CHAPTER XLI — HOW LAWLESS BECAME A LADY'S MAN
“Doublet and hose should show itself courageous to petticoats.
Therefore, courage!”
—As You Like It.
“From the crown of his head, to the sole of his foot, he is all mirth.
He hath a heart as sound as a bell, and his tongue is the clapper;
For what his heart thinks, his tongue speaks.
“I hope he is in love.”
—Much Ado about Nothing.
“FRANK, I am not at all satisfied about your sister,” began Oaklands, as the door closed after her. “She does not look well, and she seems entirely to have lost her spirits.”
“I thought as you do before I went up for my degree,” replied I; “but since my return I hoped she was all right again. What makes you imagine her out of spirits?”
“Oh! several things; she never talks and laughs as she used to do. Why, all this afternoon I could scarcely get half a dozen words out of her; and she seems to have no energy to do anything. How unwilling she appeared to enter into my scheme about the riding! She evidently dislikes the idea of exertion of any kind: I know the feeling well; but it is not natural for her; she used to be surprisingly active, and was the life and soul of the party. But what, perhaps, has caused me to notice all this so particularly, and makes me exceedingly uncomfortable, is, that I am afraid it is all owing to me.”
“Owing to you, my dear Harry! what can you mean?” inquired I.
“Why, I fear that business of the duel, and the great care she and your mother took of me (for which—believing as I do that, under Providence, it saved my life—I can never be sufficiently grateful), have been too much for her. Remember, she was quite a girl; and no doubt seeing an old friend brought to the house apparently dying, must have been a very severe shock to her, and depend upon it, her nerves have never recovered their proper tone. However, I shall make it my business to endeavour to interest and amuse her, and you must do everything you can to assist me, Frank; we'll get all the new books down from London, and have some people to stay at the Hall. She has shut herself up too much; Ellis says she has; I shall make her ride on horseback every day.”
“Horseback, eh!” exclaimed Lawless, who had entered the cottage without our perceiving him. “Ay, that's a prescription better than all your doctor's stuff; clap her on a side-saddle, and a brisk canter for a couple of hours every day across country will set the old lady up again in no time, if it's your mother that's out of condition, Frank. Why, Oaklands, man, you are looking as fresh as paint; getting sound again, wind and limb, eh?”
“I hope so, at last,” replied Harry, shaking Lawless warmly by the hand; “but I've had a narrow escape of losing my life, I can assure you.”
“No; really I didn't know it had been as bad as that I By Jove, if he had killed you, I'd have shot that blackhearted villain, Wilford, myself, and chanced about his putting a bullet into me while I was doing it.”
“My dear Lawless, I thank you for your kind feeling towards me; but I cannot bear to hear you speak in that light way of duelling,” returned Oaklands gravely; “if men did but know the misery they were entailing on all those who cared for them by their rash acts, independently of all higher considerations, duelling, and its twin brother, suicide, would be less frequent than they are. When I have seen the tears stealing down my father's grief-worn cheeks, and witnessed the anxious, painful expression in the faces of the kind friends who were nursing me, and have reflected that it was by yielding to my own ungoverned passions that I had brought all this sorrow upon them, my remorse has often been far harder to bear than any pain my wound has caused me.”
At this moment, my mother and Fanny making their appearance, I hastened to introduce Lawless, who, being greatly alarmed at the ceremony, grew very red in the face, shuffled my mother into a corner of the room, and upset a chair against her, stumbling over Harry's legs, and knocking down the chessboard in the excess of his penitence. Having, with my assistance, remedied these disasters, after stigmatising himself as an awkward dog, and comparing himself to a bull in a china-shop, he turned to Fanny, exclaiming:—
“Delighted to have the pleasure of seeing you at last, Miss Fairlegh; it is several years since I first heard of you. Do you remember the writing-desk at old Mildman's, eh, Frank? no end of a shame of me to spoil it; I have often thought so since; but boys will be boys, eh, Mrs. Fairlegh?”
My mother acquiesced in this obstinate adherence to their primary formation on the part of the junior members of the nobler sex with so much cordiality that Lawless was encouraged to proceed. “Glad to find there's a chance of seeing you out with us some of these days, ma'am; shall we be able to persuade you to accompany us to-morrow?”
“Yes, I think it very likely that I may go,” returned my mother, who imagined he was referring to some proposed drive; “in what direction will it be, pray?”
“Direction, eh? Why that of course depends very much on what line he may happen to take when he breaks cover,” returned Lawless. My mother, who had been previously advised of Lawless's sporting metaphors, concluding that the “he” referred to Sir John Oaklands, calmly replied:—
“Yes, certainly, I was mentioning the ruins of Saworth Abbey to Sir John yesterday; do you know them?”
