ἀνδρὶ καλά· οἱ θεοὶ δὲ ὁρῶντες, ὅτι μὴ ταῦτα ἐκ καλῆς αὐτῷ πεποίηται διαθέσεως, εἴων αὐτὸν οἰμώζειν ἀποτρέχοντα.

(While they were talking, Carus and his sons tried to slip into the banquet, but Justice drove them away. Next Diocletian advanced in pomp, bringing with him the two Maximians and my grandfather Constantius.[599] These latter held one another by the hand and did not walk alongside of Diocletian, but formed a sort of chorus round him. And when they wished to run before him as a bodyguard he prevented them, since he did not think himself entitled to more privileges than they. But when he realised that he was growing weary he gave over to them all the burdens that he carried on his shoulders, and thereafter walked with greater ease. The gods admired their unanimity and permitted them to sit far in front of many of their predecessors. Maximian was so grossly intemperate that Silenus wasted no jests on him, and he was not allowed to join the emperors at their feast. For not only did he indulge in vicious passions of all sorts, but proved meddlesome and disloyal and often introduced discord into that harmonious quartette. Justice therefore banished him without more ado. So he went I know not whither, for I forgot to interrogate Hermes on this point. However into that harmonious symphony of four there crept a terribly harsh and discordant strain. For this reason Justice would not suffer the two[600] so much as to approach the door of that assembly of heroes. As for Licinius, he came as far as the door, but as his misdeeds were many and monstrous Minos forthwith drove him away. Constantine however entered and sat some time, and then came his sons.[601] Magnentius[602] was refused admission because he had never done anything really laudable, though much that he achieved had the appearance of merit. So the gods, who perceived that these achievements were not based on any virtuous principle, sent him packing, to his deep chagrin.)

Οὔσης δὴ τοιαύτης τῆς ἀμφὶ τὸ δεῖπνον παρασκευῆς, ἐπόθουν μὲν οὐδὲν οἱ θεοί, πάντα γὰρ ἔχουσιν, αὐτῶν δὲ τῶν ἡρώων ἐδόκει τῷ Ἑρμῇ διαπειρᾶσθαι, καὶ τῷ Διὶ τοῦτο οὐκ ἀπὸ γνώμης ἦν. ἐδεῖτο δὲ καὶ ὁ Κυρῖνος ἤδη τινὰ μετάγειν ἐκεῖθεν παρ᾽ ἑαυτόν. Ἡρακλῆς δὲ εἶπεν, [B] Οὐκ ἀνέξομαι, ὦ Κυρῖνε· διὰ τί γὰρ οὐχὶ καὶ τὸν ἐμὸν Ἀλέξανδρον ἐπὶ τὸ δεῖπνον παρεκάλεις; σοῦ τοίνυν, εἶπεν, ὦ Ζεῦ, δέομαι, εἴ τινα τούτων ἔγνωκας ἄγειν πρὸς ἡμᾶς, ἥκειν τὸν Ἀλέξανδρον κέλευε. τί γὰρ οὐχὶ κοινῇ τῶν ἀνδρῶν ἀποπειρώμενοι τῷ βελτίονι τιθέμεθα; δίκαια λέγειν ὁ τῆς Ἀλκμήνης ἐδόκει τῷ Διί. [C] καὶ ἐπεισελθόντος αὐτοῦ τοῖς ἥρωσιν οὔτε ὁ Καῖσαρ οὔτε ἄλλος τις ὑπανίστατο· καταλαβὼν δὲ σχολάζουσαν καθέδραν, ἣν ὁ τοῦ Σεβήρου παῖς ἐπεποίητο ἑαυτῷ, ἐκεῖνος γὰρ ἀπελήλατο διὰ τὴν ἀδελφοκτονίαν, [pg 368] ἐνεκάθισε, καὶ ὁ Σειληνὸς ἐπισκώπτων τὸν Κυρῖνον, Ὅρα, εἶπε, μή ποτε οὗτοι ἑνὸς εἰσιν[603] ἀντάξιοι τουτουὶ τοῦ Γραικοῦ. Μὰ Δία, εἶπεν ὁ Κυρῖνος, οἶμαι πολλοὺς εἶναι μὴ χείρονας. οὕτω δὲ αὐτὸν οἱ ἐμοὶ τεθαυμάκασιν ἔγγονοι, [D] ὥστε μόνον αὐτὸν ἐκ πάντων, ὅσοι γεγόνασιν ἡγεμόνες ξένοι, ὀνομάζουσι καὶ νομίζουσι μέγαν. οὐ μὴν ἔτι καὶ τῶν παρ᾽ ἑαυτοῖς γεγονότων οἴονται μείζονα τοῦτον, ἴσως μὲν ὑπὸ φιλαυτίας τι παθόντες, ἴσως δὲ καὶ οὕτως ἔχον· εἰσόμεθα δὲ αὐτίκα μάλα τῶν ἀνδρῶν ἀποπειρώμενοι. ταῦτα μάλιστα λέγων ὁ Κυρῖνος ἠρυθρία, καὶ δῆλος ἦν ἀγωνιῶν ὑπὲρ τῶν ἀπογόνων τῶν ἑαυτοῦ, μή του τὰ δευτερεῖα λαβόντες οἴχωνται.

(When the feast had been prepared as I have described, the gods lacked nothing, since all things are theirs. Then Hermes proposed to examine the heroes personally and Zeus was of the same mind. Quirinus thereupon begged that he might summon one of their number to his side. “Quirinus,” said Heracles, “I will not have it. For why did you not invite to the feast my beloved Alexander also? Zeus, if you are minded to introduce into our presence any of these Emperors, send, I beg of you, for Alexander. For if we are to examine into the merits of men generally, why do we not throw open the competition to the better man?” Zeus considered that what the son of Alcmena said was only just. So Alexander joined the company of heroes, but neither Caesar nor anyone else yielded his place to him. However he found and took a vacant seat which the son[604] of Severus had taken for himself—he had been expelled for fratricide. Then Silenus began to rally Quirinus and said, “See now whether all these Romans can match this one Greek.”[605] “By Zeus,” retorted Quirinus, “I consider that many of them are as good as he! It is true that my descendants have admired him so much that they hold that he alone of all foreign generals is worthy to be styled ‘the Great.’ But it does not follow that they think him greater than their own heroes; which may be due to national prejudice, but again they may be right. However, that we shall very soon find out by examining these men.” Even as he spoke Quirinus was blushing, and was evidently extremely anxious on behalf of his descendants and feared that they might come off with the second prize.)

[317] Μετὰ τοῦτο ὁ Ζεὺς ἤρετο τοὺς θεούς, πότερον χρὴ πάντας ἐπὶ τὸν ἀγῶνα καλεῖν ἤ, καθάπερ ἐν τοῖς γυμνικοῖς ἀγῶσι γίνεται, ὁ τοῦ πολλὰς ἀνελομένου νίκας κρατήσας, ἑνὸς περιγενόμενος, οὐδὲν ἔλαττον δοκεῖ κἀκείνων γεγονέναι κρείσσων, οἳ προσεπάλαισαν μὲν οὐδαμῶς αὐτῷ, τοῦ κρατηθέντος δὲ ἥττους ἐγένοντο. καὶ ἐδόκει πᾶσιν ἡ τοιαύτη σφόδρα ἐμμελῶς ἔχειν ἐξέτασις. [B] ἐκήρυττεν οὖν ὁ Ἑρμῆς παριέναι Καίσαρα καὶ τὸν Ὀκταβιανὸν ἐπὶ τούτῳ, Τραϊανὸν δὲ ἐκ τρίτων, ὡς πολεμικωτάτους. εἶτα γενομένης σιωπῆς ὁ βασιλεὺς Κρόνος βλέψας εἰς τὸν Δία θαυμάζειν ἔφη, πολεμικοὺς μὲν αὐτοκράτορας ὁρῶν ἐπὶ τὸν ἀγῶνα τουτονὶ καλουμένους, οὐδένα μέντοι πιλόσοφον. Ἐμοὶ δέ, εἶπεν, οὐχ ἧττόν εἰσιν οἱ τοιοῦτοι φίλοι. [C] καλεῖτε οὖν εἴσω καὶ τὸν [pg 370] Μάρκον. ἐπεὶ δὲ καὶ ὁ Μάρκος κληθεὶς παρῆλθε, σεμνὸς ἄγαν, ὑπὸ τῶν πόνων ἔχων τά τε ὄμματα καὶ τὸ πρόσωπον ὑπό τι συνεσταλμένον, κάλλος δὲ ἀμήχανον ἐν αὐτῷ τούτῳ δεικνύων, ἐν ᾧ παρεῖχεν ἑαυτὸν ἄκομψον καὶ ἀκαλλώπιστον· ἥ τε γὰρ ὑπήνη βαθεῖα παντάπασιν ἦν αὐτῷ καὶ τὰ ἱμάτια λιτὰ καὶ σώφρονα, καὶ ὑπὸ τῆς ἐνδείας τῶν τροφῶν ἦν αὐτῷ [D] τὸ σῶμα διαυγέστατον καὶ διαφανέστατον ὥσπερ αὐτὸ οἶμαι τὸ καθαρώτατον καὶ εἰλικρινέστατον φῶς· ἐπεὶ καὶ οὗτος ἦν εἴσω τῶν ἱερῶν περιβόλων, ὁ Διόνυσος εἶπεν, Ὦ βασιλεῦ Κρόνε καὶ Ζεῦ πάτερ, ἆρα ἄξιον ἐν θεοῖς ἀτελὲς εἶναί τι; τῶν δὲ οὐ φαμένων, Εἰσάγωμεν οὖν τινα καὶ ἀπολαύσεως ἐραστὴν ἐνθαδί. καὶ ὁ Ζεύς, Ἀλλ᾽ οὐ θεμιτὸν εἴσω φοιτᾶν, εἶπεν, ἀνδρὶ μὴ τὰ ἡμέτερα ζηλοῦντι. Γιγνέσθω τοίνυν, εἶπεν, ἐπὶ τῶν προθύρων, ὁ Διόνυσος, αὐτοῖς ἡ κρίσις. ἀλλ᾽, [318] εἰ τοῦτο δοκεῖ ταύτῃ, καλῶμεν ἄνδρα οὐκ ἀπόλεμον μέν, ἡδονῇ δὲ καὶ ἀπολαύσει χειροηθέστερον. ἡκέτω οὖν ἄχρι τῶν προθύρων ὁ Κωνσταντίνος. ἐπεὶ δὲ ἐδέδοκτο καὶ τοῦτο, τίνα χρὴ τρόπον αὐτοὺς ἁμιλλᾶσθαι, γνώμη προυτέθη. καὶ ὁ μὲν Ἑρμῆς ἠξίου λέγειν ἕκαστον ἐν μέρει περὶ τῶν ἑαυτοῦ, τίθεσθαι δὲ τοὺς θεοὺς τὴν ψῆφον. οὐ μὴν ἐδόκει ταῦτα τῷ Ἀπόλλωνι καλῶς ἔχειν· ἀληθείας γὰρ εἶναι, [B] καὶ οὐ πιθανότητος οὐδ᾽ αἱμυλίας ἐν θεοῖς ἔλεγχον καὶ ἐξέτασιν. βουλόμενος δὲ ὁ Ζεὺς ἀμφοτέροις χαρίζεσθαι καὶ ἅμα προάγειν ἐπὶ πλέον αὐτοῖς τὴν συνουσίαν, Οὐδέν, εἶπε, κωλύει λέγειν μὲν αὐτοῖς ἐπιτρέψαι, μικρὰ τοῦ ὕδατος ἐπιμετρήσαντασ, εἶτα ὕστερον [pg 372] ἀνερωτᾶν [C] καὶ ἀποπειρᾶσθαι τῆς ἑκάστου διανοίας. καὶ ὁ Σειληνὸς ἐπισκώπτων, Ἀλλ᾽ ὅπως μή, νομίσαντες αὐτὸ νέκταρ εἶναι, Τραïανός τε καὶ Ἀλέξανδρος ἅπαν ἐκροφήσουσι[606] τὸ ὕδωρ, εἶτα ἀφελοῦνται[607] τοὺς ἄλλους. καὶ ὁ Ποσειδῶν, Οὐ τοὐμοῦ ὕδατος, εἶπεν, ἀλλὰ τοῦ ὑμετέρου πώματος ἐρασταὶ τὼ ἄνδρε ἐγενέσθην. [D] ὑπὲρ τῶν σεαυτοῦ τοιγαροῦν ἀμπέλων μᾶλλον ἢ τῶν ἐμῶν πηγῶν ἄξιόν ἐστί σοι δεδιέναι. καὶ ὁ Σειληνὸς δηχθεὶς ἐσιώπα, καὶ τοῖς ἀγωνιζομένοις ἐκ τούτου τὸν νοῦν προσεῖχεν. Ἑρμῆς δὲ ἐκήρυττεν·

