CARRIAGES.

The Art of Coachmaking within these last Thirty Years, has been improved greatly in Beauty, Strength, and Convenience; and a Carriage is now considered as a distinguishing mark of the taste of its Proprietor.

There are few works of Art which require the aid of so many different Artists as the constructing of a Carriage; there are Wheel-wrights,—Spring,—Axle-tree,—Step,—and Tire,—Black and White Smiths,—Brass Founders,—Engravers,—Painters,—Carvers,—Carpenters,—Joiners,—Trimmers,—Lace Makers,—Lamp Makers,—Curriers,—Collar Makers,—Harness Makers, &c. &c.; and upon the quality of the Materials, and the capacity of these Workmen to execute their respective parts in a perfect manner, and upon the taste and skill of the Coachmaker in combining them, depends the Beauty and the Durability of the Carriage.

ON THE CONSTRUCTION OF CARRIAGES.

The best time to bring out a New Carriage, is about April or May, before the extreme heat comes on; moreover, the Taxes are reckoned from one 5th of April to another: and if you enter a Carriage on the 5th of March, you will have to pay for a whole Year, for only one Month’s use of it.

If you have any thing peculiar about a Carriage, it will require much more time in building, than if you are contented with merely ordering “a fashionable Vehicle.” In the former case, do not hope to get it under Three, nor be surprised if you wait Four Months for it.

However, if you have no particular desire to be disappointed, summon to your assistance the aid of those powerful refreshers of a perfunctory Memory, the Goose, the Calf, and the Bee;[9] i. e. take Mr. Jervis’s advice, and bind the Builder in a written contract, made by your Attorney, and duly Stamped, Signed, Sealed, and Witnessed, &c., to deliver the Carriage, Harness, &c. completely finished on a certain day—or that he shall forfeit, and that day shall pay to You, One Hundred Pounds, and keep his Carriage himself.

Be careful that your Contract contains a full and very particular description of every part; for

Mem.—If you order the least Alteration or Addition afterwards, it will be charged Extra, unless you discreetly insert a sweeping clause, that the Whole shall be completed to your entire satisfaction, for the Money, and at the Time agreed upon.

An Honest Man will have no more objection to sign a written Agreement than to make a Verbal Promise, and a Prudent Man will never take the latter when he can get the former:—the Expense of a written Agreement is Money expended in preventing Anxiety, which is like sacrificing a Pebble to preserve a Diamond:—those who wish to avoid disappointments and litigation, will not stir one step without a Written Agreement—’tis a pretty bit of Paper, that makes men Honest, and keeps them so.

After you have settled what is to be the price of the New Carriage—then, before you sign the Agreement respecting it, make your Bargain as to what Sum the Builder shall allow you for your Old One, provided you do not previously otherwise dispose of it.

The Money allowed for an Old Carriage, is less than a Novice will expect. I sold one Chariot, which I had in use only Five years, for only £15., nor could I get more for it, although I kept it for several Weeks.

I sold another Chariot, which had been in wear about the same time, for £30.,—and it is not often that a Builder will allow much more for a Carriage that has been in use for five or six Years:—by that time, the shape of the Body is out of Fashion, the Lining is shabby, and before it can be sold again to a particular person, it must be thoroughly repaired, which will cost a considerable Sum.

The following is an Estimate which was given to the Gentleman who bought my last Chariot.

AN ESTIMATE OF REPAIRING A CHARIOT

£. s. d.
And putting in all New wood work, neatly carved—fresh fitting, filing, and fixing the old Iron Work with new bolts—taking the Springs to pieces—fresh fitting the plates, and re-fixing Springs with new rivets and bolts—altering the Iron work of the Barouche seat—putting a New Foot-board and fresh hanging it and the Body 26 0 0
Handsome new Patent Lamps 2 8 0
Repairing braces, pole-pieces, &c., new covering roller, bolts, and pole with New Leather 114 0
Altering and re-fixing the frame of Dash Iron, and covering it with New Leather 4 12 0
Covering the whole of the inside with new cotton false lining 5 10 0
New Carpets to the Bottom and the Steps 1 8 0
New Plating the Commode Handles and rivetting the Door Handles 1 6 0
New pair of Web Holders 014 0
New Painting the Body of a Chariot 14 0 0
New Wheels 15 0 0
New Lining 35 0 0
Fresh Stringing and Painting Blinds 115 0
New covering Glass Frames 115 0
New Silk to Green Curtains 1 5 0
Under-Springs 25 0 0
——————
137 7 0
——————

Now, if the Body had not been a beautiful piece of Work, it would not have been worth while to have bestowed this large sum in renewing the Carriage part: but the whole of the exterior of the Old Body, although it had been built some Years, was more sound and unwarped, than most new Bodies are on the first day they are turned out; it was elegantly formed, and the Interior so admirably constructed for Comfort, that from it I learned the dimensions, &c. which I have given in the following description of what I think a Chariot ought to be.

