SKELTON LAUREATE DEFENDAR AGEINST LUSTY GARNYSHE WELL BESEEN CRYSTOFER CHALANGAR, ET CETERA.
Garnyshe, gargone, gastly, gryme,
I haue receyuyd your secunde ryme.
Thowthe ye kan skylle of large and longe,
Ye syng allway the kukkowe songe:
Ye rayle, ye ryme, with, Hay, dog, hay!
Your chorlyshe chauntyng ys all o lay.
Ye, syr, rayle all in deformite:
Ye haue nat red the properte
Of naturys workys, how they be
Myxte with sum incommodite, 10
Observa prologum libri 2ⁱ in veteri Rhetorica Ciceronis. Incipit autem sc. g. Crotoniati[559] quondam cum florerent omnibus copiis, et cetera.
As prouithe well, in hys Rethorikys olde,
Cicero with hys tong of golde.
That nature wrowght in yow and me,
Irreuocable ys hyr decre;
Waywardly wrowght she hath in thé,
Beholde thi selfe, and thou mayst se;
Thow xalte beholde no wher a warse,
They[560] myrrour may be the deuyllys ars.
Wyth, knaue, syr knaue, and knaue ageine!
To cal me knaue thou takyst gret payne: 20
The prowdyst knaue yet of vs tewyne
Within thy skyn he xall remayne;
The starkest knaue, and lest good kan,
Thou art callyd of euery man;
The corte, the contre, wylage, and towne,
Sayth from thy to vnto thi croune,[561]
Of all prowde knauys thow beryst the belle,
Lothsum as Lucifer lowest in helle.
On that syde, on thys syde thou dost gasy,
Thou thynkyst thy selfe Syr Pers de Brasy, 30
Thy caytyvys carkes cours and crasy;
Moche of thy maneres I can[562] blasy.
Of Lumbardy Gorge Hardyson,
Thow wolde haue scoryd hys habarion;
That jentyll Jorge the Januay,
Ye wolde haue trysyd hys trowle away:
Soche paiantes with your fryndes ye play,
With trechery ye them betray.
Garnyshe, ye gate of Gorge with gaudry
Crimsin velvet for your bawdry. 40
Ye haue a fantasy to Fanchyrche strete,
With Lumbardes lemmanns for to mete,
With, Bas me, buttyng, praty Cys!
Yower lothesum lypps loue well to kyse,
Slaueryng lyke a slymy snayle;
I wolde ye had kyst hyr on the tayle!
Also nat fare from Bowgy row,
Ye pressyd pertely to pluk a crow:
Ye lost your holde,[563] onbende your bow,
Ye wan nothyng there but a mow; 50
Ye wan nothyng there but a skorne;
Sche wolde nat of yt thow had sworne.
Sche seyd ye war coluryd with cole dust;
To daly with yow she had no lust.
Sche seyd your brethe stanke lyke a broke;
With, Gup, Syr Gy, ye gate a moke.
Sche sware with hyr ye xulde nat dele,
For ye war smery, lyke a sele,
And ye war herey, lyke a calfe;
Sche praiid yow walke, on Goddes halfe! 60
And thus there ye lost yower pray;
Get ye anothyr where ye may.
Dysparage ye myn auncetry?
Ye ar dysposyd for to ly:
I sey, thow felle and fowle flessh fly,
In thys debate I thé askry.
Thow claimist thé jentyll, thou art a curre;
Haroldis they know thy cote armur:
Thow thou be a jantyll man borne,
Yet jentylnes in thé ys thred bare worne; 70
Haroldes from honor may thé devors,
For harlottes hawnte thyn hatefull cors:
Ye bere out brothells lyke a bawde;
Ye get therby a slendyr laude
Betweyn the tappett and the walle,—
Fusty bawdyas! I sey nat alle.
Of harlottes to vse soche an harres,
Yt bredth mothys in clothe of Arres.
What eylythe thé, rebawde, on me to raue?
A kyng to me myn habyte gaue: 80
At Oxforth, the vniversyte,
Auaunsid I was to that degre;
By hole consent of theyr senate,
I was made poete lawreate.
To cal me lorell ye ar to lewde:
Lythe and lystyn, all bechrewde!
Of the Musys nyne, Calliope
Hath pointyd me to rayle on thé.
