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[ Don't Shoot, Please 019 ]
[ Doctors Left a Monkey Wrench in Him 025
]
[ Went out Just Ahead of the Old Man's
Arctic Overshoes 027 ]
[ Pasted a Tomato Can Label on the Suitcase
31 ]
[ He Began to Dance All Around the Platform
037 ]
[ Fished out a Nickel and Gave It to the
Porter 042 ]
[ President Began to Curl up his Lip 045
]
[ I Was Starting to Give Him a Swift Punch
047 ]
[ Saw the Marble Coffins in Which George
and Martha 050 ]
[ Slipped It Down the Back of Dad's Pants
057 ]
[ The Waiter Brought Dad the Check 063 ]
[ One Man Wanted Dad to Cash a Check 067
]
[ Night Watchman Came in With a House
Policeman 071 ]
[ I Am Sorry for Dad, Because he Holds More
Than I Do 074 ]
[ A Speech, Thanking his Fellow Countrymen
078 ]
[ Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep 094 ]
[ Snarl at Everybody They See 101 ]
[ Stood Around and Let Richard Kill Those
Princes 098 ]
[ Beefeater's Stampede 107 ]
[ Suit he Had Made in Oshkosh 111 ]
[ Settling the Irish Question 115 ]
[ God Save the King 119 ]
[ He Went over Backwards 121 ]
[ Glad to Serve Any of the Descendants Of
The Heroes 126 ]
[ Dad Rolled off over the Bowsprit 128 ]
[ Isn't Money Enough in the Whole Family to
Wad a Gun 131 ]
[ Dad Drove the Dukes out 135 ]
[ Coughs up a Tip Every Time 143 ]
[ A Tone of Voice That Meant Trouble 138
]
[ I Won't Hurt the Little Runt 145 ]
[ Tried to Explain That he Had Been Buncoed
148 ]
[ Badge on Dad's Breast, With the Word
“bishop” 153 ]
[ Dad Was a Sight when We Found Him in Jail
155 ]
[ Flies Crawling Around There Are Men and
Women 157 ]
[ He Took out a Five-dollar Bill 159 ]
[ Dance, Like They Had Seen the People
Dance at The Show 164 ]
[ A System of Gambling 162 ]
[ Seeing the Poor Devils Who Had Gone Broke
166 ]
[ Reach Into Another Pocket and Dig up
Another Roll 171 ]
[ Started in on a Democratic Speech 175
]
[ Dad Got Down on his Knees and Tried to
Say a Prayer 178 ]
[ Dad Slipped Down a Crevice About 100 Feet
181 ]
[ Have to Remain There Until Spring Opened
183 ]
[ Dad and the Anarchists Reveled Till
Morning 188 ]
[ Coughed up over $40 the First Day, Just
Giving to Beggars 191 ]
[ Overboard, One Yell in the English
Language, One In Eye-talian 193 ]
[ Then You Don't Blame Your Little Boy, Do
You 197 ]
[ Wanted to Turn in a Fire Alarm 201 ]
[ Threw a Pail of Ashes over the Fence 204
]
[ Dad Insisted on Carrying an Umbrella 207
]
[ The Man Rolled Dad over and he Was a
Sight 210 ]
[ It Was a Picture to See Dad Go up Old
Baldhead 214 ]
[ And She Was Stroking his Hair 217 ]
[ He Was Yelling for Water 223 ]
[ Pulled a Long Blue Gun 220 ]
[ It Brought on a Revolution 227 ]
[ What Dad Expected of Me in the Way Of
Amusement 230 ]
[ Went over in the Sand and Struck his
Pants on a Cactus 233 ]
[ He Took the Lead for Good Old Rome 235
]
[ Had to Kiss Anybody They Brought To Me
238 ]
[ For Awhile Dad Dassent Go up 241 ]
[ He Would Break Me up Into Bones, and
Throw Me Into a Pile 246 ]
[ The Russian Told Dad That Nicholas Just
Doted On Americans 250 ]
[ See the Guards Shaking Dice for Our Money
253 ]
[ A Cossack Rode Right up to Him and Lashed
Him over The Back 258 ]
[ Hit Dad in the Nose With The Butt of a
Revolver 255 ]
[ Hung by One Pant Leg 264 ]
[ Piled Us out on Top of Dad 269 ]
[ Dad Stood up in the Sledge 267 ]
[ Pursued by a Pack of Ravenous Wolves 271
]
[ When Dad Put his Hand on Her Shoulder and
Petted It 276 ]
[ Get out You Hounds 282 ]
[ There'll Be a Hot Time in the Old Town
To-night 279 ]
[ Another Took Me by the Ear 285 ]
[ He Must Bring his Folks, and All His
Wives 289 ]
[ He Was Just Getting Warmed up 293 ]
[ Stampede 299 ]
[ It Takes Nine Baths to Get Down To
American Epidermis 304 ]
[ Sat There Like a Frog on A Pond Lily Leaf
308 ]
[ Started on a Stampede for the Pyramids
311 ]
[ I Was Ashamed of Dad 319 ]
[ Pay, Or They Would Kill Him 316 ]
[ Dad is Disguised As a Shiek 323 ]
[ Keep Away from the Banks for Fear The
Banks Will Cave In 329 ]
[ Sang So Loud You Would Think he Would
Split Hisself 333 ]
[ Breathed in his Face 339 ]
[ The King Got One Piece of the Cayenne
Pepper Candy 347 ]
[ Dad Couldn't Stand It Any Longer 343 ]
[ Dad's Pants Stayed on the Bull's Horns
349 ]
[ There is Laughter Everywhere 353 ]
[ And So This is the Champion Little Devil
of America 357 ]
[ Dad Leaned Against a Lamp Post and
Scratched his Back 364 ]
[ Began to Sell Things To Dad 368 ]
[ Dad and Leopold Make a Rush for That
Swimming Place 372 ]
[ I'll Swim You a Match to the Other Side
378 ]
[ When the Goats Began to Chew The Clothes
375 ]
[ Grabbed a Mouthful of Dad's Ample Pants
386 ]
[ The Ox Bellowed and Run Away 382 ]
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