A SUCCESSFUL SURGICAL OPERATION.—PAGE 454.
Our third day out we drove into a small hamlet, and after hitching the old nag to a post began operations. I called at a house where there was considerable excitement and learned that an old lady had fallen down stairs and either broken or badly sprained her ankle. The principal cause for excitement was the fact that no Doctor could be found. As I passed from the house I saw Frank crossing the street a block or two away and called to him. He came right up and I explained to him the critical condition of the old lady and suggested that he should go in and play surgeon as they were unable to find a doctor at home. He consented and we went in together. Frank looked wise, and I did the talking. Finally one of the women in attendance beckoned us to the bedside. Frank made a hasty examination, and with my assistance helped her to a chair and began pulling the victim around the room by her crippled leg. She yelled and kept yelling, we pulled and kept pulling, her son swore and kept swearing, while the dog barked and kept barking. Everything was in a hubbub and every one excited. The neighboring women soon left in disgust. The more we pulled the more excited we all became and the more assurance Frank seemed to have that pulling was the only remedy. We were very soon rewarded with success, for a moment later the joint went back into place, snapping like a pistol, which gave the old lady immediate relief. Then Frank did look wise and I dubbed him Doctor Frank at once.
They inquired where he was practicing, and he told them he was a traveling Doctor. I suddenly spoke up and said:
"Why, ladies, this gentleman graduated at Whiting, Indiana. You've all heard of that place?"
"O, yes, we've all read of it," they answered in chorus.
When asked what his charges would be he glanced at me as if undecided what to make it. I raised both hands intimating ten dollars as the proper figure. He said:
"Well, the usual charge for a case of this kind is twenty dollars, but I'll charge you only ten."
They hesitated, and grudgingly paid the price, but were well satisfied with the operation. We had many a hearty laugh over the ridiculous manner in which the ten dollars was obtained.
We continued to peddle around over the country, taking in small inland towns.
The old horse was an elephant on my hands, but he was all I possessed in the world; and being unable to find a buyer, I could do no better than to stick by him unless I chose to give him away, which I hardly considered business-like. But I would have made money and saved trouble had I done so, for he was the means of getting me into two or three little fights. One in particular I will relate.
Doctor Frank and myself were driving into New Baltimore one Saturday evening, and as the old horse went heaving and crippling along we seemed to be the attraction for every one on the street. Suddenly a young man who was sitting out in front of a store on the cross-railing between two hitching posts cried out at the very top of his voice:
"Whoa!"
The old nag, as usual, came to a sudden halt, and every one of a large crowd of men standing near by began to laugh.
I realized that if their risibilities were so easily aroused at seeing him stop, it would be a regular circus for them to see me get him in motion again; so I coolly handed the lines to Doctor Frank, and said:
"Here, hold these, and I'll make believe I have business in that store; and after this crowd has dispersed, I'll come out and we'll try and make another start."
I climbed out and walked toward the store. As I got even with the young chap who had stopped us, and noticed him still sitting there, with his feet swinging backward and forward and a look of triumph on his face, I suddenly changed my course, and stepping up to him, quickly dealt him a right-hander straight from the shoulder. He received the blow directly under the chin, and it set him spinning around the rail like a trapeze performer on a horizontal bar. I then returned to the wagon, climbed in, picked up my club and made preparations for another move.
Before making the start we had the pleasure of witnessing several revolutions by the young gentleman, after which he was helped to the ground by some friends; and as we were moving away, under the strong pressure of my club and the hard pushing of the lines by Doctor Frank, our smart youth looked more silly and terror-stricken than he did gay and frisky a few moments before, when the laugh was all on his side.
As we passed along down street everything was as quiet as a funeral; and although every man may have wanted to laugh, they all looked sober and sanctimonious, and as we imagined, took extra precautions to look sorrowful and sympathetic, as we rode along, looking savagely at them, apparently ready to spring from the wagon and pounce upon them at a second's warning.
We then drove to the hotel, where we took quarters.
The next day, Sunday, while we were standing out in front, a man came up and began interrupting us in our conversation, and became rather abusive when we asked him to go away and not interfere with our affairs. He then said he was a lawyer and a gentleman, if he had been drinking a little, and he could whip half-a-dozen such men as we were; and so saying he shook his fist under Doctor Frank's nose. He soon discovered his mistake, for no sooner had he done so than he received a straight left-hander from Frank, right on his big red nose. I shall never forget his looks, as he began backing up, in a dazed condition, and kept backing round and round in a circle, with the blood spurting and his nose flattened all over his face, and finally, not being able to keep on his feet any longer, landed squarely, in a sitting posture, right in the middle of a puddle of water that had been made by a severe rain-storm that morning.
