PRACTICAL TRAINING IN MANNERS.
1. Ask the children daily to tell what opportunity they have improved of being kind and polite.
2. The teacher should remark on any improvement shown by the pupils, and lead pupils to talk of it. It is well to allow them to talk without restraint so as to obtain their real opinions. Tact will be needed to ward off a feeling of self-gratulation or conceit, which may otherwise be brought out when pupils tell of their own polite acts.
3. Impress pupils with the idea that good manners is one of the subjects pursued in the schools, and that it will help them in life, and that practice shows progress in this particular branch.
4. Without seeming to demand it, teachers should lead children to offer them any service that is not menial. Such attentions as disposing of wraps, umbrellas, etc., fetching them when needed, picking up things accidentally dropped, handing crayon, eraser, etc., lifting or moving things, offering a chair, helping to put things in their places at the close of school, should be rendered to teachers by pupils. If, at first, in order to make children see what offices are proper, the teacher must ask for them, it should be as one would ask an equal, and not a servant; and any service rendered should be most politely acknowledged.
5. The older children should be made to understand the propriety of assuming some responsibility over the younger. This is almost universally practiced in schools where “busy work” is done, when the older pupils help to distribute materials for such work, and to assist in its execution. They should also assist those who need aid in putting on or taking off wraps, overshoes, etc. Children should understand that girls need not necessarily assist girls, and boys boys, but that help should be offered and accepted, as is convenient.
6. Children should be encouraged to try to settle disputes or to quell disorder in any form. This does not imply a system of monitorship. As young children are pleased to do these things, it needs tact and watchfulness on the teacher’s part to keep down an overbearing or officious spirit. This may be accomplished by appointing certain pupils for a definite length of time, and by removing them from “office” when they exceed their authority. These advisers are not to be encouraged in tale-bearing. It should be considered just cause for removal, unless the tale is told in order to get the teacher’s advice as to the best mode of settling a difficulty.
7. Pupils should be trained to receive and entertain those who come to visit the schools. They should entertain as politely in a school-room as in a parlor. When visitors come, a pupil should answer the bell, politely invite the company to enter, find them comfortable seats, take their wraps if they wish to dispose of them, and offer any other attention the occasion may seem to demand. To do this properly at the time implies previous training—pupils acting as visitors. In this as in other things, officiousness on the part of pupils should be guarded against. Give opportunities to all pupils in turn to show these attentions.
8. Whenever it is possible, every direction in manners should be exemplified in the school-room. When the school-room does not furnish illustrations, directions should be made as real as possible to the youngest pupils, as, for instance, they should actually be shown how to hold the fork, how to drink from a tumbler, how to enter a room, etc.
9. The polite phrases of society should be used by the teacher to the pupil, and vice versa.
In the discipline of the school, when children have had training in good manners, the question “Is this polite?” will oftentimes prove more effectual than a severe reprimand. This has been demonstrated by actual experience, even in schools difficult of control.
[Chapter II.]
LESSONS ON MANNERS.
LESSON I.
For the Youngest Pupils.
Purpose.—To awaken an interest in manners in general.
Method.—A common incident in real life briefly described, followed by questions and answers.
The Lesson.
As I was sitting on the piazza the other evening, watching the sunset and listening to the chirp of the birds, a boy passed along the sidewalk, and as he looked up and saw me, he touched his hat and smiled and said, “Good evening, Miss B.” I smiled back and answered him, and as he passed on I thought about him. Why did I think about him?
“Because he was so pleasant to you.”
Can you tell what I thought?
“You thought he was good.”
“You thought he was a nice boy.”
Why did I think so?
“Because he touched his hat.”
“Because he smiled.”
“Because he said, ‘Good evening, Miss B.’”
Yes, because he was polite to me. Can you tell why we should be polite?
“It makes people think of us.”
“It makes people like us.”
What must we learn, then, if we wish people to like us?
“To be polite.”
LESSON II.
Purpose.—To suggest kindness as an element of politeness.
Method.-A supposed incident is used, and questions given.
The Lesson.
