Chapter III
I am made to look very blue at the Blue Posts—Find wild spirits around, and, soon after, hot spirits within me; at length my spirits overcome me Call to pay my respects to the Captain, and find that I had had the pleasure of meeting him before—No sooner out of one scrape than into another.
When we stopped, I inquired of the coachman which was the best inn. He answered "that it was the Blue Postesses, where the midshipmen leave their chestesses, call for tea and toastesses, and sometimes forget to pay for their breakfastesses." He laughed when he said it, and I thought that he was joking with me; but he pointed out two large blue posts at the door next the coach-office, and told me that all the midshipmen resorted to that hotel. He then asked me to remember the coachman, which, by this time I had found out implied that I was not to forget to give him a shilling, which I did, and then went into the inn. The coffee-room was full of midshipmen, and, as I was anxious about my chest, I inquired of one of them if he knew when the waggon would come in.
"Do you expect your mother by it?" replied he.
"Oh no! but I expect my uniforms—I only wear these bottle-greens until they come."
"And pray what ship are you going to join?"
"The Die-a-maid—Captain Thomas Kirkwall Savage."
"The Diomede—I say, Robinson, a'n't that the frigate in which the midshipmen had four dozen apiece for not having pipe-clayed their weekly accounts on the Saturday?"
"To be sure it is," replied the other; "why the captain gave a youngster five dozen the other day for wearing a scarlet watch-riband."
"He's the greatest Tartar in the service," continued the other; "he flogged the whole starboard watch the last time that he was on a cruise, because the ship would only sail nine knots upon a bowline."
"Oh dear," said I, "then I'm very sorry that I am going to join him."
"'Pon my soul I pity you: you'll be fagged to death: for there's only three midshipmen in the ship now—all the rest ran away. Didn't they, Robinson?"
"There's only two left now; for poor Matthews died of fatigue. He was worked all day, and kept watch all night for six weeks, and one morning he was found dead upon his chest."
"God bless my soul!" cried I; "and yet, on shore, they say he is such a kind man to his midshipmen."
"Yes," replied Robinson, "he spreads that report every where. Now, observe, when you first call upon him, and report your having come to join his ship, he'll tell you that he is very happy to see you, and that he hopes your family are well—then he'll recommend you to go on board and learn your duty. After that, stand clear. Now, recollect what I have said, and see if it does not prove true. Come, sit down with us and take a glass of grog; it will keep your spirits up."
These midshipmen told me so much about my captain, and the horrid cruelties which he had practised, that I had some doubts whether I had not better set off home again. When I asked their opinion, they said, that if I did, I should be taken up as a deserter and hanged; that my best plan was to beg his acceptance of a few gallons of rum, for he was very fond of grog, and that then I might perhaps be in his good graces, as long as the rum might last.
I am sorry to state that the midshipmen made me very tipsy that evening. I don't recollect being put to bed, but I found myself there the next morning, with a dreadful headache, and a very confused recollection of what had passed. I was very much shocked at my having so soon forgotten the injunctions of my parents, and was making vows never to be so foolish again, when in came the midshipman who had been so kind to me the night before. "Come, Mr Bottlegreen," he bawled out, alluding, I suppose, to the colour of my clothes, "rouse and bitt. There's the captain's coxswain waiting for you below. By the powers, you're in a pretty scrape for what you did last night!"
"Did last night!" replied I, astonished. "Why, does the captain know that I was tipsy?"
"I think you took devilish good care to let him know it when you were at the theatre."
"At the theatre! was I at the theatre?"
"To be sure you were. You would go, do all we could to prevent you, though you were as drunk as David's sow. Your captain was there with the admiral's daughters. You called him a tyrant and snapped your fingers at him. Why, don't you recollect? You told him that you did not care a fig for him."
"Oh dear! oh dear! what shall I do? what shall I do?" cried I: "My mother cautioned me so about drinking and bad company."
"Bad company, you whelp—what do you mean by that?"
"O, I did not particularly refer to you."
"I should hope not! However, I recommend you, as a friend, to go to the George Inn as fast as you can, and see your captain, for the longer you stay away, the worse it will be for you. At all events, it will be decided whether he receives you or not. It is fortunate for you that you are not on the ship's books. Come, be quick, the coxswain is gone back."
"Not on the ship's books," replied I sorrowfully. "Now I recollect there was a letter from the captain to my father, stating that he had put me on the books."
"Upon my honour, I'm sorry—very sorry indeed," replied the midshipman; —and he quitted the room, looking as grave as if the misfortune had happened to himself. I got up with a heavy head, and heavier heart, and as soon as I was dressed, I asked the way to the George Inn. I took my letter of introduction with me, although I was afraid it would be of little service. When I arrived, I asked, with a trembling voice, whether Captain Thomas Kirkwall Savage, of H.M. ship Diomede, was staying there. The waiter replied, that he was at breakfast with Captain Courtney, but that he would take up my name. I gave it him, and in a minute the waiter returned, and desired that I would walk up. O how my heart beat!—I never was so frightened—I thought I should have dropped on the stairs. Twice I attempted to walk into the room, and each time my legs failed me; at last I wiped the perspiration from my forehead, and with a desperate effort I went into the room.