He had no sooner landed in the water, than not less than two dozen men came running from a saloon across the street; and the leader of the mob, a man about as large again as either of us, and who, we afterwards learned, was the pugilist of the town, came rushing up to us and said:
"Any man that will strike a drunken man is a coward."
From this we inferred that the whole thing was a put-up job, and our only way out was to assert our rights and fight our way through.
He was coolly informed that we were not looking for fights, but we never been placed on the list of cowards yet. He said:
"Well, I am here to clean both you fellows out."
"Very well, I guess you can commence on me," said Doctor Frank; and they opened up. The crowd gathered closely around, and I became a little excited, and fearful lest some one should assist the stranger by kicking or hitting Frank. While they were scuffling on the ground I stuck close by them, and realizing that my little escapade of the day before would have a tendency to give me considerable prestige, I continued to cry out, at the top of my voice:
"Gentlemen, stand back, stand back; the first man who interferes here to-day will get knocked out in less than a second, and I'm the boy that can do it."
Every one was yelling for the pugilist but myself; and I continued talking encouragingly to Frank at the very top of my voice:
"Stay by him, Doctor, old boy, stay by him, stay by him, never give up, stay by him, make him lay still. I can whip any man that dares to interfere."
For a few moments when the pugilist was on top of the Doctor it looked rather dubious, but I knew the sort of stuff Frank was made of and kept yelling:
"Never quit, Frank, die on the spot. Stay by him."
A second later the pugilist had not only been turned, but the fight had also turned, for Frank was on top and it was not long till the pugilist screamed:
"Take him off, take him off."
I said to Frank: "Let the poor devil up now, he has enough."
Frank raised up, looking a little the worse for the battle, but victory was plainly written in his countenance. When he went into the hotel office to wash, the landlord informed him that he had whipped the bully of the town. About this time I felt considerably like having a little brush myself, with some one, and stepping outside I asked in a loud tone of voice if there was any one there who was not quite satisfied, and if there was I would like to try any one of them a round or two just to accommodate them. No one responded.
During my several years' experience I had learned to avoid any such scenes as this one, and fully realized how easy it was to become involved in trouble through a fracas. But at this particular time I was really anxious to show fight and willing to take a whipping if I couldn't hold my own. We were not molested in that town again.
I remember that Sunday night the office of the hotel was filled with men who came in and expressed themselves as in sympathy with us; and I well remember, too, the number of Wild West stories we related of our experience on the frontier with wild Indians and Polar bears, and when we finished relating them, how surprised many seemed to be that they had all escaped with their lives during the late combat.
I remember one very exciting story I told about an encounter I had with seven Indians and how I killed five of them and took the other two prisoners after receiving thirteen wounds, and as evidence of my assertion took off my coat and vest, and was about to remove my shirt, to show the scars when Frank and the landlord stopped me and said:
"Never mind, Johnston, you showed us those scars last night, and remember this is Sunday night and people are passing by going to church and will see you; wait till to-morrow night and then show them."
Of course I took their advice and put my coat and vest on again, and was amused to hear three or four old I-told-you-so-fellows say: "I knew it, I knew you fellows were good ones, I knew no common ordinary fellows had any business with you men."
Doctor Frank and I were sworn friends from this time on and continued with the polish for some time.
One day I received a letter from my wife demanding an extra amount of money from what I had been accustomed to sending her, and I borrowed all Frank had, and with it sent all I had, leaving us without a cent, but with plenty of polish. As we had from three o'clock in the afternoon till sundown to operate, we hadn't the slightest doubt of being able to make at least enough sales to procure money sufficient to pay expenses over night; but in spite of every effort we were unable to even sell a single bottle, and when darkness came we made arrangements with a farmer for supper, lodging and breakfast.
