Act III
It is well along in the afternoon of the same busy day of rest. Most unaccountably—until the Judge accounts for it later—the terrace has been decked out with festoons and flowers since the excitement of the morning. Japanese lanterns have been hung, though it is not yet time to light them and though it is Sunday in a pious household.
Most incongruously and lugubriously, Lucy is pacing to and fro in silent concern.
Theodore now comes out of the house, also looking harassed. Lucy turns to him inquiringly. He shakes his head sadly.
Lucy
No word from Uncle Everett?
Theodore
No word. He must have reached town long ago, unless he had tire trouble.... It's a bad sign, Lucy, a bad sign. He would surely telephone us.
Lucy
Oh, if he only hadn't missed their train!
Theodore
[hopelessly]
Uncle Everett is the only one who could have brought them to their senses.
Lucy
It may not be too late. He took our fastest car, our best chauffeur.
Theodore
Detectives are to watch all the steamers to-morrow. John telephoned at once.
Lucy
But to-morrow will be too late! And, oh! when it all comes out in the newspapers! The ghastly head-lines—"well-known scientist, beautiful daughter of a prominent family!" Oh! What will people say?
[John, hurried and worried, rushes out shouting for Lucy.
John
Any news? Any news? [Theodore and Lucy give him gestures of despair.] Then it's too late. [He, too, paces to and fro in fury. Then bracing up.] Well, I found Rex, over at the Golf Club. Terribly cut up. But listen; not a drink, not one!... Where's Jean? Got to see her at once.
Theodore
Locked herself up in her room, John, crying her little heart out!
John
Rex is a changed man, I tell you. We've got to patch it up, and we've got to do it quick!
Lucy
But, John! When the Bakers hear about Helen ... Rex marry into our family? Never! We're disgraced, John, disgraced!
John
[impatiently]
But they're not going to hear about Helen. No one knows, and no one will. Helen has simply returned to Paris to complete her scientific research. My press-agent—he's attending to all that.
Theodore
But questions, gossip, rumor—it's bound to come out in time!
John
In time; but meanwhile, if Jean marries Rex, the Bakers will have to stand for it. What's more, they'll make other people stand for it. Backed by the Bakers, no one will dare turn us down.... Our position in the world, my business relations with the old man—everything hangs on little Jean now. Tell her I've simply got to see her. [Lucy hesitates.] Hurry! Rex is coming over later. [He catches sight of the table, festoons, etc.] Heavens! What's all this tomfoolery?
Lucy
[going]
Uncle Everett's orders—he wouldn't stop to explain. He left word to summon the whole family for dinner.
[Lucy goes.
John
[shrilly]
The whole family!... To-day of all days!
Theodore
John! You must not, shall not, force Jean to marry this man.
John
[unappreciated]
Haven't I done everything for my sisters? Can't they even marry for me?
Theodore
The man she loves or none at all.
John
That cub at the law school? No money to keep a wife, no prospects of any. His father's a college professor.
Theodore
[shaking head sadly]
"No love without marriage, no marriage without—money!" Ernest Hamilton's words this morning, when we walked to church.
John
[watching house expectantly]
Survival of the fittest, Theodore, survival of the fittest.
Theodore
The fittest for what?—for making money! the only kind of fitness encouraged to survive, to reproduce its species.
John
If the ability to make money is not the test of fitness, what is?
Theodore
Then you are more fit than a hundred Hamiltons, are you? And Rex? How fit is he? Rex never made a cent in his life.
John
He's got it, all the same.... See here! Haven't I enough to worry me without your butting in? Jean's got to marry somebody, sometime, hasn't she?
Theodore
But not Rex, not if I can prevent it.
John
But you can't—you have nothing to do with it ... except to perform the ceremony and get a big, fat fee for it.
Theodore
I—marry Jean and Rex? Never!
[Jean comes out. She is frightened and turns timidly to Theodore for protection.
John
Jean, don't detain Theodore. He has an important business letter to write. [Theodore turns to John indignantly.] Your wife's sanatorium bills—better settle up before they dun you again.
Theodore
With your money?
[Takes John's check out of pocket, about to tear it.
John
[catching Theodore's hand]
For Mary's sake, for the children's—don't give way to selfish pride.... Want to kill your wife? Then take her out of the sanatorium. Want to ruin your children? Then take them out of school!... Cash your check, I tell you, and pay your debts!
[Theodore glances at Jean, at check. A struggle. At bay, he finally pockets check and dejectedly goes into the house.
Jean
[with a wet handkerchief in hand]
Well? If I refuse to marry Rex?... Cut off my allowance or merely bully me to death?
John
[kindly]
Oh, come! You've filled your romantic little head full of novels. I never force anybody to do anything. [Suddenly breaks out.] My heavens! what's the matter with all of you? I only want to give you and Lucy and Helen and Theodore and the whole family the best of everything in life! And what do I get for it? I'm a brutal husband, a bullying brother, and a malefactor of wealth. Lord! I guess I have some rights, even if I have got money!
Jean
Rex has money, too. Should that give him the right to women? I, too, have some rights—even though I am a woman.
John
Any woman who can't care enough for a Baker to marry him—Rex is the sort who would do everything in the world for the woman he loves, everything. All the Bakers are like that.
Jean
But what would he do for the woman he no longer loves?
John
He wasn't fool enough to tell you about that?
Jean
About what?
John
[halting]
Nothing—I thought—I tell you, Rex has reformed.
Jean
You thought I meant his "past." I meant his future ... and my own.