Coachmakers sometimes shew Drawings of Carriages for their Customers to choose from,—it is more satisfactory, not only to see, but to take a ride in a pattern Carriage; this your Coachmaker can take you to see, or, if you see a Carriage which pleases your Eye, your Coachman can easily learn where it is put up; go with your Coachmaker and see it, and have a written Particular of all its peculiarities, an exact Measurement of its dimensions, and an Estimate in Writing of the cost thereof, similar to the one given in Chap. I. Estimate No. 9.

OF THE
CONSTRUCTION OF A CHARIOT.

The Novice in these things may think that the following description is unnecessarily minute, and that he need only go to a Coachmaker and order “a Chariot,” and that Word will procure him all he wishes.

The form of Carriages is as absurdly at the mercy of Fashion, as the Cut of a Coat is;—however, if the Reader is willing to let the Builder please himself with the form of the Exterior, he will perhaps not be quite so polite as to submit the construction of the Interior entirely to the caprice of his Coachmaker.—If “as easy as an old Coat” be a true Aphorism, “as easy as an Old Carriage” is equally so:—by riding three or four Years in one, you become so used to it, that any change is extremely unpleasant—and if the Elbows or the Seat are too high, or too low, or too narrow, or too wide, &c. when the Body is built, it is always difficult, and often impossible, to alter it; therefore, if you like your Old Body, measure it, and order your New one accordingly.

If you build a Body, pay a visit to your Coachmaker while it is in progress, especially just before it is put into the hands of the Painter.

All Coachmakers, do not, always, go to the expense of covering the Roof, Back, and Sides with one piece of Leather, as they ought to do;—the common practice is to cover the Roof only with Leather, and leave the Upper sides and back of pannel board, with a groove run in the Roof where the Leather is nailed in covering the nails and filling up the groove with Putty, which the Summer’s Sun and Winter’s Rain will soon crack, and the Water entering will soil the Lining, and the Inside of the Body will become damp:—the whole of the upper part of a Body should be enveloped in one large hide of strong Leather, and neatly worked in, so that it is one solid surface of Leather to paint on, which neither Heat nor Wet can affect for many Years.

The Breadth of a Body, to contain three persons comfortably, should not be less than 4 feet 3 inches.

From Back to Front, 4 feet are enough.

The Height of the Seat from the bottom, about 1 foot.

From the Seat to the Roof, not less than 3 feet 6 inches; the Cushions, which are commonly about three inches in thickness, not included.

A few Inches in Width and Breadth add but a few Pounds to the Weight, but contribute greatly to the Convenience of a Carriage, especially to well-grown and full-fed persons.

The little thoroughly-ugly humpty-dumpty Chariot, which looked something like a Champion Potatoe set on wheels, but which was the grand rage with Children of the Largest Growth about 30 Years ago, would not admit a small person to sit with his hat on, nor a tall one with his Hat off:—these foolish little wee Vehicles weighed only a few pounds less than the large commodious Chariots, in which the Lords and Ladies of the Creation transport themselves in at the present day.

The Elbows should not be more than 6 inches above the Cushion, and should be so entirely in recess, that you may lean comfortably against the side of the Carriage:—in some ill-contrived modern bodies, they are placed too high, and project out, and as often as you loll towards them, remind you that you should not, and force you back into your perpendicular, by giving you a Punch in your Side.