Suppose a new little girl should come into our room. Perhaps she would come from a country far away from this place. Her dress might be queer, and she might not look like any other little girl in the room. What do you think these boys and girls would do?
“Look at her.”
Oh, I hope not, for how would she feel?
“I guess she wouldn’t like it.”
“I think she would be scared.”
“Perhaps she would cry.”
If she should speak in her own way, not like ours, what would happen then?
“Like enough we should laugh.”
Oh, no, I hope not.
“I should feel sorry for her.”
What would you do for her, May?
“I would go and stand by her and speak to her.”
What would you say?
“Please come and sit with me.”
What would you say of May, children, if she should do and say what she thinks she would?
“That she is a good girl.”
“She is a kind girl.”
“And a polite girl.”
What would you say of those children who stared and laughed at her?
“They were not kind.”
“They were not polite.”
What do you mean by politeness?
“It is to speak kind words.”
“And to do kind acts.”
Yes. I will tell you what it is, in a pretty verse:
“Politeness is to do and say
The kindest thing in the kindest way.”
Note.—This couplet is to be memorized.
LESSON III.
Purpose.—To suggest seeking the happiness of others as an element of good manners.
Method.—A story told founded on an incident liable to happen at any time, and a conversation deduced.
The Lesson.
One day I looked out on the play-ground, where there were many children playing and seeming to have the best kind of a time. On the other side of the ground was one little girl looking as sad and lonely as you can think. I was about to go and see if I could cheer her up, when another little girl whose name was Jennie, and who had been playing with all her might, happened to see her. She left her place and went to the stranger, and said in a sweet way, “Wouldn’t you like to come and play too? Come and take my place.” And away they went hand-in-hand, looking as happy as two butterflies.
Now, what do you think of Jennie?
“She was good.”
“She was kind.”
“She asked the new girl to go and play.”
Was that all?
“She gave up her place in the game that the little girl might play.”
Was that very kind?
“Yes, Miss B.”
How did it make the little stranger feel?
“Happy.”
What do you say of such acts?
“They are polite.”
How, then, shall we be polite to others?
“By trying to make them happy.”
Note.—Although all the underlying principles of politeness can be taught unconsciously to the youngest pupils, it is better to teach but two formally, without unfamiliar terms. The end sought in the first year of instruction in this subject is to rouse thought and interest, and to lead the pupil to make simple judgments. In the next higher grade of lessons, other principles may be formally taught, and new terms brought out. In the highest grade all principles should be taught.
[Chapter III.]
LESSONS ON MANNERS.
SECOND TWO YEARS.
LESSON IV.
Purpose.—To suggest kindness and unselfishness as two underlying principles of good manners.
Method.—A familiar conversation.
The Lesson.
Suppose a boy seated in the easiest chair in the room, reading and enjoying himself, should rise on seeing his mother enter, and offer her the chair. What would you say of that boy?
“That he was kind.”
Then what kind of a heart would you suppose he had?
“A kind heart.”
And of whom did this kind heart lead him to think?
“Of his mother.”
Do you suppose he disliked to give up the chair?
“I think he did.”
“I think he was glad to give it up.”
How could that be?
“Why, he wanted the chair, but he loved his mother so much he was glad to give it up.”
Mary has told it very well. What can you say of him beside that he was kind?
“He was unselfish.”
What is it to be unselfish?
“To think of others before ourselves.”
And to what do kindness and unselfishness lead?
“To politeness.”
There is a rule that may help you in being unselfish and polite, and I wish you to learn it. It is this:
“Do to others as you wish others to do to you.”
LESSON V.
Purpose.—To suggest as a reason for cultivating good manners that we thus make our manners like those of the best people.
Method.—Questions and answers.
The Lesson.
Of what did we talk in our last lesson?
“Of kindness.”
“And trying to make others happy.”
What is it to think of the happiness of others before our own?
“Unselfishness.”
And if we practice unselfishness, what can be said of us?
“That we have good manners.”
But do all kind and unselfish people have good manners?
(Some are in doubt.) Let us see. I do not think a truly kind heart will allow any one to be rude, but how is it in this case? It is not thought polite to eat with the knife. Have you ever known kind people to do it?