(Then Zeus asked the gods whether it would be better to summon all the Emperors to enter the lists, or whether they should follow the custom of athletic contests, which is that he who defeats the winner of many victories, though he overcome only that one competitor is held thereby to have proved himself superior to all who have been previously defeated, and that too though they have not wrestled with the winner, but only shown themselves inferior to an antagonist who has been defeated. All the gods agreed that this was a very suitable sort of test. Hermes then summoned Caesar to appear before them, then Octavian, and thirdly Trajan, as being the greatest warriors. In the silence that followed, Kronos turned to Zeus and said that he was astonished to see that only martial Emperors were summoned to the competition, and not a single philosopher. “For my part,” he added, “I like philosophers just as well. So tell Marcus[608] to come in too.” Accordingly Marcus was summoned and came in looking excessively dignified and showing the effect of his studies in the expression of his eyes and his lined brows. His aspect was unutterably beautiful from the very fact that he was careless of his appearance and unadorned by art; for he wore a very long beard, his dress was plain and sober, and from lack of nourishment his body was very shining and transparent, like light most pure and stainless. When he too had entered the sacred enclosure, Dionysus said, “King Kronos and Father Zeus, can any incompleteness exist among the gods?” And when they replied that it could not, “Then,” said he, “let us bring in here some votary of pleasure as well.” “Nay,” answered Zeus, “it is not permitted that any man should enter here who does not model himself on us.” “In that case,” said Dionysus, “let them be tried at the entrance. Let us summon by your leave a man not unwarlike but a slave to pleasure and enjoyment. Let Constantine come as far as the door.” When this had been agreed upon, opinions were offered as to the manner in which they were to compete. Hermes thought that everyone ought to speak for himself in turn, and then the gods should vote. But Apollo did not approve of this plan, because he said the gods ought to test and examine the truth and not plausible rhetoric and the devices of the orator. Zeus wished to please them both and at the same time to prolong the assembly, so he said, “There is no harm in letting them speak if we measure them a small allowance of water,[609] and then later on we can cross-examine them and test the disposition of each one.” Whereupon Silenus said sardonically, “Take care, or Trajan and Alexander will think it is nectar and drink up all the water and leave none for the others.” “It was not my water,” retorted Poseidon, “but your vines that these two were fond of. So you had better tremble for your vines rather than for my springs.” Silenus was greatly piqued and had no answer ready, but thereafter turned his attention to the disputants. Then Hermes made this proclamation:)

Ἄρχει μὲν ἀγὼν

τῶν καλλίστων

ἄθλων ταμίας,

καιρὸς δὲ καλεῖ

μηκέτι μέλλειν.

ἀλλὰ κλύοντες

τὰν ἁμετέραν

[319] κήρυκα βοὰν

οἱ πρὶν βασιλῆς,

ἔθνεα πολλὰ

δουλωσάμενοι

καὶ πολέμοισι

δάιον ἔγχος

θήξαντες, ὁμοῦ

γνώμης τε μέγαν

πινυτόφρονα νοῦν,

ἴτ᾽, ἐς ἀντίπαλον

[B] ἵστασθε κρίσιν,

οἷς τε φρόνησιν

τέλος ὀλβίστης

θέσθαι βιοτῆς,

οἷς τ᾽ ἀντιβίους

κακὰ πόλλ᾽ ἔρχαι

καὶ χρηστὰ φίλους

τέκμαρ βιότου

νενόμιστο καλοῦ,

οἷς θ᾽ ἡδίστην

ἀπόλαυσιν ἔχειν

[C] τέρματα μόχθων

δαῖτας τε γάμους τ᾽,

ὄμμασι τερπνά,

μαλακάς τε φέρειν

ἐσθῆτας ὁμοῦ

λιθοκολλήτοις

περὶ χεῖρας ἄκρας

ψελίοισι φάνη

μακαριστότατον.

νίκης δὲ τέλος

Ζηνὶ μελήσει.

(“The trial that begins

Awards to him who wins

The fairest prize to-day.

And lo, the hour is here

And summons you. Appear!

Ye may no more delay.

Come hear the herald's call

Ye princes one and all.

Many the tribes of men

Submissive to you then!

How keen in war your swords!

But now 'tis wisdom's turn;

Now let your rivals learn

How keen can be your words.

Wisdom, thought some, is bliss

Most sure in life's short span;

Others did hold no less

That power to ban or bless

Is happiness for man.

But some set Pleasure high,

Idleness, feasting, love,

All that delights the eye;

Their raiment soft and fine,

Their hands with jewels shine,

Such bliss did they approve.

But whose the victory won

Shall Zeus decide alone.”[610])

[D] Τοιαῦτα τοῦ Ἑρμοῦ κηρύττοντος ἐκληροῦντο· καί πως συνέδραμε τῇ τοῦ Καίσαρος ὁ κλῆρος φιλοπρωτίᾳ. τοῦτο ἐκεῖνον μὲν ἐποίησε γαῦρον καὶ σοβαρώτερον· ἐδέησε δὲ διὰ τοῦτο μικροῦ καὶ φεύγειν τὴν κρίσιν ὁ Ἀλέξανδρος· ἀλλὰ παραθαρρύνων αὐτὸν ὁ μέγας Ἡρακλῆς ἐπέσχε. δεύτερος δὲ ἐπ᾽ ἐκεΊνῳ λέγειν ἔλαχεν Ἀλέξανδρος· ἐπὶ δὲ τῶν ἑξῆς [320] οἱ κλῆροι τοῖς ἑκάστου χρόνοις συμπροῆλθον. ἤρξατο οὖν ὁ Καῖσαρ ὡδί· Ἐμοὶ μέν, ὦ Ζεῦ καὶ θεοί, γενέσθαι ἐν τηλικαύτῃ [pg 376] συνέβη πόλει μετὰ τοσούτους ἄνδρας, ὥστε τὴν μὲν ὅσων οὐ πώποτε ἄλλη πόλις ἐβασίλευσε βασιλεύειν, ταῖς δὲ ἀγαπητὸν τὸ καὶ τὰ δεύτερα κομίσασθαι. τίς γὰρ πόλις ἀπὸ τρισχιλίων ἀνδρῶν ἀρξαμένη [B] ἐν οὐδὲ ὅλοις ἔτεσιν ἑξακοσίοις ἐπὶ γῆς ἦλθε πέρατα τοῖς ὄπλοις; ποῖα δὲ ἔθνη τοσούτους ἄνδρας ἀγαθούς τε καὶ πολεμικοὺς παρέσχετο καὶ νομοθετικούς; θεοὺς δὲ ἐτίμησαν οὕτω τίνες; ἐν δὴ τοσαύτῃ καὶ τηλικαύτῃ πόλει γενόμενος οὐ τοὺς κατ᾽ ἐμαυτὸν μόνον, ἀλλὰ καὶ τοὺς πώποτε παρῆλθον τοῖς ἔργοις. καὶ τῶν ἐμῶν μὲν πολιτῶν εὖ οἶδα ὡς οὐδεὶς ἀντιποιήσεταί μοι τῶν πρωτείων· [C] εἰ δὲ Ἀλέξανδρος οὑτοσὶ τολμᾷ, τίνα τῶν ἔργων τῶν ἑαυτοῦ τοῖς ἐμοῖς ἀξιοῖ παραβαλεῖν; ἴσως τὰ Περσικά, ὥσπερ οὐχ ἑορακὼς ἐγηγερμένα μοι τοσαῦτα κατὰ Πομπηίου τρόπαια; καίτοι τίς δεινότερος στρατηγὸς γέγονε, Δαρεῖος ἢ Πομπήιος; ποτέρῳ δὲ ἀνδρειότερον ἠκολούθει στρατόπεδον; τὰ μὲν οὖν μαχιμώτατα τῶν Δαρείῳ πρότερον [D] ὑπακουόντων ἐθνῶν ἐν τῇ Καρῶν μοίρᾳ Πομπήιος εἶχεν ἑπόμενα, τοὺς δὲ ἐκ τῆς Εὐρώπης, οἳ τὴν Ἀσίαν πολλάκις πόλεμον ἐπάγουσαν ἐτρέψαντο, καὶ τούτων αὐτῶν τοὺς ἀνδρειοτάτους, Ἰταλούς, Ἰλλυριούς, Κελτούς. ἀλλ᾽ ἐπειδὴ τῶν Κελτῶν ὑπεμνήσθην, ἆρα τοῖς Γετικοῖς ἔργοις Ἀλεξάνδρου τὴν τῆς Κελτικῆς ἀντιτάττομεν καθαίρεσιν; οὗτος ἅπαξ ἐπεραιώθη τὸν Ἴστρον, ἐγὼ δεύτερον τὸν Ῥῆνον· Γερμανικὸν αὖ τοῦτο τὸ ἐμὸν ἔργον. τούτῳ δὲ ἀντέστη μὲν [pg 378] οὐδὲ εἷς, [321] ἐγὼ πρὸς Ἀριόβιστον ἠγωνισάμην πρῶτος ἐτόλμησα Ῥωμαίων ἐπιβὴναι τῆς ἐκτὸς θαλάσσης. καὶ τοῦτο ἦν ἴσως τὸ ἔργον οὐ θαυμαστόν. καίτοι τὴν τόλμαν καὶ ταύτην ἄξιον θαυμάσαι· ἀλλὰ τὸ μεῖζόν μου, τὸ ἀποβῆναι τῆς νεὼς πρῶτον· καὶ τοὺς Ἑλβετίους σιωπῶ καὶ τὸ τῶν Ἰβήρων ἔθνος. οὐδενὸς ἔτι τῶν Γαλατικῶν ἐπεμνήσθην, πλεῖν[611] ἢ τριακοσίας ὑπαγαγόμενος πόλεις, ἀνδρῶν δὲ οὐκ ἐλάσσους ἢ διακοσίας μυριάδας. ὄντων δὲ τούτων μοι τοιούτων ἔργων, ἐκεῖνο μεῖζον ἦν καὶ τολμηρότερον. [B] ἐχρῆν γάρ με καὶ πρὸς αὐτοὺς διαγωνίζεσθαι τοὺς πολίτας καὶ κρατεῖν τῶν ἀμάχων καὶ ἀνικήτων Ῥωμαίων. εἴτε οὖν πλήθει τις κρίνει παρατάξεων, τρὶς τοσαυτάκις παρεταξάμην, ὁσάκις ὑπὲρ Ἀλεξάνδρου κομπάζουσιν οἱ τὰ περὶ αὐτοῦ σεμνοποιοῦντες, εἴτε πλήθει πόλεων αἰχμαλώτων, οὐ τῆς Ἀσίας μόνον, [C] ἀλλὰ καὶ τῆς Εὐρώπης τὰ πλεῖστα κατεστρεψάμην. Ἀλέξανδρος Αἴγυπτον ἐπῆλθε[612] θεωρῶν, ἐγὼ δὲ συμπόσια συγκροτῶν κατεπολέμησα. τὴν δὲ μετὰ τὸ κρατῆσαι πρᾳότητα βούλεσθε ἐξετάσαι τὴν παρ᾽ ἑκατέρῳ; ἐγὼ καὶ τοῖς πολεμίοις συνέγνων· ἔπαθον γοῦν ὑπ᾽ αὐτῶν ὅσα ἐμέλησε τῇ Δίκῃ· ὁ δὲ πρὸς τοῖς πολεμίοις οὐδὲ τῶν φίλων ἀπέσχετο. [D] ἔτι οὖν μοι περὶ τῶν πρωτείων ἀμφισβητεῖν οἷός τε ἔσῃ; καὶ οὐκ αὐτόθεν καὶ σὺ παραχωρήσεις μετὰ τῶν ἄλλων, ἀλλὰ ἀναγκάσεις με λέγειν, ὅπως σὺ μὲν ἐχρήσω πικρῶς Θηβαίοις, ἐγὼ δὲ τοῖς Ἑλβετίοις [pg 380] φιλανθρώπως; σὺ μὲν γὰρ ἐκείνων κατέκαυσας τὰς πόλεις, ἐγὼ δὲ τὰς ὑπὸ τῶν οἰκείων πολιτῶν κεκαυμένας πόλεις ἀνέστησα. καίτοι οὔτι ταὐτὸν[613] ἦν μυρίων Γραικῶν κρατῆσαι καὶ πεντεκαίδεκα μυριάδας ἐπιφερομένας ὑποστῆναι. [322] πολλὰ εἰπεῖν ἔχων ἔτι περὶ ἐμαυτοῦ καὶ τοῦδε, τῷ μὴ σχολὴν ἄγειν ἥκιστα τὸ λέγειν ἐξεμελέτησα. διόπερ χρὴ συγγνώμην ὑμᾶς ἔχειν, ἐκ δὲ τῶν εἰρημένων καὶ περὶ τῶν μὴ ῥηθέντων τὴν ἴσην καὶ δικαίαν ἐξέτασιν ποιουμένους ἀποδιδόναι μοι τὸ πρωτεῖον.