“I should think I did—rather,” exclaimed Lawless, forgetting his company manners in the interest of the subject. “Why, I have seen more foxes run into in the fields round Saworth than in any other parish in the country. Whenever the meet is either at Grinder's End or Chorley Bottom, the fox is safe to head for Saworth. Oh! I see you're up to the whole thing, Mrs. Fairlegh; we shall have you showing all of us the way across country in fine style to-morrow. 1 expect there'll be some pretty stiff fencing though, if he should take the line you imagine, but I suppose you don't mind anything of that sort; with a steady, well-trained hunter (and a lady should never ride one that is not), there's very little danger—take care to keep out of the crowd when you're getting away; don't check your horse at his fences; have a little mercy on his bellows over the heavy ground; and with a light weight like yours you might lead the field. Why, Frank, you ought to be proud of Mrs. Fairlegh. I tell you what—the first time the hounds meet near Leatherly, I'll have my mother out, whether she likes it or not. I'll stand no nonsense about it, you may depend; she shall see a run for once in her life, at all events. Mrs. Fairlegh, ma'am,” he continued, rising and shaking her warmly by the hand, “excuse my saying so, but you're a regular brick—you are indeed!”
The scene at this moment would not have made a bad study for a painter. Oaklands, having struggled in vain to preserve his gravity, was in fits of laughter. Fanny, who had from the first perceived the equivoque, was very little better, while my mother, completely mystified, sat staring at Lawless, whom she evidently considered a little insane, with an expression of bewildered astonishment, not unmixed with fear. As soon as I could contrive to speak (for Lawless's face, when he had discovered the effect he had produced, completely finished me, and I laughed till the tears ran down my cheeks), I explained to him that it was my sister, and not my mother, who was thinking of riding, while the notion of hunting originated wholly and solely in his own fertile imagination.
“Eh? What! she doesn't hunt?—ah! I see, put my foot in it pretty deep this time; beg pardon, Mrs. Fairlegh—no offence meant, I assure you. Well, I thought it was a very fast thing for an old——I—that is, for a lady to do. I fancied you were so well up in the whole affair, too: most absurd, really; I certainly am not fit for female society. I think, when the hunting season's over, I shall put myself to one of those tip-top boarding-schools to learn manners for a quarter; the sort of shop, you know, where they teach woman her mission—(how to get a rich husband, eh, Frank?)—for three hundred pounds a year, washing and church principles extra, and keep a 'Professor' to instruct the young ladies in the art of getting out of a carriage on scientific principles, that is, without showing their ankles. Didn't succeed very well with my sister Julia, though; the girl happens to be particularly clean about the pasterns, so she declared it was infringing on the privileges of a free-born British subject, vowed her ankles were her own property, and she had a right to do what she liked with 'em, and carried out her principles by kicking the Professor's shins for him. Plucky girl is Julia; she puts me very much in mind of what I was when I was her age at Eton, and pinned a detonating cracker to old Botherboy's coat-tail, so that, what between the pin and the explosion, it's my belief he would have found himself more comfortable in the battle of Waterloo, than he felt the first time he sat down. Ah! those were happy days!”
Thus running on, Lawless kept us in a roar of laughter, till Oaklands, pulling out his watch, discovered it was time to return to the Hall, and prepare for dinner. It turned out, on examination, that the habit did require altering, so the ride was put off till the necessary repairs should be executed. As the next day proved too frosty to hunt, Lawless and I, under the auspices of the head-keeper, set to work to slaughter the supernumerary pheasants, Sir John and Harry joining us for a couple of hours, though Ellis would not allow the latter to carry a gun. We had a capital day's sport, and got home just in time to dress, and Sir John having contrived in the course of the afternoon to carry off my mother and Fanny, we were a very comfortable little party. Sir John took my mother down to dinner, and Lawless paired off with Fanny, an arrangement which, as his eccentricities evidently afforded her great amusement, I was not sorry for.
“Why, Fanny,” whispered I, when we joined the ladies in the drawing-room, “you are growing quite frisky; what a row you and Lawless were making at dinner-time! I have not heard you talk and laugh so much for many a day.”
“Oh! your friend is famous fun,” replied Fanny—“perfectly irresistible; I assure you I am delighted with him—he is something quite new to me.”
“I am so glad you have asked Lawless here,” observed I to Oaklands; “do you see how much pleased and amused Fanny is with him?—he appears to have aroused her completely—the very thing we were wishing for. He'll be of more use to her than all of us put together.”
“He seems to me to talk a vast deal of nonsense,” replied Harry, rather crossly, as I fancied.