In a Chariot Body of the size just described, there should be a Front Seat about 10 inches in width, which will occasionally carry Two persons:—this addition is especially desirable in a Travelling Chariot, as by sitting in one corner of the Carriage, you may put your Legs upon it, and take a Nap very comfortably. This Front Seat is doubly better than the old fashioned Bodkin Seat which drew out from the centre; and when you have Two fellow Travellers, in order to induce one of them to sit upon this accommodation seat, you may tell them that they will sit three times as comfortably there as on the front seat; for if they sit on that, they will be crowded themselves, and crowd two other persons also; but if one sits on the other seat, all may ride comfortably enough:—it should be fixed on with Slip-Hinges, so that it may be taken off at pleasure.

The Door Lights or Windows are sometimes contracted on the Seat side about 4 inches; however, some people like them as large as possible, and besides, have the back of the Carriage stuffed eight or ten inches deep, which is exceedingly convenient for those who are anxious to exhibit themselves like Articles for sale in a Shew Glass.

Take care that the Glasses are of the best Quality, well Polished, White, and as free as possible from Specs and Veins.

These Glasses are commonly bound with Cloth of the same Colour that the Carriage is lined with, or with Black Velvet, which wears better, and works in the grooves more pleasantly than any binding:—the most elegant binding is Lace like that of the Glass-holders, or in which the Crest or Arms are woven.

The present fashion of Stuffing is preposterous; it reduces a Large Body to the size of a small One: however, if you like to ride about for the benefit of public inspection, as your friends, my Lady Look-about,—the Widow Will-be-seen,—and Sir Simon Stare, do, pray study Geoffrey Gambado on the Art of sitting politely in Carriages with the most becoming attitudes, &c. and choose wide Door Lights and full Squabbing;—if you wish to go about peaceably and quietly, like Sir Solomon Snug, and are contented with seeing without being seen, adopt the contracted Lights and common Stuffing, which, among others, have this great advantage, that when you sit back, you may have the side Windows down, and a thorough Air passing through the Carriage, without its blowing in directly upon you: this, to Invalids who easily catch Cold, is very important.

The Back Light must not be more than 27 inches from the surface of the Cushions, or it will be too high for a person to look through it without rising up—it is convenient to have this made to Open, as it affords an easy opportunity of giving directions to the person behind the Carriage, and is a desirable aperture for admitting Air in very hot weather:—tell the Builder to give you a fine clear plate for this purpose, and not to glaze it with a semidiaphanous “Old Accident,”—a technical term for those “Odds and Ends” of broken Coach Glasses which are sometimes used for this purpose, and which having been continually cleaned every day for thirty or forty years, have become so scratched, that you can hardly see through them.

I recommend the Lining to be Green, with Lace to correspond, and the Green silk Sun shades of the same Colour—Green is pleasant to the Eye, and Superfine Cloth or Tabinet, is, during nine months out of the twelve, much more comfortable in this Cold climate, than the chilling Leather which has lately been the fashion: in Summer this may be covered with what is commonly called a False Lining, which is generally made of Gingham, and is equally useful to preserve a New or hide an Old Trimming:—it should only be applied to the back and those parts of the sides that are leaned against; the Front, Roof, and Doors, should be left uncovered.

The Elegance of the Interior of a Carriage depends much upon the pattern and breadth of the Lace with which the Lining is bordered, of which there are a great variety.—Lace-making is a distinct branch of Manufactory; and as “every Eye makes its own Beauty,” the person who builds a Carriage should desire his Coachmaker to furnish him with some patterns to choose from:—there are several Coach Lace-makers in Long Acre.

Some Carriages are fitted up with Squabs, i. e. Cushions stuffed with Wool and covered on one side with Cloth, and on the other with Silk, Linen, or Leather; the former side for Winter, the latter for Summer use.

The Seat Cushions should be covered on one side with Leather, and on the other with Cloth.

Let the Stuffing at the Back be no thicker than necessary to make it easy, i. e. about 2½ inches in thickness.

Have the Lid of the Sword Case to fall down with the back attached, instead of lifting up, being much easier to put in a parcel without troubling the passengers to rise.

The Seats, which are usually boarded, I would recommend to be, on one side, Caned or Girt-webbed, for ease in Sitting—the other half may be fitted up with a Case for containing Grog and Prog, &c. for a Rusticating Party:—they should be about 22 inches deep—not more, or Short people cannot sit upon them comfortably:—they will be much easier if made on a bevil, and about an inch lower behind than they are before: if not originally so constructed, the stuffing of the Cushions may be easily adjusted so as to produce that effect.

