Little Sister Snow

by Frances Little

CHAPTER VI

THE DIARY OF YUKI SAN

First Entry

'Merican Sensei say she have one closest friend in little book. I tell my troublesome to this little book what spells "Diary" in gold letters on back. I make it my closest friend what no never speaks the words of yours when heart overflows with several feelings. I write for Merrit San, but his eyes no must never see. Just my heart speak to his heart in that 'Merican tongue what he understands.

Japanese girl very naughty if she love man. She made for the take care of man's mother, man's house. Very bad for Japanese girl to say love when she marry with man. Merrit San say 'Merican girl speak love with eyes when lips are shame. Japanese girl cover the eye with little curtain when man comes. She no must peep out one little corner. No must see, no must hear, no must speak the love.

So I make little book guess my heart each day.

The happy days are pass away, and the flowers are bloom and birds will return to me again, but where can I find Merrit San? How I feel the sorry and the lonesome when I think I can't find him no more in this long island. I no can express my heart with words. I never the forget of his kindness to me.

Big lamp by Merrit San's desk no never burn so bright for me. It make funny little crooked shadow of my body on shoji. Merrit San's body always make big and strong black picture. I saw it last time big moon look over mountain. I took walk in garden and I thinking this time next moon Merrit San will not be here. Though the lamplight shines through the shoji, still in next month the owner of the light will be different and the ache come into my heart.

Whole Japan are changed, and everything I see or hear makes me think of him; but my thoughts of him never, never changed, yet more and more increase and longing for him all time. My heart speak the much word of love for Merrit San. My eyes grow shame to say it. Little book, close my secret!

Second Entry

ALL day many rains come down in garden. He steals flowers' sweetness and damp my heart with lonesome. Last rainy day Merrit San teached me more better English, and he laugh very long when I read the English writing with my Japanese tongue. He say: "Ah, Yuki San, you very funny little girl!"

Then I teach him the play of go ban, and he make the pain in his head with the several thoughts how he must move the black or white. He try long, long time, then he shake his big feest, and he say: "You've got me beat, little sister; you've got me sure."

I laugh, but I think much thoughts. I no hurt Merrit San with beat, and girl with much laugh in her eyes have got him for surely. I no understand that funny 'Merican tongue.

Merrit San so many time call me little sister, and he say my soul all white like my name. What is my soul? Ah, that same spirit what leave my body and go out 'cross that many seas to safe Merrit San's journey. I keep that soul all purely and white all of because Merrit San call me Little Sister Snow.

One day I take Merrit San with me to very old temple. Sun, him so bright he make all leaves to dance with glad. Green lizard take sleep on stone step while big honey-bee sing song. All things have the joyful, and my feets just touch earth with lightsome.

I go inside temple and say one very little pray to Amida, for I have the hurry. When I go back, Merrit San he say:

"See here, Yuki San, you no waste time over pray. You get the trouble with that old gentleman if you have not the careful."

Then I say: "Next time I give him little money and make big smoke with incense," and he say, "Yuki, you very good girl."

Just by temple's side is little bamboo-tree which have very nice story. One good god he like this bamboo, and he like the beautiful love. He say give names of man and woman to boughs of bamboo and make the tie together with long pin of thorn. Give the low bow, and by and by the dear wish in heart will be truly.

Merrit San he no can know what I do, but he hold the high boughs of bamboo down and I name him and me and make the tie together.

The dear wish of my heart come not truly. It is full of sad.

Third Entry

What shall I do to less my anxious? To-day at temple I ask Buddha. He never speak. He always look far away at big sea. He no care, though tears of the heart make damp the kimono sleeve. The Christians' God I no can see. But Merrit San say he is everywhere and listens for voice of troublesome. I no can make him hear, though I say the loud prayer.

Buddha very ugly old god. Maybe him cross when he see very pretty Japanese girl make the low bow to him.

I believe Christians' God more better than Buddha, because Merrit San say he make everything truly. He make me, he make Merrit San, he make the beautiful love. Maybe some day that big God hear about Japanese girl's heart of trouble and speak the peace.

To-day one long so busy day. Many silk must be sewed into fine kimono for the when I go to live in other house. Sometimes I very glad I go to other house. I make the many comforts of my mother and my father.

To-day I see the much cold in my father's body. Very soon he have nice warm kimono with sheep's fur all inside. Then I make the glad heart, I marry with Japanese man.

It is getting little cold, and every night the moon is so clear. These day crickets are singing among the grasses. Those make me to think of Merrit San more and more. This fall was quite changed to me. At first Merrit San never come back to me as I expect in dreamy way. I have the feel of very helpless and lonesome. Before, though I had some trouble or unhappiness, if I saw Merrit San's smile everything was taken clear away and my heart was full with cheer and happy.

Ah, Merrit San, though it makes my cheek red with hot to write the speak, I love you most.

Buddha very naughty old god to say nothing truly is.

Fourth Entry

Ah, Merrit San, what you suppose I have dream last night? I was so happy that I cannot tell with my tongue nor pen. That you come back! I could no word speak out with so much glad. I had many things to tell you before I wake, but I could not even one thing.

You say you stay ten days. It is too short, but it far more better is than half night. Oh, I wish so bad I did not wake up from dream!

I was tearful with much disappoint, then I remember that day you go to big 'Merica you call back "God bless you, Yuki San," and with my heart I make one soft prayer to Christians' God.

When big temple bell wake me up and all birds, my troublesome was more light, and I make so big breakfast for my father and my mother, my pocket began to tell the loneliness, and I could not perform all my wishes.