John
Well, if you expect to find a saint, you'll never get married at all.
Jean
And if I never married at all?
John
Then what will you do?
Jean
[with a wail of despair]
That's it—then what should I do—what could I do? Oh, it's so unfair, so unfair to train girls only for this! What chance, what choice have I? To live on the bounty of a disapproving brother or a man I do not love! Oh, how I envy Helen! If I only had a chance, a decent chance!
John
Any sensible girl would envy your chance. You'll never have another like it. You'll never have another at all! Grab it, I tell you, grab it. [Rex comes quietly, a determined look on his face, John sees him.] Now, think, before too late, think hard. Think what it means to be an old maid.
[And leaves them abruptly.
[Jean stands alone, looking very pretty in girlish distress. Rex gazes at her a moment and then with sudden passion he silently rushes over, seizes her in his arms, kisses her furiously.
Jean
[indignant, struggles, frees herself, and rubs her cheek]
Ugh! How could you!
Rex
Because I love you!
Jean
Love! It isn't even respect now.
Rex
Has that fellow ever kissed you?
Jean
I have begged you never to refer to him again.
Rex
He has! He has held you in his arms. He has kissed your lips, your cheeks, your eyes!
Jean
How many women have you held in your arms? Have I ever tried to find out?
Rex
Ah! You don't deny it, you can't.
Jean
I can! He respects me. I don't deserve it, but he does.
Rex
Thank heavens! Oh, you don't know how this has tormented me, little Jean. The thought of any other man's coming near you—why, I couldn't have felt the same toward you again, I just couldn't.
Jean
[bites her lips—then deliberately]
Well, then ... other men have come near me ... other men have kissed me, Rex.
Rex
[getting wild again]
What! When? Where?
Jean
[laughing cynically]
Oh, in conservatories in town, John's camp in the North Woods, motor rides in the country—once or twice out here on this very terrace, when I've felt sentimental in the moonlight.
Rex
[recoiling]
Oh! Jean! I never supposed you were that sort!
Jean
[with distaste]
Oh, I don't make a habit of it! I'm not that sort. But ... well, this isn't all I could tell you about myself, Rex.
Rex
Don't!... Oh, what do you mean—quick.
Jean
Oh, I've merely been handled, not hurt. Slightly shop-worn but as good as new.
Rex
[after a pause, quietly]
Jean, what makes you say such horribly honest things to me?
Jean
Yesterday I did you a great unkindness, Rex. I deserve to suffer for it.... You don't suppose I enjoy talking this way about myself?
Rex
I never heard a girl—a nice girl—talk like this before.
Jean
Naturally not. Usually "nice" girls hide it. It's an instinct in women—to keep up their value.... Often I've had thoughts and feelings which "nice" girls of your artificial ideal are supposed never to have at all. Perfectly natural, too, especially girls of my sort. We have so little to occupy our minds, except men! To have a useful, absorbing occupation—it rubs off the bloom, lowers our price in the market, you see.
Rex
Oh, stop!... If you're not going to marry me, say so, but——
Jean
But I am!... I am not going to be a dependent old maid. [Rex, bewildered, only gazes at her.] But, first, I want you to know exactly what you're getting for your money. That seems only businesslike.
Rex
[recoils]
Would you only marry me for that?
Jean
I told you I loved another man. Do you want me?
Rex
[with jealousy returning]
Do I want you! He shan't have you.
[He comes close.
Jean
Then take me.
Rex
[seizes her passionately]
I'll make you love me! [Kisses her triumphantly.] I'll bring a different light into those cold eyes of yours. Wait until you're married! Wait until you're awakened. I'll make you forget that man, all other men. You are to be mine—all mine, all mine! [During this embrace Jean is quite passive, holds up her cheek to be kissed, and when he seeks her lips she shuts her eyes and gives him her lips. He suddenly stops, chilled; holding her at arms length.] But I don't care to marry an iceberg. Can't you love me a little? Haven't you any sentiment in your cynical little soul ... you irresistible darling!
Jean
In my soul? Yes! It's only my body I'm selling, you know.
[Then deliberately—clearly without passion—throws her arms about his neck, clinging close and kissing him repeatedly until Rex responds.
Rex
Look out, here comes the parson.
[Theodore comes out of the house.
Jean
Oh, Theodore! Rex and I have come to an understanding.... Will you solemnize our blessed union?
Theodore
Not unless you truly love each other. Marriage is sacred.
Jean
[rapidly]
A large church wedding—that will make it sacred. A full choral service—many expensive flowers—all the smartest people invited—that always makes the union of two souls sacred.
Theodore
Those who truly love—their friends should witness the solemn rite, but——
Jean
[interrupts. To Rex]
And my wedding gown will be white satin with a point-lace veil caught up with orange-blossoms and a diamond tiara—"the gift of the groom"—that ought to make it solemn.
Theodore
The white veil is the symbol of purity, Jean.
Jean
[rattling on wildly]
Of purity, Rex, do you hear? Whenever you see a bride in the white symbol of purity she is pure—that proves it. That makes it all so beautiful! so sacred! so holy! holy! holy!
[Hysterically turns and runs into the house as John comes out.
Theodore
[following]
Jean, you must not, you shall not—[John blocks Theodore. Rex runs in after Jean. To John.] John, I warn you! I'll prevent this marriage. I'll tell every clergyman in the diocese. I'll inform the bishop himself. This marriage would be a sacrilege.
John
You dare threaten me—after all I've done for you!
