THIRD POSTSCRIPT.
Longo Intervallo.
The great election is over. Harrison is elected!!!
I can write no more at present. I crave time to compose myself.
Ten at Night.—The Club is in session. How blank, dreary, and long visaged!
We all feel the calamity, but say little.
Mr. Snuffers is terribly exercised. He thinks the catastrophe is to be attributed to that unhappy split of the party on the Iron Railing:—blames Theodore Fog for pressing that point too hard on Ag Flag and his friends.
Theodore Fog is greatly exasperated at this remark, and threatens to make a speech next week to explain his views: says he has known all along that Harrison would be elected,—adding, to the consternation of every one,—"AS HE DESERVED TO BE!" He affirms angrily, "no party could get on with that ABSURD(!) Two-Third's Rule, which," he says, "is a flagrant abnegation, repudiation, and fundamental and atrocious violation of the old, ancient, and veteran usages of the Democratic party." He adds, with extraordinary bitterness of expression and violence of gesticulation, pointing his finger at the Hon. Middleton Flam, who had just entered the club-room, "I can name the wr-r-retched intriguer who got it up. As Nathan said unto David—Thou art the man!"
Great confusion in the Club. Mr. Flam grows red in the face. Several members start from their seats. Mr. Flam shakes his fist at Theodore Fog, and calls him an Abolitionist! He would have uttered other epithets, but Mr. Doubleday catches him in his arms and holds his hand close over Mr. F.'s mouth. Fog fiercely retorts on Mr. Flam, and vociferates in the rudest tone—"Federalist!"—He jerks off his cravat in a highly exasperated manner, evidently threatening a personal assault. Nim Porter seizes him by the shoulders, and whirls him into a corner, ejaculating, "The., don't make a fool of yourself!"
The uproar is at its height, when Thomas G. Winkelman, with great presence of mind, blows out the lights. The consequence is, an abrupt adjournment and a hurried and excited departure of the members from the hall.
Next Morning.—All Quodlibet is in a state of unparalleled disorder. It is reported that Theodore Fog has gone over to Harrison. Many True Grits have taken the same path.
This is the second great Split of the Democratic party. The Hon. Middleton Flam says it cannot possibly stand a third.
Quis, talia fando, temperet a lachrymis!
Gentle reader, I have performed my covenant. Quod meum fuit præstiti. What content these chronicles, and the poor skill with which they are set forth, may have brought to our respectable committee, I am in no position to decide; since I know that an author is seldom honestly commended to his face. That there is division of opinion on this matter I am aware; for upon the reading at the last meeting on Wednesday night, I could not fail to observe certain signs of dissent, if not of displeasure, passing between Eliphalet Fox and Zachary Younghusband; and that more than once. But Mr. Flam, who has always shown himself a true friend and patron to me, took up my cause with such spirit and effect, being well supported by Mr. Doubleday and Mr. Snuffers, that a unanimous vote of approbation was finally passed by the committee. Thus sheltered under the shield of triple brass and tough bull hide of our Grand Central Committee, I cheerfully submit my labors to the judgment of the good folks of Quodlibet; promising, if they approve and should again call me to the desk, to contribute what my opportunity may allow to the better elucidation of their character, both social and public, wherein it is manifest an eager desire to be instructed hath lately grown up in this nation. Non sum qui oblivionis artem, quam memoriæ mallem.
SOLOMON SECONDTHOUGHTS,
Schoolmaster.
Transcriber's Note:
"Flan", an abbreviation of "Flanigan", and "The", an abbreviation of "Theodore", are sometimes followed by a period, sometimes not.
The following is a list of changes made to the original. The first line is the original line, the second the corrected one.
Interlocutors Actors, etc. 21
Interlocutors, Actors, etc. 21
CHAPTER IX
CHAPTER IX.
Charley Moggs—Boss loafer of Bickerbray, and promoted in
Charley Moggs.—Boss loafer of Bickerbray, and promoted in
"My dear Middleton," read that," said the Judge.
"My dear Middleton, read that," said the Judge.
whom a more pellucid, diaphonous, transparent Secretary
whom a more pellucid, diaphanous, transparent Secretary
Flan. being found upon examination to be muddled
Flan., being found upon examination to be muddled
that Eliphalet Fox would run Augustus Posthlethwaite
that Eliphalet Fox would run Augustus Postlethwaite
ourselves!" The Democracy of Quodlibet never will
ourselves! The Democracy of Quodlibet never will
A waive of the hand and a bow showed that Theodore
A wave of the hand and a bow showed that Theodore
Lights. But the assuidity with which we endeavored
Lights. But the assiduity with which we endeavored
the Massissippi. And they say, moreover, that little
the Mississippi. And they say, moreover, that little
cut of Democracy.
cut of Democracy."
"I'm not a persecutor, nother," said Tom Crop. By
"I'm not a persecutor, nother," said Tom Crop. "By
firmness of the peeple, and this stigma of ignominy
firmness of the people, and this stigma of ignominy