§13
Mr. Brumley, also, slept little that night. He was wakefully mournful, recalling each ungraceful incident of the afternoon’s failure in turn and more particularly his dispute with the ticket clerk, and thinking over all the things he might have done—if only he hadn’t done the things he had done. He had made an atrocious mess of things. He felt he had hopelessly shattered the fair fabric of impressions of him that Lady Harman had been building up, that image of a wise humane capable man to whom a woman would gladly turn; he had been flurried, he had been incompetent, he had been ridiculously incompetent, and it seemed to him that life was a string of desolating inadequacies and that he would never smile again.
The probable reception of Lady Harman by her husband never came within his imaginative scope. Nor did the problems of social responsibility that Lady Harman had been trying to put to him exercise him very greatly. The personal disillusionment was too strong for that.
About half-past four a faint ray of comfort came with the consideration that after all a certain practical incapacity is part of the ensemble of a literary artist, and then he found himself wondering what flowers of wisdom Montaigne might not have culled from such a day’s experience; he began an imitative essay in his head and he fell asleep upon this at last at about ten minutes past five in the morning.
There were better things than this in the composition of Mr. Brumley, we shall have to go deep into these reserves before we have done with him, but when he had so recently barked the shins of his self-esteem they had no chance at all.
CHAPTER THE SEVENTH
Lady Harman learns about Herself