CHARACTERS.

Mr. Charles Goodenow,	⎫	Merchants.
Mr. Edward Henderson,	⎬
Mr. Frank Burley,	⎭
Mrs. Burley,		Mr. Burley’s Wife.
Mrs. Stockbridge,	⎫	Mrs. Burley’s Friends.
Mrs. Wheeler,	⎭	Mrs. Burley’s Friends.
James,		A Customer.
Bridget Murphy,	⎫	Owners of Fruit Stands.
Kate O’Callahan,	⎭	Owners of Fruit Stands.

Scene I.—Charles Goodenow, R., sits in a chair, tipped back, gazing thoughtfully into the upper distance. His head rests upon his hands which are clasped behind it. Enter Frank Burley, L.

Frank. Hallo, Charlie. In the land of dreams? If so I won’t disturb you.

Charles (not answering immediately). Not exactly dreaming. There was too much reality about my thoughts for that. But sit down, Frank.

F. (sitting down). And what were you thinking about, if I am allowed to ask?

C. I was thinking what slaves we were to Fashion and Mrs. Grundy. I don’t know of one of my acquaintances who would have courage enough to do anything which would conflict with the usages of so-called good society.

F. Don’t include me in that category. I have too much independence to be subject to the dictation of others.

C. You think so, my dear fellow; but you don’t realize your own weakness.

F. On the contrary, I am confident of my strength, and am willing to wager you one hundred dollars against fifty that I will follow out any plan you may promise to test my courage.

C. I accept the stakes, and feel sure of winning them. Now what shall the plan be? Let me see. (Covers face with his hands for a moment—pauses.) I have it. Frank, you must tend a peanut and apple stand in the Park for one whole day.

F. (quickly). I am willing to do it.

C. (emphatically). Remember, you must tend it the whole day long, without absenting yourself for any cause, except to take an hour for dinner.

F. I agree to that; nay, I will go further, and will promise to dine at the stand.

C. When shall the trial take place?

F. As soon as possible, that you may know how well I shall succeed. Let to-morrow be the day.

C. Very well; but there is to be one condition about the matter. No one must suspect your reasons for doing this, as, in that case, there would be no test at all. If you even hint anything about it, you will lose the wager.

F. I agree to that.

C. Well, I’ll call round on you to-morrow, occasionally, to see how you make out in the new business.

(Curtain falls.)

Scene II. In the Park. Two apple-stands at the back of stage. They are several feet apart, and presided over by Bridget Murphy, R., and Kate O’Callahan, L. Enter Frank Burley, who stands a little in front, but between them, gazing first at one and then at the other.

Mrs. O’Callahan (rising—with her knitting in her hand). Some peanuts, sir, or apples—nice apples three cents apiece?

Mrs. Murphy (wiping apples on apron). Here’s where you’ll find your nice apples—three cents apiece, and a good deal bigger than the other woman’s.

F. (approaching Mrs. M.’s stand). What will you sell your whole stock to me for, my good woman?

Mrs. M. (regarding him attentively). And what do the likes of you want of it?

F. I want to buy your stock, and tend this stand to-day.

Mrs. M. (doubtfully). Honor bright?

F. Yes. To-morrow you can have it back again, and I’ll give you the stock that’s left over.

Mrs. M. (shrewdly). What’ll you give for it?

F. I don’t know what it’s worth, but I’ll give you ten dollars for the lot.

Mrs. M. (quickly). You can have ’em all for that.

Mrs. O’C. That’s four times more’n they’re all worth.

Mrs. M. You’d better mind yer own business, O’Callahan. There comes a boy that wants an apple maybe. (Boy comes in, looks at apples and passes out.)

F. You’ll have to tell me how you sell the things. I don’t know anything about the prices.

Mrs. M. The apples are three cents apiece. Some of the peaches are three cents, and some two cents, and them bananas are ten cents apiece. If you sell a dozen of ’em at once, you’ll sell at a little less price.

F. That’ll do. I guess I shall get along well now.

Mrs. M. Shan’t I lend you my apron to shine the apples with?

F. No, I thank you; I guess they look well enough.

(Mrs. M. went out, L., going past Mrs. O’C.’s stand, and holding the bill which she had received exultingly towards her. James enters, L.)

