LETTER XXIV.
‘“But watch thou in all things.”
To —
I have often intimated to you the necessity of keeping a sort of diary, and minuting down some of the Lord’s dealings with you: this has a tendency to excite watchfulness, prayer, and gratitude. I do not mean that you should minute down all, as that might appear ostentatious; and forgetting all, as a mark of ingratitude. However, for those that have time and ability for such a work, it must greatly add to their joy and improvement in the divine life, and at the close of the year, to retrace written memorandums of the Lord’s dealings, would greatly felicitate the mind, and strike the soul with wonder. “Who is wise will observe these things, and he shall understand the loving kindness of the Lord.” I will transcribe the short memorandums of a few days, to stir you up to adopt the same method, as it will reward you in the end.
Saturday.—Awoke this morning, dull, dejected, and unfit for study; very little life in prayer, and even a degree of reluctance to pray. What a mercy necessity compelled me to arise and go unto my Father! and after some time sitting before the Lord, I felt a degree of spirituality. Some precious subjects opened to my view, which I put into the hands of the ever blessed Spirit, to bring to my mind when I should stand in need of them. Closed the day in spiritual conversation and prayer with our friends Mr. and Mrs. —.
Sunday.—Early this morning visited with these sweet words; “Oh, go your way into his courts with thankfulness, and into his gates with praise; be thankful to him, and speak good of his name.” Predicted I should have a good day, and so it proved; but surely satan envied it, for at night my feet had well nigh slipped. Closed the day very dejectedly. Alas! what poor returns of love hath my Creator found, what cause of shame and confusion for such ingratitude; oh, for more conformity to his blessed image.
Monday.—Weak in body, low in mind, sadly harrassed. Many useless visitors upon mere trivial affairs, with the wretched reflection upon a debt owing to —. Could find no text to preach upon in the evening. Fretful, peevish, and in much bondage. Yet oh! the patience and forbearance of God! How sweetly supported, supplied and melted in the house of God, in preaching on John xvi. 27. Received the same evening a present from a lady, which relieved my anxious mind and confounded my unbelief. Closed the day in holy wonder and admiration at the grace and providence of God.
Tuesday.—I almost grieve I let sleep close my eyes last night; my frame is changed again; corruption sin and folly has interrupted me, disturbed my mind, prevented communion with God in meditation, prayer and reading; irregular passion let loose to vex me. Oh, that I could fly from myself! In vain I wish a solitary life, a cave, or the place of the way-faring man; I should carry the same nature with me there: I sink in despondency about the renovation of this sinful nature; but, blessed be God for Jesus Christ, in whom his people stand complete. A clear spiritual apprehension of this warms my heart, and again carries me above all my horrid feelings.
Beset with snares on every hand,
In life’s uncertain path I stand.
Wednesday.—Blest with a spirit of prayer, diligence in reading, and clear light in the Word. Read a little of “Dr. Owen, on Communion with God,” “Dr. Goodwin, on the Condition of the Creatures,” “Gospel Magazine,” “Huntington’s Moral Law not Injured by the Everlasting Gospel.” &c.
“My willing soul would stay
In such a frame as this.”
No exstacies or ravishing joys, but a solid satisfaction of soul, by the knowledge and reception of truth. Very happy in preaching this evening, on “Is thine heart right.”
Thursday.—Lost much time to day in needless visits and trifling company, disputed with a Swedenborgian for three hours, about some of the grand truths of the Word, but I saw no good effects in my opponent. I am thankful I was kept cool and deliberate all the time. I dislike disputes, and always very reluctantly enter the lists, but when compelled I never keep back; the religion that is not worth contending for, is not worth having. A good man once observed, that was always a lost day wherein he neither got any good, nor did any good; such days are painful to reflect upon. I gained one thing to day—a grateful heart for the knowledge of the truth.
