ACT THE SECOND.
SCENE I.
A Village, a Farm House, and near it, a Cottage.
Enter Farmer Gammon and Ephraim.
F. Gam. Well, Master Ephraim, I may depend on thee, as you quakers never break your words.
Eph. I have spoken to Mary, and she, at my request, consenteth to take thy daughter, Jane, as her handmaid.
F. Gam. Very good of you.
Eph. Goodness I do like, and also—comely Jane. [Aside.] The maiden I will prefer, for the sake of—myself. [Aside.]
F. Gam. I intended to make a present to the person that does me such a piece of service; but I shan't affront you with it.
Eph. I am meek and humble, and must take affronts.
F. Gam. Then here's a guinea, master Ephraim.
Eph. I expected not this; but there is no harm in a guinea. [Exit.
F. Gam. So I shall get my children off my hands. My son, Sim, is robbing me day and night,—giving away my corn and what not among the poor.—My daughter Jane—when girls have nought to do, this love-mischief creeps into their minds, and then hey! they're for kicking up their heels.—Sim! [Calling.]
Enter Sim.
Sim. Yes, feyther.
F. Gam. Call your sister.
Sim. Jane, feyther wants you.
Enter Jane, from the house, with linen she had been
working.
Jane. Did you call me?
F. Gam. I often told you both, (but it's now settled) you must go out into the world, and work for your bread.
Sim. Well, feyther, whatever you think right, must be so, and I'm content.
Jane. And I'm sure, feyther, I'm willing to do as you'd have me.
F. Gam. There's ingratitude for you! When my wife died, I brought you both up from the shell, and now you want to fly off and forsake me.
Sim. Why no; I'm willing to live with you all my days.
Jane. And I'm sure, feyther, if it's your desire I'll never part from you.
F. Gam. What, you want to hang upon me like a couple of leeches, ay, to strip my branches, and leave me a wither'd hawthorn! See who's yon.
[Exit Sim.
Jane, Ephraim Smooth has hired you for Lady Amaranth.
Jane. O lack! then I shall live in the great house.
F. Gam. She has sent us all presents of good books, [Gives her one.] to read a chapter in. That, when one's in a passion, gives a mon patience.
Jane. Thank her good ladyship.
F. Gam. My being incumbred with you both is the cause why old Banks won't give me his sister.
Jane. That's a pity. If we must have a step-mother, Madam Amelia would make us a very good one. But I wonder how she can refuse you, feyther, for I'm sure she must think you a very portly man in your scarlet vest and new scratch. You can't think how parsonable you'd look, if you'd only shave twice a week, and put sixpence in the poor-box. [Retires reading.]
F. Gam. However, if Banks still refuses, I have him in my power. I'll turn them both out of their cottage yonder, and the bailiff shall provide them with a lodging.
Enter Banks.
Well, neighbour Banks, once for all, am I to marry your sister?
Banks. That she best knows.
F. Gam. Ay, but she says she won't.
Banks. Then I dare say she won't, for though a woman, I never knew her to speak what she didn't think.
F. Gam. Then she won't have me? A fine thing this, that you and she, who are little better than paupers, dare be so damn'd saucy!
Banks. Why, farmer, I confess we're poor: but while that's the worst our enemies can say of us, we're content.
F. Gam. Od, dom it! I wish I had now a good, fair occasion to quarrel with him; I'd make him content with a devil to him; I'd knock'en down, send him to jail and—But I'll be up with him!
Enter Sim.
Sim. Oh, feyther, here's one Mr. Lamp, a ring-leader of showfolks come from Andover to act in our village. He wants a barn to play in, if you'll hire him yourn.
F. Gam. Surely, boy. I'll never refuse money. But, lest he should engage the great room in the inn, run thou and tell him—Stop, I'll go myself—A short cut through that garden.—
Banks. Why you, or any neighbour is welcome to walk in it, or to partake of what it produces, but making it a common thoroughfare is—
F. Gam. Here, Sim, kick open that garden gate.
Banks. What?
F. Gam. Does the lad hear?
Sim. Why yes, yes.
