SUNDAY IN THE HOME
Almost every family finds Sunday a problem. Other days are well occupied with full programs; this one has a program for only part of its time. Other days are rich with the liberty of happy action, but this one is frequently marked by inaction, repression, and limitations. As soon as the evanescent pleasure of Sunday clothes has passed, for those for whom it existed at all, the children settle down to endure the day.
§ 1. THE MEANING OF THE DAY
Fathers and mothers who vent a sigh of relief when Sunday is over must marvel at the strains of "O day of joy and gladness." Yet this day defeats its purpose when it is of any other character. We have no right to rob it of its joy and its healing balm. On the day made for man, sacred to his highest good, whatever hinders the real happiness of the child ought to be set aside.
Instead of accepting traditions regarding the method of observing the Sunday, would it not be worth while to ask ourselves, For what use of the day can we properly be held responsible? Here are so many—fifty-two a year—days of special opportunity. To us who complain that business interferes with the personal education of our children through the week, what ought this day to mean? To us who lament the little time we can spend with our families, what ought this day to mean? And what ought we to try to make it mean to children?
We call this God's day; what must some children think of a God who robs his day of all pleasure? If this is the kind of day he makes, then how unattractive would be his years and eternity! It is the day when we have our best opportunity to show them what God is like, to interpret his world and his works in terms of beauty, kindness, riches of thought, and love.
It ought to be the day reserved for the best in life, for the treasures of affection, for the uses of the spirit. Whatever is done this day must come to this test, Is this a ministry to the life of goodness, truth, and loving service? Does this enrich lives? In other words, we may put the broad educational test to the day and its program and determine all by ministry to growing lives.
§ 2. CONSERVING THE VALUES
The family faces the problem of the opposition between the rights of man on this day and the greed of commerce, the fight between a day of rest and a day of work. Man's right to rest is assured, legally, but commerce in the name of amusement and in the guise of petty and unnecessary trading constantly maintains its fight to invade the day of rest, to turn it from ministry to man as a person to the dull level of the week of ministry to things. The home has much at stake in this struggle. It needs one day free from the life that tears its members apart, free from the toil that engrosses thought, free for its members to live together as spiritual beings.
In the need for one day, free from the things that hinder and devoted to the life of the spirit, the home finds the guiding principle for the use of the day; all members are to be trained to use it as a glorious opportunity, a welcome period, a day of the best things of life. It is devoted to personality, to man's rights as a religious being.
Surely one of the best things of life will be that we shall meet one another, shall look into faces of friends and companions! And this opportunity of social mingling is lifted to a high level when it is an act of the larger family life, the life that brings God and man into one family. That is what the church meeting and service ought to be: our Father's larger family getting together on the day of the life that makes them one. For the child the church school and the children's service of worship are their immediate points of vital touch with the church family. If we think of the day as affording us the pleasure of social mingling with friends and members of that family, Sunday morning will cease to be a period of unwilling observance of empty duties. Of course that will depend, too, on the measure in which the church and school grasp their opportunity to make this the best of days.[31]
Further, let the home keep this day as the one of personal values all the way through, sacred to that life of love, friendship, and joy in the presence of one another which is the essential life of the family. It has always been a good custom for friends to visit on this day, for families grown up and established around their own hearths to gather again for a few hours. It is the day when we have time to discover how much greater are the riches of friendship than aught besides, when, looking into the eyes of those we love, we see "the light that never was on sea or land," the ultimate good!
The hours of being together are the hours of real education. Children cannot be with good and great people and remain the same. Their lives need other lives. Above all, they need us. This should be the day for real mothering and fathering. Nothing ought to be permitted to interfere with this, neither our social pleasures nor the demands of the church.
§ 3. THE PROBLEM OF PLAY
What shall we do with the child who wants to play on Sunday? Is there any other kind of child? They all want to. It is as natural for a child to play as it is for a man to rest; it is as necessary. A child is a growing person learning life by play. Because play seems trivial to us we assume it is so to them; we would banish the trivial from the day devoted to the higher life. In some families play is forbidden because children find pleasure in it, and adults find it impossible to associate piety and pleasure.
Shall we then throw down all barriers and make this day the same as all others? No, rather make the day different by throwing down barriers that stand on other days. Let this be the day when the barriers between father and sons, parents and children, are let down and all can enter into the joy of living.
Play is to a child the idealization of life's experiences and the realization of its ideals. That is why he plays at school, idealizing the everyday life; that is why he plays at housekeeping, at being in church, at being a railway engineer, even a highwayman or an outlaw. The traditional games are the game of life itself in terms of childhood. Play as idealized experience and realized ideals is to the child what the church, worship, and the reading of fiction and essays are to the adult. Play is the child's method of reaching forward into life's meaning. Some games as old as history carry a weight of human tradition and experience as rich for a child as the adult obtains from historical review and from association with the past. There is a sense in which the child playing these games opens the Bible of the race.[32]
We cannot make children over into our pattern; we have to learn from them. Indeed, we come to life through their ways. We must become as little children. Before we settle the question of play on Sunday we do well to be sure that we know what play means to children, that we really grasp something of its educational value and its religious potency. Then we can proceed to a family policy in Sunday play.