When I write these letters Merrit San is far away at sea on the way of his home. He will have joyful time. I wish I can see her, that girl with the laugh in her eyes. Wonder how she thinks of Japan. Perhaps she would think how small and lonely country and people. One girl in that Japanese country very sad with lonely.

But Merrit San say: "Yuki San, you good girl, you be good wife." So I make the try to put my lonely heart to sleep.

Fifth Entry

Time and days goes too fast as running water. Already old month went away and new one have come. It is time for us to do last work on many clothes for new home.

When Japanese girl marry with man she take much goods to his house. To-day my father bring what 'Merican call bureau, and many work-box and trays and much fine futon for to sleep on floor with. Next day after this many mens will come and travel all things to other house. Japanese girl wear fine kimono long, long time, and keep for more little girl. Merrit San say 'Merican girl wear fine kimono one time, then she no more like.

Then 'Merican girl have much happy in her heart. 'Merican man come to girl's house to marry with her. She no afraid to speak the word of love, though man's mother sit next by him. She no 'fraid of laugh. She has the joyful of life.

Japanese girl very happy when she very little girl, or very, very old. But when she goes to man's house to marry with him, she must always be the quiet of little mice and more busy than honey-bee. Very bad. But Japanese girl have the much brave, and holds the happy in her heart when she brings the comforts to her peoples.

Merrit San say many more big country than Japan in world. I say, "What is world? I wish I know world like you!" Merrit San stop the laugh and his voice grow still with quiet, then he say:

"Ah, Yuki San, little snow-girl like you should not know the world. Cuddle in your little nest and be content."

What is content? It is the don't care of anything but the flower- garden in my heart. Wonder if girl with laugh in her eyes have the content? This day I take walk by seas. Last time I take walk so many peoples come with us. I make into Japanese words all Merrit San's funny speaks. We have the much laugh: Merrit San try the eat with chop-sticks.

To-day little boat what we ride the water in was broke by its nose and many seas was eating it up. Loud cold wind make pine-trees shivery and sad. Big gray cloud come down and make all black with sorrowful. Sometimes little white waves jump up and dance, but the joyful of last happy day stings my heart.

Sixth Entry

More long time go running slowly by since you have left us, and as I was thinking of that running and those days and longing for you and my heart getting down in lonely thoughts, Yubin San bring me those package what you sent, Merrit San, and it made me very glad and happy. Hardly can I tell what was in my heart then. Before I can open it I hold it tightly against my breast and kept silence a little while. Tears of sorrow changed into the great joy for a moment when I see your name and your hand of write. I feel as if I receive a new life right in this minute, and I caught a light of hope in yonder. My heartful joy and gladness will not express, and I wish I can go up in high place and shout out and tell all people the joyful of beautiful love. How it make the change in whole earth and life and give the dance of heart. But I will not. Mens and women of Japanese country have not the understand of such lovely thing, and make the shameful of me. So I give silence to my lips and close the door of my heart. Ah, what funny little thing that heart is! In one half live the joyful. Other side have all the painful of life, and when the love come sometimes he knock at wrong door and give the hurtful ache to life. Ah, Merrit San, you give many thankfuls for the lend of my house in your letter. I give the love of you many more thankfuls for coming to my heart, even he knock at two doors. One day me and Merrit San went down to temple where big feast was. Merrit San go inside and look long long time at Buddha, then he say:

"Yuki San, what will this old gentleman do to you if you disobey him?" I give little think, then I say, "I no can know—I no never disobey. Buddha say, 'Yuki, take care father and mother all time.' I take care. Him say, 'Yuki, you woman—you not talk too much.' I no talk much. Then him say, 'Yuki, come many time to temple and make light with incense and put little money every time in box.' I give obey and much go rin, but Buddha keep all and never give back." Before I finish my speak Merrit San shiver like cold and say, "Come on, Yuki San, let's get out of here and find the sun." Outside I make cherry-wreath while Merrit San tell me story. Him very sweet day—now all gone forever.

Seventh Entry

Last fine kimono is finished and all baggage is tied. Next day I go to other house.

Then my mother will give all house much sweep with new broom, to tell gods I go 'way no more to come back. Maybe they make big fire by gate to tell all peoples I belong to other house now. Ah, little book, to-night I make big fire in my heart and burn all my wickeds in it. Next day I make more fire and burn you. To other house I must go all white and purely as Merrit San say.

Ah, Merrit San, you the one big happy in all my life and I never forget all your kindful. You give me the good heart, like sun make flower-bud unclose. You telled me what is soul and purely, and you say be very good wife.

One night when moon was big and round and red and river outside wall go spank, spank, you call all my people to garden, and with the 'Merican samisen you sing much songs.

Sometimes you very funny, but sometimes when moon specks slip through big pine-tree, I see you very sadful.

Now moon speck come on shoji and ache my eyes to look your face once more.

I try so much to make picture of man's face I marry with. I no can see anything but much medals on coat, and so many teeths. Merrit San's eyes all blue and twinkly, and face so white and clean.

But now he make the joyful with girl with laugh in her eyes, and her feet no touch the ground with much happy.

To-morrow I go to other house and no belong to my father and mother. To-day I go temple, and I make promise I no more speak of Merrit San's name; no more the think of his face in my heart.

Little book, I weared you close to my breast many days. To-night I sleep with you tight to my heart. You gived me the courage to turn my face to the rising sun of the to-morrow.

Sayonara.