In the morning of course the only thing we could do was to trade him polish and I began negotiations with him, but in vain. I had polished up two or three pieces of furniture, but neither himself nor his wife seemed to care for it at all, and as we could plainly see were bent on receiving a little pin-money from us. I then polished up another piece of furniture and kept talking it up, perspiring freely, and noticed great drops of perspiration standing out on Frank's forehead. Then I polished more furniture and gave a more elaborate explanation of the merits of the polish, Doctor Frank of course putting in a word now and then. But we had struck a Tartar—in fact, two Tartars. They were as firm as adamant.
We were at last cornered and looked at each other as though we had an idea that a private consultation would be the thing to hold about that time.
I felt that I would rather forfeit the old horse and wagon than acknowledge that we had no money. I then said:
"Mr. ——, is the gentleman living in the second house south of here a responsible and enterprising man?"
He answered that he was, and asked why.
"Well I have been thinking of making him a General Agent in this County for my polish."
The lady of the house then said:
"John, why don't you take the agency? you have always wanted to travel."
He asked what kind of a show I'd give him.
I told him we charged ten dollars for the General Agency for each county and we would supply him with the polish, or he could have the recipe for making it by paying twenty-five dollars. He said he had no money and there was no use talking.
I asked how much our bill would be for staying over night.
"Two dollars," was his reply.
"Very well, then, we can fix the money part. Which do you prefer, the General Agency or the recipe?"
He said he wanted the recipe.
"You can just give us credit then, for the two dollars and pay us fifty cents in cash and you will owe us twenty-two and one-half dollars which you can pay after you have made it."
His wife said that was fair. He said he hadn't the fifty cents, but they would give us a chicken for the difference.
As we had been accustomed to trading anything and everything we explained that the fowl was right in our line, and immediately closed the deal and left with it. The reader may be assured that we congratulated ourselves on our narrow escape. The man still owes the balance,—in fact I forgot to leave him my address, so he could send it.
We had consumed nearly a half day wrestling with our farmer friend to effect a deal, and immediately started out with renewed vigor and the chicken with its legs securely tied and under the wagon seat.
CHAPTER XXVI.
HELPING A TRAMP—WE DISSOLVE PARTNERSHIP—MY AUCTION SALE FOR THE FARMER—HOW I SETTLED WITH HIM—I RESUME THE AUCTION BUSINESS FOR MYSELF—MY HORSE TRADE—I START FOR MICHIGAN.
We were then but a short distance from Fostoria, to which place we drove, arriving there at noon with seventy-five cents and the chicken, which we sold for twenty-five cents. When we received the cash for it, a rather seedy-looking individual stepped up and asked us if we couldn't give him money enough to buy his dinner, as he had had nothing to eat for several days. We figured that as we had a dollar we could afford to give the fellow twenty-five cents, and have the same amount left for dinner for each of us, including the old horse. When we handed the tramp his quarter, I remarked:
"We will divide equally with you, which is the best we can do."
He thanked us, and passed out of the store, when a very sorry-looking individual with a deacon-fied appearance who stood by said:
"Young man, I think you make a mistake by giving such characters money. How do you know what he will do with it? He may spend it for liquor, and may hoard it up; there is no telling what he will do with it. I believe in charity, but I believe prayers are better than money for such people."
"Well, if you believe in prayers you believe in God?"
"Of course I do."
"Then, sir, you must admit that God keeps the books; and if the tramp is an impostor this little transaction will be recorded against him, and in our favor—especially if His system of book-keeping is double entry."
The old gentleman laughed and said he didn't know but I was right, and that he would give the matter a little extra thought. We then left the store and immediately satisfied ourselves that the old gentleman was right, in this particular instance, for we saw the tramp across the street going into a saloon and followed him, reaching there just in time to hear him order a glass of beer. I stepped up to him and said: "Are you hungry?"
"No, sir, I am not; but I am thirsty."
"Well, sir, you've got to eat anyhow; we gave you twenty-five cents a few moments ago to eat with, and, dang you, you have got to eat, and eat twenty-five cents' worth, too, or be kicked out of town. Which do you prefer?"
He thought he'd rather eat.
I took him by the neck and marched him forthwith to a restaurant, and demanded of him that he order twenty-five cents' worth and eat every mouthful of it, and assured him of our intention of returning a few minutes later to see that he followed our instructions.
In about twenty minutes we passed by the restaurant and saw him sitting at a table facing the door eating with as much energy and vigor as a harvest hand. We turned back, and dropping in, explained the facts to the restaurant-keeper, who informed us that he had ordered twenty-five cents' worth. He soon finished the meal and came to the cashier to settle. I asked if he had eaten everything brought him. He said not everything, but all he wanted.