The Green Silk Spring Sun Shades should be fixed upon the Doors; this saves the trouble of putting them up every time you open the Door, which must be done when they are fixed to the Body;—if the Blinds are fixed on the Door, take care to shut it when you get out of the Carriage in Wet Weather, or they will be spoiled:—when the Silk becomes faded, if it is turned upside down, the part most in sight will look almost as well as new.

If the Ground Colour of the Body is good, New Varnishing will sometimes do almost as well as New Painting.

I am told that the best Colour for Wear is Midgley’s Chrome Yellow. In consequence of the vivid brilliancy of this pigment, in all the variety of its shades, from the pale Lemon colour to the full Orange, it has of late come into general use. When properly prepared, it possesses all the desiderata of perfect Colours, Smoothness, Body, Extensibility, and ready Mixture with Oil or Water, and dries well and blends well.

Venetian Blinds are delightful shades in warm Weather, as they admit the Air while they exclude the Sun; and when closed, serve as a shutter to prevent dust from soiling the Carriage while it is standing by. They should be painted on the Inside, of a Verdigrise Green, and on the Outside of the same Colour as the Carriage.

If these are not made of extremely well-seasoned Wood, they rattle very much in Dry, and swell in Damp weather.

These Blinds should have Bolts affixed to them, which, when fastened within, if you have Locks on the Carriage Doors, enable you to fasten up the interior of your Carriage completely.

There is a great deal of Rain falls during the warmest months in this Country, and our Chariots very much want an Exterior Blind (a Hood as it were) in the front, which would exclude Rain, while it would admit Air:—many of our Wet days are so warm, that our Carriages are a shower Bath if the Windows are open, and a Vapour Bath if they are Shut!

The Handle of the Door Latch should be double—that is, it should have an additional Handle within side, the position of which will afford you the satisfaction of seeing that the Door is properly fastened, and also the power of easily opening it in case of an Accident, &c.

It is a very great convenience to have the power of opening the Door from the inside. This Handle should be made to turn towards the Door, so as to be within the Door when the Door is opened, it will then be out of the way of being struck against the Body in shutting; which, if it turns to the Right, will sometimes happen when the Door is shut by perfunctorious persons.

The spindles of these Handles during the first Year, till time has worn them a little, will occasionally move too stiffly: the remedy for this is a drop of Oil.

Never permit officious Strangers to shut your Carriage Door; in order to save their own time and trouble, and to accomplish this at once, some idle and ignorant people will bang it so furiously, one almost fancies that they are trying to upset the Carriage, the pannels of which are frequently injured by such rude violence; therefore, desire your Coachman to be on the watch, and the moment he sees any one prepare to touch your Door, to say loudly and imperatively “Don’t meddle with the Door!”

Have Locks to the Doors—they are very necessary when travelling, or when your Carriage is waiting for you at Night: a Latch inside that will fasten the Door so that it cannot be opened on the outside, is also desirable, especially in Travelling Chariots.

In Landaulets the door opening without the window frame, particular directions to the Footman are necessary that he observe the Glass is entirely down before he attempts to open the Door, or the pane will be infallibly broken. When the glass is quite up there is no danger, for in rising it releases a Spring which fastens the Door; the blind does the same; so that if the Servant keep the blinds up while the Carriage is waiting, a lock may be dispensed with. I would recommend the addition of this contrivance to Coaches and Chariots.

A Town Carriage should not be more than three feet from the Ground, so as to require only One Step; to which should be fixed a Strap, by which any person within the Carriage may very easily pull it up, and with the help of the Inside Handle, may, with equal facility, finish the Footman’s Work, and fasten the Door.

The above is an invaluable contrivance, and well deserves to be called “a Dumb Footman;” it entirely prevents the necessity of the Coachman’s leaving his Box; from which rash act, many lives have been lost, and many Carriages destroyed by the Horses running away[10]:—All will adopt it, excepting those persons who are so unfortunate, as to be more Proud than Prudent. Mr. Jervis was extremely earnest in recommending these excellent appendages; and to impress the importance of them upon the imagination of the Editor as strongly as possible, he closed his arguments by averring, that for a Coachman to leave his Reins would be as desperate an act of rashness as for a Cook to leave her Kitchen while her Spit was going round, and equally likely to produce the most tremendous and irreparable Evils!

