An Irish Socialist.
Patrick Finnegan had been studying socialism and told his friend, Barney O’Brien, that socialism was a good thing, both charitable and Christian, and if the people would adopt it all would be prosperous and happy. Barney says, “Pat, if ye had two homes, would ye give me one?” “To be sure I would,” says Pat. “Then if ye had two horses, would ye give me one?” “Then certainly I would,” says Pat. “Then if ye had two hogs would ye give me one?” “No. To hell with ye, Barney; ye know I’ve got thim.” “Well, that was what I was thinking, that ye would hold to your pigs with all the tenacity that a Vanderbilt would grip his railroads. It is aisy enough to give away what ye ain’t got; but if ye can’t practice what ye preach ye had as well shut up.” “Now that’s just like ye, Barney; ye would never make a good socialist. Ye would rob me entirely. You know I need me hogs; but I would not need but one home, and one horse would be all I could work and feed.” “Yes, Pat, and I guess if ye wait until ye get a home and a horse you’ll be a socialist a good while yet.” “To be sure I will, and if you ever have a home at all it will be when I have one to give you.” Barney: “Then I guess I had better hold my job and not depend on ye.” Pat: “Along with ye, Barney; it may be well that ye can always find a boss.”