“Yes, Miss B.”
Why do you think they do it?
“Because they know no better.”
Can they learn better?
“Yes, Miss B.”
How?
“From other people.”
How from other people?
“They can watch, and do what they see nice people do.”
And how do these nice people know?
“Perhaps they have watched some other nice people.”
If one who has used his knife in eating learns better, what ought he to do?
“To stop using it.”
And if he continues to use it, what will be thought of him?
“That he is odd or queer.”
Should you like to be thought odd or queer?
“No ma’am.”
Then what must you do?
“We must watch people who know what good manners are, and try to make our manners like theirs.”
What kind of people are polite?
“The best people.”
If we learn to do as the best people do, how shall we be considered?
“To be best people.”
Now tell me one reason why our manners should be good.
“Because the best people have good manners.”
And another?
“Because we wish to be considered best.”
LESSON 6.
Purpose.—To suggest gaining the esteem of others as a reason why good manners should be cultivated.
Method.—A story.
The Lesson.
A boy once wished to find a place to work. He went to a shop in town where he had heard help was needed. Many were there before him, and he thought he stood no chance at all of getting the work, but much to his surprise he was employed. He said, “Why, sir, I did not expect it when so many were ahead of me.” “Do you wish to know why I hired you?” said the gentleman. “You came in quietly, you took off your hat, you gave your chair to an old man, you stood patiently until your turn came, and then you spoke pleasantly and in a manly tone of voice; in fact, I saw you were a well-bred boy, and that is the reason I hired you.”
If this boy had been rude, what would have happened?
“He would not have been employed.”
How did the gentleman feel toward him?
“He liked him.”
What was his one reason for liking him? He had never seen him before.
“His manners were good.”
If your manners are good, how will people feel toward you?
“They will like us.”
Tell me, then, a reason why you should be polite.
“We should be polite because people like us better for it.”
[Chapter IV.]
MANNERS IN SCHOOL.
FIRST TWO YEARS.
Illustrative Lessons.
LESSON 7.
Purpose.—To show the necessity of good manners in school.
Method.—A guessing lesson.
The Lesson.
Shall we have a guessing game to-day?
“Yes’m.”
Very well. You may guess, Arthur, why I like to have a boy enter this room quietly.
“Because you have told him to.”
What is it to do as I have told him?
“It is minding you.”
You may guess, Mary, what I should think of a boy who came in noisily.
“That he was rude.”
And the other boy was——?
“Polite.”
Then if he minded me, it made him——?
“Polite.”
You may guess, George, why I like to have Johnnie pick up my crayon when I drop it.
“You want it.”
Yes, but I could get it for myself. Why do I like to have Johnnie do it for me?
“It shows how kind he is.”
If he should not pick it up, would it be because he was unkind?
“Perhaps he wouldn’t think.”
What have we learned about those who try to think of doing others a kindness?
“That they are polite.”
You may guess how I feel toward Johnnie when he is kind and polite to me.
“You like him.”
May I guess that you like me when I am kind and polite to you?
“Yes, Miss B.”
Suppose we should always be kind and polite to each other here in school, what kind of a school should we have?
“A good school.”
“A pleasant school.”
Then we must try and make our manners in school good. I must be polite to you, and you polite to me.
LESSON 8.
Purpose.—To show that regularity of attendance at school is a mark of good manners.
Method.—A conversation.
The Lesson.
You may read a part of yesterday’s lesson, Susie.
“I can’t.”
Why not?
“I was not here yesterday, and I don’t know the lesson.”
Why were you not here?
“I did not wish to come.”
What did you lose by not coming?
“My lessons.”
Does that make any hard work for me, Susie?
“Yes’m. You will have to teach the lesson again.”
What will the rest of the class do while I am teaching you this lesson?
“They will have to wait for me.”
What is thought of a school when the pupils do not come steadily?
“That it is not a good school.”
Tell me, then, why it is unfair for pupils to stay away from school, when they can come.
“It makes extra work for the teacher.”
“It keeps the rest of the class waiting.”
