LITTLE ABE AND THE MULE.
He had a singular experience one dark rainy night when going to a missionary meeting at Shelley. He was late in arriving, so that the meeting was somewhat advanced when he put in an appearance. As he entered the chapel he was greeted by a burst of clapping, and in a moment every face brightened at the sight of him, though, to tell the truth, he was rather unsightly, for he was bedabbled with mud from his feet to his head, and his big umbrella looked as if it had been on the spree and rolled in the gutter; altogether he appeared in unusual style for a public meeting. It was no matter to him, however. He just shook himself like a dog out of the water, placed his bundle of whalebones and gingham in a quiet corner, rubbed his numbed hands together, and went smiling on to the platform. Nothing would satisfy the people but that he should speak at once, so he rose to his feet amid the hearty clapping of the whole audience, and said, "I niver knew so mich of th' trials of missionary wark in my loife as I do naa. I've been in trainin' for this meetin'. I've had to endure storms, rain, tempest, and dangers seen and unseen, for it wor that dark on th' road I could hardly see mysen, so, loike a returned missionary, I think I ought to let yo' knaw some'at abaat my trials." (Hear, hear.) "Well, yo' knaw, when I promised to come to this meetin', I meant being here somehaa, but I 'av had a job. I thowt as I wor comin' I would mak' it as easy as I could for mysen, so I borrowed aar neighbour's mule. I didn't knaw mich abaat riding, so he telled me I wor to keep tight hold o' th' bridle, as th' owd mule had a way o' tumblin' fore'ards. Well, I gat on th' back wi' my umbrella oppen, for it wor pouring daan rain, and we set off, all three on us, umbrella, th' mule, and me. We gat on alroight most o' th' way. I had to scold th' owd animal sometimes, and tell him to get on or we'd be too late for th' meeting, so we kept gaining a bit o' graand by degrees, but troubles wor ahead. What wi' thinking abaat my speech and holding th' umbrella roight, I forgat to keep a toight hold o' th' bridle, and all at once th' mule tript, and th' umbrella and me went roight over his head into th' dike. I really wor astonished at mysen, and didn't know which to blame—th' mule or me. I think I ne'r gat off a cuddy so quick in my loife afore; and th' owd mule would hardly understand me I daresay, for he stopt in a moment and look'd over at me as if he wor wondering if I always gat off in that fashion. However, I soon scrambled aat o' th' dike, and after a good bit o' trying I maanted agean and set off on th' road; but I hadn't gone far before I faan some'at wor wrang wi' th' bridle. I couldn't guide th' beast roight somehaa, so I felt abaat to try if I could foind aat what it wor, and behold I had gotten th' bridle all on one soide. Well, I dar'n't get off to set it roight, so I wor fain to let th' owd beast goa his own gait till we gat to Shelley."
The whole story was so amusing, and the more so as told in Abe's inimitable style, that the people laughed themselves into tears; and yet they could not but admire the zeal of the little man, and their hearts warmed towards him, and to the missionary cause as well, for as soon as Abe resumed his seat, the chairman, who knew how to take the tide at its flood, called for the collection to be made, and there is no doubt it was a good one. Just at that moment Abe shouted out, "Bless the Lord, I've made th' collection speech to-noight."