Tale 20.
One Ash Wednesday the Minister of Gotham would have a Collection of his parishioners, and said unto them, My friends the time is come that you must use prayer, fasting and alms; but come ye to shrift, I will tell you more of my mind; but as for prayer, I don't think that two men in the parish can say half the Pater Noster. As for fasting, ye fast still, for ye have not a meal's victuals in a year. As for alms deed, what should they do to give that have nothing to take? But as one came to shrift and confessed himself to have been drunk divers times in the year, but especially in Lent: the priest said In Lent you should most refrain from drunkenness and refrain from drink— No, not so, said the fellow, for it is an old proverb that fish would swim. Yes, said the priest—it must swim in the water; I say you mercy, quoth the fellow, I thought it should have swum in fine ale, for I have been so.—Soon after the man of Gotham came to shrift, and even the priest knew not what penance to give; he said, If I enjoin prayer, you cannot say your Pater Noster. And it is but a folly to make you fast, because you never eat a meals meat. Labour hard and get a dinner on Sunday, and I will come and partake of it—Another man he enjoined to fare well on Monday, and another on Tuesday, and one after another, that one or the other would fare well once in a week, that he might have part of their meat. And as for alms deeds the priest said, ye be beggars all except one or two so therefore bestow your alms among yourselves.
FINIS.
JOE MILLER'S
JESTS
BEING
A COLLECTION
OF
The most Brilliant JESTS and most pleasant
short Stories in the English Language—
The greater Part of which are taken from the Mouth of that
facetious Gentleman whose Name they bear.
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