Theodore
Your five thousand was a loan—not a bribe—every cent of it will be returned.
John
You can't return it. I wouldn't let you if you could. Come, it's all in the family. [Theodore shakes his head.] You know that beautiful Gothic chapel old man Baker is building on his estate? He likes you. I'll tell him you're just the man he's looking for—safe and sane—no socialistic tendencies.
Theodore
Don't trouble yourself—he offered me the place this morning.
John
You didn't refuse it!
Theodore
I did—this morning. But since my last talk with you I've reconsidered, I've telephoned my acceptance.
John
[genuinely glad]
Bully! Great! Why, now you're fixed for life. "Only one kind of fitness encouraged," eh?... Right always triumphs in the end. Never lose your faith again, Theodore.
Theodore
Right? That whited sepulchre! his mill hands dying like flies, his private life a public scandal!
John
[with a cynical grin]
Then why accept his tainted money?
Theodore
[from his soul]
To keep my wife alive. To keep my children out of the streets. To keep myself out of deeper debt to you. That's why I accept it—that's why many a man sells his soul to the devil.... If I had only myself to consider—why, to me a little thing like death would be a blessed luxury. But I, why, John, I cannot afford—even to die. I must compromise and live—live for those dependent on me.... Your five thousand will be returned with interest, but your little sister will not be married to a man she does not want.
John
But Rex wants her and money talks in this world, louder than the Church. Refuse to marry Baker's son and how long will you keep Baker's chapel?... Think it over, Theodore, think it over.
[Suddenly the Judge in motor garments covered with dust comes out panting, followed by Lucy calling.
Lucy
Uncle Everett! Uncle Everett!
Judge
John! Oh, John!
John
Where is she!
Theodore
You were too late!
Judge
Wait! Give me time to get my breath.
[Fans himself with his cap and mops brow.
John
My detective—didn't he meet their train?
[Judge nods yes.
Lucy
But they saw him first?
[Judge shakes head no.
Theodore
Didn't he follow them?
[Judge nods yes.
John
Where'd they go? Where are they? Speak, man, speak!
Judge
[raises cap and handkerchief]
Now, just give me a chance and I'll tell the whole story.... The detective was waiting at the station. He saw them step out of the train. He followed them to the cab-stand. He watched them get into a taxi—jumped into another himself—and away they went, pursued by the detective and blissfully ignorant of his existence.... Even now they don't know they were being watched—or else ... well, they might have taken another course.
Lucy
Quick! Tell us the worst.
Judge
[hesitates]
Well ... they drove straight to Helen's apartment.
Lucy
And you were too late. I thought so.
John
But my detective?
Judge
He followed and reported to me when I reached town.
Lucy
Reported what? Tell us all.
Judge
First he saw Ernest help Helen out of the taxi—very tenderly, like this. Little they realized then how every detail was to be reported to you now!
John
Go on! Go on!
Judge
Then the detective saw Ernest deliberately——
Lucy
Yes, go on.
Judge
Deliberately lift his hat like this, say "good afternoon" just like that, and drive on to his own apartment a mile away.
[There is a sudden silence; the others waiting the Judge now sits down.
Lucy
Oh, is that all?
Theodore
Why, it's exactly as if they were engaged!
Judge
No, Theodore, not exactly as if engaged.
John
You're keeping something back from us! Speak!
Judge
[gets up from chair]
Must I tell you? It's rather delicate.... Well, he didn't even step into the vestibule to kiss her good-by.
[All look at each other.
John
But where are they now? Quick!
Lucy
They met later! I knew it.
Judge
Yes, it's true. They are alone together at this very moment.
All
Where! Where?
Judge
[pointing to house]
There.
John
What! What are they doing here?
Judge
[resumes fanning]
Discussing the marriage problem. [General rejoicing and relief.] Sssh! Not so loud, you might interrupt them.
John
[nodding knowingly]
Cold feet! Knew he'd lose his job.
Lucy
The disgrace. She couldn't face it.
Theodore
No, conscience. A deep religious nature.
[They all think it over a moment, each sure of his own diagnosis.
John
[turning to Judge with amusement]
So! Decided the soul-mate theory wouldn't work in practice, eh?
Theodore and Lucy
And they agree to marry?
Judge
[stops fanning]
Marry? My, no! Nothing like that. They think less of marriage than ever now! Helen is using woman's sweet indirect influence on Ernest in there at this moment!
[All start toward the house impulsively, but on second thoughts they all stop.
John
Then how on earth did you get them back!
Judge
[lighting cigar]
Oh, perfectly simple, I promised Helen you'd apologize to Ernest; promised Ernest you'd apologize to Helen. [To Lucy.] Promised both you'd arrange a nice little family party for 'em. They bear no grudge. They're too happy.
Lucy
[horrified. Indicates table]
The family party—for them? Horrors!
Judge
[tossing away match]
Yes, here in your happy home. [The others turn on the Judge indignantly.] Well, don't jump on me. I tell you they positively decline to elope until after they tell the whole damn family. Considerate of them, I say. You don't deserve it, if you ask me.
John
[incredulous]
Tell the whole ... see here, are they crazy? Are you crazy? Do you think I'm crazy?
[Impetuously turns toward the house, a man of action.
Judge
[stopping John]
Wait!... You've already done your best to destroy your sister—but you've utterly failed. They have done nothing wrong—as yet. Why, they are the finest, truest, noblest pair of lovers I ever met! Now, aren't they, Theodore?
