HE BACKED A BLAMED OLD HORSE
The neighbors came a-nosing ’round and said the
horse could trot
—He oughter up and killed him then, right
there upon the spot;
A-killed him, yas, and tanned his hide and made
it into boots,
Then worn ’em out a-kicking’round them neigh-
borly galoots
Who set the bee to buzzing under Ezry Booker’s
hat,
And filled him up and chucked him full of non-
sense such as that
He’d got a hoss ’twas bound to make his ever-
lasting pile,
And what he got to do, of course, was handle
him in style;
That he must bandage up his legs and figger on
his feed,
And give him reg’lar exercise and work him out
for speed.,
His knees, his neck, his breast, his thighs, the
way he lugged his head,
And all his other symptoms looked to “speed,”
the neighbors said.
So Ezry he just sucked it in, as child-like as
could be,
—It cost him thirteen dollars to look np the
pedigree.
Then one day down to Laneses store he ribbled
off a mess
Of names that struck your Uncle Dud as so much
foolishness.
“I’ve traced him back,” so Ezry said, “to Mor-
gan blood ’nd Drew,”
To what’s-his-name and this and that, and which
and t’other, too.
And Ezry banged the counter, just excited as
could be,
A-arguing out the knots and kinks in that there
pedigree.
Land sakes! He couldn’t seem to think of
nothing but that plug:
—Neglected work, let slide his farm, went crazy
as a bug.
But there! The neighbors stood around and
said to go ahead,
And Ezra like a blamed old fool just swallowed
all they said.
Ef they’d turned to and burned his barn ’twould
been a prison crime,
But ’twould have been a better thing for Ezry
ev’ry time.
He could have got insurance then, but ’twas a
total loss
When they torched Ezry up to back
A Blamed
Old
Hoss!
Of course he had to put that horse in some good
trainer’s hands,
And trainers, as the man who’s tried deereckly
understands,
Ain’t driving just to take the air, for scenery or
for health,
But sort of grab a feller’s leg and milk him for
his wealth.
And there were blankets, straps, and girths, and
bandages and boots;
Pnoomatic sulkies, pads, and shoes, and hoods
and stable suits;
And lotions, too, and liniments—the best of
hay and oats,
And Lord knows what of this and that for trot-
ters’ backs and throats!
Then came the entrance fees, of course, and
travelling expense,
For Ezry lugged that trotter round, and didn’t
have the sense
To know when he was fairly licked, but always
would persist
That “that air hoss another year is going in the
list!”
The trainer said he’d have him there; the neigh-
bors thought so, too;
So Ezry pulled his pocketbook and said he’d see
him through.
So ’round the circuit went the hoss and, though
’tis sad to tell,
“The Flying Dutchman” didn’t fly—he never
got a smell.
And when he’d come a-puffing in behind the
whole blamed crowd
Then Ezry swore and shook his fist, and argued
’round, and vowed
That all the rest was down on him and had,
without a doubt,
Just pooled together in a scheme to shut The
Dutchman out.
The driver said so, anyway, and then, you know,
a few
Good neighbors took him out one side and said
they thought so too.
And so—but land, it’s plain enough how Ezry’s
money went
—He wound up his race-hoss career without a
blasted cent.
What’s more, he ain’t the only one who’s sunk
his little pot
In fubbing ’round from track to track with
horses that can’t trot.
—He ain’t the only man in Maine whose ever-
lasting curse
Has been some darn-fool neighbors, and his itch
to win a purse.
And, as I’ve said, if they’d turned to, and burnt
his barn instead
Of cracking up that hoss so much and turning
Ezry’s head,
He could have got insurance then, but ’twas a
total loss
When they torched Ezry up to back
A Blamed
Old
Hoss!