Lawyer Taffy and Dr. Pill
There are two distinguished gentlemen,
Who are very easily found;
They inhabit every borough,
Every village, city and town.
One will slowly take your life,
The other draws your will;
But the people all write to praise
Lawyer Taffy and Dr. Pill.
You think yourself in trouble,
The lawyer you must see;
But ere he imparts advice
There’s the retainer fee.
The amount will always vary,
According to your pile;
Ten dollars makes him crabbed—
Ten thousand makes him smile.
You have a little headache,
For the doctor you will send;
He’ll drive up to your domicile
And to you he will pretend
Your case is very serious;
He’ll have to call next day—
Then these visits will continue
As long as you can pay.
So the lawyer and the doctor
Are very much the same,
And while the world continues
I suppose they will remain.
They leave us in our happiness,
But when we have our ills,
The lawyer gives us taffy
And the doctor gives us pills.