It semyth nat thy pyllyd pate
Agenst a poyet lawreat 90
To take vpon thé for to scryue:
It cumys thé better for to dryue
A dong cart or a tumrelle
Than with my poems for to melle.
The honor of Englond I lernyd to spelle,
In dygnyte roialle that doth excelle:
Note and marke wyl[564] thys parcele;
I yaue hym drynke of the sugryd welle
Of Eliconys waters crystallyne,
Aqueintyng hym with the Musys nyne. 100
Yt commyth thé wele me to remorde,
That creaunser was to thy sofre[yne] lorde:
It plesyth that noble prince roialle
Me as hys master for to calle
In hys lernyng primordialle.
Auaunt, rybawde,[565] thi tung reclame!
Me to beknaue thow art to blame;
Thy tong vntawte, with poyson infecte,
Withowte thou leue thou shalt be chekt,[566]
And takyn vp in such a frame, 110
That all the warlde wyll spye your shame.
Auaunt, auaunt, thow slogysh ...
And sey poetis no dys....
It ys for no bawdy knaue
The dignite lawreat for to haue.
Thow callyst me scallyd, thou callyst[567] me mad:
Thow thou be pyllyd, thow ar nat sade.
Thow ar frantyke and lakkyst wyt,
To rayle with me that thé can hyt.
Thowth it be now ful tyde with thé, 120
Yet ther may falle soche caswelte,
Er thow be ware, that in a throw
Thow mayst fale downe and ebbe full lowe:
Wherfore in welthe beware of woo,
For welthe wyll sone departe thé froo.
To know thy selfe yf thow lake grace,
Lerne or be lewde, I shrow thy face.
Thow seyst I callyd thé a pecok:
Thow liist, I callyd thé a wodcoke;
For thow hast a long snowte, 130
A semly nose and a stowte,
Prickyd lyke an vnicorne:
I wold sum manys bake ink horne
Wher[568] thi nose spectacle case;
Yt wold garnyche wyll[569] thy face.
Thow demyst my raylyng ouyrthwarthe;
I rayle to thé soche as thow art.
If thow war aquentyd with alle
The famous poettes saturicall,
As Percius and Iuuynall, 140
Horace and noble Marciall,
If they wer lyueyng thys day,
Of thé wote I what they wolde say;
They wolde thé wryght, all with one steuyn,
The follest slouen ondyr heuen,
Prowde, peuiche, lyddyr, and lewde,
Malapert, medyllar, nothyng well thewde,
Besy, braynles, to bralle and brage,
Wytles, wayward, Syr Wryg wrag,
Dysdaynous, dowble, ful of dyseyte, 150
Liing, spying by suttelte and slyght,
Fleriing, flatyryng, fals, and fykkelle,
Scornefull and mokkyng ouer to mykkylle.
My tyme, I trow, I xulde but lese
To wryght to thé of tragydese,
It ys nat mete for soche a knaue;
But now my proces for to saue,
I have red, and rede I xall,
Inordynate pride wyll haue a falle.
Presumptuous pride ys all thyn hope: 160
God garde thé, Garnyche, from the rope!
Stop a tyd, and be welle ware
Ye be nat cawte in an hempen snare.
Harkyn herto, ye Haruy Haftar,[570]
Pride gothe before and schame commyth after.
Thow wrythtyst I xulde let thé go pley:
Go pley thé, Garnyshe, garnysshyd gay;
I care nat what thow wryght or sey;
I cannat let thé the knaue to play,
To dauns the hay or rune the ray: 170
Thy fonde face can me nat fray.
Take thys for that, bere thys in mynde,
Of thy lewdenes more ys behynde;
A reme of papyr wyll nat holde
Of thi lewdenes that may be tolde.
My study myght be better spynt;
But for to serue the kynges entent,
Hys noble pleasure and commandenennt,
Scrybbyl thow, scrybyll thow, rayle or wryght,
Wryght what thow wylte, I xall thé aquyte. 180
By the kyngys most noble commandemennt.
[559] Crotoniati] Should be “Crotoniatæ.” (Vide De Invent. Rhet.)
[560] They] Compare v. 173 of the preceding poem.
[561] Sayth from, &c.] This line added to MS. in (perhaps) a different hand.
[562] can] MS. seems to read “cam.”
[563] holde] MS. “bolde.”
[564] wyl] Compare v. 135.
[565] rybawde] MS. seems to have “rylowde.”
