LIII.
THE LEG.
"One is compelled sometimes to say to oneself,
'On what does ruin or safety depend?'"
J. TOURGUENEFF (Les eaux printanières).
Then I heard him come upstairs cautiously and stop at the door of my room. All at once he opened it. He remained standing still for a moment, then he came near my bed on tip-toe.
I half-opened my eyes quickly, and the first thing I saw was his naked legs—my word, he had a very well-made leg! I looked again and saw that he was covered with an old black cloak which served him as a dressing-gown.
I closed my eyes again quickly, and, without giving an account of my feelings, I was overcome by a strong emotion.
My uncle passed his hand over my forehead. He found it burning, for he cried out directly: "But she is really ill, she is really ill, poor child." Then leaning over me: "Little one, little one, where are you in pain?"
I pretended to wake up with a start, and I stared wildly at him, as if I was much surprised to see him there. We women have the instinct of deceit from birth; believe me, what I tell you is true, Monsieur le Curé.
—It is possible, Veronica.
—Well, then be said to me, "Where are you in pain, little one?" I put my finger on the pit of my stomach, and replied in a feeble voice "Here."
He put his hand there, and I saw that he moved it about with complacency on that part.
This touch seemed to make him beside himself, "Oh, the pretty little girl, the pretty little girl!" he said, "she is ill, poor dear child." And his hand continued to caress me.
You may think how I was trembling. Although he did it very decently, I said to myself that it was not altogether proper, but I took good care not to utter a word. A girl is inquisitive, you know, and I was not displeased to see what he would come to.
"Will you have a fomentation?" he said to me after a moment. "No, uncle," I answered, "I feel I am getting better, it is not worth while; I am even going to get up to make you your posset." "To get up, do you dream of it?… All the same, perhaps you are right, there is still some fire in my room: will you come there? you will warm yourself better than in your bed." "I will, if it does not disturb you." "Disturb me! no, no, don't be afraid of disturbing me; come, put on a dress and come."
I sat up in bed, thinking that he would go out of the room to let me dress, but he remained standing in front of me, and his looks frightened me.
I remained sitting on the bed, without stirring. "Well, well, little girl, you are not getting up?"
"I dare not get up before you, uncle." "Are you silly? What are you afraid of? Are you not my niece? Come, come, out of bed, little stupid." He said that in a gentle insinuating voice, and I dared not hesitate any more. I put one leg out of bed. He followed my movements with the greatest attention; "Well, well, and that other leg?"
I put out the other leg, blushing all over with shame, and I wanted to take my petticoat.
But he came near directly and said: "Oh, the lovely little lass, how pretty she is like this…. You will always be good, will you not?"
"Yes, uncle."
"How pretty you are when you are good. You will always be so? You promise?"
"Yes, uncle."
"Oh, I want to kiss you for that kind promise."
—I held out my cheek to him without resistance, but it was my mouth which received the kiss. It was followed by a thousand others. One is not of iron, Monsieur le Curé, and that was how … I … lost my innocence.
—What, Veronica, you fell so easily! They say that it is only the first step which is painful, but it seems hardly to have been painful to you.
—Oh, Monsieur le Curé, we women are full of faults, and we deserve only eternal damnation.
—I do not say that, Veronica. Certainly in this circumstance all the fault lies on your seducer, but I should have preferred more struggle on your part.
—You men are very good with your struggle. To hear you, we never make enough resistance. Would one not say that the poor women are made of another paste than you, and that they ought to be harder?
—No, but it is necessary to know how to govern one's passions. That is the noble, the lofty, the meritorious thing. Resist temptation, everything lies in that.
[PLATE III: THE LEG. "Oh, the lovely little lass, how pretty she is like this…">[
[Illustration]
—Everything lies in that, I know it well; but what would you? I had lost my head entirely like Monsieur Braqueminet. And I did not know what he wanted, or what he was going to do. I only understood when it was too late.
—Ah, Veronica, you singular woman, you have made me quite beside myself with your stories.
—It was you who wished it.
—The Abbé Fortin! the Abbé Braqueminet! God of heaven! and who besides?
—The Abbé Marcel!
—Yes, it is true, I also … I have been on the point of transgressing. Ah! temptation is sometimes very strong, Veronica, my good Veronica; the noble thing is to resist.
The greatest saints have succumbed. St. Origen was obliged to employ a grand means, you know what, my daughter?
—Monsieur Fortin has told me. But you must not act like that saint; that would be a pity, it would be better to succumb, dear Monsieur Marcel. How I like your name, Marcel, Marcel, it is so soft to the mouth.
—To resist temptation like Jesus on the mountain….
—There was but one Jesus.
—Like St. Antony in the desert….
—That is rubbish; in the desert no one could tempt him.
—Leave the room, Veronica; since you have talked to me, I understand the fault of your former masters; leave the room.
—Are you afraid of me then? Angels of heaven, a woman like me. Is it possible? Ah, I should have been very proud of it.
—Proud to make me sin?
—Sin! Sin! Monsieur le Curé: why do we call that a sin?
She came nearer to him. He wished to rise from his chair, but his hand went astray, he never knew how, on his servant's waist.
Oh vow of chastity, sentiments of modesty, manly dignity and priestly virtue, where were you, where were you?