Theodore
I can't say that I call Helen's ideas of marriage "noble," exactly!
Judge
[grandiloquent]
She is willing to sacrifice even marriage for his career. Isn't that noble? And he! willing to sacrifice even his career for marriage. Both noble, if you ask me.
John
[loud]
Noble tommy-rot!—a pair of pig-headed, highbrow fools! They don't have to sacrifice anything for anybody. Can't they work together just as well married as unmarried?
Judge
[slyly]
That's what I said to her, but you had already convinced her that it was impractical. Work and marriage—"combine the two, and you'll fail at both"—your own warning, John.
John
[angry]
B'r'r—you think you're very funny, don't you! But that's my sister in there, planning to be that fellow's mistress—right here in my own house! Anything funny about that!
Judge
[stepping aside]
All right, go put a stop to it then! [John starts toward house.] It's your own house—turn her out again. [John stops short.] What are you going to do about it, John? [John has no answer.] Drive little Jean into marriage with a man she does not love—she is an old-fashioned girl. But your other sister—you can't make her marry even the man she does love, unless she sees fit. She is the New Woman! Society can no longer force females into wedlock—so it is forcing them out ... by the thousands! Approve of it? Of course not. But what good will our disapproval do? They will only laugh at you. The strike is on. Few of the strikers will let you see it. Few of the strikers have Helen's courage. But, believe it or not, the strike will spread. It cannot be crushed by law or force. Unless society wakes up and reforms its rules and regulations of marriage, marriage is doomed.... What are you going to do about it? [Silence.] I thought so—nothing. Call them bad women and let it go at that. Blame it all on human nature, made by God, and leave untouched our human institutions, made by man. You poor little pessimists! human nature to-day is better than it ever was, but our most important institution is worse—the most sacred relationship in life has become a jest in the market-place.... You funny little cowards, you're afraid of life, afraid of love, afraid of truth. You worship lies, and call it God!
John
[interrupts]
All right, all right—but we can't change marriage overnight just to suit Helen. What are you going to do about it?
Judge
There's just one thing to do. Will you back me up in everything I say?
John
[acknowledging his own defeat]
Anything—everything.
Judge
Then tell Helen she doesn't have to marry, that, with the best intentions, the Church has made a muddle of monogamy.
From a photograph by White Studio.
Judge: You poor little pessimists! Human nature to-day is better than it ever was, but our most important institution is worse—the most sacred relationship in life has become a jest in the market-place.
Theodore
Uncle Everett, I protest.
Judge
That we all admire their consecrated courage and advise their trying this conscientious experiment.
John
Not if I have anything to say about it!
Judge
But you haven't. Do please get that through your head.... Theodore, they've talked enough, ask them to step out here and receive John's blessing. [Impatiently.] Go on—I'll fix John. [Theodore goes.] [To John, who is about to burst forth.] Oh, see here, did you ever pull a dog into the house against his will?... Let him alone and he'll follow you in, wag his tail, and lick your hand.
John
You mean, they'll come in, be respectable?
Judge
Admit that marriage has numerous drawbacks—and they'll see its advantages. Deny it—and they'll see nothing but each other. Marriage is in a bad way, but it's the less of two evils. Marriage must adjust itself to the New Woman—but the New Woman must meanwhile adjust herself to marriage. [Briskly to Lucy.] Now, then, did you send out that hurry call for the family this evening?
Lucy
Yes, they're on their way here now, but Uncle Everett, Doctor Hamilton said, next week.
Judge
Yes, I know—it'll be a little surprise party for Helen.... Did you order some music?
Lucy
Yes, the musicians are to be stationed in the library.
Judge
Excellent, excellent. [Indicates tables and festoons.] All that junk will help, too. A good Sunday supper this evening, Lucy; your best champagne, John—gay spirits, family affection, warm approval, toasts to the future. Why, all we'll have to do is—[Breaks off.] Here they come. Now follow my lead. They've done a lot of thinking since you saw them last, but—make one misstep and it's all off.
Lucy
Be nice to her, John. It was just a girlish impulse.
[John opens arms to receive Helen.
John
My sister! All is forgiven.
Helen
[stops short, her lip curls]
You forgive me?
[Before John can reply, Theodore and Ernest follow, talking.
Ernest
But I tell you he had a perfect right to put me off his property. The thing I can't overlook—[Sees John and Lucy. Points finger at them accusingly.] Theodore has told me what you thought.... Please don't judge us by yourselves again—you licentious-minded married people!
[He shrugs his shoulders with fastidious disgust and turns his back upon them.
John
[gasping]
Well, I'll be damned.
Judge
[whispers]
Stand for it—he's right.
Theodore
But Ernest ... I'm bound to say when two people run away together——
Ernest
Ah, Theodore! you, too? Are all married people alike? Did we want to "run away" as you call it? Did we not ask for a week to think it over? Did we not stipulate that in any case we must frankly face the family first? But this person—what did he do? he ordered us off his property, like trespassers! What could we do? Sit down in the road and wait a week? Bah! we went home—you suspicious married people, you hypocritical, unspeakable married people! [Judge has difficulty in restraining John.] Why, I believe our good friend the Judge here is the only decent-minded, properly married person on your property.
John
[bursting out]
Decent-minded—why, he's div——
[Lucy stops him.