"Mr Simple, I am glad to see you," said a voice. I had held my head down, for I was afraid to look at him, but the voice was so kind that I mustered up courage; and, when I did look up, there sat with his uniform and epaulets, and his sword by his side, the passenger in the plaid cloak, who wanted to open my letter, and whom I had told to his face, that he was no gentleman.
I thought I should have died as the other midshipman did upon his chest. I was just sinking down upon my knees to beg for mercy, when the captain perceiving my confusion, burst out into a laugh, and said, "So you know me again, Mr Simple? Well, don't be alarmed, you did your duty in not permitting me to open the letter, supposing me, as you did, to be some other person, and you were perfectly right, under that supposition, to tell me that I was not a gentleman. I give you credit for your conduct. Now sit down and take some breakfast."
"Captain Courtney," said he to the other captain, who was at the table, "this is one of my youngsters just entering the service. We were passengers yesterday by the same coach." He then told him the circumstance which occurred, at which they laughed heartily.
I now recovered my spirits a little—but still there was the affair at the theatre, and I thought that perhaps he did not recognize me. I was, however, soon relieved from my anxiety by the other captain inquiring, "Were you at the theatre last night, Savage?"
"No; I dined at the admiral's; there's no getting away from those girls, they are so pleasant."
"I rather think you are a little—taken in that quarter."
"No, on my word! I might be if I had time to discover which I liked best; but my ship is at present my wife, and the only wife I intend to have until I am laid on the shelf."
Well, thought I, if he was not at the theatre, it could not have been him that I insulted. Now if I can only give him the rum, and make friends with him.
"Pray, Mr Simple, how are your father and mother?" said the captain.
"Very well, I thank you, sir, and desire me to present their compliments."
"I am obliged to them. Now I think the sooner you go on board and learn your duty the better." (Just what the midshipman told me—the very words, thought I—then it's all true—and I began to tremble again.)
"I have a little advice to offer you," continued the captain. "In the first place, obey your superior officers without hesitation; it is for me, not you, to decide whether an order is unjust or not. In the next place, never swear or drink spirits. The first is immoral and ungentleman-like, the second is a vile habit which will grow upon you. I never touch spirit myself, and I expect that my young gentlemen will refrain from it also. Now you may go, and as soon as your uniforms arrive, you will repair on board. In the meantime, as I had some little insight into your character when we travelled together, let me recommend you not to be too intimate at first sight with those you meet, or you may be led into indiscretions. Good morning."
I quitted the room with a low bow, glad to have surmounted so easily what appeared to be a chaos of difficulty; but my mind was confused with the testimony of the midshipman, so much at variance with the language and behaviour of the captain. When I arrived at the Blue Posts, I found all the midshipmen in the coffee-room, and I repeated to them all that had passed. When I had finished, they burst out laughing, and said that they had only been joking with me. "Well," said I to the one who had called me up in the morning, "you may call it joking, but I call it lying."
"Pray, Mr Bottlegreen, do you refer to me?"
"Yes, I do," replied I.
"Then, sir, as a gentleman, I demand satisfaction. Slugs in a saw-pit.
Death before dishonour, d——e!"
"I shall not refuse you," replied I, "although I had rather not fight a duel; my father cautioned me on the subject, desiring me, if possible, to avoid it, as it was flying in the face of my Creator; but aware that I must uphold my character as an officer, he left me to my own discretion, should I ever be so unfortunate as to be in such a dilemma."
"Well, we don't want one of your father's sermons at second-hand," replied the midshipman, (for I had told them that my father was a clergyman); "the plain question is, will you fight, or will you not?"
"Could not the affair be arranged otherwise?" interrupted another. "Will not Mr Bottlegreen retract?"
"My name is Simple, sir, and not Bottlegreen," replied I; "and as he did tell a falsehood, I will not retract."
"Then the affair must go on," said the midshipman. "Robinson, will you oblige me by acting as my second?"
"It's an unpleasant business," replied the other; "you are so good a shot; but as you request it, I shall not refuse. Mr Simple is not, I believe, provided with a friend."
"Yes, he is," replied another of the midshipmen. "He is a spunky fellow, and I'll be his second."
It was then arranged that we should meet the next morning, with pistols. I considered that as an officer and a gentleman, I could not well refuse; but I was very unhappy. Not three days left to my own guidance, and I had become intoxicated, and was now to fight a duel. I went up into my room and wrote a long letter to my mother, enclosing a lock of my hair; and having shed a few tears at the idea of how sorry she would be if I were killed, I borrowed a bible from the waiter, and read it during the remainder of the day.