F. Gam. Does the fool understand.
Sim. Dang it, I'm as yet but young; but if understanding teaches me how to wrong my neighbour, I hope I may never live to years of discretion.
F. Gam. What, you cur, do you disobey your feyther? Burst open the garden gate, as I command you.
Sim. Feyther, he, that made both you and the garden, commands me not to injure the unfortunate.
F. Gam. Here's an ungracious rogue! Then I must do it myself. [Advances.]
Banks. [Stands before it.] Hold, neighbour. Small as this spot is, it's now my only possession: and the man shall first take my life, who sets a foot in it against my will.
F. Gam. I'm in such a passion.—
Jane. [Comes forward.] Feyther, if you're in a passion, read the good book you gave me.
F. Gam. Plague of the wench! But, you hussey, I'll—and you, you unlucky bird!
[Exit Sim and Jane.
[A shower of rain.]—Enter Rover hastily.
Rover. Zounds! here's a pelting shower, and no shelter! "Poor Tom's a-cold;" I'm wet through—Oh, here's a fair promising house. [Going to Gammon's.]
F. Gam. [Stops him.] Hold, my lad. Can't let folks in, till I know who are they. There's a public house not above a mile on.
Banks. Step in here, young man; my fire is small, but it shall cheer you with a hearty welcome.
Rover. [To Banks.] The poor cottager! [To Gammon.] And the substantial farmer! [Kneels.] "Hear, Nature, dear goddess, hear! If ever you designed to make his corn-fields fruitful, change thy purpose; that, from the blighted ear no grain may fall to fat his stubble goose—and, when to town he drives his hogs, so like himself, oh, let him feel the soaking rain; then may he curse his crime too late, and know how sharper than a serpent's tooth 'tis"—Damme, but I'm spouting in the rain all this time.
[Jumps up, and runs into Banks's.
F. Gam. Ay, neighbour, you'll soon scratch a beggar's head, if you harbour every mad vagrant. This may be one of the footpads, that, it seems, have got about the country; but I'll have an execution, and seize on thy goods, this day, my charitable neighbour! Eh, the sun strikes out, quite cleared up.
Enter Jane.
Jane. La, feyther, if there is'nt coming down the village—
F. Gam. Ah, thou hussey!
Jane. Bless me, feyther! No time for anger now. Here's Lady Amaranth's chariot, drawn by her new grand long-tailed horses.—La! it stops.
F. Gam. Her ladyship is coming out, and walks this way.—She may wish to rest herself in my house. Jane, we must always make rich folks welcome.
Jane. Dear me, I'll run in and set things to rights. But, feyther, your cravat and wig are all got so rumplified with your cross-grained tantarums.—I'll tie your neck in a big beau, and for your wig, if there is any flour in the drudging box—[Adjusts them, and runs into the house.]
F. Gam. Oh! the bailiff too that I engaged.
Enter Twitch.
Twitch. Well, Master Gammon, as you desir'd, I'm come to serve this here warrant of yours, and arrest Master Banks; where is he?
F. Gam. Yes, now I be's determined on't—he's—zounds! stand aside, I'll speak to you anon. [Looking out.]
Enter Lady Amaranth, Zachariah following.
Lady Am. Friend, Jane, whom I have taken to be my handmaid, is thy daughter?
F. Gam. Ay, so her mother said, an't please your ladyship.
Lady Am. Ephraim Smooth acquainteth me thou art a wealthy yeoman.
F. Gam. Why, my lady, I pay my rent.
Lady Am. Being yet a stranger on my estate around here, I have passed through thy hamlet to behold with mine own eye the distresses of my poor tenants. I wish to relieve their wants.
F. Gam. Right, your ladyship: for charity hides a deal of sins. How good of you to think of the poor! that's so like me; I'm always contriving how to relieve my neighbours—you must lay Banks in jail to-night. [Apart to Twitch.]
Enter Jane.
Jane. A'nt please you, will your ladyship enter our humble dwelling, and rest your ladyship in feyther's great cane bottom'd elbow chair with a high back. [Curtsies.]