If such a plan be adopted, the Body must not be hung further than twenty-two inches from the Dickey, i. e. near enough to the Coach Box to allow the Coachman to put his hand on the top of the Door when it is opened, and hold it so while the Passengers get in and out. Till the Hinges are worn a little, they will occasionally get rusty and move too stiffly, and require a little Oil.

The present fashionable Door Handle is too big by half, and is also extremely inconvenient on account of the Hinge in it, which requires an additional action, which in the course of a little wear becomes ricketty and rattles, and you can hardly tell to a certainty whether it fastens the Door completely or not.

The simple Handle without a Hinge, which was in vogue some years ago, is infinitely more convenient and safe, because its single action is more certain.

The Crest or Arms in the Centre, is an elegant ornament for the Head of the Handle.

A Boot or Budget fixed on the fore Carriage between the front Springs is useful to carry Horse Cloths, Luggage, &c.

Hind Standards are very useful for town work, to keep the Horses and Pole of other Carriages from injuring your Hind Pannels; but as they are a heavy weight, they should be made to take off for the country.

A Dickey Coach Box is the most convenient; it is less impediment to the view of those who are inside the Carriage, and more comfortable to the Coachman. They should be fixed on the Boot, and entirely detached from the Body. Let it be large enough to contain Two persons. It is not quite so easy as the Body; but for those who love Air and Exercise, and a view of the Country, it is in Summer the pleasantest place.

The Seat thereof to hold Two persons, should be thirty Inches wide and twenty Inches deep, inside measurement. The Cushion should be of equal thickness, and not higher on the Driving side, as it is in a Gig, because when only the Coachman is on the Box, he should sit in the middle of it. There should be a Pocket on each side in the lining, for putting Tickets in.

This kind of Coach Box may be so made as to take off, and fix on behind the Carriage. Under the Seat, for the Coachman, should drop in a Box to serve as a Tool Budget, and contain a few spare Bolts, Nuts, Linch-Pins, Nails, a Wrench, a Winch that will fit your axle, Hammer, Chisel, a Pair of Pincers, &c.; by help of which, a trifling accident on the Road may be remedied without delay.

Take care that your Coach Box is strongly and properly fixed on, and frequently examine the state of the Bolts and Nuts, &c. For want of sufficient strength, or of the efficient state of the supports to it, many dreadful accidents have happened; one of which we relate as a warning:—

“On Tuesday morning last, while the Coachman and the Footman, in the service of F. P. Ripley, Esq., 12, Woburn Place, Russell Square, were driving their Master’s carriage along Tavistock Place, Tavistock Square, the box on which they were sitting broke down, and precipitated them to the ground. The carriage wheels passed over the right leg of the Coachman and the left breast of the Footman. They were conveyed to their master’s with the greatest alacrity, where they received such treatment as their situations required. The coachman’s leg is bruised and lacerated extremely. The footman, on being raised from the ground, was excessively convulsed. We are sorry to add there are no hopes of his recovery.”—Times, June 2, 1826.

Spikes to fix on the Hind Standards.

These spikes may be so contrived as to be put on and off very easily, with Three Nuts, in as few minutes;—the Footman’s Step should be fixed on in the same manner.

Do not permit Strangers to place themselves behind your Carriage at any time, or under any pretence whatever. There are innumerable instances of Carriages having been disabled from proceeding, and Travellers robbed and finished, by allowing such accommodation. The Collectors of Check Braces, and Footmen’s Holders, assume all kind of Characters, and are so expert, that they will take these articles off in half the time that your Coachman can put them on; and will rob you of what you cannot replace for a Pound, though they cannot sell them for a Shilling.

Therefore, Spikes are indispensable when you have not a Footman; otherwise, you will be perpetually loaded with idle people, i. e. unless you think that two or three outside passengers are ornamental or convenient, or you like to have your Carriage continually surrounded by Crowds of Children, incessantly screaming, “Cut! Cut behind!” Why do not the Street Keepers prevent this Nuisance? These officers should be stationed in Sentry Boxes, as they are in the Parish of Bloomsbury, i. e. the same as the Watchmen are at Night; where, when not going their Rounds, they should remain.

The multitude of Strayed Dogs which are perpetually prowling and howling, and barking and biting at Horses’ heels, and making them start, and those which are carried about in Carts, also frequently frighten Horses and occasion Accidents, and are barbarous and dangerous Public Nuisances, which “the Street Keepers” should suppress.