§ 4. A POLICY ON PLAY
Keep the day as one of family unity. Help the child to think of it as a day protected for the sake of family togetherness. You can play that for this day the ideal is already realized of a family life uninterrupted by the demands of labor and business.
Maintain the unity by doing the ideal things together. Go to the place of worship together, provided it is the place where the child can find expression for spiritual ideals. If the Sunday school does not really lift the child-life and really teach the child, if it is not honest with him and makes no suitable provision for his developing nature, he will be better off in a quiet hour of family conversation and reading at home. That means the application of parents to this hour.[33] It banishes the monstrous Sunday supplement with its hideous, debasing pictures. It substitutes conversation in the whole group, reading aloud of stories and poems, biblical and otherwise, and songs, hymns, or at times the walk in the fields or parks. Fortunately the better type of Sunday school is more and more to be found; children are more and more receiving a ministry actually determined by their needs. So far as the church service is concerned the ideal situation is found when a parallel service is provided for children, based on their needs and capacities. As to attendance, under other circumstances, in the family pew, that depends on whether the child is gaining an aversion to the church by the torture and tedium often involved. Without doubt many adults acquired the settled habit of sleeping in church because that was the only possible relief in childhood.[34]
Maintain the family unity by stepping into the child's ideal life. Expect activity and use it. Why should we assume that because the adult finds a Sunday nap enjoyable the child will be blessed by enforced silence? I would rather see a father playing catch with his boys on Sunday than see the boys cowed into silence while he slept a Sabbath sleep. Children will play. Their play is innocent; more, it may be helpful and educative; we can insure these values in it by our participation. That is the parent's opportunity for a closer sympathy with his children. Playing together is the closest living, thinking, and feeling together. Where games are shared, confidences, secrets, and aspirations are shared, too. Besides, the participation of the adult may tend to tone up the game and to moderate boisterousness.
Seek the beautiful. Speaking as one who has been under both the puritanical regulation and the so-called "continental" freedom of Sunday observance, nothing seems much more beautiful than the sight of an entire family playing at home, in the park, or off in the woods or the fields of the country. Life is strengthened, ideals are lifted, family ties knit closer, gratitude is quickened, and courage stimulated by play of this kind.
§ 5. POINTS OF DIFFERENCE
But because it is evidently most important that this day should be different from other days, it is well to mark that difference in our plays and pleasures and to follow some simple principles for Sunday play.
First, make it the day of the best plays. The participation of parents will tend to have this effect. Sometimes some forms of play may be reserved for this day.
Secondly, our play should never interfere with the rights of those who desire to be quiet or to observe the day in ways differing from ours. We must respect the rights of all.
Thirdly, our play must not cause additional or unnecessary labor.
Fourthly, our play must not interfere with the pleasures of others. For instance, in the city children who can use the public tennis courts every day should keep off them on Sunday in order to give opportunity to those who can use them only on that day.
Having said so much on play on Sundays, we must not leave the impression that play is the principal thing. It would be the principal thing for children compelled to work or confined in crowded tenements on all other days. This is a day of rest. Play should not be carried beyond the rest and refreshment stage.
Nor must we assume that a recognition of play involves neglect of worship and instruction. Both should be cherished among the delights of the day. Every attempt to make the day a happy one, by normal play, associates the emphasis on worship with increased happiness in the child's mind.
§ 6. THE SUNDAY AFTERNOON PROBLEM
"What shall we do?" the children ask restlessly on Sunday afternoons, and it is by no means a strange question. All the week they have their school work, on Saturdays their play. No wonder Sunday afternoon seems dull. Yet if we older ones use it aright this is our opportunity to give them the best time of all the week. We can make this part of the day really a holiday if we just take time to plan it right. There is something wrong in the home in which the child, as he grows up, does not look forward happily to his Sunday afternoons.
Sunday afternoon should be a family festival time. Keep it sacred to the family. Business and social life claim us all the week, and the church claims its share of this day; but these afternoon hours we can, if we will, reserve for our own home life, for the closer drawing together of children and parents. To hold this time sacred for the children and their interests will help to solve "the Sunday afternoon problem."
1. The child's question, "What shall I do next?"—Children are dynamic, perpetually active. They grow in the direction toward which their activities are turned. Repression is impossible. We must either find the best things for them to do, or let them chance on things good or bad. The following outline for Sunday afternoon is given in the hope that it may help to answer the "what next."
