MISCELLANEOUS PIECES.
IRISH ELOQUENCE.[196]
I hope you will come and take a drink of my ale. I always brew with my own bear. I was at your large Toun's house, in the county of Fermanegh. He has planted a great many oak trees, and elm trees round his lough: And a good warrent he had, it is kind father for him, I stayd with him a week. At breakfast we had sometimes sowins, and sometimes stirrabout, and sometimes fraughauns and milk; but his cows would hardly give a drop of milk. For his head had lost the pachaun. His neighbour Squire Dolt is a meer buddaugh. I'd give a cow in Conaught you could see him. He keeps none but garrauns, and he rides on a soogaun with nothing for his bridle but gadd. In that, he is a meer spaulpeen, and a perfect Monaghan, and a Munster Croch to the bargain. Without you saw him on Sunday you would take him for a Brogadeer and a spaned to a carl did not know had to draw butter. We drank balcan and whisky out of madders. And the devil a niglugam had but a caddao. I wonder your cozen does na learn him better manners. Your cousin desires you will buy him some cheney cups. I remember he had a great many; I wonder what is gone with them. I coshered on him for a week. He has a fine staggard of corn. His dedy has been very unwell. I was sorry that anything ayl her father's child.
Firing is very dear thereabout. The turf is drawn tuo near in Kislers; and they send new rounds from the mines, nothing comes in the Cleeves but stock. We had a sereroar of beef, and once a runy for dinner.
A DIALOGUE IN HIBERNIAN STYLE BETWEEN A. AND B.[197]
A. Them aples is very good.
B. I cam again you in that.
A. Lord I was bodderd t'other day with that prating fool, Tom.
B. Pray, how does he get his health?
A. He's often very unwell.
B. [I] hear he was a great pet of yours.
A. Where does he live?
B. Opposite the red Lyon.
A. I think he behaved very ill the last sessions.
B. That's true, but I cannot forbear loving his father's child: Will you take a glass of my ale?
A. No, I thank you, I took a drink of small beer at home before I came here.
B. I always brew with my own bear: You have a country-house: Are you [a] planter.
A. Yes, I have planted a great many oak trees and ash trees, and some elm trees round a lough.
B. And so a good warrant you have: It is kind father for you.
A. And what breakfast do you take in the country?
B. Sometimes stirabout, and in sumer we have the best frauhaurg in all the county.
A. What kind of man is your neighbour Squire Dolt?
B. Why, a meer Buddogh. He sometimes coshers with me; and once a month I take a pipe with him, and we shot it about for an hour together.
A. I hear he keeps good horses.
B. None but garrauns, and I have seen him often riding on a sougawn. In short, he is no better than a spawlpien; a perfect Marcghen. When I was there last, we had nothing but a medder to drink out of; and the devil a nighigam but a caddao. Will you go see him when you come unto our quarter?
A. Not without you go with me.
B. Will you lend me your snuff-box?
A. Do you make good cheese and butter?
B. Yes, when we can get milk; but our cows will never keep a drop of milk without a Puckaun.
TO THE PROVOST AND SENIOR FELLOWS
OF TRINITY COLLEGE, DUBLIN.
Deanery House,
July 5, 1736.
Rev. and Worthy Sirs,
As I had the honour of receiving some part of my education in your university, and the good fortune to be of some service to it while I had a share of credit at court, as well as since, when I had very little or none, I may hope to be excused for laying a case before you, and offering my opinion upon it.
Mr. Dunkin,[198] whom you all know, sent me some time ago a memorial intended to be laid before you, which perhaps he hath already done. His request is, that you would be pleased to enlarge his annuity at present, and that he may have the same right, in his turn, to the first church preferment, vacant in your gift, as if he had been made a fellow, according to the scheme of his aunt's will; because the absurdity of the condition in it ought to be imputed to the old woman's ignorance, although her intention be very manifest; and the intention of the testator in all wills is chiefly regarded by the law. What I would therefore propose is this, that you would increase his pension to one hundred pounds a-year, and make him a firm promise of the first church living in your disposal, to the value of two hundred pounds a-year, or somewhat more. This I take to be a reasonable medium between what he hath proposed in his memorial, and what you allow him at present.
I am almost a perfect stranger to Mr. Dunkin, having never seen him above twice, and then in mixed company, nor should I know his person if I met him in the streets.
But I know he is a man of wit and parts; which if applied properly to the business of his function, instead of poetry, (wherein it must be owned he sometimes excels,) might be of great use and service to him.
I hope you will please to remember, that, since your body hath received no inconsiderable benefaction from the aunt, it will much increase your reputation, rather to err on the generous side toward the nephew.
These are my thoughts, after frequently reflecting on the case under all its circumstances; and so I leave it to your wiser judgments.
I am, with true respect and esteem, reverend and worthy Sirs,
Your most obedient and most humble servant,
Jon. Swift.
TO THE RIGHT WORSHIPFUL THE MAYOR,
ALDERMEN, SHERIFFS, AND COMMON-COUNCIL
OF THE CITY OF CORK.
Deanery House, Dublin,
August 15, 1737.
Gentlemen,
I received from you, some weeks ago, the honour of my freedom, in a silver box, by the hands of Mr. Stannard; but it was not delivered to me in as many weeks more; because, I suppose, he was too full of more important business. Since that time, I have been wholly confined by sickness, so that I was not able to return you my acknowledgment; and it is with much difficulty I do it now, my head continuing in great disorder. Mr. Faulkner will be the bearer of my letter, who sets out this morning for Cork.
I could have wished, as I am a private man, that, in the instrument of my freedom, you had pleased to assign your reasons for making choice of me. I know it is a usual compliment to bestow the freedom of the city on an archbishop, or lord-chancellor, and other persons of great titles, merely on account of their stations or power: but a private man, and a perfect stranger, without power or grandeur, may justly expect to find the motives assigned in the instrument of his freedom, on what account he is thus distinguished. And yet I cannot discover, in the whole parchment scrip, any one reason offered. Next, as to the silver box, there is not so much as my name upon it, nor any one syllable to show it was a present from your city. Therefore I have, by the advice of friends, agreeable with my opinion, sent back the box and instrument of freedom by Mr. Faulkner, to be returned to you; leaving to your choice whether to insert the reasons for which you were pleased to give me my freedom, or bestow the box upon some more worthy person whom you may have an intention to honour, because it will equally fit everybody.
I am, with true esteem and gratitude,
Gentlemen,
Your most obedient and obliged servant,