Passing Death Sentence on a Nuisance.
In another case of Western justice, I myself was the presiding magistrate in the Winnipeg police court, owing to the unavoidable absence of Colonel Peebles, the regular distributor of justice. A worthless drunken pirate, who had the championship for being the best all-round nuisance in whatever locality he happened to be, was brought up charged with being drunk and disorderly. The evidence was clear, and I felt that full justice should be sternly administered. So I put on my black Derby hat, and ordered the prisoner to stand up.
“George,” I said with dignity and solemnity, “you have been found guilty of being a general trouble provider and a universal nuisance. The sentence of this court is that you be taken from the place from whence you came, immediately after breakfast next Friday morning, and be hanged by the neck until you are sure enough dead, and may the good Lord have mercy on your alleged Protestant soul.”
George stood aghast, but just then the good old Colonel came in, and intimated to me that I couldn’t hang a man for being drunk, even if he was a confounded nuisance.
“I can’t, eh? What on earth am I here for, tell me that, Colonel Peebles?”
Chief Murray and other court officials corroborated the Colonel’s statement and, as I am always willing to oblige, I immediately relented and ordered the prisoner to still stand and also to stand still.
“George, some warm if misguided friends have intervened in your miserable behalf, and have pleaded with me to be merciful. I shall—instead of sentencing you to the gallows, where you should go—I shall banish you off the face of the earth. Now get!”
And George did, but before he got very far he came over to St. Boniface, where I had an office, and borrowed $6.00 from me to take him to Pembina, which is just across the international boundary and outside the jurisdiction of the Winnipeg courts. I warmly congratulate myself that that was the only time I ever “committed a nuisance.”