SCENE IV.
A Hall in the Castle.
Enter Spado.
Spado. So many eyes about—I can do nothing; if I could but raise a commotion to employ their attention—Oh! here's Don Juan, father to Fernando, just arrived—Yes, if I could but mix up a fine confusion now—ay, that's the time to pick up the loose things—but hold, I am told this Don Juan is very passionate—heh! to set him and Don Scipio together by the ears—Ears!—I have it.
Enter Don Juan in a travelling Dress.
Don Juan. Egad, my coming will surprise my son Fernando, and Don Scipio too—tell him I'm here—I hope I'm time enough for the wedding.
Spado. [Slily.] A grim-looking old gentleman!
[Bows obsequiously.
Don Juan. Who's dog are you?
Spado. How do you do, signor?
Don Juan. Why, are you a physician?
Spado. Me a physician! Alack-a-day, no, your honour, I am poor Spado.
Don Juan. Where's Don Scipio? What the devil, is this his hospitality? he has heard that I am here?
Spado. He hear! Ah, poor gentleman—hear! his misfortune!
Don Juan. Misfortune! What, he's married again?
Spado. At the brink.
Don Juan. Marry, and near threescore! What, has he lost his senses?
Spado. He has nearly lost one, sir.
Don Juan. But where is he? I want to ask him about it.
Spado. Ask! then you must speak very loud, sir.
Don Juan. Why, what, is he deaf?
Spado. Almost, sir, the dear gentleman can scarce hear a word.
Don Juan. Ah, poor fellow! Hey! Isn't yonder my son?
[Walks up.
Spado. Now if I could bring the old ones together, I should'nt doubt of a quarrel.
Enter Don Scipio.
Don Scipio. Ah, here's my friend, Don Juan! Spado, I hope he ha'n't heard of his son's pranks.
Spado. Hear! Ah! poor Don Juan's hearing! I've been roaring to him these five minutes.
Don Scipio. Roaring to him!
Spado. He's almost deaf.
Don Scipio. Bless me!
Spado. You must bellow to him like a speaking trumpet.
[Exit Spado.
Don Scipio. [Very loud.] Don Juan, you are welcome.
Don Juan. [Starting.] Hey! Strange that your deaf people always speak loud—[Very loud.] I'm glad to see you, Don Scipio.
Don Scipio. When people are deaf themselves, they think every body else is too—How long have you been this way?
[Bawling.
Don Juan. Just arrived.
[Bawling in his Ear.
Don Scipio. I mean as to the hearing.
[Very loud.
Don Juan. Ay, I find it's very bad with you. [Bawling.] Zounds, I shall roar myself as hoarse as a raven!
Don Scipio. Ah, my lungs can't hold out a conversation—I must speak by signs.
[Motions to drink.
Don Juan. What now, are you dumb too?
Enter Vasquez. Whispers Scipio.
Don Scipio. Oh, you may speak out, nobody can hear but me.
Don Juan. [To Vasquez.] Pray, is this crazy fool, your master here, going to be married?
Don Scipio. What!
[Surprised.
Vas. [To Scipio.] Don Fernando would speak to you, sir.
[Exit Vasquez.
Don Scipio. I wish he'd come here and speak to this old blockhead, his father.—[Takes his Hand.]—Don Juan, you are welcome to my house—but I wish you had stayed at home.
Don Juan. I am much obliged to you.
Don Scipio. You will soon see your son—as great an ass as yourself.
Don Juan. An ass! you shall find me a tiger, you old whelp!
Don Scipio. Why, zounds! you're not deaf!
Don Juan. A mad—ridiculous!—
Enter Fernando and Victoria.
Fernando! hey, boy, what the devil dress is this?
Don Fer. My father—Sir—I—I—
Don Scipio. [To Victoria.] What are you doing with that fellow?
Vict. Your pardon, dearest father, when I own that he is now my husband.
Don Scipio. Eh! eh! By this ruin, this eternal disgrace upon my house, am I punished for my unjust severity to my poor son, Don Cæsar—married to that rascal!
Don Juan. Call my son a rascal!
Don Scipio. Zounds, man! who's thinking of your son? But this fellow to marry the girl, and disgrace my family!
Don Juan. Disgrace! He has honoured your family, you crack-brained old fool!
Don Scipio. A footman honour my family, you superannuated, deaf old idiot!
Enter Dame Isabella.
Oh, Dame, fine doings! Pedrillo here has married my daughter.
Don Juan. But why this disguise?—what is all this about? tell me, Fernando.
Isab. What, is this really Don Fernando?
Don Scipio. Do you say so, Don Juan?
Don Juan. To be sure.
Don Scipio. Hey! then, Dame, your daughter is left to the valet—no fault of mine, though.
Isab. What a vile contrivance!
Don Fer. No, madam, yours was the contrivance, which love and accident have counteracted, in justice to this injured lady.
Isab. Oh, that villain Spado!
Don Juan. Spado? why that's the villain told me you were deaf.
Don Scipio. Why, he made me believe you could not hear a word.
Isab. And led me into this unlucky error.
[Exit Isabella.
Don Juan. Oh, what a lying scoundrel!
Enter Spado, behind.
Spado. I wonder how my work goes on here!—[Roars in Don Juan's Ear.] I give you joy, sir.
Don Juan. I'll give you sorrow, you rascal!
[Beats him.
Don Scipio. I'll have you hang'd, you villain!
Spado. Hang'd! dear sir, 'twould be the death of me.