(While Hermes had been making this proclamation the lots were being drawn, and it happened that the first lot favoured Caesar's passion for being first. This made him triumphant and prouder than before. But the effect on Alexander was that he almost withdrew from the competition, had not mighty Heracles encouraged him and prevented him from leaving. Alexander drew the lot to speak second, but the lots of those who came next coincided with the order in which they had lived. Caesar then began as follows: “It was my fortune, O Zeus and ye other gods, to be born, following a number of great men, in a city so illustrious that she rules more subjects than any other city has ever ruled; and indeed other cities are well pleased to rank as second to her.[614] What other city, I ask, began with three thousand citizens and in less than six centuries carried her victorious arms to the ends of the earth? What other nations ever produced so many brave and warlike men or such lawgivers? What nation ever honoured the gods as they did? Observe then that, though I was born in a city so powerful and so illustrious, my achievements not only surpassed the men of my own day, but all the heroes who ever lived. As for my fellow-citizens I am confident that there is none who will challenge my superiority. But if Alexander here is so presumptuous, which of his deeds does he pretend to compare with mine? His Persian conquests, perhaps, as though he had never seen all those trophies that I gathered when I defeated Pompey! And pray, who was the more skilful general, Darius or Pompey? Which of them led the bravest troops? Pompey had in his army the most martial of the nations formerly subject to Darius,[615] but he reckoned them no better than Carians,[616] for he led also those European forces which had often repulsed all Asia when she invaded Europe, aye and he had the bravest of them all, Italians, Illyrians, and Celts. And since I have mentioned the Celts, shall we compare the exploits of Alexander against the Getae with my conquest of Gaul? He crossed the Danube once, I crossed the Rhine twice. The German conquest again is all my doing. No one opposed Alexander, but I had to contend against Ariovistus. I was the first Roman who ventured to sail the outer sea.[617] Perhaps this achievement was not so wonderful, though it was a daring deed that may well command your admiration; but a more glorious action of mine was when I leapt ashore from my ship before all the others.[618] Of the Helvetians and Iberians I say nothing. And still I have said not a word about my campaigns in Gaul, when I conquered more than three hundred cities and no less than two million men! But great as were these achievements of mine, that which followed was still greater and more daring. For I had to contend against my fellow citizens themselves, and to subdue the invincible, the unconquerable Romans. Again, if we are judged by the number of our battles, I fought three times as many as Alexander, even reckoning by the boasts of those who embellish his exploits. If one counts the cities captured, I reduced the greatest number, not only in Asia but in Europe as well. Alexander only visited Egypt as a sight-seer, but I conquered her while I was arranging drinking-parties. Are you pleased to inquire which of us showed more clemency after victory? I forgave even my enemies, and for what I suffered in consequence at their hands Justice has taken vengeance. But Alexander did not even spare his friends, much less his enemies. And are you still capable of disputing the first prize with me? Then since you will not, like the others, yield place to me, you compel me to say that whereas I was humane towards the Helvetians you treated the Thebans cruelly. You burned their cities to the ground, but I restored the cities that had been burned by their own inhabitants. And indeed it was not at all the same thing to subdue ten thousand Greeks, and to withstand the onset of a hundred and fifty thousand men. Much more could I add both about myself and Alexander, but I have not had leisure to practise public speaking. Wherefore you ought to pardon me, but from what I have said and with regard to what I have not said, you ought, forming that decision which equity and justice require, to award me the first prize.”)

Τοιαῦτα εἰπόντος τοῦ Καίσαρος καὶ λέγειν ἔτι βουλομένου, μόγις καὶ πρότερον ὁ Ἀλέξανδρος καρτερῶν οὐκέτι κατέσχεν, ἀλλὰ μετά τινος ταραχῆς καὶ ἀγωνίας, [B] Ἐγὼ δέ, εἶπεν, ὦ Ζεῦ καὶ θεοί, μέχρι τίνος ἀνέξομαι σιωπῇ τῆς θρασύτητος τῆς τούτου; πέρας γὰρ οὐδέν ἐστιν, ὡς ὁρᾶτε, οὔτε τῶν εἰς αὑτὸν ἐπαίνων οὔτε τῶν εἰς ἐμὲ βλασφημιῶν. ἐχρῆν δὲ ἴσως μάλιστα μὲν ἀμφοῖν φείδεσθαι· καί γὰρ εἶναί πως ἀμφότερα δοκεῖ παραπλησίως ἐπαχθῆ· πλέον δὲ τοῦ τἀμὰ διασύρειν ἄλλως τε καὶ μιμητὴν αὐτῶν γενόμενον. ὁ δὲ εἰς τοῦτο ἦλθεν ἀναισχυντίας, [C] ὥστε τολμῆσαι τὰ ἀρχέτυπα κωμῳδεῖν τῶν ἑαυτοῦ ἔργων. ἐχρῆν δέ, ὦ Καῖσαρ, ὑπομνησθῆναί σε τῶν δακρύων ἐκείνων, ἃ τότε ἀφῆκας, ἀκροώμενος τῶν ὑπομνημάτων, ὅσα πεποίηται περὶ τῶν ἐμῶν πράξεων. ἀλλ᾽ ὁ Πομπήιος ἐπῆρέ σε μετὰ τοῦτο, κολακευθεὶς μὲν παρὰ τῶν πολιτῶν τῶν ἑαυτοῦ, γενόμενος δὲ οὐδεὶς οὐδαμοῦ. [D] τὸ μὲν γὰρ ἀπὸ Λιβύης θριαμβεῦσαι, οὐ μέγα ἔργον, [pg 382] ὀνομαστότατον ἐποίησεν ἡ τῶν τότε ὑπάτων μαλακία. τὸν δουλικὸν δὲ ἐκεῖνον πόλεμον, οὐδὲ πρὸς ἄνδρας γενόμενον, ἀλλὰ πρὸς τοὺς χειρίστους τῶν οἰκετῶν, ἄλλοι μὲν κατειργάσαντο, Κράσσοι καὶ Λούκιοι, τοὔνομα δὲ καὶ τὴν ἐπιγραφὴν ἔσχε Πομπήιος. Ἀρμενίαν δὲ καὶ τὰ πρόσοικα ταύτης κατεπολέμησε Λούκουλλος, ἐθριάμβευσε δὲ ἀπὸ τούτων Πομπήιος. [323] εἶτ᾽ ἐκολάκευσαν αὐτὸν οἱ πολῖται καὶ Μέγαν ὠνόμασαν, ὄντα τίνος τῶν πρὸ ἑαυτοῦ μείζονα; τί γὰρ ἐκείνῳ τοσοῦτον ἐπράχθη, ἡλίκον Μαρίῳ ἢ Σκηπίωσι τοῖς δύο ἢ τῷ παρὰ τὸν Κυρῖνον τουτονὶ Φουρίῳ, ὃς μικροῦ συμπεσοῦσαν τὴν τούτου πόλιν ἀνέστησεν; οὗτοι γὰρ οὐκ ἀλλοτρίοις ἔργοις, ὥσπερ ἐν πολιτικαῖς οἰκοδομίαις καὶ δαπανήμασιν ὑπ᾽ ἄλλων καταβληθείσαις [B] καὶ ἐπιτελεσθείσαις ἕτερος ἄρχων ἐπεγράφη μικρὰ κονιάσας τὸν τοῖχον, οὕτω ταῖς ἀλλοτρίαις ἐπεγράφησαν πράξεσιν· ἀρχιτέκτονες δὲ αὐτοὶ καὶ δημιουργοὶ γενόμενοι τῶν καλλίστων ἠξιώθησαν ὀνομάτων. οὐδὲν οὖν θαυμαστόν, εἰ κεκράτηκας Πομπηίου δακτύλῳ κνωμένου καὶ τἆλλα ἀλώπεκος μᾶλλον ἢ λέοντος. [pg 384] ἐπειδὴ γὰρ αὐτὸν ἡ τύχη προύδωκεν, ἣ τὸν ἔμπροσθεν χρόνον αὐτῷ παρειστήκει, ταχέως ἐκράτησας μόνου. καὶ ὅτι δεινότητι μὲν οὐδεμιᾷ κρείττων ἐγένου, [C] φανερόν· καὶ γὰρ ἐν ἐνδείᾳ γεγονὼς[619] τῶν ἐπιτηδείων· ἔστι δὲ οὐ μικρόν, ὡς οἶσθα, τοῦτο ἁμάρτημα στρατηγοῦ· καὶ μάχῃ συμβαλὼν ἡττήθης. εἰ δὲ Πομπήιος ὑπ᾽ ἀφροσύνης τε καὶ ἀνοίας ἢ τοῦ μὴ δύνασθαι τῶν πολιτῶν ἄρχειν οὔτε, ἡνίκα ἔδει τρίβειν τὸν πόλεμον, ὑπερετίθετο τὴν μάχην οὔτε τῇ νίκῃ[620] νικῶν ἐπεξῄει, ὑπὸ τοῖς οἰκείοις ἁμαρτήμασι [D] καὶ οὐχ ὑπὸ τοῖς σοῖς ἐσφάλη στρατηγήμασι.

(When Caesar had spoken to this effect he still wished to go on talking, but Alexander, who had with difficulty restrained himself hitherto, now lost patience, and with some agitation and combativeness: “But I,” said he, “O Jupiter and ye other gods, how long must I endure in silence the insolence of this man? There is, as you see, no limit to his praise of himself or his abuse of me. It would have better become him perhaps to refrain from both, since both are alike insupportable, but especially from disparaging my conduct, the more since he imitated it. But he has arrived at such a pitch of impudence that he dares to ridicule the model of his own exploits. Nay, Caesar, you ought to have remembered those tears you shed on hearing of the monuments that had been consecrated to my glorious deeds.[621] But since then Pompey has inflated you with pride, Pompey who though he was the idol of his countrymen was in fact wholly insignificant. Take his African triumph: that was no great exploit, but the feebleness of the consuls in office made it seem glorious. Then the famous Servile War[622] was waged not against men but the vilest of slaves, and its successful issue was due to others, I mean Crassus and Lucius,[623] though Pompey gained the reputation and the credit for it. Again, Armenia and the neighbouring provinces were conquered by Lucullus,[624] yet for these also Pompey triumphed. Then he became the idol of the citizens and they called him ‘the Great.’ Greater, I ask, than whom of his predecessors? What achievement of his can be compared with those of Marius[625] or of the two Scipios or of Furius,[626] who sits over there by Quirinus because he rebuilt his city when it was almost in ruins? Those men did not make their reputation at the expense of others, as happens with public buildings built at the public expense; I mean that one man lays the foundation, another finishes the work, while the last man who is in office though he has only whitewashed the walls has his name inscribed on the building.[627] Not thus, I repeat, did those men gain credit for the deeds of others. They were themselves the creators and artificers of their schemes and deserved their illustrious titles. Well then, it is no wonder that you vanquished Pompey, who used to scratch his head with his finger-tip[628] and in all respects was more of a fox than a lion. When he was deserted by Fortune who had so long favoured him, you easily overcame him, thus unaided. And it is evident that it was not to any superior ability of yours that you owed your victory, since after running short of provisions[629]—no small blunder for a general to make, as I need not tell you—you fought a battle and were beaten. And if from imprudence or lack of judgment or inability to control his countrymen Pompey neither postponed a battle when it was his interest to protract the war, nor followed up a victory when he had won,[630] it was due to his own errors that he failed, and not to your strategy.)