Judge
[steps in]
Dev-oted to his wife. Lucy is jealous of what I'm doing for my wife. [Controls laughter.] Now come, we must all just let bygones be bygones. We know your intentions are honorable, your courage admirable; and for whatever was amiss in word, deed, or thought, we all humbly apologize—don't we, John? [John bows uncomfortably.] Lucy? Theodore? And now I want you all to tell Ernest and Helen what you told me—that their arguments against marriage are unanswerable, their logic unimpeachable, and we no longer have the slightest intention or desire to get them divorced by matrimony. [John, Theodore, and Lucy look dubious. Judge crosses over and pinches them. Helen and Ernest are utterly bewildered.] Why, we wouldn't let a little thing like marriage come between them for the world, would we, John? would we, Lucy? would we, Theodore?
John
[with an effort]
I agree with Uncle Everett entirely.
Judge
And you, Theodore?
Theodore
[in a low voice]
Perfectly.
Judge
And you, Lucy?
Lucy
[with a nervous glance at John]
Absolutely.
Judge
[to the lovers]
There. You see?
[Ernest looks from one to the other in amazement.
Helen
[laughing]
I don't believe a word of it!
Judge
Why not? why not?
Helen
Very well, then invite the whole family here next Sunday!
Judge
They'll be here in an hour.
[Points to tables.
Helen and Ernest
[recoiling]
In an hour!
Judge
Yes, you are to begin your new life together this evening! Isn't it lovely?
Helen
[gasping]
But that's so sudden. Why, we—we aren't ready.
Theodore
Just as ready as you'll ever be.
Judge
Ernest's vacation begins to-morrow—your honeymoon.
Helen
But, don't you see——
Lucy
Those new Paris clothes John gave you—your trousseau.
Ernest
Well, but——
Judge
And this family gathering this evening, your—in a manner of speaking—wedding party. [Waving aside all the lovers' objections.] Now, it's all fixed, let's go and dress for the—as it were—ceremony.
Ernest
[blocks the way. Serious]
Wait! Did I ever say I would not marry this woman?
[All stop, turn, exchange glances.
Judge
[apart]
Ah! a broad-minded chap.
John
[with a wink at Judge]
Ah! so you think you'd like to marry my sister after all?
Ernest
Oh, you're an ass! What have I been doing for the past twenty-four hours? Begging her to marry me. What have you been doing? Preventing it. Why did I postpone sailing for a week? Why did I insist upon the family party? [Comes nearer to John.] You're an idiot.
Judge
[pinching John]
Stand for it, John. You've got to stand for it. Tell him you love him like a brother ... in-law.
John
[controls himself]
Well, I ... I—you have my consent, Doctor Hamilton, I'm sure.
Ernest
Your consent! What's that got to do with it? [They all turn toward Helen. Ernest steps between them.] Now wait!... This morning you tried bullying. Did it work? This afternoon bluffing. Think that will work? [Hand on Helen's shoulder.] You can't frighten her into marriage. I've tried that myself. We've got to appeal to some higher motive than self-interest or superstition with this woman, racial motives, unselfish motives. [With force.] But don't talk to me about her being "immoral." I won't stand for it. If you want her to marry, prove the morality of marriage.
Theodore
The "morality of marriage"! What next?
Ernest
[to Theodore]
That's what I said—the morality of marriage! This woman is not on trial before you. Marriage is on trial before her, and thus far I'm bound to say you've not made out a good case for it. But simply justify her marrying me, and—I give you my word—you can perform the ceremony this very evening. No license is required in this State, you know.
[This creates a sensation.
Judge
Now, what could be fairer than that! [To Helen.] Do you agree to this?
Helen
[she nods]
We agree in everything.
Judge
Both broad-minded!
Helen
[quietly]
I never said I did not believe in a legal wedding—[others surprised] for those who can afford the luxury of children.... But for those who have to take it out in working for other people's children all their lives—a ceremony seems like a subterfuge. Without children I don't see how any marriage is ever consummated—socially.
Theodore
Ah, but this relationship—it's a sacred thing in itself.
Helen
[sincerely]
I know it. I want to do right, Theodore, please believe that I do! But the kind of marriage preached by the Church and practised by the world—does that cherish the real sacredness of this relationship? Of course, I can only judge from appearances, but so often marriage seems to destroy the sacredness—yes, and also the usefulness—of this relationship!
Ernest
But, my dear girl——
Helen
[smiles]
He thinks so, too. Only he has a quaint, mannish notion that he must "protect me." [To Ernest, patting his arm.] Haven't you, dear!
[Again she has raised the shield of flippancy.
Judge
What did I tell you, Theodore? The old marriage doesn't fit the New Woman. A self-supporting girl like Helen objects to obeying a mere man—like Ernest.
Helen
[patting the Judge's arm affectionately, too]
Uncle Everett, you know nothing about it! You think you understand the new generation. The only generation you understand is the one which clamored for "Woman's Rights." [To Ernest.] I obey you already—every day of my life, do I not, dear? [Looking up into his face.] You're my "boss," aren't you, Ernest? [To Judge.] But I do object to contracting by law for what is better done by love.
Judge
[laughs fondly]
But suppose the promise to obey were left out?
Helen
But the contract to love—[To Theodore.] that's so much worse, it seems to me. Obedience is a mere matter of will, is it not? But when a man promises to love until death——
Theodore
Are you so cold, so scientific, so unsexed, that you cannot trust the man you love?
Helen
Why, Theodore, if I didn't trust him I'd marry him! Contracts are not for those who trust—they're for those who don't.
Lucy
[takes Helen apart]
Now, I may be old-fashioned, Helen, but I'm a married woman, and I know men. You never can tell, my dear, you never can tell.