Let it be enacted—that all Dogs, Fowls, and any other Beasts and Birds, found in the Streets, not having a Collar on, on which is engraven the Name and place of abode of the Owner thereof, shall henceforth be seizeable by any Constable, or Street Keeper, or Watchman, or any person who finds them; which they shall have power to dispose of as their own property; and those with a Collar also, unless their owners immediately pay a fine of five shillings; one moiety of which shall be to the person finding them, the other to the Poor of the Parish. For want of such salutary Regulations, some of the Streets of London are like a Dog Kennel or a Poultry Yard.

These Beasts and Birds are seldom kept except by petty Housekeepers, who are perpetually applying to be excused paying Taxes. Surely such persons should not be permitted to annoy their neighbours, who by duly paying Parish rates, in fact, contribute to their maintenance.

Dogs out of Doors are horribly noisy, especially on Moon-light Nights, when they will turn up their Noses, and

“Bay the Moon with hideous howl,”

for an hour together. They seldom give Tongue when inside of a House, except when shut in by themselves in an Empty house. There are certain Manufacturers who having more cunning than conscience, to evade paying the Taxes upon their Warehouse, instead of letting somebody sleep in it, which would subject them to the Taxes, turn in a Dog as a Watchman, who barks and howls incessantly all night long. Surely such shirking Gentry are not entitled to the privilege of annoying a score or two of quiet Neighbours, who honestly pay the Taxes imposed by their Country! They and their Cur-Watchman should be indicted and amerced sans cérémonie.

Fowls, Parrots, Dogs, or any other of those Beasts or Birds, which (because they make most Noise) are vulgarly called Dumb Animals, bleating, barking, bellowing, in the Front Area or back Garden of a House, &c. are an offence against the Public Peace—are an Indictable Nuisance; and on the complaint of a Neighbouring Housekeeper, are as cognizable by Constables, Street Keepers, Watchmen, &c. surely as justly as the Owners of such Animals would be, were they to hoot and bellow there,—for which they would, in the first instance, be taken to a Watchhouse, and in the second Indicted and fined or sent to the Tread Mill.

Qy. What difference does it make whether the Peace is broken, and Sleep destroyed, by an “Animal plumis, vel implumis et bipes,” i. e. whether it wears ready-made Clothes, or employs a Tailor? Surely it will not be allowed in this Age of Refinement, that the former is entitled to more consideration than the latter.

They manage these things better in France. All Dogs, Fowls, &c. found in the Streets of Paris, are finished forthwith by the Gens d’Armes.

It cannot be too generally known, that by The Metropolis Street Act of the 57th Geo. III. cap. 24. in § 67. “The Commissioners of the Parochial Paving Boards are empowered to order the removal of any matter or thing which they consider a Nuisance, on the complaint of any Inhabitant.”

Such controlling power is but too needful—there is no lack of people who love their dear “Dumb Animals,” as they call their Dogs and Parrots, &c. not a little better than they do their Neighbours,—aye, who love them as well as Simon Suck-eggs does his Fowls! who would not willingly sacrifice the penny profit he makes by the oviparous faculty of his Poultry, however much, or however many people may be annoyed by it.

If Persons who are offended by any of the above nuisances, apply to the Clerk of the Commissioners of the Paving, and beg him to lay their complaint before the Board, they will issue a mandate ordering their immediate abatement as a Public Nuisance: and thus, the evil is removed, without any of that unpleasant feeling which might arise from one Neighbour complaining of another.

The Author is now framing “a Sleep Act,” which will shew the importance of Sleep to Health, the causes which so often and so cruelly disturb “the Business of the Night,” on the due performance of which, depends our power of performing “the Business of the Day,” and the remedies which the Legislature may easily apply for its preservation. One of their most beneficial acts would be to abolish a

Vulgar and Barbarous Custom which prevails among common Workmen, when they first come to work in the Morning, to make as much Noise as they possibly can; thus, if you live near any Manufactory, &c., or if a house is building or repairing near you—from Six in the Morning till half-past, they will raise such a horrible din of Hammering, &c. that all within Ear shot of them are presently awoke; and indeed they seem to do it for that sole purpose, for the following hours they are often quiet enough.

