CHAPTER FOUR
Go to the lemon grove, oh, thou Scholarette! For no woman with brains hath ever plucked a peach in the Garden of Matrimony.
Nay, it is not given unto one woman to possess both real ability and a real husband.
For unto a successful woman an husband is but an adjunct; and no man yearneth to be an annex!
Alas! He preferreth soft, sweet things, and unto him a woman that knoweth her own mind is an abomination.
Verily, verily, a woman with nerves affecteth a man as a mosquito that buzzeth throughout a summer night. She wearieth him.
But a woman with nerve is as a cold bath on a winter morning. She shocketh him!
Lo, an intelligent opinion in the mouth of a woman horrifieth a man even as the scissors in the mouth of a babe.
And a wife with judgment which exceedeth his own is more uncanny than a pet parrot which saith the appropriate thing at the right moment. She appalleth him!
My Daughter, in all the land dost thou know of one clever woman who hath been happily married?
Nay! For I say unto thee there can be but one mind, one opinion, and one throne in an household; and every man claimeth these for himself.
Then, oh, thou Temperamental One, whatsoever thou receivest in the love game, accept it gladly and rejoice thereat.
For, whether it be a babe torn from the cradle or an octogenarian spared from the grave; whether it be a left-over bachelor, or an hand-me-down widower; though thou weddest fourscore times, thou shalt do no better!
Verily, verily, in the life of every woman, there cometh a season when she yearneth for sentiment, and neither the love of her “art” nor the adoration of a poodle dog is sufficient.
And a little unhappiness with an husband is more to be desired than great loneliness without one.
Go to! Life without one of these is as spaghetti without sauce and more insipid than bouillon without salt.
Therefore, my Daughter, gather in the Lemon which Fate awardeth thee and let thine heart be comforted.
For though wine is desirable, yet lemonade is not to be despised; and even an Highbrow shall find an husband an agreeable distraction from serious things!