“And yet 1 can't help being amused by it,” replied I; “I'm like Fanny in that respect.”
“I was not aware your sister had a taste for that style of conversation. I confess it's a sort of thing which very soon tires me.”
“Splendid old fellow, Sir John,” observed Lawless in an undertone, seating himself by Fanny; “I never look at him without thinking of one of those jolly old Israelites who used to keep knocking about the country with a plurality of wives and families, and an immense stud of camels and donkeys: they read 'em out to us at church, you know—what do you call 'em, eh?”
“One of the Patriarchs, I suppose you mean,” replied Fanny, smiling.
“Eh—yes, that's the thing. Noah was rather in that line before he took to the water system, wasn't he? Well, now, if you can fancy one of these ancients, decently dressed in a blue coat with brass buttons, knee shorts and silk stockings, like a Christian, it's my belief he'd be the very moral (as the old women call it) of Sir John; uncommonly handsome he must have been—even better looking than Harry, when he was his age.”
“Mr. Oaklands is so pale and thin now,” replied Fanny.
“Eh! isn't he just?” was the rejoinder. “Many a man has been booked for an inside place in a hearse for a less hurt than his; and I don't know that he is out of the wood, even yet.”
“Why, you don't think him worse?” exclaimed Fanny anxiously. “Nothing has gone wrong—you have not been told—are they keeping anything from me?”
“Eh! no! 'pon my word; Ellis, who is getting him into condition, say's he's all right, and will be as fresh as a colt in a month or two. Why, you look quite frightened.”
“You startled me for a moment,” replied Fanny, colouring slightly; “any little relapse renders Sir John so uncomfortable that we are naturally anxious on his account.”
“I am sure Lawless is boring your sister,” observed Oaklands, who had been sitting quite at the farther end of the drawing-room, cutting open the leaves of a new book. “I know that worried look of hers so well:—I shall go and interpose on her behalf.—Lawless,” he continued, crossing over to him, “the billiard-room is lighted up, if you like to challenge Fairlegh to a game.”
“Billiards, eh?” returned Lawless; “why, really, if you had walked as many miles to-day as I have, I don't think you'd much fancy trotting round a billiard-table. Besides, I'm very well off where I am,” he added, with what was intended for a gallant glance towards Fanny; “here's metal more attractive, as the fellow says in the play.”
Oaklands' only reply was a slight curl of the lip, and, turning to Fanny, he said, “Are you at all inclined to take your revenge? We shall have time for a good game if we begin at once; will you come into the music-room, or shall I fetch the chess-men here?”
“Is it not rather late?” replied Fanny hesitatingly.
“Not if we begin now,” returned Oaklands.
“Mr. Lawless was offering to show me some tricks with cards; as they will not take so long a time as a game of chess, perhaps that would be most advisable this evening.”
“Whichever you prefer; I will ring for cards,” replied Oaklands coldly. He then waited until the servant had executed the order, and, as soon as Lawless had attracted public attention to his performance, left the room unobserved.
Wonderful things did the cards effect under Lawless's able management—very wonderful indeed, until he showed you how they were done; and then the only wonder was that you had not found them out for yourself, and how you could have been stupid enough to be taken in by so simple a trick: and very great was Lawless on the occasion, and greater still was Ellis, who was utterly sceptical as to the possibility of performing any of the tricks beforehand, and quite certain, as soon as he had seen it, that he knew all about it, and could do it easily himself, and who, on trying, invariably failed; and yet, not profiting one bit by his experience, was just as sceptical and just as confident in regard to the next, which was of course attended by a like result. Very wonderful and very amusing was it all, and much laughter did it occasion; and the minutes flitted by on rapid wings, until my mother discovered that it was time for us to start on our walk to the cottage, a mode of progression of which Sir John by no means approved; he therefore rang the bell, and ordered the carriage. While they were getting it ready Harry's absence was for the first time observed, and commented on.
“Did anybody see when he left the room?” inquired Sir John.
“Yes,” replied I, “he went away just as Lawless began his performances.”
“Dear me! I hope he was not feeling ill,” said my mother.
“Ill, ma'am!” exclaimed Ellis, “impossible; you don't know Mr. Oaklands' constitution as well as I do, or such an idea could never have occurred to you; besides, you can't for a moment suppose he would think of being taken suddenly ill without having consulted me on the subject. I must go and see after him, ma'am, directly, but it's quite impossible that he should be ill;” and as he spoke he left the room with hurried steps.
“My dear Fanny, how you made me jump! I hope you haven't done any mischief,” exclaimed my mother, as Fanny, moving suddenly, knocked down the card-box, and scattered the contents on the carpet.