Helen
Do you think I'd live with a man who did not love me? Do you think I'd live on a man I did not love? [Lucy blinks.] Why, what kind of a woman should I be then! The name wife—would that change it? Calling it holy—would that hallow it?... Every woman, married or not, knows the truth about this! In her soul woman has always known. But until to-day has never dared to tell.
Ernest
[approaching Helen]
Oh, come now—those vows—they aren't intended in a literal sense. Ask Theodore. Why, no sane person means half of that gibberish. "With all my worldly goods I thee endow"—millions of men have said it—how many ever did it? How many clergymen ever expect them to!... It's all a polite fiction in beautiful, sonorous English.
Helen
The most sacred relationship in life! Ernest, shall you and I enter it unadvisedly, lightly, and with LIES on our lips?... Simply because others do?
Ernest
[a little impatient]
But the whole world stands for this. And the world won't stand for that.
Helen
Is that reverently, soberly, and in the fear of God? No, cynically, selfishly, and in the fear of man. I don't want to be obstinate, I don't like to set myself up as "holier than thou," but, Ernest, unless we begin honestly, we'll end dishonestly. Somehow marriage seems wicked to me.
Judge
[nudging Theodore]
How do you like that?
Theodore
John is right—they've gone mad.
Ernest
All the same, you've got to marry me—you've simply got to.
Helen
You are mistaken. I do not have to marry any one. I can support myself.
Ernest
Then I'm disappointed in you.
Helen
And I in you.
Ernest
I thought you were sensible.
Helen
I thought you were honest.
Ernest
Honest! You accuse me of dishonesty?
Helen
You don't believe in "half of that gibberish." Yet you are willing to work the Church for our own worldly advantage! You are willing to prostitute the most sacred thing in life!... If that is not dishonest, what is!
Ernest
And you are the woman I love and want to marry! In all my life I was never accused of dishonesty before.
Helen
You never tried to marry before. No one is honest about marriage.
Ernest
I never shall try again. I'm going to Paris to-morrow and I'm going alone.
Helen
Then do it. Don't threaten it so often—do it.
Ernest
I shall. And I'll never come back.
Helen
Nobody asked you to.
Ernest
Helen—for the last time—just for my sake—marry me.
Helen
For the last time—no! no! NO!! I won't be a hypocrite even for your sake.
[She turns away, he starts off, then stops, rushes over to her.
Ernest
[holds out arms]
I can't. You know it. Without you I'm nothing.
Helen
[taking both his hands]
Without you.... Oh, my dear, my dear.
Ernest
Forgive me, forgive me.
Helen
It was all my fault.
Ernest
No, I was a brute. I'm not worthy of you.
Helen
[covering his lips with her hand]
Sssh—I can't stand it—I was perfectly horrid to you. And you were doing it all for my sake. [Laughing and crying.] You dear old thing—I knew it all the time.
[They seem about to embrace.
Judge
[shaking with laughter]
Was there ever in the world anything like it!... Well, children, see here. He's willing to lie for your sake. She's willing to die for your sake. Now, why not just split the difference and have a civil ceremony for our sake.
Theodore
No, they will marry for a better reason. Think of the sin of it! [To Helen.] Have you no sense of sin?
Judge
If not, think of the humor of it! Have you no sense of humor?
Helen
[still drying eyes and smiling to Judge]
Not a scrap. Neither has Ernest. Have you, dear?
Ernest
I hope not—judging from those who always say they have.
Theodore
[solemnly]
Helen, look at Ernest—Ernest look at Helen. [The lovers do so.] Look into each other's very souls!... You know, you must know, that in the eyes of God this thing would be a sin, a heinous sin.
[The lovers gaze deep into each other's eyes in silence.
Ernest
[tremulous from the emotion he has just been through]
The glory and the gladness I see in this woman's eyes a sin? Her trust in me, my worship of her, our new-found belief in a future life, our greater usefulness together in this—bah! don't talk to me about sin! Such women cannot sin—they love.
John
[tired out]
Oh, you can talk all night, but this is a practical world. How long could you keep your job in the institute? Then how'll you live! Private practice? No respectable home will let you inside the door.
Ernest
I've seen the inside of respectable homes. I want no more. [Taking from his pocket a piece of paper.] This morning I came to ask for your sister's hand in marriage. Your manners did not please me. So I cabled over to Metchnikoff. [Hands cablegram to John.] His answer. Positions await us both at the Pasteur Institute in Paris. That luxurious suite on to-morrow's steamer still waits in my name.
Theodore
Ernest! Stop! Think! This woman's soul is in your hands.
[Ernest seems to hesitate. Helen crosses to him. Judge seizes John, whispers, and shoves him across.
John
Doctor Hamilton! I apologize!... You're a man of the world. You know what this means—she doesn't. She is in your power—for God's sake go to Paris without her.
[John tries to lead Helen away from Ernest. She shudders at John's masterful touch and clings to her lover.
Ernest
And leave her here in your power? Never again! You've forced her out of her work—you'd force her into legalized prostitution, if you could, like her innocent little sister. [Snatches Helen away from John.] No, married or not, she sails with me in the morning. That's final.
[The lovers turn away together.
Judge
Where are you going?
Helen
To ask Marie to pack my trunk.
Ernest
To telephone for a motor.
Judge
But you won't start until after the family party?
Ernest
Of course not.
[In a sudden silence Helen and Ernest walk into the house, leaving the family in despair.