Πέρσαι δὲ πανταχοῦ καλῶς καὶ φρονίμως παρεσκευασμένοι πρὸς τὴν ἡμετέραν ἀλκὴν ἐνέδοσαν. ἐπεὶ δὲ οὐ τοὺ πράττειν ἁπλῶς, ἀλλὰ καὶ τοῦ τὰ δίκαια πράττειν ἄνδρα ἄριστον καὶ βασιλέα προσήκει μεταποιεῖσθαι, ἐγὼ μὲν ὑπὲρ τῶν Ἑλλήνων τοὺς Πέρσας ἀπῄτησα δίκην, καὶ τοὺς Ἑλληνικοὺς πολέμους ἐπανειλόμην, οὐχὶ τὴν Ἑλλάδα λυπεῖν βουλόμενος, ἀλλὰ τοὺς κωλύοντάς με διαβαίνειν καὶ δίκας ἀπαιτεῖν τὸν Πέρσην ἐπικόπτων. [324] σὺ δὲ τοὺς Γερμανοὺς καὶ Γαλάτας κατεπολέμησας, ἐπὶ τὴν πατρίδα τὴν σεαυτοῦ παρασκευαζόμενος, οὗ τί γένοιτ᾽ ἂν χεῖρον ἢ μιαρώτερον; ἐπεὶ δὲ ὥσπερ διασύρων τῶν μυρίων ἐμνημόνευσας Γραικῶν, ὅτι μὲν καὶ ὑμεῖς ἐντεῦθεν γεγόνατε καὶ τὰ πλεῖστα τῆς Ἰταλίας ὤκησαν οἱ Γραικοί, καίπερ εἰδὼς ὅμως οὐ παραδέχομαι. τούτων δὲ αὐτῶν ὀλίγον ἔθνος, Αἰτωλοὺς [pg 386] λέγω τοὺς παροικοῦντας ἡμῖν, [B] οὐ φίλους μὲν ἔχειν καὶ συμμάχους ἐποιήσασθε περὶ πολλοῦ, πολεμωθέντας δὲ ὑμῖν ὕστερον δι᾽ ἁσδήποτε αἰτίας οὐκ ἀκινδύνως ὑπακούειν ὑμῖν ἠναγκάσατε; οἱ δὲ πρὸς τὸ γῆρας, ὡς ἂν εἴποι τισ, τῆς Ἑλλάδος, καὶ οὐδὲ πάσης, ἀλλ᾽ ἔθνους μικροῦ, ἡνίκα ἤκμαζε τὸ Ἑλληνικόν, οὐδ᾽ ὅτι ἔστι γιγνωσκομένου, μικροῦ δέω φάναι, μόγις ἀρκέσαντες, τίνες ἂν ἐγένεσθε, [C] εἰ πρὸς ἀκμάζοντας καὶ ὁμονοοῦντας τοὺς Ἕλληνας πολεμεῖν ὑμᾶς ἐδέησεν; ἐπεὶ καὶ Πύρρου διαβάντος ἐφ᾽ ὑμᾶς ἴστε ὅπως ἐπτήξατε. εἰ δὲ τὸ Περσῶν κρατῆσαι μικρὸν νομίζεις καὶ τὸ τηλικοῦτον ἔργον διασύρεις, ὀλίγης πάνυ τῆς ὑπὲρ τὸν Τίγρητα ποταμὸν ὑπὸ Παρθυαίων βασιλευομένης χώρας, ἔτη πλέον ἢ τριακόσια πολεμοῦντες, λέγε μοι, δι᾽ ἣν αἰτίαν οὐκ ἐκρατήσατε; [D] βούλει σοι φράσω; τὰ Περσῶν ὑμᾶς εἶρξε βέλη. φρασάτω δέ σοι περὶ αὐτῶν Ἀντώνιος[631] ὁ παιδοτριβηθεὶς ἐπὶ στρατηγίᾳ παρὰ σοῦ. ἐγὼ δὲ ἐν οὐδὲ ὅλοις ἐνιαυτοῖς δέκα πρὸς τούτοις καὶ Ἰνδῶν γέγονα κύριος. εἶτ᾽ ἐμοὶ τολμᾷς ἀμφισβητεῖν, ὃς ἐκ παιδαρίου στρατηγῶν ἔργα ἔπραξα τηλικαῦτα, ὥστε τὴν μνήμην, καίπερ οὐκ ἀξίως ὑπὸ τῶν συγγραφέων ὑμνηθέντων, ὅμως[632] συμπαραμένειν τῷ βίῳ. [325] καθάπερ τῶν τοῦ Καλλινίκου, τοὐμοῦ βασιλέως, οὗ θεράπων ἐγὼ καὶ ζηλωτὴς ἐγενόμην, Ἀχιλλεῖ μὲν ἁμιλλώμενος τῷ προγόνῳ, Ἡρακλέα δὲ θαυμάζων καὶ ἑπόμενος, ἅτε δὴ κατ᾽ ἴχνος θεοῦ ἄνθρωπος.

(“The Persians, on the contrary, though on all occasions they were well and wisely equipped, had to submit to my valour. And since it becomes a virtuous man and a king to pride himself not merely on his exploits but also on the justice of those exploits, it was on behalf of the Greeks that I took vengeance on the Persians, and when I made war on the Greeks it was not because I wished to injure Greece, but only to chastise those who tried to prevent me from marching through and from calling the Persians to account. You, however, while you subdued the Germans and Gauls were preparing to fight against your fatherland. What could be worse or more infamous? And since you have alluded as though insultingly to ‘ten thousand Greeks,’ I am aware that you Romans are yourselves descended from the Greeks, and that the greater part of Italy was colonised by Greeks; however on that fact I do not insist. But at any rate did not you Romans think it very important to have as friends and allies one insignificant tribe of those very Greeks, I mean the Aetolians, my neighbours? And later, when you had gone to war with them for whatever reason, did you not have great trouble in making them obey you? Well then, if in the old age, as one may say, of Greece, you were barely able to reduce not the whole nation but an insignificant state which was hardly heard of when Greece was in her prime, what would have happened to you if you had had to contend against the Greeks when they were in full vigour and united? You know how cowed you were when Pyrrhus crossed to invade you. And if you think the conquest of Persia such a trifle and disparage an achievement so glorious, tell me why, after a war of more than three hundred years, you Romans have never conquered a small province beyond the Tigris which is still governed by the Parthians? Shall I tell you why? It was the arrows of the Persians that checked you. Ask Antony to give you an account of them, since he was trained for war by you. I, on the other hand, in less than ten years conquered not only Persia but India too. After that do you dare to dispute the prize with me, who from childhood have commanded armies, whose exploits have been so glorious that the memory of them—though they have not been worthily recounted by historians—will nevertheless live for ever, like those of the Invincible Hero,[633] my king, whose follower I was, on whom I modelled myself? Achilles my ancestor I strove to rival, but Heracles I ever admired and followed, so far as a mere man may follow in the footsteps of a god.)

Ὅσα μὲν οὖν ἐχρῆν, ὦ θεοί, πρὸς τοῦτον ἀπολογήσασθαι· καίτοι κρεῖττον ἦν ὑπεριδεῖν αὐτοῦ· εἴρηται. [B] εἰ δέ τι πικρὸν ὑφ᾽ ἡμῶν ἐπράχθη, οὔτι παντάπασιν εἰς ἀναιτίους ἀνθρώπους, ἀλλὰ ἢ πολλάκις καὶ ἐπὶ πολλοῖς προσκρούσαντας ἢ τῷ καιρῷ μὴ καλῶς μηδὲ πρεπόντως χρησαμένους, ἠκολούθησε γοῦν ἐπὶ μὲν τοῖς διὰ τὸν καιρὸν ἐξαμαρτηθεῖσιν ἡ μεταμέλεια, σώφρων πάνυ καὶ τῶν ἐξημαρτηκότων σώτειρα δαίμων, [C] τοὺς δὲ ὥσπερ φιλοτιμουμένους ἐπὶ τῷ πολλάκις ἀπεχθάνεσθαι καὶ προσκρούειν οὐδὲν ᾤμην ἄδικον ποιεῖν κολάζων.

(“Thus much, ye gods, I was bound to say in my own defence against this man; though indeed it would have been better to ignore him. And if some things I did seemed cruel, I never was so to the innocent, but only to those who had often and in many ways thwarted me and had made no proper or fitting use of their opportunities. And even my offences against these, which were due to the emergency of the time, were followed by Remorse, that very wise and divine preserver of men who have erred. As for those whose ambition it was to show their enmity continually and to thwart me, I considered that I was justified in chastising them.”)

Ἐπεὶ δὲ εἴρητο καὶ τούτῳ στρατιωτικώτερον ὁ λόγος, ἐπὶ τὸν Ὀκταβιανὸν τὴν ὑδρίαν ἔφερεν ὁ τοῦ Ποσειδῶνος θεράπων, ἐπιμετρῶν αὐτῷ τοῦ ὕδατος ἔλασσον διὰ τὸν καιρόν, ἄλλως τε καὶ μνησικακῶν αὐτῷ τῆς εἰς τὸν θεὸν ὑπερηφανίας. [D] καὶ ὃς ἐπειδὴ συνῆκεν ὑπὸ ἀγχινοίας, ἀφεὶς τὸ λέγειν τι περὶ τῶν ἀλλοτρίων, Ἐγὼ δέ, εἶπεν. ὦ Ζεῦ καὶ θεοί, τοῦ διασύρειν μὲν τὰ τῶν ἄλλων ἔργα καὶ μικρὰ ποιεῖν ἀφέξομαι, περὶ δὲ τῶν ἐμαυτοῦ τὸν πάντα ποιήσομαι λόγον. νέος προύστην τῆς ἐμαυτοῦ πόλεως ὥσπερ οὗτος ὁ γενναῖος Ἀλέξανδρος, κατώρθωσα δὲ Γερμανικοὺς πολέμους ὥσπερ [326] ὁ ἐμὸς πατὴρ οὑτοσὶ Καῖσαρ. συμπλακεὶς δὲ τοῖς ἐμφυλίοις ἀγῶσιν Αἴγυπτον μὲν περὶ τὸ Ἄκτιον κατεναυμάχησα, Βροῦτον δὲ καὶ Κάσσιον περὶ τοὺς Φιλίππους κατεπολέμησα, καὶ τὸν Πομπηίου παῖδα Σέξτον πάρεργον [pg 390] ἐθέμην τῆς ἐμαυτοῦ στρατηγίας. οὕτω δὲ παρέσχον ἐμαυτὸν τῇ φιλοσοφίᾳ χειροήθη, ὥστε καὶ τῆς Ἀθηνοδώρου παρρησίας ἠνεσχόμην, οὐκ ἀγανακτῶν, ἀλλ᾽ εὐφραινόμενος ἐπ᾽ αὐτῇ, [B] καὶ τὸν ἄνδρα καθάπερ παιδαγωγὸν ἢ πατέρα μᾶλλον αἰδούμενος. Ἄρειον δὲ καὶ φίλον καὶ συμβιωτὴν ἐπιγράφομαι, καὶ ὅλως οὐδέν ἐστιν ὑφ᾽ ἡμῶν εἰς τὴν φιλοσοφίαν ἁμαρτηθέν. ὑπὸ δὲ τῶν ἐμφυλίων στάσεων τὴν Ῥώμην ὁρῶν εἰς τὸν[634] ἔσχατον ἐλαύνουσαν πολλάκις κίνδυνον οὕτω διεθέμην τὰ περὶ αὐτήν, ὥστε εἶναι, εἰ μὴ δι᾽ ὑμᾶς, [C] ὦ θεοί, τὸ λοιπὸν ἀδαμαντίνην. οὐ γὰρ ταῖς ἀμέτροις ἐπιθυμίαις εἴκων ἐπικτᾶσθαι πάντως αὐτῇ διενοήθην, ὅρια δὲ διττά, ὥσπερ ὑπὸ τῆς φύσεως ἀποδεδειγμένα,[635] Ἴστρον καὶ Εὐφράτην ποταμοὺς ἐθέμην. εἶτα ὑποτάξας τὸ Σκυθῶν καὶ Θρᾳκῶν ἔθνος, ἐπιμετρούντων ὑμῶν τῆς βασιλείας μοι τὸν χρόνον, οὐ πόλεμον ἄλλον ἐξ ἄλλου περιεσκόπουν, ἀλλὰ εἰς νομοθεσίαν καὶ τῶν ἐκ τοῦ πολέμου [D] συμφορῶν ἐπανόρθωσιν τὴν σχολὴν διετιθέμην, οὐδενὸς νομίζων τῶν πρὸ ἐμαυτοῦ χεῖρον βεβουλεῦσθαι, μᾶλλον δέ, εἰ χρὴ θαρρήσαντα φάναι, κρεῖσσον τῶν πώποτε τηλικαύτας ἡγεμονίας ἐπιτροπευσάντων. οἱ μὲν γὰρ ταῖς στρατηγίαις ἐναπέθανον, ἐξὸν λοιπὸν ἡσυχάζειν[636] καὶ μὴ στρατεύεσθαι, πολέμους ἐκ πολέμων ἑαυτοῖς, ὥσπερ οἱ φιλοπράγμονες δίκας κατασκευάζοντες· [327] οἱ δὲ καὶ πολεμούμενοι τῇ τρυφῇ προσεῖχον, οὐ μόνον τῆς μετὰ ταῦτα εὐκλείας τὴν [pg 392] αἰσχρὰν τρυφὴν προτιμῶντες, ἀλλὰ καὶ τῆς σωτηρίας αὐτῆς. ἐγὼ μὲν οὖν ταῦτα διανοούμενος οὐκ ἀξιῶ τῆς χείρονος ἐμαυτὸν μερίδος· ὅ, τι δ᾽ ἂν ὑμῖν, ὦ θεοί, φαίνηται, τοῦτο εἰκός ἐστιν ἐμὲ δήπουθεν στέργειν.