F. Gam. Do, my lady. To receive so great a body from her own chariot is an honour I dreamt not of; though, for the hungry and weary foot traveller, my doors are always open, and my morsel ready. Knock; when he comes out, touch him. [Aside to Twitch.]
Lady Am. Thou art benevolent, and I will enter thy dwelling with satisfaction.
Jane. O precious! This way, my lady.
[Exeunt all but Twitch.
Twitch. Eh, where's the warrant? [Feels his pocket, and knocks at Banks's door.]
Enter Banks.
Banks. Master Twitch! What's your business with me?
Twitch. Only a little affair here against you.
Banks. Me!
Twitch. Yes; Farmer Gammon has bought a thirty pound note of hand of yours.
Banks. Indeed! Well, I didn't think his malice could have stretched so far—I thought the love, he professed for my sister, might—why, it is true, Master Twitch, to lend our indigent cottagers small sums when they've been unable to pay their rents, I got lawyer Quirk to procure me this money, and hoped their industry would have put it in my power to take up my note before now. However, I'll go round and try what they can do, then call on you and settle it.
Twitch. You must go with me.
Rover. [Without.] Old gentleman, come quick, or I'll draw another bottle of your currant wine.
Twitch. You'd best not make a noise, but come. [To Banks.]
Enter Rover.
Rover. Oh, you're here? Rain over—quite fine—I'll take a sniff of the open air too—Eh, what's the matter?
Twitch. What's that to you?
Rover. What's that to me? Why, you're a very unmannerly—
Twitch. Oh, here's a rescue!
Banks. Nay, my dear sir, I'd wish you not to bring yourself into trouble about me.
Twitch. Now, since you don't know what's civil, if the debt's not paid directly, to jail you go.
Rover. My kind, hospitable good old man to jail! What's the amount, you scoundrel.
Twitch. Better words, or I'll—
Rover. Stop; utter you a word good or bad, except to tell me what's your demand upon this gentleman, and I'll give you the greatest beating you ever got since the hour you commenced rascal. [In a low tone.]
Twitch. Why, master, I don't want to quarrel with you, because—
Rover. You'll get nothing by it. Do you know, you villain, that I am this moment the greatest man living?
Twitch. Who, pray?
Rover. "I am the bold Thunder!" Sirrah, know that I carry my purse of gold in my coat-pocket. Though damme if I know how a purse came there. [Aside, and takes it out.] There's twenty pictures of his majesty; therefore, in the king's name, I free his liege subject; [Takes Banks away.] and now who am I? Ah, ah!
Twitch. Ten pieces short, my master; but if you're a housekeeper I'll take this and your bail.
Rover. Then for bail you must have a housekeeper? What's to be done!
Enter Gammon.
Ah, here's old hospitality! I know you've a house, though your fire side was too warm for me. Lookye, here's some rapacious, griping rascal, has had this worthy gentleman arrested. Now a certain, good-for-nothing, rattling fellow has paid twenty guineas; you pass your word for the other nine, we'll step back into the old gentleman's friendly house, and over his currant wine, our first toast shall be, liberty to the honest debtor, and confusion to the hard hearted creditor.
Gam. I shan't.
Rover. Shan't! What's your name?
F. Gam. Gammon.
Rover. Gammon! Dem'me, you're the Hampshire hog.
[Exit F. Gammon.
'Sdeath! How shall I do to extricate—? I wish I had another purse in my waistcoat pocket.
Enter Lady Amaranth, from Gammon's,
Zachariah following.
Lady Am. What tumult's this?
Rover. A lady! Ma'am, your most obedient humble servant. [Bows.] A quaker too! They are generally kind and humane, and that face is the prologue to a play of a thousand good acts—may be she'd help us here. [Aside.] Ma'am, you must know that—that I—no—this gentleman—I mean this gentleman and I—He got a little behind hand, as every honest, well principled man often may, from—bad harvests and rains—lodging corn—and his cattle—from murrain, and—rot the murrain! you know this is the way all this affair happened, [To Banks.] and then up steps this gentleman, [To Twitch.] with a—a tip in his way—madam, you understand? And then in steps I—with my a—In short, madam, I am the worst story teller in the world, where myself is the hero of the tale.
