A GROWN GENTLEMAN.
A very precise, well-dressed young man presented himself before the magistrates, saying he had a very great desire to punish a Mr. Bradbury for extortion, abuse, and assault, and he would be particularly obliged to his worship if he would assist him in so doing.
His worship desired him to describe the nature of his complaint more minutely; whereupon the gentleman went into a long and rather melancholy story, from which it appeared—
Firstly, that Mr. Bradbury lives in the Strand, and is famous for teaching grown gentlemen to write a fine free hand in six lessons, for the trifling sum of one guinea, though they might previously be only capable of scrawling "pot-hooks and links."—Secondly, that the applicant being in this unfortunate predicament, applied to Mr. Bradbury for his assistance.—Thirdly, that Mr. Bradbury undertook to make him a ready writer for the sum of one guinea; and also to teach him how to make a pen, without any additional charge.—Fourthly, that he went through his six lessons in writing, when Mr. Bradbury demanded his guinea.—Fifthly, that he gave Mr. Bradbury a sovereign and a half-crown, desiring him to take his guinea therefrom.—Sixthly, that Mr. Bradbury, instead of returning him one shilling and sixpence, returned him a sixpence only, stating that he retained the extra shilling for stationery; this was the "extortion" he complained of.—Seventhly, that he remonstrated with Mr. Bradbury on this stationery charge; and moreover complained to him that he had not sufficiently instructed him in the art of making a good pen.—Eighthly, that Mr. Bradbury replied he should teach him no more, for he had not conducted himself like a gentleman.—Ninthly, that he told Mr. Bradbury he should summon him before the Lord Mayor.—Tenthly, that Mr. Bradbury replied, that he cared no more for the Lord Mayor or the Lord Horse either, than he did for him. This was the "abuse" he complained of.—Eleventhly, that, on his attempting to remonstrate farther, Mr. Bradbury got up from his desk, clenched his fist, and told him if he did not walk off quietly, he would "bundle him down stairs." This was the "assault" he complained of; and having stated all this, he respectfully submitted that he had made out his case.
"And pray, Sir," asked the magistrate, "did he, in effect, 'bundle' you down stairs?" "No, Sir," replied the gentleman, "but I think he would if I had not walked away very rapidly." "Then, Sir, I am sorry I cannot accommodate you by interfering," rejoined his worship;—"if you had undergone the bundling operation, something might have been done, perhaps; but as it is, I don't see that you have any redress for your manifold grievances, except you sue him in the Court of Conscience for the recovery of the shilling's-worth of stationery; and the issue of that measure would, in my opinion, be very doubtful."
The gentleman looked at his worship, then at his own hat, then at his worship again, and then he slowly withdrew; seemingly quite at a loss what to make of the matter.