“It gives the school a bad name.”
Yes, and all this is unkind, and if unkind——?
“It is impolite.”
LESSON 9.
Purpose.—To show that punctuality of attendance at school is a sign of good manners.
Method.—A contrast drawn and lesson deduced.
The Lesson.
It is not a little boy in our room of whom I am about to tell you. I hope there is not such a child in our room. But there is a boy somewhere who has to be called and called in the morning, and then he yawns, and takes another nap, and puts off getting out of bed as long as he possibly can. He is late at breakfast, late in doing his morning’s work, and late at school. He goes into his school-room after the rest are at their work, and disturbs the teacher and the children, feels very unhappy, and perhaps gets a mark that he does not like.
There is another boy somewhere, and I guess right here in this room. He does not wait for his mother to call him, but when it is time he springs out of bed, and is ready in time for his breakfast, and gets his work done, and starts for school with a happy face, and arrives there in time for a game with his school-mates and a pleasant word with his teacher before school begins. Which one of these boys would you rather be, John?
“The one who is not late.”
Why?
“Because it makes trouble when we come in late.”
How does it make trouble?
“We do not mind you, for you have told us not to be late.”
“Sometimes you have to stop the lesson and help us take off our things.”
“And show us the place in the book.”
And how about the class?
“They look at us when we come in, and forget their lesson.”
If you are unkind enough not to mind me, and to disturb the class, what are your manners?
“Bad.”
Tell me how it is if you try not to be late.
“We are kind and polite.”
LESSON 10.
Purpose.—To show that cleanliness is one sign of good manners in school.
Method.—A conversation.
The Lesson.
You may tell me what you do in getting ready to go on a visit.
“We bathe.”
“And comb our hair.”
“And clean our nails.”
“And put on our best clothes.”
Why should you do all this?
“Because we wish to look nice.”
Why do you care to look nice?
“People see us.”
What of that?
“We ought to make ourselves as nice as we can to other people.”
“They like us better if we are clean.”
Then what is one reason why you make yourselves tidy?
“To make people like us.”
Are there any people here whom you wish to like you?
“Yes, Miss B., you and our school-mates.”
Tell me one way to make us like you.
“To keep ourselves clean.”
“And our clothes clean.”
If you do this with the idea of pleasing others, what can we say of you?
“We are polite.”
LESSON 11.
Purpose.—To show that care in keeping the school-room clean is a sign of good manners.
Method.—A conversation.
The Lesson.
There is a rug at the door, children. Why is it there?
“We are to clean our shoes on it when they are muddy.”
Jack did not know, did he, when he came in? What is the use of cleaning your shoes?
“It keeps the floor clean.”
How else can you keep the floor clean?
“We need not throw paper on it.”
“Nor anything else.”
And why keep the floor clean?
“That our room may be nice.”
“You wish us to keep it clean.”
Once in a while some little children are careless about it. Do you suppose they are thinking about you or me?
“No, Miss B., neither one.”
Then we must call them impolite.
In what way, then, can you show good manners?
“By trying to keep our school-room neat and clean.”
Subjects for Additional Lessons.
Care of school furniture.
Care of halls, piazzas, walls.
Care of school grounds.
Care of books.
Economy in using what is furnished by the school.
Care in using borrowed articles and in returning them.
Only quiet conduct permissible in the school-room at any time.
LESSON 12.
Purpose.—To show how pupils should conduct themselves toward their teachers.
Method.—A conversation.
The Lesson.
Suppose when I wished to speak to you I should call you boy instead of Harry, how would you like it?
“I shouldn’t like it.”
Well, I might call you pupil?
“I shouldn’t like that either.”
How would it do to call you child, Mary?
“No one would know which child.”
What must I call any of you that you may know who is meant?
“You must call us by our names.”
Do you like your own name?
“Yes’m.”
Do you suppose I like my name?
“Yes’m.”
Then what should you do when you speak to your teacher?
“We should call you by your real name.”
Why?
“Because it is polite if you wish it.”
Note.—A teacher’s name should be taught to pupils when they first enter school.