Judge
[after a long sigh, to John]
I knew you'd bungle it, I knew it—but there's still a chance, just one more card to play.
[The Butler comes out.
Lucy
Good heavens! Already?
Butler
Mr. and Mrs. Willoughby, Doctor and Mrs. Grey, and the Misses Grey.
Lucy
[flurried]
And we're not even dressed!
Judge
No matter. It's Sunday—many orthodox people ... why, Mr. Baker won't even dine out on Sunday.
[Enter the persons announced. Greetings. "How warm it is for September." ... "And how's the baby, Margaret?" etc.
John and Judge apart are planning excitedly. Jean and Rex come out, and finally Helen, followed by Ernest.
Butler
Dinner is served, ma'am.
[The Second Man touches button. Japanese lanterns glow, silver shines, and all move toward the tables, a happy, united family.
Lucy
[going-to-dinner manner as she leads the way]
We can hardly go out formally because we're already out, you know. Aunt Susan, will you sit over there on John's right? Doctor Hamilton by me? Rex on the other side?
John
Here, Helen. No, Jean, you are beside Rex, you know.
Judge
Until married, then you're separated.
Lucy
Cousin Charlie—that's it. [All take their places.] Most extraordinary weather for September, isn't it?
Judge
[he slaps his cheek]
Isn't it?
Lucy
[shocked and hurt]
That's the first mosquito I have ever known on our place.
John
[indignantly]
We never have mosquitoes here. You must have been mistaken.
[The servants are passing in and out of house with courses. The Butler now brings a telegram to Judge.
Judge
From Julia! [Tears it open eagerly, reads, and then shouts.] She's coming back to me, she's coming back! Look at that, look at that!
[Jumps up and shows telegram to John. Then taking it around to Lucy he sings to tune of "Merrily we roll along":
Aunt Julia is coming back
Coming back—coming back
Aunt Julia is coming back
Coming back from Reno.
Helen
[laughing]
From Reno? That sounds like divorce, Uncle Everett.
Judge
Like divorce? Does that sound like divorce? [Takes telegram from Lucy and hands it to Helen.] Read it aloud.
Helen
[reading]
"Dear boy, I can't stand it, either. Come to me or I go to you."
Judge
[sings during the reading]
Coming back from Reno. [Breaks off—to Helen.] So you thought we wanted a divorce, did you?
From a photograph by White Studio.
Judge: We thought we believed in trial marriage. Nothing of the sort—trial separation! What marriage put asunder divorce has joined together.
Helen
I never dreamed of such a thing.
Judge
[looks at her a moment, then in a burst]
Well, I did. The dream of my life—your Aunt Julia's, too. We thought we believed in trial marriage, but we don't—we believe in trial separation!
Theodore
[uncomfortably]
They thought they didn't love each other, but they do, you see.
Judge
We don't, we don't, but we can't get along without each other ... got the habit of having each other around and can't break it.... This morning I telegraphed: "Are you doing this just for my sake?" She replied, "Tutti-frutti." [Sings.] Aunt Julia's coming back. Oh, I'm too happy to eat. [Singing, while others eat and drink:
Coming back, coming back,
Aunt Julia is coming back
Coming back from Reno.
And I don't care who knows it. The more the better for marriage. The truth—give me more truth, give me more—champagne. [Butler fills glass as Judge raises it.] Here's to your Aunt Julia, the best wife—I ever had. [All rise, drink, laugh, and sit down.] And I'll never, never get another.... You know I thought maybe I might. Oh, Everett, Everett, you sly dog, you old idiot you!
John
[arises, clearing throat, tapping on glasses for silence]
And now, speaking of divorce, I have an engagement to announce. [Some laughter but all quiet down. He smiles at Jean.] Of course, you can't guess whose. Friends, it is my privilege to announce the engagement of my good friend Rex Baker to my dear sister Jean. [Gentle applause and congratulations. Music begins.] And so I will now ask all to arise and drink to the health and prosperity of my little sister and my brother-in-law to be! And my best wish is that they will be as happy as my better half and me. [All cheer and drink health standing.] Speech, Rex!
[Some of them playfully try to put him on his feet.
Rex
[shaking his head and maintaining his seat]
I can't make a speech. I'm too happy for words—See-what-I-mean?
Helen
[in a low, significant tone]
Jean, aren't you going to say something?
Jean
[arises, all silent, she looks at Lucy, Rex, John]
Words cannot describe my happiness, either.
[She resumes her seat, and all gather round to congratulate Jean and Rex.
John
[rapping for quiet]
One moment, one moment. Another toast, another toast! [Others quiet down.] We have with us to-night one who, in honoring whom we honor ourselves, one who with capital back of him would soon become the greatest scientist in America! [Judge leads applause, "hear, hear!" etc. John raises glass.] To the distinguished guest whom I am proud to welcome to my humble board, to the noble humanitarian whom Mr. Baker delights to honor, to the good friend whom we all admire and trust, Doctor Ernest Hamilton!
[All applaud and about to drink health, Judge jumps up.
Judge
And to his fair collaborator! the brave woman who at this modern warrior's side daily risks her life for others, handling death and disease in those mighty but unsung battles for the common weal! [Applause.] A New Woman? No, friends, look behind the stupid names the mob would cast, like stones to destroy, look and you will see your true conservative—willing to appear radical in order to conserve woman's work in the world! willing to appear ridiculous to right ancient wrongs! willing even to appear wrong—for those she loves! Ah, the same old-fashioned woman we all adore, in a form so new we blindly fail to understand her glorious advent before our very eyes! To Helen, the gracious embodiment of all that is sweetest, noblest, and best in womanhood—to Helen! Our lovely Helen!