Twitch. Mr. Banks has been arrested for thirty pounds, and this gentleman has paid twenty guineas of the debt.
Banks. My litigious neighbour to expose me thus!
Lady Am. The young man and maiden within, have spoken well of thy sister, and pictured thee as a man of irreproachable morals, though unfortunate.
Rover. Madam, he's the honestest fellow—I've known him above forty years, he has the best hand at stirring a fire—If you was only to taste his currant wine.
Banks. Madam, I never aspired to an enviable rank in life: but hitherto pride and prudence kept me above the reach of pity: but obligations from a stranger—
Lady Am. He really a stranger, and attempt to free thee? But, friend, [To Rover.] thou hast assumed a right which here belongeth alone to me. As I enjoy the blessings which these lands produce, I own also the heart delighting privilege of dispensing those blessings to the wretched. Thou mad'st thyself my worldly banker, and no cash of mine in thine hands, [Takes a note from a pocket book.] but thus I balance our account. [Offers it.]
Rover. "Madam, my master pays me, nor can I take money from another hand, without injuring his honour, and disobeying his commands."
| "Run, run, Orlando, carve on every tree, |
| The fair, the chaste, the unexpressive she." |
[Runs off.
Banks. But, sir, I insist you'll return him his money. [To Twitch.] Stop! [Going.]
Twitch. Aye, stop! [Holds the skirt of his coat.]
Lady Am. Where dwelleth he?
Banks. I fancy, where he can, madam. I understand, from his discourse, that he was on his way to join a company of actors in the next town.
Lady Am. A profane stage-player with such a gentle, generous heart! Yet so whimsically wild, like the unconscious rose, modestly shrinking from the recollection of its own grace and sweetness.
Enter Jane, from the house, more dressed.
Jane. Now, my lady, I'm fit to attend your ladyship. I look so genteelish, mayhap her ladyship may take me home with her.
Lady Am. This maiden may find out for me whither he goeth. [Aside.] Call on my steward, and thy legal demands shall be satisfied. [To Twitch.]
Jane. Here, coachman, drive up my lady's chariot, nearer to our door. [Calls off.] Charott! If she'd take me with her, la! how all the folks will stare. [Aside.] Madam, though the roads are so very dusty, I'll walk all the way on foot to your ladyship's house—ay, though I should spoil my bran new petticoat.
Lady Am. Rather than sully thy garment, thou shalt be seated by me. Friend, be cheerful; thine and thy sister's sorrows shall be but an April shower.
Jane. Oh, your ladyship!—Ecod, if I didn't think so—[Aside.]
Enter Sim.
Here, you Sim, order the charott for us.
Sim. Us! Come, come, Jane, I've the little tilt cart to carry you.
Jane. Cart! [Exeunt severally.
SCENE II.
Before an Inn.
Enter Rover and Waiter.
Rover. Hillo! friend, when does the coach set out for London?
Waiter. In about an hour, sir.
Rover. Has the Winchester coach passed?
Waiter. No, sir. [Exit.
Rover. That's lucky! Then my trunk is here still. Go I will not. Since I've lost the fellowship of my friend Dick, I'll travel no more, I'll try a London audience, who knows but I may get an engagement. This celestial lady quaker! She must be rich, and ridiculous for such a poor dog as I am, even to think of her. How Dick would laugh at me if he knew—I dare say by this she has released my kind host from the gripe—I should like to be certain, though.
Enter Landlord.
Land. You'll dine here, sir? I'm honest Bob Johnstone; kept the Sun these twenty years. Excellent dinner on table at two.
Rover. "Yet my love indeed is appetite; I'm as hungry as the sea, and can digest as much."
Land. Then you won't do for my shilling ordinary, sir; there's a very good ordinary at the Saracen's head, at the end of the town. Shou'dn't have thought indeed, hungry foot travellers to eat like——coming, sir. [Exit.
Rover. I'll not join this company at Winchester. I will take a touch at a London theatre. The public there are candid and generous, and before my merit can have time to create enemies, I'll save money, and,—"a fig for the Sultan and Sophy."
Enter Jane, at the back, and Sim, watching her.
