LETTER XII.
“Behold, the day is come,” saith the Lord, “that the ploughman shall overtake the reaper.”
To —
It was the sin of Rehoboam, that he regarded the counsel of the young men, and forsook the advice of the aged; and had I listened to you, I might have escaped a thousand trials. I am speaking after the manner of men. If we have no native prudence it must be learnt by heavy stripes. An imprudent man is sure to make crooked paths for his own feet; this, alas, has been my case. You, perhaps, will remember the time when you acted as a mother to me and mine, and gave us advice respecting our removal to Banbury. My intentions, I hope, were pure: there was a large congregation in the town, and many who loved the truth; they were a destitute people: there were about twenty villages around, where the truth was wanted. I longed for an opportunity to give myself to study, and to be wholly devoted to the ministry: these were certainly important considerations. The people chose me without a negative, and promised to make me comfortable. The income was small, and having just began to be popular in London, I had, of course, many little sacrifices to make, to quit my own business, which, though the profits were small, yet, the employment was constant; my wife had to give up her’s also, which helped sometimes to render us comfortable: but money was no idol of mine, had it been, I should have looked better to my ways, and escaped a few of the many troubles I have so deeply experienced. We were obliged to part from the little furniture we had, and to borrow twenty pounds, in order to procure what we needed, with some useful books, which I wanted, as I fully intended to devote myself to intense reading; but, I found the way of man is not in himself; it is not in man that walketh, to direct his steps. Myself and family, five of us, arrived, through mercy, safe, and I commenced my ministerial career; was well attend at the chapel, and invited to many villages around, which I constantly visited. I had been almost four months before I received one quarter’s salary, so that we were obliged to go in debt for every article of life; this was most distressing to us, especially as we did not receive our due, only by piece-meal; besides, several gentlemen had ordered furniture into the house, whom I, of course, concluded intended to pay for it, but we were sadly mistaken. I laboured in many villages, travelled many tedious miles, and scarcely any one offered me a shilling, or sent me any necessary article, although their houses were loaded with bacon, their gardens with vegetables, and their trees with fruits: the only apology I can make for them is, that they did not know I wanted it, or else, I think they would have acted more kindly. Having continued a while, and never administered the ordinance of baptism, although many were Baptists in heart, yet they did not like to take up the cross; and I, being so self-conceited, supposed, before I came among them, I should soon have the pleasure of seeing them all Baptists, and form a Baptist church in that place; but, in this I was mistaken, for God resisteth the proud; and, although many confessed it was right, there was but two who wished to obey the command. Being, however, successful in some other way, in regard to truth, it was proposed I should be ordained among them; this was a hasty act of mine, as I was extremely uncomfortable in my situation, on account of my circumstances, but hoping the next quarter would be better, the ordination was appointed, the ministers invited; half of whom were Baptists, and half Independents: the gentlemen who officiated acted very kindly to me, gave me good private advice, and conducted the business of the day with good order and solemnity. I never so sensibly felt the importance of my call as I did on that day, in the month of July, 1807; the ministers were the following: Mr. Reid, of Warwick, Mr. Franklin, of Coventry, Baptists; Mr. Scraggs, of Buckingham, and Mr. Taylor, of Witney, Independents. I gave no account of my principles, and desired to say something about the Lord’s dealings with me, and my motives for going into the ministry; but, this was objected to on this occasion. I think I shall never forget the solemnity of the day, the account of which was published in the Evangelical Magazine. Nothing particular transpired, from the ordination in July to the following March; only that I found I should never accomplish my wish in settling the church, so that I was obligated to administer the Lord’s Supper to Independents, and the very few Baptists that were among them; my circumstances I found, got rather worse than better; this gave me much secret distress, and I often begged the Lord to let me return to London, to my old business, and friends. I found also, that although I had an opportunity of close reading, the heart was not given me, and my active busy mind was always upon the wing, unstable and unsettled. Constant exercise in preaching took me from home, and buried reflections. I remember a piece of advice that was given me by a good man, whose name I have already mentioned—“Preach less, and read more.” A number of villages welcomed me, and I was kept in perpetual exercise. The Lord blessed the word, but I was puffed up with vanity and pride, which would, no doubt, have been my ruin; but that bladder was soon pricked with reproach, and some disgrace. I had some scandal while at Banbury, but this was chiefly on account of my principles; except in one case, a poor spiteful Socinian asserted, that I came from the pulpit to the Lord’s table, and took the cup, and drank a health to the lovely Jesus. This report spread far and wide, and many were much hurt about it; but, that was soon suppressed. If it had been true, there was no such great crime in the act, as the ordinance of the Lord’s supper is designed to commemorate that spiritual and eternal health which the Saviour brought to us; and believers, drinking the same cup together, is drinking spiritual health to each other, and prosperity to the Redeemer’s kingdom. The dear Saviour, having put away sin, and brought health and cure to his people, came to his disciples, when they were assembled, and the first kind word he said, was—“All hail!”—that is, all health. Thus, this holy Dove appeared, with the olive branch of peace in his mouth, after the awful flood of vindictive wrath was over; and every believer, either in a greater or lesser degree, has this testimony in his own soul—that, after a season of much bondage, hardness, distress of mind, sense of divine displeasure, fears of death, and an humbling sense of guilt, vileness and distance from God, the Saviour has graciously appeared, in some way or other to them, and brought power, health, peace, and joy. Although this seldom lasts long, yet such visits are the dealings of the spirit, demonstrating our interest in his love. May the dear Redeemer pay you many such visits.
Yours, truly, J. C.
Oh, teach my sinful soul, to soar,
Confess the Saviour, and his steps adore;
Devoted let me live, submissive die,
And hope a glorious Paradise on high.