James (to O’C.). How do you sell your apples?

Mrs. O’C. Three cents apiece.

J. (to F.). How do you sell yours?

F. Two cents apiece.

J. Well as yours are bigger and lower priced I’ll take four of them. (Takes them and pays for them and exit.)

(Several other persons pass in and buy of Frank, to all of whom he sells under price.)

Mrs. O’C. (coming towards him with threatening gestures). What do you mean by coming here, and interfering with a respectable woman?

F. I am not interfering with you.

Mrs. O’C. Aint you, though? I call it interferin’ with my rights when you come and sell your apples under price.

F. I’ll tell you what it is, my good woman, I’ve sold most of my apples, and I will buy some of yours.

Mrs. O’C. (somewhat mollified). And what’ll ye pay me for them?

F. Three cents apiece.

Mrs. O’C. (surprised). And you’re goin’ to sell ’em agin for two cents?

F. Yes, there’s nothing like keeping trade lively.

Mrs. O’C. Well, you’re the quairest man I ever did see.

(Curtain falls.)

Scene III.—Mrs. Burley’s parlor. Mrs. B. present, R. Mrs. Stockbridge and Mrs. Wheeler enter L. They cross the room and shake hands cordially with Mrs. B.

Mrs. Stockbridge. How do you do, my dear Mrs. Burley?

Mrs. Wheeler (to Mrs. B.) How do you do? I am delighted to see you looking so well.

Mrs. Burley. Thank you; I am well, and glad to see you both. Take seats, won’t you?

Mrs. S. (aside to Mrs. W.) She doesn’t know of it, I’m sure. (To Mrs. B.) Have you heard the news about Mr. Walters?

Mrs. B. (interested.) No. What is it?

Mrs. S. He is hopelessly insane.

Mrs. B. That is very sad. But what was the cause?

Mrs. S. Overwork, I believe. Is it not so, Mrs. Wheeler?

Mrs. W. That is the report, and it is said his wife doesn’t dare to be alone with him.

Mrs. S. I heard that, yesterday, he jumped from a window in the second story, and injured himself very much.

Mrs. B. How shocking!

Mrs. W. He said he intended to kill himself, and was sorry he didn’t.

Mrs. B. No wonder his wife feels timid. I dare say he will make another attempt at suicide.

Mrs. W. There’s no doubt of it. In fact he told his wife so.

Mrs. S. He has threatened her life too; several times I believe. (To Mrs. B. in significant tone.) By the way, Mrs. Burley, is your husband well?

Mrs. B. (startled). Certainly. But why do you ask?

Mrs. S. Oh, I merely inquired.

Mrs. B. But you had some motive in asking. What was it?

Mrs. S. Tell her, Mrs. Wheeler.

Mrs. W. Oh, it’s nothing I dare say. Still, some things look a little singular.

Mrs. B. (anxiously). Pray explain.

Mrs. S. Was your husband at home to dinner to-day?

Mrs. B. No, he said he should be too busy, and would dine down-town.

Mrs. S. He didn’t state the nature of his business, did he?

Mrs. B. No, but I supposed he was detained at the store. Do you know anything of it?

Mrs. S. Yes; he’s been tending an apple-stand all day to-day.

Mrs. B. (surprised). It cannot be. You are surely mistaken.

Mrs. S. Not at all. It has been the town talk.

Mrs. B. (meditatively). It is very strange.

Mrs. S. Insanity is not hereditary in your husband’s family, is it?

Mrs. B. Oh, no; and yet—let me see. Yes, I am sure he told me that his grandfather died insane. But Frank never could be in such a state. He has too strong a mind for that.

Mrs. S. Still, you can’t help thinking it is a little singular.

Mrs. B. Ye—es. But I cannot credit it. It seems impossible.

Mrs. W. Suppose you walk down to the Park and satisfy yourself.

Mrs. B. (eagerly). I will do so if you will go with me. I am too nervous to go alone.

Mrs. S. We are willing to accompany you. Is it not so, Mrs. Wheeler?

Mrs. W. Certainty. We could not desert you while you are in such trouble.

Mrs. B. (excitedly). I will get my bonnet at once. I will not detain you but a moment.

(Exit Mrs. B., R. Curtain falls.)