John
[up again at once]
Family approval, social esteem, and an honored career—all this is theirs for the asking! To-day to me they have confessed their love—to-night to you I now announce ... their engagement! Long life and happiness to Helen and Ernest!
[Great enthusiasm—even pounding on the table. Ernest arises, looking surprised. John signalling to rest of family to join in.
The Family
[glasses raised, drowning out Ernest]
Long life and happiness, long life and happiness!
Ernest
[raises hand]
Wait! Before you drink this toast.... [The glasses stop midway. Sudden silence.] Your congratulations we appreciate, your kind wishes we desire—but not on false pretences. We are not engaged to be married.
[In the tense silence a shudder ripples the family joy.
Rex
[apart to Jean]
Gee! They had a scrap, too?
John
[up, nervously. Ernest still standing]
If I may interrupt.... He has financial reasons—I respect him for it. But this very day the Baker Institute in recognition of Doctor Hamilton's distinguished services to humanity has doubled his salary—doubled it! It's all right now—it's all right.
Rex
[apart to Jean]
Four thousand, eh?... get a very decent touring car for that.
Ernest
[to all]
That is very kind, but that is not the point. True, our mutual needs are such that we cannot live nor work apart, but our convictions are such that we cannot live and work together—in what you have the humor to call "holy wedlock." Now, Helen, the motor is waiting.
[Sensation. Gasps of amazement and horror. Some jump up from table. A chair is upset. Ernest holds Helen's wrap. General movement and murmurs.
John
[barring way]
You leave this house only over my dead body.
[Others gather around lovers.
Judge
[to all]
Stand back!... Let him among you who has a purer ideal of love, a higher conception of duty cast the first stone.
[All stop. Silenced.
Theodore
But this man and this woman would destroy marriage!
Judge
[standing beside lovers]
No! Such as they will not destroy marriage—they will save it! They restore the vital substance while we preserve the empty shell. Everything they have said, everything they have done, proves it. The promise to love—they could not help it—they took it—I heard them. The instinct for secrecy—they felt it—we all do—but straightway they told the next of kin. [Points to John.] Even when insulted and driven forth from the tribe, they indignantly refused to be driven into each other's arms until you of the same blood could hear them plight their troth! Believe in marriage? Why, there never was, there never will be a more perfect tribute to true marriage than from this fearless pair you now accuse of seeking to destroy it! [John tries to interrupt, but the Judge waves him down.] They have been not only honorable but old-fashioned, save in the one orthodox detail of accepting the authority constituted by society for its protection and for theirs. [To Helen and Ernest.] But now, I'm sure, before starting on their wedding journey—another old-fashioned convention they believe in—that, just to please us if not themselves, they will consent to be united in the bonds of holy wedlock by Cousin Theodore who stands ready and waiting with prayer-book in hand.
[Family subsides. Everybody happy. Theodore steps up, opens prayer-book.
Theodore
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God——"
Helen
[suddenly loud and clear]
Theodore! are you going to marry Rex and Jean?
John
[impatiently]
Of course, of course, Mr. Baker's chaplain.
Ernest
[recoiling]
Theodore! You! Are you going to stand up and tell the world that God has joined those two together—God?
[Theodore looks at John but does not deny it and says nothing.
Helen
Then you will be blaspheming love—and God who made it. No, you shall not marry us.
Ernest
[agreeing with Helen]
Some things are too sacred to be profaned.
Theodore
[overwhelmed]
Profaned?... By the Church?
John
Your love too sacred for the Church? The Church has a name for such love! The world a name for such women!
Ernest
[about to strike John, then shrugs]
A rotten world! A kept Church! Come, let's get away from it all! Come!
[Helen offers her hand in farewell to Lucy, but John shields her from Helen's touch, then to Jean. Rex shields Jean from contamination, but Jean weeps.
Judge
[barring the way. To Ernest]
Stop! You cannot! The very tie that binds you to this woman binds you to us and to the whole world with hooks of steel! [The lovers are still going, Judge ascends steps, facing them.] For the last time! before too late! Ernest! You know that in the eyes of God you are taking this woman to be your wife.
Ernest
In the eyes of God, I do take Helen to be my wife—but——
Judge
You, Helen! Speak, woman, speak!
Helen
I take Ernest to be my husband in the eyes of God, but——
Judge
[raises his hand augustly and in a voice of authority]
Then, since you, Ernest, and you, Helen, have made this solemn declaration before God and in the presence of witnesses, I, by the authority vested in me by the laws of this State do now pronounce you man and wife!
[Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton look at each other bewildered. Meanwhile the silence has been pierced, first by a little hysterical scream from Jean, then the others all wake up and crowd about the happy pair, congratulating them. The women who had snubbed Helen before cover her with kisses, for now she is fit for their embraces.
John
[to Theodore]
Saved! Saved! Respectable at last, thank God. [Raising his glass and hammering for attention.] Here's to the bride and groom.
[All cheer, raise glasses, and drink.
Ernest
[when the noise dies down. As the others kiss Helen]
A moment ago you were a bad woman. Now [to all] behold! she is a good woman. Marriage is wonderful.
[John and Lucy run to Judge and shake hands.
Judge
[to John and Lucy, his wife]
Yes, Respectability has triumphed this time, but let Society take warning and beware! beware! beware!