Jane. Ay, that's he!
Rover. But if I fail, by Heaven I'll overwhelm the manager, his empire, and—"himself in one prodigious ruin."
Jane. Ruin! Oh Lord! [Runs back.]
Sim. What can you expect, when you follow young men? I've dodg'd you all the way.
Jane. Well! wasn't I sent?
Sim. Oh yes, you were sent—very likely. Who sent you?
Jane. It was—I won't tell it's my lady, 'cause she bid me not. [Aside.]
Sim. I'll keep you from sheame—a fine life I should have in the parish, rare fleering, if a sister of moine should stand some Sunday at church in a white sheet, and to all their flouts what could I say?
Rover. Thus, "I say my sister's wrong'd, my sister Blowsabella, born as high and noble as the attorney—do her justice, or by the gods I'll lay a scene of blood, shall make this haymow horrible to Beebles."—"Say that, Chamont."
Sim. I believe it's full moon. You go hoame to your place, and moind your business.
Jane. My lady will be so pleas'd I found him! I don't wonder at it, he's such a fine spoken man.
Sim. Dang it! Will you stand here grinning at the wild bucks.
Jane. Perhaps the gentleman might wish to send her ladyship a compliment. An't please you, sir, if it's even a kiss between us two, it shall go safe; for, though you should give it me, brother Sim then can take it to my lady.
Rover. "I kiss'd thee e'er I kill'd thee."
Jane. Kill me!
Rover. "No way but this, killing myself to die upon a kiss!" [Advancing.]
Sim. Go! [To Jane—puts her out.]
Rover. "Ay; to a nunnery go to." I'm cursedly out of spirits; but hang sorrow, I may as well divert myself.—"'Tis meat and drink for me to see a clown."—"Shepherd, was't ever at Court?"
Sim. Not I.
Rover. "Then thou art damn'd."
Sim. Eh!
Rover. Ay, "thou art damn'd like an ill roasted egg—all on one side."—Little Hospitality.
[Looking out.
Enter Farmer Gammon.
F. Gam. Eh, where's the showman, that wants to hire my barn? So, Madam Jane, I place her out to sarvice, and instead of attending her mistress, she gets gallopping all about the village.—How's this, son?
Rover. "Your son? Young Clodpate, take him to your wheat stack, and there teach him manners."
F. Gam. Ah, thou'rt the fellow that would bolt out of the dirty roads into people's houses. Ho, ho, ho! Sim's schooling is mightily thrown away if he hasn't more manners than thou.
Sim. Why, feyther, it is! Gadzooks, he be one of the play! Acted Tom Fool, in King Larry, at Lymington, t'other night—I thought I know'd the face, thof he had a straw cap, and a blanket about'n—Ho, ho! how comical that was when you said—
Rover. "Pillicock sat upon Pillicock hill, pil—i—loo, loo!"
Sim. That's it! He's at it! [Claps.] Laugh, feyther.
F. Gam. Hold your tongue, boy! I believe he's no better than he should be. The moment I saw him, says I to myself, you are a rogue.
Rover. There you spoke truth for once in your life.
F. Gam. I'm glad to hear you confess it. But her ladyship shall have the vagrants whipp'd out of the country.
Rover. Vagrant! "Thou wretch! despite o'erwhelm thee!" "Only squint, and, by Heaven, I'll beat thy blown body till it rebounds like a tennis ball."
Sim. Beat my feyther! No, no. Thou must first beat me. [Puts himself in a posture of defence.]
Rover. [Aside, with great feeling.] "Though love cool, friendship fall off, brothers divide, subjects rebel, oh! never let the sacred bond be crack'd 'twixt son and father!"—I never knew a father's protection, never had a father to protect. [Puts his handkerchief to his eyes.]
Sim. Ecod! he's not acting now!
Enter Landlord, with a book, pen, and ink.
F. Gam. Landlord, is this Mr. Lamp here?
Land. I've just opened a bottle for him and t'other in the parlour.
Rover. "Go, father, with thy son; give him a livery more guarded than his fellows."
