An Ounce of Prevention
When first the Flu our old town hit
I said I'd keep from getting;
So I went home and with great care
I shut out drafts and shut out air.
I sprinkled sulphur in my shoes,
Then loaded up on blockade booze,
Some calomel and "C.C." pills,
Then castor oil up to my gills.
Each hour on soda I did feast;
I swallowed cakes of Fleischmann's yeast;
I ate ten onions, mighty nigh,
Then drank a slug of Good Old Rye;
Some asafoet'da round my neck,
Then took quinine, about a peck.
To keep from feeling all forlorn
I fraternized with Barleycorn;
Then aspirin, say twenty grains,
And codeine to keep off pains.
I chewed tobacco, smoked it, too,
Then took a dip of Mountain Dew.
I crawled in bed to get a rest,
Vick's Vaporub smeared on my chest.
I changed to woolen underduds
And carried 'round two Irish spuds;
I sprayed and gargled, wore a mask,
Snuffed Listerine, then tried my flask.
I felt my pulse; at tongue a look,
And then my temper'ture I took.
But strange to say quite sick I grew—
The doctor says I've got the Flu!
I guess he's right, but this is sure:
Right now I need the likker cure.
——————
I wonder if I'd stayed up town,
Cut out the dope, kept worry down,
Stayed right at work, not had a drink—
Would I have Flu? What do you think?