"Then, sir," said I, "you march back there and finish eating everything, to the very last morsel."
He obeyed, but with an effort, as was plainly seen, for eating seemed to be out of his line. But we felt satisfied. At any rate we didn't feel that we had been absolutely swindled out of our money; so, after giving the fellow a good sound lecturing, we let him go.
Doctor Frank and I kept together several weeks, and, although we worked like troopers, were unable to lay up any money.
Finally he received a letter from an acquaintance in Northern Michigan, wanting him to come there and engage in business with him. Stocked with a valise full of polish, he bade me good-bye and started.
I continued on as usual until one night I stopped with a farmer who had sold his farm and advertised an auction sale of his live stock and farming utensils to take place the following day. I was anxious to remain and hear his auctioneer, (who, he said, was a good one,) and concluded to do so.
About ten o'clock the next forenoon a large crowd had gathered, and a few moments later the auctioneer, in company with three other men, arrived on the scene, all so intoxicated as to be scarcely able to sit in their wagons.
The farmer was very indignant, and came to me and asked if I had an idea I could sell off his property. I had spoken of my experience in that line the night before, and now told him I thought I could do as well as a drunken man, any how. In answer to his question of salary I told him I never worked on salary, but sold on commission. He said the other fellow had agreed to make the sale for ten dollars, and asked what commission I would want. I told him I had always received from ten to twenty per cent. on merchandise, but as he had horses and cattle which would run into money fast, and was going to sell on a year's time, I would charge him five per cent., to be paid in cash when the sale was over. He agreed, and I laid off my coat and went to work.
I saw at once from his actions that he was satisfied, and after the sale had progressed a while he said:
"Young man, you were a God-send to me this day sure," and added: "The Lord will provide."
"Yes, either that or the devil takes care of his own," I answered.
"How so?"
"Well, while the Lord has taken care of you in furnishing you an auctioneer, I have been favored considerably myself, for Heaven knows I needed the job, and, as I feel I am one of the devil's kind, I guess I'll have to give him the preference."
He said: "We'll decide that matter after the sale."
Every thing went on smoothly, and, as the sale was large it took till late in the evening before the last article was sold. The next morning we footed up the sales, and, to the farmer's utter astonishment, it amounted to over eleven hundred dollars. After reflecting a while he said:
"Why, hang it all, we figured in the first place that we had about a thousand dollars' worth, but I never thought of that yesterday morning when I offered you five per cent. Why, great guns, young man, are you going to charge me fifty-five dollars?"
"Of course I am, and I think I've earned it."
"What! Earned fifty-five dollars in one day? Gracious Peter! I can hire good men on my farm for seventeen dollars per month."
"Yes, but I didn't see any of them around yesterday who were handy enough to do your auctioneering."
He became quite excited, and declared he wouldn't pay me more than fifteen dollars. I argued with him till about ten o'clock, when several men had come to take away their purchases and settle for them. After I had resorted to all sorts of methods and arguments to make him pay me, I said:
"Well, sir, I am going to spoil all the sales made to these men."
He anxiously inquired how I intended to do it.
"Well, I don't suppose it has occurred to you that I am not a licensed auctioneer, and under the laws of the State you have no right to deliver or give a bill of sale for goods sold by an auctioneer not licensed."
His eyes fairly popped out of his head, and turning to his wife with much excitement, said:
"Mary, give him fifty-five dollars, and let him go."
After receiving the money, I said:
"I suppose you would be silly enough to believe me if I should tell you you ought to have a license to eat when you are hungry."
As his boy had hitched up my old horse, I took my departure at once; and driving to the nearest town, sent the money to a wholesale notion house and ordered a stock of auction goods, which was promptly sent.
I began business, working my way back north with a view to striking into Michigan in time for the County Fairs.
During the whole time I had been skirmishing around with my old horse, after closing out my stock at Bodkins, I had clung to the old trunk and my street lamps.
The second day after receiving my goods, while driving along, wondering what would happen next, I noticed a farmer coming from his house to the barn, and after looking down the road at me a moment, climbed up on the board fence and sat there apparently waiting my coming. As I drove up, he yelled:
"Halloo, stranger whatcher got to swap?"
"I'll swap anything I've got. What have you to trade?"