1. Begin to make The Family Book.
2. Give "festival name" to the day, and take an excursion in honor of the one for whom the day is named.
3. Organize an exploring party to discover peoples and scenes of long, long ago.
4. Get acquainted with some beautiful home thoughts.
5. Enjoy an evening hour of song and praise.
2. "The Family Book."—To start The Family Book, mother or father raises the question at dinner: "What was the best Sunday of all last year, and why was it the best?" Everyone, from the oldest down to the least, should have a chance to tell. The statements of the older ones will encourage the younger.
That question will start another: What is the very best thing we can remember about the year past? Let everyone take a pencil and paper and in just ten minutes decide on and write down the one thing best worth remembering. Perhaps the baby cannot write yet, but he or she will want paper and pencil, too. Now, instead of making our answers known to one another, we fold the papers and keep them till the evening meal. We will open them then and talk it all over. Afterward we are going to copy the answers into a new book we are going to make.
This new book is to be called The Family Book, and we expect to put into it all the pleasant things we wish to record about our home and family. Any blank book with ruled lines will do. Some time today we will elect a keeper of the book, and before we go to bed we will see the first entry in that book under the title, "Happy Memories of 1915." That will make a good beginning for The Family Book. Next Sunday we will discuss and set down in the book the happy memories of the intervening week.
3. The festival name.—Now, we have been sitting, talking, and writing as long as the children will care to be still. Suppose we all go outdoors together, every one of us. What if the weather is bad? It is seldom truly bad, and there is so much real happiness in going out in all weathers together.
But where shall we go? There is no fun in walking simply for exercise or health. Well, says father, we can decide where to go by naming the day. How? We will find the most interesting birthday or anniversary that falls today or during the next week. If one of the family has a birthday then, that one shall choose our walk for us. If not, then when we have chosen the national hero or heroine whose birthday falls near this time, or the event the anniversary of which comes nearest, we will go, if possible, where something will remind us of that person or event.
So we fall to discussing the possibilities. We search through almanacs until we find the anniversary that suits us all. Perhaps one of the parents has anticipated all this by looking up the matter, and has a good name to suggest. Or the older ones may consult a dictionary of dates. It may turn out to be the birthday of a national hero. In the city he may have a statue; in the country may be found the kinds of woods, flowers, or animals he loved.
4. The exploring party.—But even after the walk it will not be long before the little ones are asking, "What can we do next?" So we organize the exploring party. Our object is to discover the countries, scenes, strange peoples, and most interesting persons we have heard of in the Bible. We are to find them in the advertising sections of old magazines. Let each one take a magazine and go through it, looking for oriental scenes, for pictures of incidents and of men and women that will remind him of Bible scenes and characters. These are to be cut out, explained, and arranged in the order of time, as they happened, every member of the family helping. The same plan may be applied to scenes of missionary work, using blank books for stories of heroism which children will illustrate with the magazine pictures.
5. Home thoughts.—"Home, sweet home," is just a corner of the afternoon saved for the discovery and reading of selections that are worth keeping in our memories and are also likely to help us hold our homes in some measure of the love and reverence they deserve. There are songs of home that ought never to be forgotten.
6. Religious reading and songs close the day happily.—Children love religious reading and songs, provided they are offered for their worth and not as an exercise, or to be learned as an empty duty. Take down your Bible and read Psalm 100, "Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye lands"; see whether they do not all enjoy the music and majesty of those lines. You will not find it difficult to secure their co-operation in learning that by heart.
Then close the day with an hour of song. The children will remember songs learned thus all their lives; therefore those worth remembering should be chosen. For one, there is that dear old song many of us learned at mother's knee, "Jesus loves me, this I know." That and others that are appropriate can be found in almost every hymnbook. Many books of school songs also have a few hymns and Sunday songs that children like.
Parents are puzzled, perhaps most of all, to choose appropriate stories to read to the children on Sunday. Youngsters prefer, of course, the told story to the read one, but if you wish to read you will make no mistake in selecting Christie's Old Organ; Aunt Abbey's Neighbors, by Annie T. Slosson; The Book of Golden Deeds, by Charlotte M. Yonge; and Telling Bible Stories, by Louise S. Houghton. Some Great Stories and How to Tell Them, by Richard Wyche, and Story Telling, by Edna Lyman, will serve as good guides to what to tell, and how to tell it.
7. Naming the day.—From week to week variety should enter into the Sunday program. On the Sunday following the one described above we can begin at the dinner table the happy task of "naming the day." We can decide whether it shall be called after one of our own number, whose birthday falls near this date, or after one of the anniversaries of the week following.
Perhaps someone suggests calling it after the feast day of the church year observed by certain churches. That should lead to discussion and investigation of the meaning of the day.