Pedrillo. [Without.] Come along, my cara sposa—tol-de-rol—
Enter Pedrillo.
How do you do, boys and girls?—Zounds! my old master!
Don Juan. Pedrillo! hey-dey! here's finery!
Ped. I must brazen it out.—Ah, Don Juan, my worthy dad!
Don Juan. Why, what in the name of—but I'll beat you to a mummy, sirrah!
Ped. Don't do that—I'm going to be married to an heiress, so mustn't be beat to a mummy.—Stand before me, spouse.
[Gets behind Lorenza.
Don Juan. Let me come at him.
Spado. Stay where you are, he don't want you.
Don Fer. Dear sir.
Don Scipio. Patience, Don Juan; your son has got my daughter—so our contract's fulfilled.
Don Juan. Yes, sir; but who is to satisfy me for your intended affront, hey?
Don Scipio. How shall I get out of this—I'll revenge all upon you, you little rascal! to prison you go—Here, a brace of alguazils, and a pair of handcuffs.
Spado. For me! the best friend you had in the world!
Don Scipio. Friend, you villain! that sha'n't save your neck.
Spado. Why, I've saved your throat.
Don Scipio. How, sirrah?
Spado. Only two of the banditti here in the castle, this morning.
Don Scipio. Oh, dear me!
Spado. But I got them out.
Don Scipio. How? how?
Spado. I told them they should come and murder you this evening.
Don Scipio. Much obliged to you.—Oh, lord!
[A Crash and tumultuous Noise without; Banditti rush in, armed; Don Cæsar at their Head—Fernando draws, and stands before Victoria.
Band. This way!
Don Scipio. Oh, ruin! I'm a miserable old man! Where's now my son, Don Cæsar?—If I hadn't banished him, I should now have a protector in my child.
Don Cæsar. Then you shall.—Hold! [To Banditti.] My father!
[Kneels to Don Scipio.
Don Scipio. How! My son, Don Cæsar!
Don Cæsar. Yes, sir; drove to desperation by—my follies were my own—but my vices——
Don Scipio. Were the consequence of my rigour.—My child! let these tears wash away the remembrance.
Don Cæsar. My father! I am unworthy of this goodness.—I confess even now I entered this castle with an impious determination to extort by force—
Sang. Captain, we didn't come here to talk. Give the word for plunder.
Band. Ay, plunder!
[Very tumultuous.
Don Cæsar. Hold!
Spado. Ay, captain, let's have a choice rummaging.
[Cocks his Pistol.
Ped. Oh, Lord! there's the barrel-organ!
Don Cæsar. Stop! hold! I command you.
Don Scipio. Oh, heavens! then is Ramirez the terrible captain of the cut-throats—the grand tiger of the cave?—But all my fault! the unnatural parent should be punished in a rebellious child. My life is yours.
Don Cæsar. And I'll preserve it as my own.—Retire, and wait your orders.
[Exeunt all Banditti but Spado.
Don Scipio What, then, you won't let me be murdered. My dear boy! my darling! Forgive me!—I—I—I pardon all.
Don Cæsar. Then, sir, I shall first beg it for my companions; if reclaimed, by the example of their leader, their future lives will show them worthy of mercy; if not, with mine let them be forfeit to the hand of justice.
Don Scipio. Some, I believe, may go up—Eh, little Spado, could you dance upon nothing?
Spado. Yes, sir; but our captain, your son, must lead up the ball.
[Bows low.
Don Scipio. Ha! ha! ha! Well, you know, though ill bestowed, I must try my interest at Madrid.—Children, I ask your pardon; forgive me, Victoria, and take my blessing in return.
Vict. And do you, sir, acknowledge me for your child?
Don Scipio. I do, I do; and my future kindness shall make amends for my past cruelty.
Ped. Ha, here comes my sposa—Eh! got a beau already?
Enter Alphonso and Lorenza.
Don Cæsar. My beloved Lorenza!
}[Embrace.
Lor. My dearest.
Don Alph. My good captain! as I knew this lady only by the name of Victoria, you little imagined, in your friendly promises to me, you were giving away your Lorenza; but, had I then known we both loved the same mistress, I should, ere now, have relinquished my pretensions.
Lor. My good-natured Alphonso! Accept my gratitude, my esteem; but my love is, and ever was, in the possession of——
Don Cæsar. Dear father, this is the individual lady whose beauty, grace, and angelic voice, captivated my soul at Florence; if she can abase her spotless mind, to think upon a wretch stained with crimes, accompany her pardon with your approbation.
Don Scipio. Isabel has been too good, and I too bad a parent!—Ha! ha! ha! then fate has decreed you are to be my daughter, some way or other.
Ped. Yes; but has fate decreed that my sposa is to be another man's wife?
Spado. And, sir, [To Scipio.] if fate has decreed that your son is not to be hanged, let the indulgence extend to the humblest of his followers.
[Bows low.
Don Scipio. Ha! ha! ha! Well, though I believe you a great, little rogue, yet it seems you have been the instrument of bringing about things just as they should be.
Don Juan. They are not as they should be, and I tell you again, Don Scipio, I will have——
Don Scipio. Well, and shall have—a bottle of the best wine in Andalusia, sparkling Muscadel, bright as Victoria's eye, and sweet as Lorenza's lip: hey, now for our brace of weddings—where are the violins, lutes, and cymbals? I say, let us be merry in future; and past faults our good-humoured friends will forget and forgive.