LETTER LXXXIII.83.
To Miss Rivers, Clarges Street.
Quebec, March 4.
After debating with myself some days, I am determined to pursue Emily; but, before I make a declaration, will go to see some ungranted lands at the back of Madame Des Roches’s estate; which, lying on a very fine river, and so near the St. Lawrence, may I think be cultivated at less expence than those above Lake Champlain, though in a much inferior climate: if I make my settlement here, I will purchase the estate Madame Des Roches has to sell, which will open me a road to the river St. Lawrence, and consequently treble the value of my lands.
I love, I adore this charming woman; but I will not suffer my tenderness for her to make her unhappy, or to lower her station in life: if I can, by my present plan, secure her what will in this country be a degree of affluence, I will endeavor to change her friendship for me into a tenderer and more lively affection; if she loves, I know by my own heart, that Canada will be no longer a place of exile; if I have flattered myself, and she has only a friendship for me, I will return immediately to England, and retire with you and my mother to our little estate in the country.
You will perhaps say, why not make Emily of our party? I am almost ashamed to speak plain; but so weak are we, and so guided by the prejudices we fancy we despise, that I cannot bear my Emily, after refusing a coach and six, should live without an equipage suitable at least to her birth, and the manner in which she has always lived when in England.
I know this is folly, that it is a despicable pride; but it is a folly, a pride, I cannot conquer.
There are moments when I am above all this childish prejudice, but it returns upon me in spite of myself.
Will you come to us, my Lucy? Tell my mother, I will build her a rustic palace, and settle a little principality on you both.
I make this a private excursion, because I don’t chuse any body should even guess at my views. I shall set out in the evening, and make a circuit to cross the river above the town.
I shall not even take leave at Silleri, as I propose being back in four days, and I know your friend Bell will be inquisitive about my journey.
Adieu!
Your affectionate
Ed. Rivers.