WITH THE FUNNY FELLOWS.
"Well, my little man," inquired a visitor pleasantly, "who are you?" "I'm the baby's brother," was the ingenuous reply.
Mistress—Bridget, it always seems to me that the crankiest mistresses get the best cooks. Cook—Ah! Go on wid yer blarney!
"Your horse isn't timid, I suppose?" "Timid? Why, my dear sir, he sleeps every night alone in his stable without any light."
Father—What makes you so extravagant with my money, sir? Son—Well, dad, I thought you wouldn't like to spend it yourself after working so hard for it.
Little Girl—I want a cake of soap. Chemist—Have it scented? Little Girl—No. I won't have it scented. I'll take it with me; we only live around the corner.
The Lady—I want a hat for my husband, please, but I've no idea what size he takes. The Shop Assistant—I should say about twelve and a half, madam. Gents who have their hats chosen by their wives usually take about that size.
In an outward-bound Boston car the other evening there was not a seat left. A woman entered and not a man noticed her standing, apparently. Finally one man rose from his seat and offered it to the woman. She thanked him, adding: "You are the only gentleman in the car." She was startled by the answer. "Yer betcher yer life I am, kiddo."
The druggist danced and chortled till the bottles danced on the shelves. "What's up?" asked the soda clerk, "have you been taking something?" "No," gurgled the dope dispenser ecstatically. "But do you remember when your water pipes were frozen last winter?" "Yes; but what—" "The plumber who fixed them has just brought a prescription to be filled."
Mrs. McGuire—Is your old man any better since he wint to th' doctor's, Mrs. Finegan? Mrs. Finegan—Not wan bit, Mrs. McGuire; it's worse th' poor man is wid his head whirlin' aroun' an' aroun,' tryin' to discover how to follow th' doctor's directions. Mrs. McGuire—An' what are th' directions, Mrs. Finegan? Mrs. Finegan—Sure, they do be to take wan powder six toimes a day, Mrs. McGuire.
A man went into the ticket office of the Colorado Midland Railway, at Seventeenth and California streets, recently, and said to Mr. Whitley, the ticket agent: "I want to get a ticket to Lame Water, Col." "To what place?" asked the perplexed ticket man. "Lame Water—It's a mining camp." Whitley put his head in his hands and thought deeply a moment. "Oh," he said finally, "you mean Cripple Creek, don't you?" "Yes, that's the place," said the man. "I got it wrong."
These Books Tell You Everything!
A COMPLETE SET IS A REGULAR ENCYCLOPEDIA!
Each book consists of sixty-four pages, printed on good paper, in clear type and neatly bound in an attractive, illustrated cover. Most of the books are also profusely illustrated, and all of the subjects treated upon are explained in such a simple manner that any child can thoroughly understand them. Look over the list as classified and see if you want to know anything about the subjects mentioned.
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