CHRISTMAS TREE.
310. This is a very curious and interesting kind of a tree. It is found, loaded with every variety of strange fruit, on tables, bare floors, or carpets. It has no roots, but is most wonderful for its yielding powers, though it bears only once a year, and that always on Christmas Eve. The last one that I saw was at Uncle Hiram Hatchet’s. Cousin Hannah thus describes it:
“At last, when none of us expected it, he (Uncle H.) threw open the folding doors, and let us into the little parlor. There was displayed the Christmas tree, in all its glory. Every little twig bore some present; dolls and doll furniture, pins, ear-rings, bracelets, slippers, watch-guards and purses, ships, windmills, and beautiful books, besides all sorts of fruits and bon-bons, and all blazing with light from the numberless candles that seemed to grow out of the branches.”
A tree that, without life or root,
Without a blossom, bud, or flower,
Bears various and most precious fruit,
That comes and goes in one short hour.
311.
My first is an adjective, short and dry,
Which an absence of moisture seems to imply,
Or, in reference to mind, that kind of wit,
Which is slack on the rein, and sharp on the bit
My second is a sort of hole, or den,
Unfit for the resort of timid men,
Whence once the righteous came safely out,
While the wicked were wholly put to rout.
My whole is an author of classic fame,
If you know the man, please tell me his name.
312. What poet do miners value most?
313. What poet is least distinguished for brevity?
314. Which of the English poets would be most likely to make a lion feel at home?
315. Why were the Amalekites never allowed to speak?
316. Which of the reptiles is a mathematician?
317. What Scripture character would have made a suitable husband for a tall laundress?
318. What two syllables of the marriage ceremony are most interesting to the priest?
319. What part of a house measures about two quarts?
320. When is a door not a door?
321. Why are ladies sitting on the stoop, like an unfinished house?
322. What stone opens and shuts at your convenience?
323.
Read see how me
Down will I love
And you love you
Up and you if
324. Why is a thing purchased like a shoe?
325. Why is a man who makes a wager of a cent, like a person recovering from illness?
326. Why is an unpaid bill like the moisture in the morning?
327. Why is a sanguinary epistle like a surgeon?
328.
Ere from the east arose the lamp of day,
Or Cynthia gilt the night with paler ray—
Ere earth was form’d, or ocean knew its place,
Long, long anterior to the human race
I did exist. In chaos I was found,
When awful darkness shed its gloom around.
In heaven I dwell, in those bright realms above,
And in the radiant ranks of angels move.
But when th’ Almighty, by his powerful call,
Made out of nothing this stupendous ball,
I did appear, and still upon this earth
Am daily seen, and every day have birth.
With Adam I in Paradise was seen,
When the vile serpent tempted Eve to sin;
And, since the fall, I with the human race
Partake their shame and manifest disgrace.
In the dark caverns of old ocean drear
I ever was, and ever shall appear.
In every battle firmly I have stood,
When plains seem lav’d, whole oceans dy’d with blood.
But, hold—no more! It now remains with you
To find me out and bring me forth to view.
