The Bible of Bibles; Or, Twenty-Seven "Divine" Revelations

by Kersey Graves; Lydia M. Graves

I. TALKING SERPENTS AND TALKING ASSES.—GEN. III., NUM. XXII.

The laws of nature appear to have possessed but little force, permanency, or reliability in the days of Moses, as they were often brought to a dead halt, and set aside on the most trivial occasions, according to Bible history; and nothing could be learned of the character, habits, or natural powers of animals by their form or physical conformation, if they possessed, as represented, minds and reasoning powers supposed to be peculiar to the human species. Hence the study of natural history must have been useless. When naturalists at the present day find animals without the organs of speech, they assume they do not possess the ability to talk and reason. But the absence of the vocal organs in the days of Moses appears to have furnished no criterion, and interposed no obstacle to becoming a fluent speaker and an able reasoner, as is illustrated in the case of a serpent and an ass talking and arguing like a lawyer. Hence natural history could have possessed no attraction, as nothing certain could have been learned by studying it.

1. It is a singular reflection that the Christian plan of salvation is based on a serpent, and with about as little show of sense as the Hottentot tradition of the earth resting on the heads of four turtles.

2. The idea of God creating a serpent to thwart and defeat his plans and designs, or permitting him to do it, is absolutely ridiculous.

3. If God knew, when he created the serpent, that his machinations would bring "death and sin and all our woe" into the world, the act would prove him to be an unprincipled being.

4. And, if he did not know it, he must have been ignorant and short-sighted, and not fit to be a God.

5. It would imply that he made a wonderful mistake in creating a being that "turned right round," and made war on his own kingdom, crippled it, and defeated its success.

6. To assume that God could be outwitted by a serpent is to place him lower in the scale of intelligence than a snake.

7. It would seem that the serpent was superior to Jehovah either in knowledge or veracity; for his statement relative to the effect of eating the fruit proved to be true, while that of Jehovah proved to be false (Gen. iii. 3).

8. And, as we have shown in chapter liii, he was a greater friend and benefactor to the human race than Jehovah, as a number of benefits and blessings were conferred upon Adam and Eve and their posterity by yielding to his advice instead of obeying the mandates of Jehovah.

9. It would doubtless be a source of gratification to naturalists of the present age to learn what species of snake that was which possessed such a remarkable intellect and reasoning faculties and powers of speech; and also whether Hebrew was its vernacular.

10. Why is it that ladies of the present day possess none of the nerveless intrepidity and moral courage of old mother Eve, who could stand and listen to a serpent talking without any signs of fainting, and with a perfect nonchalance, when our modern ladies would probably scream or run if a snake they should meet should assume the liberty to address them even in the most polite manner? Mother Eve must have been familiar with oddities.

11. If serpents and asses could talk in the days of Moses, why not now? Why have they lost the power of speech?

12. The species of serpents and asses which furnished such distinguished reasoners and orators should have been preserved, both as natural curiosities and on account of their practical benefits. It would be a source of instruction as well as amusement for a traveler, while journeying astride the back of an ass, to be able to enter into a friendly chitchat and exchange views with him, especially if the ass should be well posted on the topics of the day.

13. It seems singular that the heathen prophet Balaam should be able to enlighten infinite wisdom when he called on him for information concerning Balak, King of Moab, or that he should have been better posted in the matter.

14. The circumstance of Jehovah advising Balaam to go at the call of Balak to curse Israel, then becoming very angry at him because he did go, and employing an ass to intercept his journey, evinces him to have been a fickle-minded and changeable being. (Num. xxii. 20, 22.)

15. It appears that, with all of Balaam's superior intelligence, he was inferior in spiritual discernment to that of his ass, as she could see the spirit standing in the road when he could not.

16. It has been contemptuously suggested as a slur on spiritualism, that perhaps the ass was a spiritual medium. But the fact that asses (of the biped species) can now be found endowed with the power of speech, renders the conclusion more rational that the ass talked without the aid of a spirit.

Such are some of the ridiculous features of these ridiculous stories. The expedient of disposing of these foolish stories as allegories, as some have attempted, will not avail any thing: for such figures are too low and groveling to be employed even as metaphors; and there is no hint in the Bible that they are to be understood in an allegorical or metaphorical sense.