(When Alexander in his turn had made his speech in martial fashion, Poseidon's attendant carried the water-clock to Octavian, but gave him a smaller allowance of water, partly because time was precious, but still more because he bore him a grudge for the disrespect he had shown to the god.[637] Octavian with his usual sagacity understood this, so without stopping to say anything that did not concern himself, he began: “For my part, Zeus and ye other gods, I shall not stay to disparage and belittle the actions of others, but shall speak only of what concerns myself. Like the noble Alexander here I was but a youth when I was called to govern my country. Like Caesar yonder, my father,[638] I conducted successful campaigns against the Germans. When I became involved in civil dissensions I conquered Egypt in a sea-fight off Actium; I defeated Brutus and Cassius at Philippi: the defeat of Sextus, Pompey's son, was a mere incident in my campaign. I showed myself so gentle to the guidance of philosophy that I even put up with the plain speaking of Athenodorus,[639] and instead of resenting it I was delighted with it and revered the man as my preceptor, or rather as though he were my own father. Areius[640] I counted my friend and close companion, and in short I was never guilty of any offence against philosophy. But since I saw that more than once Rome had been brought to the verge of ruin by internal quarrels, I so administered her affairs as to make her strong as adamant for all time, unless indeed, O ye gods, you will otherwise. For I did not give way to boundless ambition and aim at enlarging her empire at all costs, but assigned for it two boundaries defined as it were by nature herself, the Danube and the Euphrates. Then after conquering the Scythians and Thracians I did not employ the long reign that you gods vouchsafed me in making projects for war after war, but devoted my leisure to legislation and to reforming the evils that war had caused. For in this I thought that I was no less well advised than my predecessors, or rather, if I may make bold to say so, I was better advised than any who have ever administered so great an empire. For some of these, when they might have remained quiet and not taken the field, kept making one war an excuse for the next, like quarrelsome people and their lawsuits; and so they perished in their campaigns. Others when they had a war on their hands gave themselves up to indulgence, and preferred such base indulgence not only to future glory but even to their personal safety. When I reflect on all this I do not think myself entitled to the lowest place. But whatever shall seem good to you, O ye gods, it surely becomes me to accept with a good grace.”)

Δίδοται μετὰ τοῦτον τῷ Τραïανῷ τοῦ λέγειν ἐξουσία. ὁ δέ, καίπερ δυνάμενος λέγειν, ὑπὸ ῥᾳθυμίας· [B] ἐπιτρέπειν γὰρ εἰώθει τὰ πολλὰ τῷ Σούρᾳ γράφειν ὑπὲρ αὑτοῦ· φθεγγόμενος μᾶλλον ἢ λέγων, ἐπεδείκνυεν αὐτοῖς τό τε Γετικὸν καὶ τὸ Παρθικὸν τρόπαιον. ᾐτιᾶτο δὲ τὸ γῆρας ὡς οὐκ ἐπιτρέψαν αὐτῷ τοῖς Παρθικοῖς πράγμασιν ἐπεξελθεῖν. καὶ ὁ Σειληνός, Ἀλλ᾽, ὦ μάταιε, ἔφη, εἴκοσι βεβασίλευκας ἔτη, Ἀλέξανδρος δὲ οὑτοσὶ δώδεκα. τί οὖν ἀφεὶς αἰτιᾶσθαι τὴν σαυτοῦ τρυφὴν τὴν τοῦ χρόνου μέμφῃ στενότητα; παροξυνθεὶς οὖν ὑπὸ τοῦ σκώμματος, [C] οὐδὲ γὰρ ἦν ἔξω τοῦ δύνασθαι ῥητορεύειν, ὑπὸ δὲ τῆς φιλοποσίας ἀμβλύτερος ἑαυτοῦ πολλάκις ἦν, Ἐγὼ δέ, εἶπεν, ὦ Ζεῦ καὶ θεοί, τὴν ἀρχὴν παραλαβὼν ναρκῶσαν ὥσπερ καὶ διαλελυμένην ὑπό τε τῆς οἴκοι πολὺν χρόνον ἐπικρατησάσης τυραννίδος καὶ τῆς τῶν Γετῶν ὕβρεως, [D] μόνος ὑπὲρ τὸν Ἴστρον ἐτόλμησα προσλαβεῖν ἔθνη, καὶ τὸ Γετῶν ἔθνος ἐξεῖλον, οἳ τῶν πώποτε μαχιμώτατοι γεγόνασιν, οὐχ ὑπὸ ἀνδρείας μόνον τοῦ σώματος, ἀλλὰ καὶ ὧν ἔπεισεν αὐτοὺς ὁ τιμώμενος παρ᾽ αὐτοῖς Ζάμολξις. οὐ γὰρ ἀποθνήσκειν, ἀλλὰ μετοικίζεσθαι νομίζοντες ἑτοιμότερον αὐτὸ ποιοῦσιν ἢ ἄλλοι[641] τὰς ἀποδημίας ὑπομένουσιν. ἐπράχθη δέ μοι τὸ [pg 394] ἔργον τοῦτο ἐν ἐνιαυτοῖς ἴσως που πέντε. πάντων δὲ [328] ὅτι τῶν πρὸ ἐμαυτοῦ[642] γεγονότων αὐτοκρατόρων ὤφθην τοῖς ὑπηκόοις πρᾳότατος καὶ οὔτε Καῖσαρ οὑτοσὶ περὶ τούτων ἀμφισβητήσειεν ἄν μοι οὔτ᾽ ἄλλος οὐδὲ εἷς, εὔδηλόν ἐστί που. πρὸς Παρθυαίους δέ, πρὶν μὲν ἀδικεῖσθαι παρ᾽ αὐτῶν, οὐκ ᾤμην δεῖν χρῆσθαι τοῖς ὅπλοις· ἀδικοῦσι δὲ ἐπεξῆλθον οὐδὲν ὑπὸ τῆς ἡλικίας κωλυθείς, καίτοι διδόντων μοι τῶν νόμων τὸ μὴ στρατεύεσθαι. τούτων δὴ τοιούτων ὄντων, [B] ἆρ᾽ οὐχὶ καὶ τιμᾶσθαι πρὸ τῶν ἄλλων εἰμὶ δίκαιος, πρᾷος μὲν πρὸς τοὺς ὑπηκόους, φοβερὸς δὲ πρὸς τοὺς πολεμίους διαφερόντως γενόμενος, αἰδεσθεὶς δὲ καὶ τὴν ὑμετέραν ἔκγονον[643] φιλοσοφίαν; τοιαῦτα ὁ Τραïανὸς εἰπὼν ἐδόκει τῇ πρᾳότητι πάντων κρατεῖν, καὶ δῆλοί πως ἦσαν οἱ θεοὶ μάλιστα ἡσθέντες ἐπὶ τούτῳ.

(Trajan was allowed to speak next. Though he had some talent for oratory he was so lazy that he had been in the habit of letting Sura write most of his speeches for him; so he shouted rather than spoke, and meanwhile displayed to the gods his Getic and Parthian trophies, while he accused his old age of not having allowed him to extend his Parthian conquests. “You cannot take us in,” said Silenus; “you reigned twenty years and Alexander here only twelve. Why then do you not put it down to your own love of ease, instead of complaining of your short allowance of time?” Stung by the taunt, since he was not deficient in eloquence, though intemperance often made him seem more stupid than he was, Trajan began again. “O Zeus and ye other gods, when I took over the empire it was in a sort of lethargy and much disordered by the tyranny that had long prevailed at home, and by the insolent conduct of the Getae. I alone ventured to attack the tribes beyond the Danube, and I subdued the Getae, the most warlike race that ever existed, which is due partly to their physical courage, partly to the doctrines that they have adopted from their admired Zamolxis.[644] For they believe that they do not die but only change their place of abode, and they meet death more readily than other men undertake a journey. Yet I accomplished that task in a matter of five years or so. That of all the Emperors who came before me[645] I was regarded as the mildest in the treatment of my subjects, is, I imagine, obvious, and neither Caesar here nor any other will dispute it with me. Against the Parthians I thought I ought not to employ force until they had put themselves in the wrong, but when they did so I marched against them, undeterred by my age, though the laws would have allowed me to quit the service. Since then the facts are as I have said, do I not deserve to be honoured before all the rest, first because I was so mild to my subjects, secondly because more than others I inspired terror in my country's foes, thirdly because I revered your daughter divine Philosophy?” When Trajan had finished this speech the gods decided that he excelled all the rest in clemency; and evidently this was a virtue peculiarly pleasing to them.)

Τοῦ Μάρκου δὲ ἀρχομένου λέγειν, ὁ Σειληνὸς ἠρέμα πρὸς τὸν Διόνυσον, [C] Ἀκούσωμεν, ἔφη, τοῦ Στωικοῦ τουτουί, τί ποτε ἄρα τῶν παραδόξων ἐκείνων ἐρεῖ καὶ τεραστίων δογμάτων. ὁ δὲ ἀποβλέψας πρὸς τὸν Δία καὶ τοὺς θεούς, Ἀλλ᾽ ἔμοιγε, εἶπεν, ὦ Ζεῦ καὶ θεοί, λόγων οὐδὲν δεῖ καὶ ἀγῶνος. εἰ μὲν γὰρ ἠγνοεῖτε τἀμά, προσῆκον ἦν ἐμοὶ διδάσκειν ὑμᾶς· ἐπεὶ δὲ ἴστε καὶ λέληθεν ὑμᾶς τῶν ἁπάντων οὐδέν, [D] αὐτοί μοι τιμᾶτε τῆς ἀξίας. ἔδοξε δὴ οὖν ὁ Μάρκος τά τε ἄλλα [pg 396] θαυμάσιός τις εἶναι καὶ σοφὸς διαφερόντως ἅτε οἶμαι διαγινώσκων,

(When Marcus Aurelius began to speak, Silenus whispered to Dionysus, “Let us hear which one of his paradoxes and wonderful doctrines this Stoic will produce.” But Marcus turned to Zeus and the other gods and said, “It seems to me, O Zeus and ye other gods, that I have no need to make a speech or to compete. If you did not know all that concerns me it would indeed be fitting for me to inform you. But since you know it and nothing at all is hidden from you, do you of your own accord assign me such honour as I deserve.” Thus Marcus showed that admirable as he was in other respects he was wise also beyond the rest, because he knew)

Λέγειν θ᾽ ὅπου χρὴ καὶ σιγᾶν ὅπου καλόν.