329. Why is a lost child like you?
330. Why is Fremont equal to eight honest politicians?
331. How did Jonah feel when the whale swallowed him?
332. Why were the Hebrews called sheep?
333. Why is it dangerous to flirt in a hay-field?
334. Under what tree is it most proper to make love?
335. Under what shade can you dance best?
336. Why is a dashing young buck a favorite with the ladies?
337. 1. I am constantly in the midst of money. 2. I am continually putting people in possession of property. 3. I increase the number of most things that come in my way. 4. I am no friend to the distressed needlewomen, for I render needles unnecessary. 5. Yet whenever I undertake a dress, I infallibly make it sit. 6. I am quarrelsome, for a word and a blow is my maxim. 7. In fact, with me a word becomes a weapon. 8. And merriment becomes slaughter. 9. It is commonly remarked that drink converts men into swine, but I transform wine itself into the same animals. 10. Deprived of me, certain railway speculations come out in their true character. 11. A team can draw a wagon well without me, still, when I am in front, the speed is wonderfully increased. 12. Marvelous products may be obtained from peat, but when I am extracted from earth, pure oil alone remains. 13. Let me go before, and a story is sure to be stale. 14. And if I am left out, it will be political. 15. I am strongly attached to pluralities. 16. With respect to free trade, I turn corn itself into contempt. 17. I am in the midst of Russia and Prussia, and abundant among the Swiss. 18. Were I withdrawn from that unhappy country, Spain, nothing would be left but grief. 19. After sport, when I take my departure, the evening is often finished with what remains. 20. At a soiree I am always in good time. 21. In person I am much bent, though I was formerly more upright. 22. As to my education, I was always head of the school. 23. Though invariably at the bottom of my class. 24. With me age looks wise. 25. But a gentleman is better without me, as accompanied by me he appears feminine. 26. On the contrary, a lady ought not to part with me, for if she loses me she seems masculine. 27. I am an unwelcome visitor, for with me sorrow begins and happiness ends. 28. Sadness commences, and, 29. Bliss terminates. 30. Yet it is in my power to transform cares into what is delightful.
338. Nebuchadnezzar’s lions were very undevout when Daniel was with them, and very poetical with his enemies. Please explain.
339. Why is a hunter like an omnibus pickpocket?
340.
Figures, they say, won’t lie; but here
Is something either false or queer.
I find that, in my family,
One taken from two still leaves me three,
And two from two, by the same score,
Leaves a remainder of just four.
341.
My first is a measure much used in the East,
Or a close-covered vehicle drawn by one beast;
My second is a prefix—a small preposition—
Two thirds of a tavern—a paid politician;
My whole, though part of a vessel, has stood
Alone on the prairie, or ’neath the great wood,
And often is found, poor, wretched, and mean,
The city’s proud palaces squatting between.
BLACK-EYED MARY’S ALGEBRAICAL PROBLEM.
342. Take two numbers, such that the square of the first, plus the square of the second, shall equal 8; while the first, plus the product of the first and second, shall equal 6.
N. B.—If any choose to work this out algebraically, it will be found to be no trifling puzzle. See Merry’s Museum for 1856.
343.
What’s that the poor’s most precious friend,
Nor less by kings respected—
Contrived to pierce, contrived to rend,
And to the sword connected.
It draws no blood, and yet doth wound;
Makes rich, but ne’er with spoil;
It prints, as earth it wanders round,
A blessing on the soil.
The eldest cities it hath built,
Bade mightiest kingdom rise; it
Ne’er fired to war, nor roused to guilt:
Weal to the states that prize it!
344. When is a political candidate like Samson’s guests?
345. What is the most suitable dance to wind off a frolic?
346.
Revolving round a disk I go
One restless journey o’er and over;
The smallest field my wanderings know,
Thy hand the space could cover:
Yet many a thousand miles are passed
In circling round that field so narrow:
My speed outstrips the swiftest blast,
The strongest bowman’s arrow.
347. Why are buckwheat cakes like the caterpillar?
348. What relation does the soap-bubble bear to the boy who makes it?
349. Why do girls blow bubbles better than boys?
350. What is the difference between a boy and his shadow?
351. Why is a soap-bubble like Adam?
352.
I have no life, yet, as I fly,
A thing of beauty to the eye,
I bear, my glittering shape beneath,
A part of my Creator’s breath;
With ever-changing shade and hue
I rise and vanish from the view,
And, though a phantom deemed, I share,
In portions, water, earth, and air.
353.
I go, but never stir,
I count, but never write,
I measure and divide, and, sir,
You’ll find my measures right.
I run, but never walk,
I strike, but never wound,
I tell you much, but never talk,
In my diurnal round.
354. When a boy falls into the water, what is the first thing he does?
355. How would the proposed removal of the Pope to Jerusalem be a false move for the Papacy, and a true one for the Papal States?
356. Why is a coachman a generous man?
357. Why is a dog like a clock-maker’s safe?
358. Why is the cook more noisy than a gong?
359. Describe a partisan, and answer a question in the same words.
360.
A word of one syllable call to your mind,
The letters of which will, if rightly combined,
Provide you with two kinds of fuel—ay, more,
A warm piece of clothing—and fasten your door.