When all are agreed on a name, write it under its date on your wall calendar. It will be a convenient suggestion for next year, unless the decision is for a different name when the day again comes round. It will also call to mind some of the interesting discussions which it aroused.
After this we might call for The Family Book, which now contains, you will recall, the family's decision as to the best Sunday and the happiest occurrences of the year before. The keeper, appointed last week, must bring it out. We can read what we wrote a week ago and decide on the things worth entering this week. Records of birthdays, special happenings to each of the family, the bright sayings of little ones, and the visits of friends and relatives all should go in.
8. "I remember" stories.—While The Family Book is open is the psychological moment for father and mother to tell stories of their childhood. Every child likes to hear the story that begins, "I remember," and feels a thrill of pride in belonging to something that goes back and has a history. The old family album is a never-failing source of delight, not so much because of the pictures as because of what they suggest of family traditions.
Now is a good time to select some certain thing which shall be used only on this day, such as a festival lamp or candlestick, some festival plates or dishes—just one thing or set of things toward the use of which we can look forward during the week. This helps to make Sunday what we used to call "a treat."
9. Golden deeds.—Last week we started The Family Book in which to keep a record of all the happy experiences that belong to our family. This week we begin another book. In it we expect to place every week just one splendid story, the account of a golden deed, some piece of everyday kindness or heroism of which we have read or heard or which we have witnessed. Everyone is to have a chance to contribute to this book, all the family deciding by vote each week as to which story should be placed on its pages.
Did you read in the paper this week of some brave or kindly deed done by a boy or a girl, a man or a woman? Did you see someone do an act of kindness? Cut out the account or write out the story and have it ready for your own Golden Deed Book. Everyone must watch all the week for the right kind of stories. It is wonderful how much good you will find in the world when you are looking for it.
Sunday afternoons all the family can hear each story and talk over its fine points of virtue and goodness. Thus may be developed an appreciation of the human qualities that are really admirable. We can discuss also the probability of certain of the stories and the righteousness of the deeds.
Any blank book will do, or even a composition book. It will help to keep hands happily occupied if you make your own covers and cut out gilt letters for the title. Often you can find pictures to illustrate the stories chosen; sometimes you may prefer to draw the illustrations. Keep The Golden Deed Book in a safe and convenient place, because there ought to be something to go into it every week. For instance, did you read the other day of the young man who jumped in front of a train to save a young girl? He lost his life, but he saved hers. Can you find that story and put it in the book? Perhaps you have found one that seems even more fitting.
10. Various plans.—Giving happiness creates it. Plan something every Sunday for the happiness of others. Occasionally go in a body to call on someone who will be made happy by the visit.
If you walk in the park or elsewhere, see how many things you can discover that you have read about in the Bible or know to be mentioned there.
Try the game of "guessing hymns." While someone plays the familiar tunes, each takes a turn at identifying them and the hymns to which they belong.
Set aside twenty minutes for each one to write a letter to send to the brother or sister, relative or friend, at a distance. Even the baby can scratch something which he thinks is a "real enough" letter in penciled scribbles.
Close the day with quiet reading and song, or with the memory exercise in which all endeavor to repeat some simple psalm or a few verses, like the Beatitudes. All children like to repeat the Lord's Prayer in family concert.
I. References for Study
Emilie Poulsson, Love and Law in Child Training, chaps. i-iv. Milton Bradley, $1.00.
Happy Sundays for Children and Sunday in the Home. Pamphlets. American Institute of Child Life, Philadelphia, Pa.
II. Further Reading
Sunday Play. Pamphlet. American Institute of Child Life, Philadelphia, Pa.
Hodges, Training of Children in Religion, chap. xiii. Appleton, $1.50.
III. Methods and Materials
A Year of Good Sundays. Pamphlet. American Institute of Child Life, Philadelphia, Pa.
IV. Topics for Discussion
1. What is the real problem of Sunday in the family? Is it that of securing quiet or of wisely directing the action of the young?
2. Recall your childhood's Sundays. Were they for good or ill?
3. What are the arguments against children playing on Sunday? Is there any essential relation between the play of children and the wide-open Sunday of commercialized amusements?
4. Can you describe forms of play in which practically all the family might unite?
5. What characteristics should distinguish play on Sundays from other days? Is it wise to attempt thus to distinguish this day?
6. Criticize the suggestions on occupations for Sunday afternoons.
7. Recall any especially helpful forms of the use of this day in your childhood, or coming under your observation.
[31] See chap. xvii, "The Family and the Church."
[32] See chap. vii on "Directed Activity," and the references for study at its end.
[33] Much may be learned by a study of Primary plans in a modern Sunday school. See Athearn, The Church School, chap. vi.
[34] Since we are dealing here especially with religious education in the family, the author refers to his more extended treatment of the question of children in church services in Efficiency in the Sunday School, chap. xv.