Scene IV.—Same as Scene II., except that Mr. B. has charge of Mrs. Murphy’s stand. Enter James, who examines fruit at each of the stands. Mrs. B. and two companions are seen at side entrance, L., looking furtively at Mr. B. They talk aside.

Mrs. S. Arc you satisfied that it is he?

Mrs. B. Yes, it is certainty Frank; but (perplexed) what can he be there for?

Mrs. S. Why don’t you ask him?

Mrs. B. I hardly know what to do.

Mrs. S. There are two gentlemen coming. Wait and see what they say.

(Enter Mr. Goodenow and Mr. Henderson. Mrs. B. beckons to policeman, and talks with him.)

Mr. Henderson. Hallo, Mr. Burley; haven’t you got into a new business?

Mr. B. Yes, I have (smiling).

Mr. H. (quizzically). How do you enjoy it?

Mr. B. Very much, of course, or I should not have entered into it.

Mr. H. Going to make a permanent business of it?

Mr. B. Can’t tell till I have tried it a week or two.

Mr. H. (amused). Burley, you play your part well, that’s a fact.

Mr. B. (in apparent surprise). Play my part well! What do you mean?

Mr. H. Well, this is what I’ve got to say: If you are not tending this stand you must be insane. (Turning to Mr. G.) Don’t you think so, Goodenow?

Mr. Goodenow. It looks like it, certainly. (Enter Mrs. G. and her friends, L.) Ah! here comes Mrs. Burley.

(Mr. G. and Mr. H. gaze at them with curiosity. Mr. B. looks apprehensively.)

Mrs. B. What are you doing, Frank?

Mr. B. Tending an apple-stand, my love.

Mrs. B. And pray what do you mean by disgracing your family in such a way?

F. I don’t see any disgrace about it. A dollar earned in this way is as good as one gained in Pearl street.

Mrs. O’C. (who has been listening interestedly). An’ it’s little enough money you’ll make out of this business. Sure an’ the sooner you give up yer stand the richer you’ll be.

James (to F.). Here you, I say give me two of them bananas. (Pays for them, and exit, eating.)

Mrs. B. (aside to ladies). Well, I can’t bear this any longer. Something must be done.

Mrs. W. What shall it be?

Mrs. S. One can see plainly enough he is insane.

Mrs. B. (turning to policeman). You can see that he is evidently insane.

Policeman. He does act strange, don’t he? A rich merchant like him, to tend an apple-stand! But what shall I do?

Mrs. B. I don’t know. This is probably the first stage of the disease. I’m afraid he may become violent.

P. Would you advise me to arrest him?

Mrs. B. (whose thoughts revert to Mr. Walters). I am so distressed I hardly know; but it seems as if he ought to be prevented from doing any mischief. Perhaps it would be better to do so. That would bring matters to a crisis, and we should know the worst.

(Policeman goes round and comes in at an entrance back of Mr. B. Before the latter realizes it, he is handcuffed. He starts up at once, indignant.)

Mr. B. What do you mean by insulting me in this manner? Take these irons off this instant. Do you hear?

Mrs. S. (to Mrs. B.). He is getting worse, you see.

P. I couldn’t do it, my man. You better come with me. (Takes him by the shoulder.)

Mr. B. Stop. First tell me what all this means.

P. Certainly. No gentleman in your position would think of leaving his business and tending an apple-stand if he was in his right mind. So I have put on these bracelets to prevent your doing any violence.

Mr. B. Ha, ha, ha! “So fades my dreams!” Goodenow, you must give me credit for sustaining my part of the agreement, as far as I alone am concerned. But circumstances have conspired against me. (Turning to his wife.) My friend and myself laid a wager that I had not sufficient courage to tend an apple-stand one whole day without giving any explanation thereof. In attempting to do this it seems I have laid myself under suspicion of being insane. I therefore abdicate in favor of Mrs. Bridget Murphy, trusting she may find the position a pleasant and more lucrative one than I have done. (He comes forward and Mrs. Murphy enters and takes his place.) Henceforth, like a dutiful subject, I will restrain all improper inclinations, and confess that, like my friends and neighbors, I, too, am a slave of Mrs. Grundy.

(Curtain falls.)