PAT’S EXCUSE.

Characters:

Curtain rises.—Discovers Nora in kitchen, peeling potatoes.

Nora. Och! it’s deceivin’ that all men are! Now I belaved Pat niver would forsake me, and here he’s trated me like an ould glove, and I’ll niver forgive him. How praties make your eyes water. (Wipes tears away.) Almost as bad as onions. Not that I’m cryin’; oh, no. Pat Murphy can’t see me cry. (Knock without.) There is Pat now, the rascal. I’ll lock the door. (Hastens to lock door.)

Pat (without). Arrah, Nora, and here I am.

Nora. And there ye’ll stay, ye spalpeen.

Pat (without). Ah, come now, Nora,—ain’t it opening the door you are after? Sure, I’m dyin’ of cold.

Nora. Faith, you are too hard a sinner to die aisy—so you can take your time about it.

Pat. Open the door, cushla; the police will be takin’ me up.

Nora. He won’t kape you long, alanna!

Pat. Nora, if you let me in, I’ll tell you how I came to lave you at the fair last night.

Nora (relenting). Will you, for true?

Pat. Indade I will.

(Nora unlocks door. Enter Pat gayly. He snatches a kiss from her.)

Nora. Be off wid ye! Now tell me how you happened to be wid Mary O’Dwight last night?

Pat (sitting down). Well, you see it happened this way; ye know Mike O’ Dwight is her brother, and he and me is blatherin’ good friends, ye know; and as we was going to Caltry the ither day, Mike says to me, says he: “Pat, what’ll you take fur that dog?” and I says, says I—

Nora (who has been listening earnestly). Bother you, Pat, but you are foolin’ me again.

Pat (coaxingly takes her hand). No—no—Nora—I’ll tell ye the truth this time, sure. Well, as I was sayin’, Mike and me is good friends; and Mike says, says he: “Pat, that’s a good dog.” “Yis,” says I, “it is.” And he says, says he. “Pat, it is a blatherin’ good dog.” “Yis,” says I; and then—and then—(Scratches his head as if to aid his imagination.)

Nora (angrily snatching away hand). There! I’ll not listen to another word!

She Sings.

(Tune—Rory O’Moore.)

Oh, Patrick Murphy, be off wid you, pray,

I been watching your pranks this many a day;

You’re false, and ye’re fickle, as sure as I live

And your hateful desaivin’ I’ll niver forgive.

Ouch! do you think I was blind yester night,

When you walked so fine with Mary O’Dwight?

You kissed her, you rascal, and called her your own,

And left me to walk down the dark lane alone.

Pat (taking up song).

Oh, Nora, me darlint, be off wid your airs,

For nobody wants you, and nobody cares!

For you do want your Patrick, for don’t you see,

You could not so well love any but me.

When my lips met[1] Miss Mary’s, now just look at me,

I shut my eyes tight just this way, don’t you see?

And when the kiss came, what did I do?—

I shut my eyes tight, and made believe it was you!

Nora.

Be off wid your nonsense—a word in your ear,

Listen, my Patrick, be sure that you hear;

Last night when Mike Duffy came here to woo,

We sat in the dark, and made believe it was you—

And when the kiss came, now just look at me,—

I shut my eyes tight, just this way, don’t you see?

And when our lips met, what did I do,

But keep my eyes shut, and make belave it was you!

(Nora, laughing; Pat, disconcerted.)

[QUICK CURTAIN.]

[1] From the asterisk they sing only the first strain of “Rory O’More”—omitting the minor strain, with which Nora finishes her first stanza.