“I am sadly awkward,” returned Fanny, stooping to pick up the box; “I do not think it is injured.”
“My dear child, it does not in the least signify,” said Sir John, taking her kindly by the hand; “why, you have quite frightened yourself, you silly little thing; you are actually trembling; sit down, my dear, sit down—never mind the cards. Frank, if you'll ring the bell, Edmunds will see to that.”
“No, no! we'll pick 'em up,” exclaimed Lawless, going down on all fours; “don't send for the butler; he's such a pompous old boy; if I were to see him stooping down here, I should be pushing him over, or playing him some trick or other. I shouldn't be able to help it, he's so jolly fat. What a glorious confusion! kings and queens and little fishes all mixed up together!—here's the knave of clubs—hail-fellow-well-met with a thing that looks like a salmon with a swelled face! Well, you have been and gone and done it this time, Miss Fairlegh—I could not have believed it of you, Miss Fairlegh, oh!”
“Mind you pick them up properly,” retorted Fanny; “if you really were such a conjurer as you pretended to be just now, you would only have to say 'hocus pocus,' and the cards would all jump into the box again in proper order.”
“Then I should lose the pleasure of going on my knees in your service. There's a pretty speech for you, eh! I'll tell you what—you'll make a lady's man of me now, before you've done with me. I'm polishing rapidly—I know I am.”
“It's all right!” exclaimed Ellis, entering. “I found Mr. Oaklands lying on the sofa in the library; he says he feels a little knocked up by his walk this morning, and desired me to apologise for his absence, and wish everybody good-night for him. I say, Fairlegh,” continued he, drawing me a little on one side, “has anything happened to annoy him?”
“Nothing particular, that I know of,” replied I; “why do you ask?”
“I thought he looked especially cross; and he called our friend Lawless an intolerable puppy, and wondered how any woman of common sense could contrive to put up with him—that's all,” rejoined Ellis.
“Fanny refused to play chess with him, because she thought it too late in the evening;—that cannot have annoyed him?”
“Oh, no!” was the reply. “I see exactly what it is now: since the granulating process has been going on so beautifully in the side, his appetite has returned, and as he must not take any very active exercise just yet, the liver is getting torpid. I must throw in a little blue pill, and he'll be as good-tempered as an angel again; for, naturally, there is not a man breathing with a finer disposition, or a more excellent constitution, than Mr. Oaklands. Why, sir, the other day, when I had been relating a professional anecdote to him, he called me a 'bloodthirsty butcher,' and I honoured him for it—no hypocrisy there, sir.”
At this moment the carriage was announced, and we proceeded to take our departure, Lawless handing Fanny in, and then standing chattering at the window, till I was obliged to give him a hint that Sir John would not like to have the horses kept standing in the cold.
“You've made a conquest, Miss Fan,” said I, as we drove off: “I never saw Lawless pay such attention to any woman before; even Di Clapperton did not produce nearly so strong an effect, I can assure you.”
“I am quite innocent of any intention to captivate,” replied Fanny. “Mr. Lawless amuses me, and I laugh sometimes at, and sometimes with, him.”
“Still, my dear, you should be careful,” interposed my mother; “though it's play to you, it may be death to him, poor young man! I got into a terrible scrape once in that way myself, when I was a girl; laughing and joking with a young gentleman in our neighbourhood, till he made me an offer one morning, and I really believe I should have been persuaded into marrying him, though I did not care a bit about him, if I had not been attached to your poor dear father at the time: now you have nothing of that sort to save you; so, as I said before, my dear, mind what you are about.”
“I don't think Mr. Lawless's heart will be broken while there is a pack of hounds within reach, mamma dear,” replied Fanny, glancing archly at me as she spoke.
As we were about to proceed to our several rooms for the night, I contrived to delay my mother for a moment under pretext of lighting a candle for her, and closing the door, I said:—
“My dear mother, if, by any odd chance, Fanny should be inclined to like Lawless, don't you say anything against it. Lawless is a good fellow; all his faults lie on the surface, and are none of them serious; he is completely his own master, and might marry any girl he pleased tomorrow, and I need not tell you would be a most excellent match for Fanny. He seems very much taken with her; and no wonder, for she is really excessively pretty; and when she is in spirits, as she was to-night, her manner is most piquante and fascinating.”
“Well, my dear boy,” was the reply, “you know your friend best, and if he and Fanny choose to take a fancy to each other, and you approve of it, I shall not say anything against it.”
Whereupon I kissed her, called her a dear, good old mother, and carried up for her, in token of affection, her work-box, her reticule, her candle and a basket, containing a large bunch of keys, sundry halfpence and three pairs of my own stockings which wanted mending, a process which invariably rendered them unwearable ever after.