[566] Withowte thou leue, &c.] In MS. the latter part of this line, and the concluding portions of the next two lines, are so injured by stains that I can only guess at the words. The endings of the third and fourth lines after this are illegible.
[567] callyst] MS. “callydst.”
[568] Wher] Seems to be the reading of MS.
[569] wyll] Compare v. 97.
[570] Haftar] MS. “hastar;” see notes.
SKELTON LAVREATE,
ORATORIS REGIS TERTIUS,[571]
AGAINST VENEMOUS TONGUES[572] ENPOYSONED WITH SCLAUNDER AND FALSE DETRACTIONS, &c.
Quid detur tibi, aut quid apponatur tibi ad linguam dolosam? Psalm. c. xlij.
Deus destruet te in finem; evellet te, et emigrabit te de tabernaculo tuo, et radicem tuam de terra viventium. Psal. lxvii.
Al maters wel pondred and wel to be regarded,
How shuld a fals lying tung then be rewarded?
Such tunges shuld be torne out by the harde rootes,
Hoyning like hogges that groynis and wrotes.
Dilexisti omnia verba præcipitationis, lingua dolosa. Ubi s. &c.
For, as I haue rede in volumes olde,
A fals lying tunge is harde to withholde;
A sclaunderous tunge, a tunge of a skolde,
Worketh more mischiefe than can be tolde;
That, if I wist not to be controlde,
Yet somwhat to say I dare well be bolde,
How some delite for to lye thycke and threfolde.
Ad sannam hominem redigit comice[573] et graphice.
For ye said, that he said, that I said, wote ye what?
I made, he said, a windmil of an olde mat:
If there be none other mater but that,
Than ye may commaunde me to gentil Cok wat.
Hic notat purpuraria arte intextas literas Romanas in amictibus post ambulonum[574] ante et retro.
For before on your brest, and behind on your back,
In Romaine letters I neuer founde lack:
In your crosse rowe nor Christ crosse you spede,
Your Pater noster, your Aue, nor your Crede.
Who soeuer that tale vnto you tolde,
He saith vntruly, to say that I would
Controlle the cognisaunce of noble men
Either by language or with my pen.
Pædagogium meum de sublimiori Minerva constat esse: ergo, &c.
My scole is more solem and somwhat more haute
Than to be founde in any such faute.
Pædagogium meum male sanos maledicos sibilis complosisque manibus[575] explodit, &c.
My scoles are not for vnthriftes vntaught,
For frantick faitours half mad and half straught;
But my learning is of an other degree
To taunt theim like liddrous, lewde as thei bee.
Laxent ergo antennam elationis suæ inflatam vento vanitatis. li. ille, &c.
For though some be lidder, and list for to rayle,
Yet to lie vpon me they can not preuayle:
Then let them vale a bonet of their proud sayle,
And of their taunting toies rest with il hayle.
Nobilitati ignobilis cedat vilitas, &c.
There is no noble man wil iudge in me
Any such foly to rest or to be:
I care muche the lesse what euer they say,
For tunges vntayde be renning astray;
But yet I may say safely, so many wel lettred
Embraudred, enlasid together, and fettred,
And so little learning, so lewdly alowed,
What fault find ye herein but may be auowed?
But ye are so full of vertibilite,
And of frenetyke folabilite, 10
And of melancoly mutabilite,
That ye would coarte and enforce me
Nothing to write, but hay the gy of thre,
And I to suffre you lewdly to ly
Of me with your language full of vilany!
Sicut novacula[576] acuta fecisti dolum. Ubi s.
Malicious tunges, though they haue no bones,
Are sharper then swordes, sturdier then stones.
Lege Philostratum de vita Tyanæi Apollonii.
Sharper then raysors that shaue and cut throtes,
More stinging then scorpions that stang Pharaotis.
Venenum aspidum sub labiis eorum. Ps.
More venemous and much more virulent
Then any poysoned tode or any serpent.
Quid peregrinis egemus exemplis? ad domestica recurramus, &c. li. ille.
Such tunges vnhappy hath made great diuision
In realmes, in cities, by suche fals abusion;
Of fals fickil tunges suche cloked collusion
Hath brought nobil princes to extreme confusion.
Quicquid loquantur, ut effœminantur, ita effantur, &c.
Somtime women were put in great blame,
Men said they could not their tunges atame;
But men take vpon theim nowe all the shame,
With skolding and sklaundering make their tungs lame.