(“When it is time to speak and when to be silent.”[646])

Τῷ Κωνσαταντίνῳ μετὰ τοῦτον λέγειν ἐπέτρεπον. ὁ δὲ πρότερον μὲν ἐθάρρει τὴν ἀγωνίαν. ὡς δὲ ἀπέβλεπεν εἰς τὰ τῶν ἄλλων ἔργα, μικρὰ παντάπασιν εἶδε τὰ ἑαυτοῦ. [329] δύο γὰρ τυράννους, εἴ γε χρὴ τἀληθῆ φάναι, καθῃρήκει, τὸν μὲν ἀπόλεμον τε καὶ μαλακόν, τὸν δὲ ἄθλιόν τε καὶ διὰ τὸ γῆρας ἀσθενῆ,[647] ἀμφοτέρω δὲ θεοῖς τε καὶ ἀνθρώποις ἐχθίστω. τά γε μὴν εἰς τοὺς βαρβάρους ἦν γελοῖα αὐτῷ· φόρους γὰρ ὥσπερ ἐτετελέκαι,[648] καὶ πρὸς τὴν Τρυφὴν ἀφεώρα· πόρρω δὲ εἱστήκει τῶν θεῶν αὕτη περὶ τὰ πρόθυρα τῆς Σελήνης· ἐρωτικῶς τε οὖν εἶχεν αὐτῆς, καὶ ὅλος πρὸς ἐκείνην [B] βλέπων οὐδὲν ἔμελεν αὐτῷ περὶ τῆς νίκης.[649] ἐπεὶ δὲ ἐχρῆν καὶ αὐτὸν εἰπεῖν τι, Ταύτῃ τούτων κρείττων, ἔφη, εἰμί, τοῦ Μακεδόνος μέν, ὅτι πρὸς Ῥωμαίους καὶ τὰ Γερμανικὰ καὶ Σκυθικὰ γένη καὶ οὐχὶ πρὸς τοὺς Ἀσιανοὺς βαρβάρους ἠγωνισάμην, Καίσαρος δὲ καὶ Ὀκταβιανοῦ τῷ μή, καθάπερ οὗτοι, πρὸς καλοὺς κἀγαθοὺς πολίτας στασιάσαι, τοῖς μιαρωτάτοις δὲ καὶ πονηροτάτοις τῶν τυράννων ἐπεξελθεῖν. [C] Τραïανοῦ δὲ τοῖς μὲν κατὰ τῶν τυράννων ἀνδραγαθήμασιν εἰκότως ἂν προτιμηθείην, τῷ δὲ ἣν οὗτος προσεκτήσατο χώραν ἀναλαβεῖν ἴσος ἂν οὐκ ἀπεικότως νομιζοίμην, εἰ μὴ καὶ μεῖζον ἐστι [pg 398] τὸ ἀνακτήσασθαι τοῦ κτήσασθαι. Μάρκος δὲ οὑτοσὶ σιωπῶν ὑπὲρ αὑτοῦ πᾶσιν ἡμῖν τῶν πρωτείων ἐξίσταται. καὶ ὁ Σειληνός, Ἀλλ᾽ ἦ τοὺς Ἀδώνιδος κήπους ὡς ἔργα ἡμῖν, ὦ Κωνσταντῖνε, σεαυτοῦ προφέρεις; τί δέ, εἶπεν, εἰσὶν οὓς λέγεις Ἀδώνιδος κήπους; [D] οὓς αἱ γυναῖκες, ἔφη, τῷ τῆς Ἀφροδίτης ἀνδρὶ φυτεύουσιν ὀστρακίοις ἐπαμησάμεναι γῆν λαχανίαν· χλοήσαντα δὲ ταῦτα πρὸς ὀλίγον αὐτίκα ἀπομαραίνεται. καὶ ὁ Κωνσταντῖνος ἠρυθρίασεν, ἄντικρυς ἐπιγνοὺς τοιοῦτον τὸ ἑαυτοῦ ἔργον.

(Constantine was allowed to speak next. On first entering the lists he was confident enough. But when he reflected on the exploits of the others he saw that his own were wholly trivial. He had defeated two tyrants, but, to tell the truth, one of them[650] was untrained in war and effeminate, the other[651] a poor creature and enfeebled by old age, while both were alike odious to gods and men. Moreover his campaigns against the barbarians covered him with ridicule. For he paid them tribute, so to speak, while he gave all his attention to Pleasure, who stood at a distance from the gods near the entrance to the moon. Of her indeed he was so enamoured that he had no eyes for anything else, and cared not at all for victory. However, as it was his turn and he had to say something, he began: “In the following respects I am superior to these others; to the Macedonian in having fought against Romans, Germans and Scythians, instead of Asiatic barbarians; to Caesar and Octavian in that I did not, like them, lead a revolution against brave and good citizens, but attacked only the most cruel and wicked tyrants. As for Trajan, I should naturally rank higher on account of those same glorious exploits against the tyrants, while it would be only fair to regard me as his equal on the score of that territory which he added to the empire, and I recovered; if indeed it be not more glorious to regain than to gain. As for Marcus here, by saying nothing for himself he yields precedency to all of us.” “But Constantine,” said Silenus, “are you not offering us mere gardens of Adonis[652] as exploits?” “What do you mean,” he asked, “by gardens of Adonis?” “I mean,” said Silenus, “those that women plant in pots, in honour of the lover of Aphrodite, by scraping together a little earth for a garden bed. They bloom for a little space and fade forthwith.” At this Constantine blushed, for he realised that this was exactly like his own performance.)

Ἡσυχίας δὲ γενομένης οἱ μὲν ἐῴκεσαν περιμένειν, ὄτῳ θήσονται τὴν ὑπὲρ τῶν πρωτείων οἱ θεοὶ ψῆφον· οἱ δ᾽ ᾤοντο δεῖν τὰς προαιρέσεις εἰς τοὐμφανὲς τῶν ἀνδρῶν προάγειν [330] καὶ οὐ κρίνειν ἐκ[653] τῶν πεπραγμένων αὐτοῖς, ὧν ἡ Τύχη μετεποιεῖτο τὸ πλεῖστον καὶ πάντων αὐτῶν καταβοῶσα παρειστήκει πλὴν Ὀκταβιανοῦ μόνου. τοῦτον δὲ εὐγνώμονα πρὸς ἑαυτὴν εἶναι ἔλεγεν. ἔδοξεν οὖν τοῖς θεοῖς ἐπιτρέψαι καὶ τοῦτο τῷ Ἑρμῇ, καὶ ἔδοσαν αὐτῷ πρῶτον [B] Ἀλεξάνδρου πυθέσθαι, τί νομίσειε κάλλιστον καὶ πρὸς τί βλέπων ἐργάσαιτο καὶ πάθοι πάντα ὅσαπερ δεδράκοι τε καὶ πεπόνθοι. ὁ δὲ ἔφη, Τὸ πάντα νικᾶν. εἶτα, εἶπεν ὁ Ἑρμῆς, οἴει σοι τοῦτο πεποιῆσθαι; καὶ μάλα, ἔφη ὁ Ἀλέξανδρος. ὁ δὲ Σειληνὸς τωθαστικῶς μάλα γελάσας, Ἀλλα ἐκράτουν γέ σου πολλάκις αἱ ἡμέτεραι θυγατέρες, αἰνιττόμενος τὰς ἀμπέλους, [C] τὸν Ἀλέξανδρον οἷα δή τινα μέθυσον [pg 400] καὶ φίλοινον σκώπτων. καὶ ὁ Ἀλέξανδρος ἅτε δὴ γέμων Περιπατητικῶν παρακουσμάτων, Οὐ τὰ ἄψυχα, ἔφη, νικᾶν· οὐδὲ γὰρ ἀγὼν ἡμῖν ἐστι πρὸς ταῦτα· ἀλλὰ πᾶν μὲν ἀνθρώπων, πᾶν δὲ θηρίων γένος, καὶ ὁ Σειληνὸς ὥσπερ οἱ θαυμάζοντες εἰρωνικῶς μάλα, [D] Ἰού, ἰού, ἔφη τῶν διαλεκτικῶν κιγκλίδων. αὐτὸς δὲ ἡμῖν ἐν ποτέρῳ σαυτὸν θήσεις γένει, τῶν ἀψύχων ἢ τῶν ἐμψύχων τε καὶ ζώντων; καὶ ὃς ὥσπερ ἀγανακτήσας, Εὐφήμει, ἔφη· ὑπὸ γὰρ μεγαλοψυχίας, ὅτι δὴ καὶ θεὸς γενοίμην, μᾶλλον δ᾽ εἴην, ἐπεπείσμην. Αὐτὸς οὖν, εἶπεν, ἡττήθης σεαυτοῦ πολλάκις. Ἀλλ᾽ αὐτὸν ἑαυτοῦ, εἶπεν ὁ Ἀλέξανδρος, κρατεῖν καὶ ἡττᾶσθαι ὁμωνύμως λέγεται· [331] ἐμοὶ δὲ ἦν ὑπὲρ τῶν πρὸς ἄλλους ὁ λόγος. Βαβαὶ τῆς διαλεκτικῆς, εἶπεν, ὅπως ἡμῶν τὰ σοφίσματα διελέγχεις. ἀλλ᾽ ἡνίκα, εἶπεν, ἐν Ἰνδοῖς ἐτρώθης καὶ ὁ Πευκέστης ἔκειτο παρὰ σέ, σὺ δὲ ἐξήγου ψυχορραγῶν τῆς πόλεως, ἆρα ἥττων ἦσθα τοῦ τρώσαντος, ἢ καὶ ἐκεῖνον ἐνίκας; Οὐκ ἐκεῖνον, ἔφη, μόνον, ἀλλὰ καὶ αὐτὴν ἐξεπόρθησα τὴν πόλιν. Οὐ σύ γε, εἶπεν, ὦ μακάριε· σὺ μὲν γὰρ ἔκεισο κατὰ τὸν Ὁμηρικὸν Ἕκτορα ὀλιγοδρανέων καὶ ψυχορραγῶν· [B] οἱ δὲ ἠγωνίζοντο καὶ ἐνίκων. Ἡγουμένων γ᾽ ἡμῶν, εἶπεν ὁ Ἀλέξανδρος. καὶ ὁ Σειληνός, Πῶς; οἵ γε [pg 402] ἐφέρεσθε μικροῦ νεκροί; εἶτα ᾖδε τῶν ἐξ Εὐριπίδου

(Silence was then proclaimed, and the Emperors thought they had only to wait till the gods decided to whom they would vote the first prize. But the latter agreed that they must bring to light the motives that had governed each, and not judge them by their actions alone, since Fortune had the greatest share in these. That goddess herself was standing near and kept reproaching all of them, with the single exception of Octavian; he, she said, had always been grateful to her. Accordingly the gods decided to entrust this enquiry also to Hermes, and he was told to begin with Alexander and to ask him what he considered the finest of all things, and what had been his object in doing and suffering all that he had done and suffered. “To conquer the world,” he replied. “Well,” asked Hermes, “do you think you accomplished this?” “I do indeed,” said Alexander. Whereupon Silenus with a malicious laugh exclaimed, “But you were often conquered yourself by my daughters!” by which he meant his vines, alluding to Alexander's love of wine and intemperate habits. But Alexander was well stocked with Peripatetic subterfuges, and retorted, “Inanimate things cannot conquer; nor do we contend with such, but only with the whole race of men and beasts.” “Ah,” said Silenus, “behold the chicanery of logic! But tell me in which class you place yourself, the inanimate or the animate and living?” At this he seemed mortified and said, “Hush! Such my greatness of soul that I was convinced that I should become, or rather that I was already, a god.” “At any rate,” said Silenus, “you were often defeated by yourself.” “Nay,” retorted Alexander, “to conquer oneself or be defeated by oneself amounts to the same thing. I was talking of my victories over other men.” “No more of your logic!” cried Silenus, “how adroitly you detect my sophisms! But when you were wounded in India,[654] and Peucestes[655] lay near you and they carried you out of the town at your last gasp, were you defeated by him who wounded you, or did you conquer him?” “I conquered him, and what is more I sacked the town as well.” “Not you indeed, you immortal,” said Silenus, “for you were lying like Homer's Hector in a swoon and at your last gasp. It was your soldiers who fought and conquered.” “Well but I led them,” said Alexander. “How so? When you were being carried away almost dead?” And then Silenus recited the passage in Euripides[656] beginning)

Οἴμοι, καθ᾽ Ἑλλάδ᾽ ὡς κακῶς νομίζεται,

Ὅταν τρόπαιον πολεμίων στήσῃ στρατός.

(“Alas how unjust is the custom of the Greeks, when an army triumphs over the enemy—”)

καὶ ὁ Διόνυσος, Παῦσαι, εἶπεν, ὦ παππίδιον, τοιαῦτα λέγων, [C] μή σε οὗτος ὁποῖα τὸν Κλεῖτον ἐργάσηται.[657] καὶ ὁ Ἀλέξανδρος ἐρυθριάσας τε ἅμα καὶ ὥσπερ συγχυθεὶς ὑπὸ τῶν δακρύων τὰ ὄμματα ἐσιώπα. καὶ ὅδε μὲν ὧδε ἔληξεν ὁ λόγος.

(But Dionysus interrupted him saying “Stop, little father, say no more, or he will treat you as he treated Cleitus.” At that Alexander blushed, his eyes became suffused with tears and he said no more. Thus their conversation ended.)