Sim. Livery! Why, I be no sarvant man, though sister Jane is. Gi's thy hand. [To Rover.] I don't know how 'tis; but I think I could lose my life for him; but mustn't let feyther be lickt though—No, no! [Going, turns and looks at Rover.] Ecod, I ne'er shall forget Pillicock!
[Exeunt Farmer Gammon and Sim.
Rover. Thou art an honest reptile, I'll make my entrée on the London boards in Bayes, yes, I shall have no comparison against me. "Egad, it's very hard that a gentleman and an author can't come to teach them, but he must break his nose, and—and—all that—but—so the players are gone to dinner."
Land. No such people frequent the Sun, I assure you.
Rover. "Sun, moon, and stars!"—Now mind the eclipse, Mr. Johnson.
Land. I heard nothing of it, sir.
Rover. "There's the sun between the earth and moon—there's the moon between the earth and the sun, tol, lol, lol! dance the hay! Luna means to show her tail."
Enter Waiter.
Waiter. Two gentlemen in the parlour would speak with you.
Rover. "I attend them, were they twenty times our mother."
Waiter. Your mother, sir! why it is two gentlemen.
Rover. Say I attend them with all respect and duty. [Exit Waiter.
Land. Sir, you go in the stage; as we book the passengers, what name?
Rover. "I am the bold Thunder." [Exit.
Land. [Writing.] Mr. Thunder.
Enter John Dory.
John. I want two places in the stage coach, because I and another gentleman are going a voyage.
Land. Just two vacant; what name?
John. Avast! I go aloft. But let's see who'll be my master's messmates in the cabin: [Reads.] Captain Muccolah, Counsellor Fazacherly, Miss Gosling, Mr. Thunder. What's this? speak, man! is there one of that name going?
Land. Booked him this minute.
John. If our voyage should now be at an end before we begin it?—If this Mr. Thunder should be my master's son!—What rate is this vessel?
Land. Rate!
John. What sort of a gentleman is he?
Land. Oh; a rum sort of a gentleman; I suspect he's one of the players.
John. True; Sam said it was some player's people coaxed him away from Portsmouth school. It must be the 'squire—show me where he's moored, my old purser.
[Exit, singing, and Landlord following.
SCENE III.
A Room in the Inn.
Lamp and Trap [discovered drinking.]
Trap. This same Farmer Gammon seems a surly spark.
Lamp. No matter. His barn will hold a good thirty pounds, and if I can but engage this young fellow, this Rover, he'll cram it every night he plays. He's certainly a devilish good actor. Now, Trap, you must enquire out a carpenter, and be brisk about the building. I think we shall have smart business, as we stand so well for pretty women, too. Oh, here he is!
Trap. Snap him at any terms.
Enter Rover.
Rover. Gentlemen, your most obedient—The waiter told me—
Lamp. Sir, to our better acquaintance. [Fills.]
Rover. I don't recollect I have the honour of knowing—
Lamp. Mr. Rover, though I am a stranger to you, your merit is none to me.
Rover. Sir. [Bows.]
Lamp. Yes, sir, my name is Lamp: I am manager of the company of comedians that's come down here, and Mr. Trap is my treasurer, engages performers, sticks bills, finds properties, keeps box-books, prompts play, and takes the town.
Trap. The most reputable company, and charming money getting circuit. [Apart to Rover.]
Rover. Hav'n't a doubt, sir.
Lamp. Only suffer me to put up your name to play with us six nights, and twelve guineas are yours.
Rover. Sir, I thank you, and must confess your offer is liberal; but my friends have flattered me into a sort of opinion that encourages me to take a touch at the capital.
Lamp. Ah, my dear Mr. Rover, a London theatre is dangerous ground.
Rover. Why, I may fail, and gods may groan, and ladies drawl, "La, what an awkward creature!" But should I top my part, then shall gods applaud, and ladies sigh, "The charming fellow!" and treasurers smile upon me, as they count the shining guineas!
Lamp. But, suppose—
Rover. Ay, suppose the contrary, I have a certain friend here, in my coat pocket [Puts his hand in his pocket.] Eh! zounds! where is—oh, the devil! I gave it to discharge my kind host—going for London, and not master of five shillings! [Aside.] "Sir, to return to the twenty pounds."