Novarum rerum cupidissimi, captatores, delatores, adulatores, invigilatores, deliratores, &c. id genus. li. ille.
For men be now tratlers and tellers of tales;
What tidings at Totnam,[577] what newis in Wales,
What shippis are sailing to Scalis Mails?
And all is not worth a couple of nut shalis:
But lering and lurking here and there like spies;
The deuil tere their tunges and pike out their ies!
Then ren they with lesinges and blow them about,
With, He wrate suche a bil withouten dout;
With, I can tel you what such a man said;
And you knew all, ye would be ill apayd. 10
De more vulpino, gannientes ad aurem, fictas fabellas fabricant. li. ille.
Inauspicatum, male ominatum, infortunatum se fateatur habuisse horoscopum, quicunque maledixerit vati Pierio, S[keltonidi] L[aureato], &c.
But if that I knewe what his name hight,
For clatering of me I would him sone quight;
For his false lying, of that I spake neuer,
I could make him shortly repent him for euer:
Although he made it neuer so tough,
He might be sure to haue shame ynough.
Cerberus horrendo barathri latrando sub antro
Te rodatque voret, lingua dolosa, precor.
A fals double tunge is more fiers and fell
Then Cerberus the cur couching in the kenel of hel;
Wherof hereafter I thinke for to write,
Of fals double tunges in the dispite.
Recipit se scripturum opus sanctum,[578] laudabile, acceptabile, memorabileque, et nimis honorificandum.
Disperdat Dominus universa labia dolosa et linguam magniloquam!
[571] Tertius] A misprint: qy. “Versus?”
[572] Against venemous tongues, &c.] From Marshe’s ed. of Skelton’s Workes, 1568.
[573] comice] Ed. “comite.”
[574] post ambulonum] The Rev. J. Mitford would read “ambulonum post.”
[575] manibus] Ed. “mantibus.”
[576] novacula] Ed. “nouocla.”
[577] Totnam] Ed. “Totmā.”
[578] sanctum] Ed. “sancte.”
Ye may here now,[579] in this ryme,
How euery thing must haue a tyme.
Tyme is a thing that no man may resyst;
Tyme is trancytory and irreuocable;[580]
Who sayeth the contrary, tyme passeth as hym lyst;
Tyme must be taken in season couenable;
Take tyme when tyme is, for tyme is ay mutable;
All thynge hath tyme, who can for it prouyde;
Byde for tyme who wyll, for tyme wyll no man byde.[581]
Tyme to be sad, and tyme to play and sporte; 10
Tyme to take rest by way of recreacion;[582]
Tyme to study, and tyme to use comfort;
Tyme of pleasure, and tyme of consolation:
Thus tyme hath his tyme of diuers maner facion:
Tyme for to eate and drynke for thy repast;
Tyme to be lyberall, and tyme to make no wast;
Tyme to trauell, and tyme for to rest;
Tyme for to speake, and tyme to[583] holde thy pease;
Tyme would be vsed when tyme is best;
Tyme to begyn, and tyme for to cease; 20
And when tyme is, [to] put thyselfe in prease,
And when tyme is, to holde thyselfe abacke;
For tyme well spent can neuer haue lacke.
The rotys take theyr sap in tyme of vere;
In tyme of somer flowres fresh and grene;
In tyme of haruest men their corne shere;
In tyme of wynter the north wynde waxeth kene,
So bytterly bytynge the flowres be not sene;
The kalendis of Janus, with his frostes hore,
That tyme is when people must lyue vpon the store. 30
Quod Skelton, Laureat.
[579] Ye may here, &c.] This and the next three poems are from the ed. by Kynge and Marche of Certaine bokes compyled by mayster Skelton, n. d., collated with the same work, ed. Day, n. d., and ed. Lant, and with Marshe’s ed. of Skelton’s Workes, 1568. I may here notice that in those eds. the present piece is preceded by a copy of verses, “All nobyll men of this take hede,” &c., which will be given afterwards, before Why come ye not to Courte? where it is repeated in all the eds.
[580] irreuocable] So Marshe’s ed. Other eds. “irrouocable.”
[581] byde] Eds. of Day, and Marshe, “abide.”
[582] recreacion] So other eds. Ed. of Kynge and Marche, “creation.”
[583] to] Eds. of Day, and Marshe, “for to.”