Ὁ δὲ Ἑρμῆς ἤρετο πάλιν τὸν Καίσαρα, Σοὶ δέ, εἶπεν, ὦ Καῖσαρ, τίς ἐγένετο σκοπὸς τοῦ βίου; Τὸ πρωτεύειν, [D] ἔφη, τῆς ἐμαυτοῦ καὶ μηδενὸς μήτε εἶναι μήτε νομίζεσθαι[658] δεύτερον. Τοῦτο, εἶπεν ὁ Ἑρμῆς, ἀσαφές ἐστι· πότερον γάρ, εἰπέ,[659] κατὰ σοφίαν ἢ τὴν ἐν τοῖς λόγοις δεινότητα ἢ πολεμικὴν ἐμπειρίαν ἢ πολιτικὴν δύναμιν; Ἦν μὲν οὖν, ἔφη ὁ Καῖσαρ, ἡδύ μοι τῶν πάντων ἐν πᾶσιν εἶναι πρώτῳ· τούτου δὲ οὐ δυνάμενος ἐπιτυχεῖν τὸ δύνασθαι μέγιστον παρὰ τοῖς ἐμαυτοῦ πολίταις ἐζήλωσα. [332] Σὺ δέ, εἶπεν, ἐδυνήθης μέγα; πρὸς αὐτὸν ὁ Σειληνός. καὶ ὅς, Πάνυ γε, ἔφη· κύριος γοῦν αὐτῶν ἐγενόμην. Ἀλλὰ τοῦτο μέν, εἶπεν ἐδυνήθης· ἀγαπηθῆναι δὲ ὑπ᾽ αὐτῶν οὐχ οἷός τε ἐγένου, καὶ ταῦτα πολλὴν μὲν ὑποκρινάμενος ὥσπερ ἐν δράματι καὶ σκηνῷ φιλανθρωπίαν, αἰσχρῶς δὲ αὐτοὺς πάντας κολακεύων. Εἶτα οὖκ ἀγαπηθῆναι δοκῶ, [B] εἶπεν, ὑπὸ τοῦ δήμου τοῦ διώξαντος [pg 404] Βροῦτον καὶ Κάσσιον; Οὐκ ἐπειδή σε ἀπέκτειναν, ἔφη· διὰ τοῦτο μὲν γὰρ αὐτοὺς ὁ δῆμος ἐψηφίσατο εἶναι ὑπάτους· ἀλλὰ διὰ τὸ ἀργύριον, ἐπειδὴ τῶν διαθηκῶν ἀκροασάμενοι μισθὸν ἑώρων τῆς ἀγανακτήσεως αὐτοῖς οὔτοι[660] τὸν τυχόντα προσεγγεγραμμένον.

(Next Hermes began to question Caesar, and said, “And you, Caesar, what was the end and aim of your life?” “To hold the first place in my own country,” he replied, “and neither to be nor to be thought second to any man.” “This,” said Hermes, “is not quite clear. Tell me, was it in wisdom that you wished to be first, or in oratorical skill, or in military science, or the science of government?” “I should have liked well,” said Caesar, “to be first of all men in all of these; but as I could not attain to that, I sought to become the most powerful of my fellow-citizens.” “And did you become so very powerful?” asked Silenus. “Certainly,” he replied, “since I made myself their master.” “Yes, that you were able to do; but you could not make yourself beloved by them, though you played the philanthropic rôle as though you were acting in a stage-play, and flattered them all shamefully.” “What!” cried Caesar, “I not beloved by the people? When they punished Brutus and Cassius!” “That was not for murdering you,” replied Silenus, “since for that they elected them consuls![661] No, it was because of the money you left them. When they had heard your will read they perceived what a fine reward was offered them in it for such resentment of your murder.”)

[C] Λήξαντος δὲ καὶ τοῦδε τοῦ λόγου, τὸν Ὀκταβιανὸν αὖθις ὁ Ἑρμῆς ἐκίνει. Σὺ δέ, εἶπεν, οὐκ ἐρεῖς ἡμῖν, τί κάλλιστον ἐνόμιζες εἶναι; καὶ ὅς, Βασιλεῦσαι, ἔφη, καλῶς. Τί δέ ἐστι τὸ καλῶς, ὧ Σεβαστέ, φράσον, ἐπεὶ τοῦτό γε ἔστι καὶ τοῖς πονηροτάτοις λέγειν. ᾤετο γοῦν καὶ Διονύσιος καλῶς βασιλεύειν καὶ ὁ τούτου μιαρώτερος Ἀγαθοκλῆς. Ἀλλ᾽ ἴστε, [D] εἶπεν, ὦ θεοί, ὡς προπέμπων τὸν θυγατριδοῦν ηὐξάμην ὑμῖν τόλμαν μὲν αὐτῷ δοῦναι τὴν Καίσαρος, δεινότητα δὲ τὴν Πομπηίου, τύχην δὲ τὴν ἐμήν. Πολλά, εἶπεν ὁ Σειληνός, καὶ θεῶν ὄντως σωτήρων ἔργα δεόμενα συνεφόρησεν οὗτος ὁ κοροπλάθος. Εἶτα διὰ τί τοῦτο, ἔφη, τὸ ὄνομά μοι γελοῖον οὕτως ἔθου; Ἢ γὰρ οὐκ ἔπλαττες ἡμῖν, εἶπεν, ὥσπερ ἐκεῖνοι τὰς νύμφας, ὦ Σεβαστέ, θεούς, ὧν ἕνα καὶ πρῶτον τουτονὶ Καίσαρα; [333] καὶ ὁ μὲν Ὀκταβιανὸς ὥσπερ δυσωπούμενος ἀπεσιώπησεν.

(When this dialogue ended, Hermes next accosted Octavian. “Now for you,” he said, “will you please tell us what you thought the finest thing in the world?” “To govern well,” he replied. “You must say what you mean by ‘well,’ Augustus. Govern well! The wickedest tyrants claim to do that. Even Dionysius,[662] I suppose, thought that he governed well, and so did Agathocles[663] who was a still greater criminal.” “But you know, O ye gods,” said Octavian, “that when I parted with my grandson[664] I prayed you to give him the courage of Caesar, the cleverness of Pompey, and my own good fortune.” “What a many things,” cried Silenus, “that do need really saving gods have been jumbled together by this doll-maker!” “Why pray do you give me that ridiculous name?” asked the other. “Why,” he replied, “just as they model nymphs did you not model gods,[665] Augustus, and first and foremost Caesar here?” At this Octavian seemed abashed and said no more.)

Ὁ δὲ Ἑρμῆς πρὸς τὸν Τραïανὸν βλέψας, Σὺ δέ, εἶπε, τί διανοούμενος ἔπραττες ὅσαπερ ἔπραξας; Τῶν αὐτῶν Ἀλεξάνδρῳ σωφρονέστερον, [pg 406] εἶπεν, ὠρέχθην. καὶ ὁ Σειληνός, Ἡττήθης μὲν οὖν,[666] εἶπε, καὶ σὺ τῶν ἀγεννεστέρων. ὁ μὲν γὰρ θυμοῦ τὸ πλεῖστον ἥττων ἦν, σὺ δὲ αἰσχρᾶς ἡδονῆς καὶ ἐπονειδίστου. [B] Βάλλ᾽ εἰς μακαρίαν, εἶπεν ὁ Διόνυσος, ἐπεὶ σκώπτεις σὺ πάντας αὐτοὺς καὶ ποιεῖς οὐδὲν ὑπὲρ ἑαυτῶν λέγειν. ἀλλ᾽ ἐπ᾽ ἐκείνων εἶχέ σοι χώραν τὰ σκώμματα· πρόσεχε δὲ νῦν, ὅπως ἀντιλήψῃ τοῦ Μάρκου δοκεῖ γὰρ εἶναί μοί πως ἀνὴρ κατὰ τὸν Σιμωνίδην τετράγωνος ἄνευ ψόγου τετυγμένος. ὁ Ἑρμῆς δὲ βλέψας εἰς τὸν Μάρκον, Σοὶ δέ, εἶπεν, ὦ Βῆρε, τί κάλλιστον ἐδόκει τοῦ βίου τέλος εἶναι; καὶ ὃς ἠρέμα καὶ σωφρόνως, [C] Τὸ μιμεῖσθαι, ἔφη, τοὺς θεούς. ἔδοξε μὲν οὖν εὐθέως ἡ ἀπόκρισις οὐκ ἀγεννής, ἀλλὰ καὶ τοῦ παντὸς ἀξία. ἀλλὰ καὶ ὁ Ἑρμῆς οὐκ ἐβούλετο πολυπραγμονεῖν, πεπεισμένος ὅτι πάντα ὁ Μάρκος ἀκολούθως ἐρεῖ. τοῖς μὲν οὖν ἄλλοις θεοῖς ἐδόκει ταύτῃ· μόνος δὲ ὁ Σειληνός, Ἀλλ᾽ οὐ μὰ τὸν Διόνυσον ἀνέξομαι τούτου τοῦ σοφιστοῦ. τί δήποτε γὰρ ἤσθιες, εἰπέ,[667] [D] καὶ ἔπινες οὐχ ὥσπερ ἡμεῖς ἀμβροσίας τε καὶ νέκταρος, ἄρτου δὲ καὶ οἴνου; Ἀλλ᾽ ἔγωγε, εἶπεν, οὐχ ᾗπερ οὖν ᾤμην τοὺς θεοὺς μιμεῖσθαι, ταύτῃ προσεφερόμην σιτία καὶ ποτά· τὸ σῶμα δὲ ἔτρεφον, ἴσως μὲν ψευδῶς, πειθόμενος δέ, ὅτι καὶ τὰ ὑμέτερα σώματα δεῖται τῆς ἐκ τῶν ἀναθυμιάσεων τροφῆς. πλὴν οὐ κατὰ ταῦτά γε ὑμᾶς εἶναι μιμητέους, ἀλλὰ κατὰ τὴν διάνοιαν ὑπέλαβον. [334] ὀλίγον ὁ Σειληνὸς διαπορήσας[668] [pg 408] ὥσπερ ὑπὸ πύκτου δεξιοῦ πληγείς, Εἴρηται μέν σοι τοῦτο, εἶπε, τυχὸν οὐκ ἀτόπως, ἐμοὶ δέ, ἔφη, φράσον, τί ποτε ἐνόμιζες εἶναι τὴν τῶν θεῶν μίμησιν; καὶ ὅς, Δεῖσθαι μὲν ὡς ἐλαχίστων, εὖ ποιεῖν δὲ ὡς ὅ, τι μάλιστα πλείστους. Μῶν οὖν, εἶπεν, οὐδενὸς ἐδέου; καὶ ὁ Μάρκος, Ἐγὼ μὲν οὐδενός, ἴσως δὲ τὸ σωμάτιόν μου μικρῶν. δόξαντος οὖν [B] καὶ τοῦτο ὀρθῶς εἰρηκέναι τοῦ Μάρκου, τὸ τέλος ἀπορούμενος ὁ Σειληνὸς ἐπιφύεται τοῖς περὶ τὸν παῖδα καὶ τὴν γαμετὴν αὐτῷ δοκοῦσιν οὐκ ὀρθῶς οὐδὲ κατὰ λόγον πεποιῆσθαι, τὴν μὲν ὅτι ταῖς ἡρωίναις ἐνέγραψε, τῷ δὲ ὅτι τὴν ἡγεμονίαν ἐπέτρεψεν. Ἐμιμησάμην, εἶπε, καὶ κατὰ τοῦτο τοὺς θεούς· Ὁμήρῳ μὲν γὰρ ἐπειθόμην λέγοντι περὶ τῆς γαμετῆς, [C] ὅτι ἄρα, ὅστις ἀγαθὸς καὶ ἐχέφρων, τὴν αὑτοῦ φιλέει καὶ κήδεται· περὶ δὲ τοῦ παιδὸς αὐτοῦ τοῦ Διὸς ἀπόφασιν ἔχω· αἰτιώμενος γὰρ τὸν Ἄρεα, Πάλαι ἄν, εἶπεν, ἐβέβλησο τῷ κεραυνῷ, εἰ μὴ διὰ τὸ παῖδά σε εἶναι ἠγάπων. ἄλλως τε καὶ οὐδὲ ᾤμην ἐγὼ τὸν παῖδα πονηρὸν οὕτως ἔσεσθαι. εἰ δὲ ἡ νεότης ἐφ᾽ ἑκάτερα μεγάλας ποιουμένη ῥοπὰς ἐπὶ τὸ χεῖρον ἠνέχθη, οὐχὶ πονηρῷ τὴν ἡγεμονίαν ἐπέτρεψα, συνηνέχθη δὲ τὸν λαβόντα πονηρὸν γενέσθαι. [D] τά τε οὖν περὶ τὴν γυναῖκα πεποίηταί μοι κατὰ ζῆλον Ἀχιλλέως τοῦ θείου, καὶ τὰ περὶ τὸν παῖδα κατὰ μίμησιν τοῦ μεγίστου Διός, ἄλλως τε καὶ οὐδὲν καινοτομήσαντι. παισί τε γὰρ νόμιμον ἐπιτρέπειν τὰς διαδοχάς, καὶ [pg 410] τοῦτο ἅπαντες εὔχονται, [335] τήν τε γαμετὴν οὐκ ἐγὼ πρῶτος, ἀλλὰ μετὰ πολλοὺς ἄλλους ἐτίμησα. ἴσως δὲ τὸ μὲν ἄρξασθαι τῶν τοιούτων οὐκ ἔστιν εὔλογον, τὸ δὲ ἐπὶ πολλῶν γενόμενον τοὺς οἰκειοτάτους ἀποστερεῖν ἐγγὺς ἀδικίας. ἀλλ᾽ ἔλαθον ἐμαυτὸν ἐγὼ μακρότερα ἀπολογούμενος πρὸς εἰδότας ὑμᾶς, ὦ Ζεῦ καὶ θεοί· διόπερ μοι τῆς προπετείας ταυτησί συγγνώμονες γένοισθε.