Friday.—Received a gracious answer to prayer in the opening of a very great subject in the Word of God; also an answer to prayer in a providential way. Some time previous, a sweet portion was sent to my soul; but the fulfilment of the promise evidences it to be of God’s sending: thousands boast of promises applied, but it is the accomplishment proves them to be of God. He that hath received his testimony, hath set to his seal that God is true. Comfortable in preaching in the evening.
Sunday.—A good day to my soul. Felt much light and liberty in all my subjects; the Lord gave me power of utterance. Preached in the morning on that ambiguous portion, “Behold the man is become one of us.” Opposed a prevailing error, concerning the oneness of absolute Deity and a sinner. Shewed Adam was a type of Christ, in about twenty-four particulars: applied the text to Christ as God-man; 2, to Adam, as restored to God’s image; 3, to every believer as converted to God: noticed the last part. Gave the opinion of commentators, and then what views I had of it.
Afternoon.—The opening of the passion week. The eventful circumstances of the last week of our Lord’s humiliation is always very affecting to my mind. Preached on his riding to Jerusalem. In the evening, his weeping over Jerusalem, entering into the temple, and return to Bethany. A solemn day throughout.
Monday.—Met with many things to grieve me, but several peculiar providences cheered my heart. Preached in the evening on the Saviour’s cursing the fig-tree. Oh! what a mercy to be in Christ, and grafted into the true tree of life, that we may bring forth fruit unto God.
Tuesday.—Visited several sick beds, and dear families who had been visited by death, prayed with some, but sorely shut up with others; this was painful indeed. Preached same evening on the poor widow and her two mites; and what have I to cast into the fulness of Christ, but my soul and my body; not to enrich, but to be enriched.
Wednesday.—Read Ambrose Christopher Vess, and other good writers. Preached in the evening on the Saviour washing the disciples’ feet. Alas! our daily errors and infirmities need washing away in the blood of the Lamb, by the word of God, and the influence of the Spirit.
Thursday.—A particular solemn day. Viewed with sacred delight, the thirty-three years of our Lord’s obedience to the law, for the justification of his Church, and now I behold him hastening to the awful entrance upon his direful sufferings and death, to put away sin. Preached in the evening on “They shall shew you a large upper room, furnished, there make ready.” Gave the sacrament between eight and nine o’clock, to about 300 persons; all was solemn and impressive; I was sweetly supported and a little melted. Oh, that it had been more so.
For canst thou, ungrateful man, his sorrows see,
Nor drop one tear for him who shed his blood for thee.
Good Friday.—Preached in the morning on Ephesians, i. I felt the power of the subject, and nearly at times overwhelmed, but kept up under the description of the Saviour’s sorrows; blessed also with a lively hope; he died for me. Preached in the evening upon his burial, and predicted resurrection, 41st Psalm. A solemn and blessed day.
Saturday.—Led to some precious portions of God’s word, though rather dead in mind and tired in body. Same day buried a dear friend, conversed and prayed with the family in the evening.
Easter Sunday morning.—Blessed with spirituality, though a little indisposed in body. Preached on the Seven Resurrections, but enlarged on our resurrection state in Christ, from Romans vi.
Afternoon.—Preached on Habakuk, iii. 2. “Wilt thou not revive us again.” In the evening, a funeral sermon for a beloved friend, whose life was spiritual, and whose death was blessed; the text John xi. “I am the resurrection,” &c. But alas! how flat and insipid I felt, yet God blessed the word.
I look back with gratitude on what the Lord has done for me, and rejoice that amidst the many changes I experience in body, soul and circumstances, in the Church and in the world, he is the same yesterday, to day and for ever; in his love, in his purposes, in his covenant, in his word, and in his faithfulness. Oh, could I know and love him more.
“For Lord I would be thine alone,
And wholly live in thee;
Take all that I possess below,
And give thyself to me.”
I only send you this as a short specimen of a few memorandums I wish you to make and keep by you; you will often find the benefit of reviewing them.—Hence the order, “Set thee up way-marks, make thee high heaps.” These memorandums are as Gilead, an heap of witnesses, and ye are my witnesses saith the Lord.
Yours, J. C.