JOHN KENDRICK BANGS

Author of "The House-Boat on the Styx," Etc.

WITH ILLUSTRATIONS BY
JNO. R. NEILL
NEW YORK
THE CENTURY CO.
1916

Copyright, 1916, by
The Century Co.
Copyright, 1915, by
Associated Sunday Magazines Incorporated
Published, March, 1916

TO
THAT WISE COUNSELLOR
AND STERLING FRIEND
J. HENRY HARPER

PREFATORY NOTE

I could not let these random notes of a delightful experience go forth into the world without expressing in some way my deep appreciation of the valued services rendered me in my ten years of platform work by my friends of the Lyceum Bureaus. In office and in the field they have labored strenuously, often affectionately, and always loyally, on my behalf. But for their interest some of the most cherished experiences of my life would have been beyond my reach. If sometimes in their zeal to keep me busy they have booked me in Winnipeg on Monday night, in New Orleans on Tuesday night, with little side-trips to San Diego, California, and Presque Isle, Maine, on Wednesday and Thursday, not to mention grand finales at Omaha and Key West on Friday and Saturday, I view that sequence rather as a tribute to my agility than as a matter to be unduly captious about. It is a manifestation of a confidence in my powers to overcome the limitations of time and space that I think upon with an expanding head, if not with a swelling heart, and whether this required annihilation of distance has been wholly agreeable or not it has enabled me to see more of my own country than I otherwise could have seen, and to that extent, I hope, has made a better American of me.

Wherefore before beginning our ramble from Pillar to Post I record here in testimony of my gratitude to them the names of Arthur C. Coit, and Louis J. Alber, of the Coit Lyceum Bureau of Cleveland, Ohio; of Frank A. Morgan, of the Mutual Lyceum Bureau, of Chicago; of Kenneth M. White, of the White Entertainment Bureau of Boston; of S. Russell Bridges, of the Alkahest Lyceum System of Atlanta, Georgia; of J. B. Pond, Jr., and that tried friend both in the Lyceum field and out of it, William C. Glass, of the J. B. Pond Lyceum Bureau of New York.

Thanks are due to the publishers of Every Week for courtesies extended, and finally I desire to inscribe a word of affectionate esteem for my friends, J. Thomson Willing, and that inspiring editorial guide and mentor, William A. Taylor, of the Associated Sunday Magazines, under whose genial direction these papers were first presented to the public.

John Kendrick Bangs.

		PAGE
I	GETTING USED TO IT	[3]
II	SOUTHERN HOSPITALITY	[23]
III	GETTING THE LEVEL	[40]
IV	THE GOOD SAMARITAN	[61]
V	A VAGRANT POET	[83]
VI	BACK-HANDED COMPLIMENTS	[98]
VII	FRIENDS OF THE ROAD	[116]
VIII	CHAIRMEN I HAVE MET	[134]
IX	CHANCE ACQUAINTANCES	[155]
X	HUMORS OF THE ROAD	[175]
XI	MINE HOST	[196]
XII	PERILS OF THE PLATFORM	[220]
XIII	EMBARRASSING MOMENTS	[243]
XIV	"SLINGS AND ARROWS"	[266]
XV	EMERGENCIES	[290]
XVI	A PIONEER MANAGER	[318]

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

	PAGE
"I shall have to borrow some of your manly courage to carry me through"	Frontispiece
"It was indeed a pretty sight to me!"	[21]
"Yes, and you are fifty years behind us in every other respect!"	[28]
I knew that I had met a "Southern Gentleman"	[31]
"The consciously superior person cannot last long on the lecture platform"	[43]
"If there's anything you want to know about Darwin's Origin of Species, you ask me!"	[60]
"I cannot say that his first remark was wholly cordial"	[70]
"I'm an Ohio man, and I'll cash the check for you on your looks"	[79]
In the last stages of poverty	[85]
"Suffering Centipedes!" he cried. "That man must have been brought up on the bottle!"	[93]
"The lecturer must deliver the goods!"	[100]
"They may 'go to sleep in his face'"	[103]
"I have been after 'em, suh; but it ain't no use"	[122]
"These men on the engines are great characters"	[130]
"Pile it on so thick that the lecturer has to struggle hard to make good"	[136]
"The last I saw of my kindly host"	[145]
"When he got through I could have qualified for a college degree on the subject of straw hats"	[162]
"She ast me was you so very comical," said he	[171]
"If yo're dealin' in brains, hit ain't likely yo' got enough to gib any away"	[185]
"A Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Locomotives would have had them indicted then and there"	[191]
"If it were possible to sweep a room clean with a welcoming wave of the hand—"	[199]
"Cannot sleep comfortably between the sheets of William James's pragmatic philosophy, dry as they are"	[202]
"If he had shifted his chewing gum to the other side, we should have plunged into the river"	[227]
"Laughter where tears would have been more appropriate"	[239]
"I found the building wholly dark"	[247]
"But what was the point of this little joke last night?	[264]
"My grinning countenance stared back at me unflinchingly"	[276]
"I was the sudden recipient of a blow on top of my head"	[283]
"A craving to settle lingering doubts as to my right to be there"	[298]