(Then Hermes addressing Trajan said, “Now you tell us what was the principle that guided all your actions?” “My aims,” he replied, “were the same as Alexander's, but I acted with more prudence.” “Nay,” said Silenus, “you were the slave of more ignoble passions. Anger was nearly always his weak point, but yours was pleasure of the vilest and most infamous sort.” “Plague take you!” exclaimed Dionysus, “You keep railing at them all and you don't let them say a word for themselves. However, in their case there was some ground for your sarcasms, but now consider well what you can find to criticise in Marcus. For in my opinion he is a man, to quote Simonides, ‘four-square and made without a flaw.’ ”[669] Then Hermes addressed Marcus and said, “And you, Verus, what did you think the noblest ambition in life?” In a low voice he answered modestly, “To imitate the gods.” This answer they at once agreed was highly noble and in fact the best possible. And even Hermes did not wish to cross-examine him further, since he was convinced that Marcus would answer every question equally well. The other gods were of the same mind; only Silenus cried “By Dionysus I shall not let this sophist off so easily. Why then did you eat bread and drink wine and not ambrosia and nectar like us?” “Nay,” he replied, “it was not in the fashion of my meat and drink that I thought to imitate the gods. But I nourished my body because I believed, though perhaps falsely, that even your bodies require to be nourished by the fumes of sacrifice. Not that I supposed I ought to imitate you in that respect, but rather your minds.” For the moment Silenus was at a loss as though he had been hit by a good boxer,[670] then he said “There is perhaps something in what you say; but now tell me what did you think was really meant by ‘imitating the gods.’ ” “Having the fewest possible needs and doing good to the greatest possible number.” “Do you mean to say,” he asked, “that you had no needs at all?” “I,” said Marcus, “had none, but my wretched body had a few, perhaps.” Since in this also Marcus seemed to have answered wisely, Silenus was at a loss, but finally fastened on what he thought was foolish and unreasonable in the Emperor's behaviour to his son and his wife, I mean in enrolling the latter among the deified and entrusting the empire to the former. “But in that also,” said the other, “I did but imitate the gods. I adopted the maxim of Homer when he says ‘the good and prudent man loves and cherishes his own wife,’[671] while as to my son I can quote the excuse of Zeus himself when he is rebuking Ares: ‘Long ago,’ he says, ‘I should have smitten thee with a thunderbolt, had I not loved thee because thou art my son.’[672] Besides, I never thought my son would prove so wicked. Youth ever vacillates between the extremes of vice and virtue, and if in the end he inclined to vice, still he was not vicious when I entrusted the empire to him; it was only after receiving it that he became corrupted. Therefore my behaviour to my wife was modelled on that of the divine Achilles, and that to my son was in imitation of supreme Zeus. Moreover, in neither case did I introduce any novelty. It is the custom to hand down the succession to a man's sons, and all men desire to do so; as for my wife I was not the first to decree divine honours to a wife, for I followed the example of many others. It is perhaps absurd to have introduced any such custom, but it would be almost an injustice to deprive one's nearest and dearest of what is now long-established. However, I forget myself when I make this lengthy explanation to you, O Zeus and ye other gods; for ye know all things. Forgive me this forwardness.”)

Παυσαμένου δὲ καὶ τοῦδε τοῦ λόγου, τὸν Κωνσταντῖνον ὁ Ἑρμῆς ἤρετο, [B] Σὺ δὲ τί καλὸν ἐνόμισας; Πολλά, εἶπε, κτησάμενον πολλὰ χαρίσασθαι, ταῖς τ᾽ ἐπιθυμίαις ταῖς ἑαυτοῦ καὶ ταῖς τῶν φίλων ὑπουργοῦντα. ἀνακαγχάσας οὖν ὁ Σειληνὸς μέγα, Ἀλλ᾽ ἦ τραπεζίτης εἶναι, ἔφη, θέλων ἐλελήθεις σεαυτὸν ὀψοποιοῦ καὶ κομμωτρίας βίον ζῶν;[673] ᾐνίττετο δ᾽ αὐτὰ πάλαι μὲν ἥ τε κόμη τό τε εἶδος, ἀτὰρ νῦν καὶ ἡ γνώμη σοῦ κατηγορεῖ. τούτου μὲν οὖν ὁ Σειληνὸς πικρότερόν τως καθήψατο.

(When Marcus had finished his speech, Hermes asked Constantine, “And what was the height of your ambition?” “To amass great wealth,” he answered, “and then to spend it liberally so as to gratify my own desires and the desires of my friends.” At this Silenus burst into a loud laugh, and said, “If it was a banker that you wanted to be, how did you so far forget yourself as to lead the life of a pastrycook and hairdresser? Your locks and your fair favour[674] betokened this all along, but what you say about your motives convicts you.” Thus did Silenus sharply reprove Constantine.)

[C] Σιωπῆς δὲ γενομένης ἔφερον οἱ θεοὶ λάθρᾳ τὰς ψήφους. εἶτα ἐγένοντο πολλαὶ τῷ Μάρκῳ. κοινολογησάμενος δὲ ὁ Ζεὺς ἰδίᾳ πρὸς τὸν πατέρα προσέταξε κηρῦξαι τῷ Ἑρμῇ. ὁ δὲ ἐκήρυττεν, Ἄνδρες οἱ παρελθόντες ἐπὶ τουτονὶ τὸν ἀγῶνα, νόμοι παρ᾽ ἡμῖν εἰσι καὶ κρίσεις τοιαῦται γίνονται, ὥστε καὶ τὸν νικῶντα χαίρειν καὶ τὸν ἡττώμενον μὴ μέμφεσθαι. πορεύεσθε οὖν, εἶπεν, ὅποι φίλον ἑκάστῳ, [D] ὑπὸ θεοῖς ἡγεμόσι βιωσόμενοι τὸ ἐντεῦθεν· ἑλέσθω δ᾽ ἕκαστος ἑαυτῷ τὸν προστάτην τε καὶ ἡγεμόνα. μετὰ τὸ κήρυγμα [pg 412] τοῦτο ὁ μὲν Ἀλέξανδρος ἔθει πρὸς τὸν Ἡρακλέα, Ὀκταβιανὸς δὲ πρὸς τὸν Ἀπόλλωνα, ἀμφοῖν δὲ ἀπρὶξ εἴχετο τοῦ Διὸς καὶ Κρόνου Μάρκος. πλανώμενον δὲ πολλὰ καὶ περιτρέχοντα τὸν Καίσαρα κατελεήσας ὁ μέγας Ἄρης ἥ τε Ἀφροδίτη παρ᾽ ἑαυτοὺς ἀκαλεσάτην· Τραïανὸς δὲ παρὰ τὸν Ἀλέξανδρον ἔθει ὡς ἐκείνῳ συγκαθεδούμενος. [336] ὁ δὲ Κωνσταντίνος, οὐχ εὑρίσκων ἐν θεοῖς τοῦ βίου τὸ ἀρχέτυπον, ἐγγύθεν τὴν Τρυφὴν κατιδὼν ἔδραμε πρὸς αὐτήν· ἡ δὲ ὑπολαβοῦσα μαλακῶς καὶ περιβαλοῦσα τοῖς πήχεσι πέπλοις τε αὐτὸν ποικίλοις ἀσκήσασα καὶ καλλωπίσασα πρὸς τὴν Ἀσωτίαν ἀπήγαγεν, ἵνα καὶ τὸν Ἰησοῦν εὑρὼν ἀναστρεφόμενον καὶ προαγορεύοντα πᾶσιν, “Ὅστις φθορεύς, ὅστις μιαιφόνος, ὅστις ἐναγὴς καὶ βδελυρός, [B] ἴτω θαρρῶν· ἀποφανῶ γὰρ αὐτὸν τουτῳὶ τῷ ὕδατι λούσας αὐτίκα καθαρόν, κἂν πάλιν ἔνοχος τοῖς αὐτοῖς γένηται, δώσω τὸ στῆθος πλήξαντι καὶ τὴν κεφαλὴν τατάξαντι καθαρῷ γενέσθαι,” σφόδρα ἄσμενος ἐνέτυχεν αὐτῷ, συνεξαγαγὼν τῆς τῶν θεῶν ἀγορᾶς τοὺς παῖδας. ἐπέτριβον δ᾽ αὐτόν τε κἀκείνους οὐχ ἧττον τῆς ἀθεότητος οἱ παλαμναῖοι δαίμονες, αἱμάτων συγγενῶν τιννύμενοι δίκας, ἕως ὁ Ζεὺς διὰ τὸν Κλαύδιον καὶ Κωνστάντιον ἔδωκεν ἀναπνεῦσαι.

(Then silence was proclaimed and the gods cast a secret ballot. It turned out that Marcus had most of the votes. After conferring apart with his father,[675] Zeus bade Hermes make a proclamation as follows: “Know all ye mortals who have entered this contest, that according to our laws and decrees the victor is allowed to exult but the vanquished must not complain. Depart then wherever you please, and in future live every one of you under the guidance of the gods. Let every man choose his own guardian and guide.” After this announcement, Alexander hastened to Heracles, and Octavian to Apollo, but Marcus attached himself closely to Zeus and Kronos. Caesar wandered about for a long time and ran hither and thither, till mighty Ares and Aphrodite took pity on him and summoned him to them. Trajan hastened to Alexander and sat down near him. As for Constantine, he could not discover among the gods the model of his own career, but when he caught sight of Pleasure, who was not far off, he ran to her. She received him tenderly and embraced him, then after dressing him in raiment of many colours and otherwise making him beautiful, she led him away to Incontinence. There too he found Jesus, who had taken up his abode with her and cried aloud to all comers: “He that is a seducer, he that is a murderer, he that is sacrilegious and infamous, let him approach without fear! For with this water will I wash him and will straightway make him clean. And though he should be guilty of those same sins a second time, let him but smite his breast and beat his head and I will make him clean again.” To him Constantine came gladly, when he had conducted his sons forth from the assembly of the gods. But the avenging deities none the less punished both him and them for their impiety, and exacted the penalty for the shedding of the blood of their kindred,[676] until Zeus granted them a respite for the sake of Claudius and Constantius.[677])

[C] Σοὶ δέ, πρὸς ἡμᾶς λέγων ὁ Ἑρμῆς, δέδωκα τὸν πατέρα Μίθραν ἐπιγνῶναι· σὺ δ᾽ αὐτοῦ τῶν ἐντολῶν ἔχου, πεῖσμα καὶ ὅρμον ἀσφαλῆ ζῶντί τε σεαυτῷ παρασκευάζων, καὶ ἡνίκα ἂν ἐνθένδε ἀπιέναι δέῃ, μετὰ τῆς ἀγαθῆς ἐλπίδος ἡγεμόνα θεὸν εὐμενῆ καθιστὰς σεαυτῷ.

(“As for thee,” Hermes said to me, “I have granted thee the knowledge of thy father Mithras. Do thou keep his commandments, and thus secure for thyself a cable and sure anchorage throughout thy life, and when thou must depart from the world thou canst with good hopes adopt him as thy guardian god.”)

[pg 418]

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