Lamp. Twenty pounds. Well, let it be so.
Rover. Sir, I engage with you, call a rehearsal when and where you please, I'll attend.
Lamp. Sir, I'll step for the cast book, and you shall chuse your characters.
Trap. And, sir, I'll write out the play-bills directly.
[Exeunt Lamp and Trap.
Rover. Since I must remain here some time, and I've not the most distant hope of ever speaking to this goddess again, I wish I had inquired her name, that I might know how to keep out of her way.
Enter John Dory and Landlord.
Landl. There's the gentleman.
John. Very well.
[Exit Landlord.
What cheer, ho, master squire?
Rover. Cheer, ho! my hearty!
John. The very face of his father! And an't you asham'd of yourself?
Rover. Why, yes, I am sometimes.
John. Do you know, if I had you at the gangways, I'd give you a neater dozen than ever you got from your schoolmaster's cat-a-nine tails.
Rover. You woudn't sure?
John. I would sure.
Rover. Indeed?—Pleasant enough! who is this genius?
John. I've dispatch'd a shallop to tell Lady Amaranth you're here.
Rover. You havn't?
John. I have.
Rover. Now, who the devil's Lady Amaranth?
John. I expect her chariot every moment, and when it comes, you'll get into it, and I'll get into it, and I'll set you down genteely at her house; then I'll have obeyed my orders, and I hope your father will be satisfied.
Rover. My father! who's he pray?
John. Pshaw! leave off your fun, and prepare to ask his pardon.
Rover. Ha, ha, ha! Why, my worthy friend, you are totally wrong in this affair. Upon my word I'm not the person you take me for. [Going.]
John. You don't go, though they've got your name down in the stage coach book, Mr. Thunder.
Rover. Mr. Thunder! stage coach book! [Pauses.] ha, ha, ha! This must be some curious blunder.
John. Oh! my lad, your father, Sir George, will change your note.
Rover. He must give me one first. Sir George! then my father is a knight, it seems; ha, ha, ha! very good, faith! 'pon my honour, I am not the gentleman that you think me.
John. I ought not to think you any gentleman for giving your honour in a falsehood. Oh! them play actors you went amongst have quite spoiled you. I wish only one of 'em would come in my way. I'd teach 'em to bring a gentleman's son tramboozing about the country.
Enter Waiter.
Waiter. Her ladyship's chariot's at the door, and I fancy it's you, sir, the coachman wants.
John. Yes, it's me. I attend your honour.
Rover. Then you insist on it that I am—
John. I insist on nothing, only you shall come.
Rover. Indeed! Shall! Shall is a word don't sound over agreeable to my ears.
John. Does a pretty girl sound well to your ear?
Rover. "More music in the clink of her horses' hoofs than twenty hautboys." Why, is this Lady Thing-o-me pretty?
John. Beautiful as a mermaid, and stately as a ship under sail.
Rover. Egad! I've a mind to humour the frolic—Well, well, I'll see your mermaid. But then on the instant of my appearance the mistake must be discovered. [Aside.] Harkye, is this father of mine you talk of at this lady's?
John. No: your father's in chase of the deserters. I find he's afraid to face the old one, so, if I tell him, he won't go with me. [Aside.] No, no, we shan't see him in a hurry.
Rover. Then I'll venture. Has the lady ever seen me?
John. Psha! none of your jokes, man; you know, that her ladyship, no more than myself, has set eyes upon you since you was the bigness of a rumbo canakin.
Rover. The choice is made. I have my Ranger's dress in my trunk: "Cousin of Buckingham, thou sage grave man!"
John. What?
Rover. "Since you will buckle fortune on my back, to bear her burden, whether I will or no, I must have patience to endure the load; but if black scandal, or foul faced"——
John. Black! my foul face was as fair as yours before I went to sea.
Rover. "Your mere enforcement shall acquittance me."
John. Man, don't stand preaching parson Sacks—come to the chariot.
Rover. Ay, to the chariot! "Bear me, Bucephalus, among the billows,—hey! for the Tygris!" [Exeunt.