361.
Let two Roman fives at extremities meet.
At the right hand of these, add two circles complete;
Then five times one hundred place at the right hand,
And a nice winter’s comfort they make as they stand.
362. What number is that which can be divided by 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6, leaving, in each case, a remainder of 1, and by 7, without a remainder?
363. How long ago were trunks first used?
364.
I’m black or white, I’m brown or gray,
I’m tall or flat, I’m grave or gay,
As soft as wool, or stiff as tin,
A nest for wits to nestle in.
I hold great intellects, yet oft
Am bothered with the weak and soft,
And sometimes crusty, hard, and thick
They fill me with well burned brick.
Fashion controls me, yet I wear
Some aspects to make fashion stare.
Though always for one place designed,
I change as often as the wind.
I’m dumb, and yet, in spite of that,
Make more than half of every “Chat,”
I’m mild—yet none can hate—(don’t doubt me)
Nor raise a fighting-cock without me.
365.
In every home I stand confessed,
A friend of quiet, peace, and rest;
Take off my head, and on your head
My streamers rise, black, brown, or red;
Cut now again, and take my neck off,
You leave my substance not a speck of,
But, with ethereal lightness gay,
I pass in idle breath away.
366. What relation is the door-mat to the scraper?
367. In what do grave and gay people differ at church?
368. What sea would make the best sleeping-room?
369.
’Tis said of lawyers Grab and Clinch,
They take an ell when you offer an inch;
But I can do a smarter thing—
Give me an ell, I will make it ring;
If for advice you come to me
When you are ill, I call for the fee;
If any road you chance to wend,
You think you’ve reached the very end,
I come and give it such a turn,
You find there’s something yet to learn;
If to the inn you seek for rest,
I chuck you in a box or chest;
The beggar’s rags I make so proud,
He of his garments boasts aloud;
The aged and infirm with me
Lose caution and timidity;
For, young or old, to every one
I furnish, if not muscle, bone.
370. Why is a spotted dog most reliable?
371. In what does a dog differ from a groom in his treatment of a horse?
372.
One of a gallant vagrant band,
My name is known in every land;
In all earth’s changes I am there;
Without me none may war declare,
Or treat of peace, or try their parts
On manufacture, tillage, arts;
By me a patient saint of old
Was changed into a warrior bold;
I made old Abner’s father near;
His wife was deaf, I made her hear;
His house I put upon his back;
His jaw an iron bond I make;
Bad spirit by my presence claims
To be the end of human aims;
And a young bear is seen to be
A coveted jewel of the sea.
373. Problem.—To make a restless child quiet and contented.
374. Problem.—To teach a child to be honest, industrious, and useful.
375. Why is Merry’s Museum like a note falling due?
376.
I consist of eleven letters.
My 9th, 7th, and 1st, is where infants often repose;
“ 3d, 10th, and 7th, is a foreign plant much used by us;
“ 1st, 7th, 5th, 9th, 4th, and 11th, is to treat by word of mouth;
“ 6th, 4th, 7th, and 8th, is a delicious fruit;
“ 2d, 7th, and 3d, to do which affords great satisfaction;
“ 4th, 7th, and 5th, is an essential part of the head;
“ 3d, 10, 7th, and 8th, is often used for joy or sorrow;
“ whole is the name of a distinguished writer for Merry’s Museum.
377. Why is Merry’s Museum like a good wife?
378. I am composed of twelve letters.
W. 2, all 6, 2, 10, with 10, 5, 2, 9, which a 12, 8, 1, 7, 5, i, 6, 6, 11, 4, 10, not to have, and which a 3, 8, 1, 12, 5, 9, 11, 4, 2, l. 5, 12, i. 6, 11, 9, 2, 6.
379. Why is Merry’s Museum like a good mother?
380.
What was the difference—can you show—
Between the Prodigal in his woe,
And Lazarus, in his low estate,
Feeding on crumbs at Dives’ gate?
381. What fish does a bride wear on her finger?
382. Why is Merry’s Museum like a printing-office?
MERRY’s MUSEUM