Those who are so outrageously active so early in the day are technically termed Powters, i. e. such extraordinary industry being very often a mere manœuvre to deceive their Neighbours, which they artfully affect to gain Credit, and which, like setting up a shewy Shop Front, is one of the usual tokens of approaching Bankruptcy.

Let it be enacted, that all Manufacturers do perform the Noisy part of their processes during the middle of the Day:—this might be easily managed in most trades without any interruption of their business! What can be easier, than for the work which makes such a Noise during the first half hour in the Morning to be done in the last half hour in the Evening?

Let the Dog Tax be levied without exception, (but as far as regards only those which lead Blind Men,) and let due Rewards be given to those who inform against persons who evade it, of whom there are not a few, the only way of preventing which is to Let all Dogs wear a Collar, on which is engraved the Name and the place of Abode of the Owner;—He who by Fraud avoids a Tax, which by the Laws of his Country he is commanded to pay, is a Traitor, who commits a greater Crime, and deserves as great a Punishment, as he who, by Force, breaks into the Treasury, and takes so much Money out!!!

It is notorious, that the majority of these useless and offensive Animals are maintained by paupers who have hardly the means of maintaining Themselves!—these are the Dogs which, from spare and bad food, are most frequently mischievous—most apt to run Mad—and are most annoying and disturbing to the Public. “As many Beggars, as many Dogs,” is one of our true Old Sayings, and of an Old Song, to which in the next page we have had engraved as it was performed by “Betsy, Billy, and Bow Wow.”

When the Author first learned the Song between this and the next page, which is now nearly half a Century ago, he was a good deal surprised at the last line of it, and thought that it savoured more of Rhyme than of Reason, notwithstanding his Grandma’ told him that “Time the Teacher” would soon shew him, that Opulence and Independence, and Wit and Wisdom, are not always inseparable;—that he would frequently find Integrity dwelling with Poverty, “in Tags and Rags;”—as often meet with Nobleness of Mind among the Humble in Fortune, as with those who are by courtesy called Noble, and who are Poor enough in principle, who wear a Velvet Gown.

The fact is, that the Poor are, very naturally, as fond of flattery as the Rich:—now nothing in nature Flatters more fascinatingly than the Eye of a Dog! If his master speak to him in any tone lower than that of Anger, his Eye is ever ready to ogle obsequious Approbation:—and if he scold him, the rudest expression it ever offers is seeming to say, with the most subtle submission, “As you are Great! be Merciful!”

A TRIO
as performed by
BETSY, BILLY, and BOW WOW,

Engraved on Copper, by Sidy. Hall, Bury Strt. Bloomsby.

Hark, BOUGH, WOUGH,

Hark, how the Dogs bark! how the Dogs bark!

WOUGH WOUGH WOUGH

How the Dogs bark!

Then the Beggars are coming, the Beggars are coming,

the Beggars are coming to Town,

There’s some in Tags, some in Rags,

some in Rags, some in Tags,

And there’s some in a VELVET Gown

aye! aye! aye, aye, aye, aye!

some in VELVET! in VELVET?

in VELVET aye, aye,

some in VELVET, some in VELVET,

some in a VELVET Gown.

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In future, instead of the trite Old Adage, “As Faithful,” it might more properly be said, “As Flattering as a Dog:”—like other Flatterers, “they are Faithless as they are Flattering.”

Every one knows that when Men go Mad, they always hate most those that they loved best when they were in their Senses: and it is a frightful Truth, that

“A Mad Dog is always apt to bite his Master first.”

There have been many arguments pro and con, concerning the dreadful Disease their bite produces;—it is enough to know, that Multitudes of Men, Women, and Children, have died in consequence of being bitten by Dogs.—What does it matter whether they were the Victims of Bodily Disease or Mental Irritation? The Life of the most humble Human Being is of more value than all the Dogs in the World—dare the most brutal Cynic say otherwise?

Semi-drowning in the Sea, and all the pretended Specifics, are mere delusions, and there is no real remedy but cutting the part out immediately. If the bite be near a large Blood vessel, that cannot always be done, nor when done, nor however soon done, or however well done, will it always prevent the miserable Victim from dying the most dreadful of Deaths!!!

Well might St. Paul desire us to

“Beware of Dogs.”

First Epistle to Phillipians, chap. iii. verse 2.