CHAPTER XV.
That evening Blue and Red were sent to bed rather in disgrace, because they had professed themselves too sleepy to finish sewing a seam their mother had given them to do.
Very sleepy, very glad to fold up their work, they made their way, through the cold empty room which was intended to be the drawing-room when it was furnished, to one of the several bedrooms that opened off it. There was only one object in the empty room which they passed through, and that was the big family carriage, for which no possible use could be found during the long winter, and for the storing of which no outside place was considered good enough. It stood wheelless in a corner, with a large grey cloth over it, and the girls passing it with their one flickering candle looked at it a little askance. They had the feeling that something might be within or behind it which would bounce out at them.
Once, however, within their small whitewashed bedroom, they felt quite safe. Their spirits rose a little when they shut the door, for now there was no exacting third person to expect anything but what they chose to give. Theirs was that complete happiness of two persons when it has been long proved that neither ever does anything which the other does not like, and neither ever wants from the other what is not naturally given.
They were still sleepy when they unbuttoned each other's frocks, but when they had come to the next stage of shaking out their curly hair they began to make remarks which tended to dispel their drowsiness.
Said Blue, "Is it very dreadful to be a dentist?"
Said Red, "Yes; horrid. You have to put your fingers in people's mouths, you know."
"But doctors have to cut off legs, and doctors are quite——"
There is another advantage in perfect union of twin souls, and that is, that it is never necessary to finish a remark the end of which does not immediately find expression on the tip of the tongue, for the other always knows what is going to be said.
"Yes, I know doctors are," replied Red; "still, you know, Principal
Trenholme said Mr. Harkness is not a well-bred American."
"His first name is Cyril. I saw it on the card," replied Blue, quitting the question of social position.
"It's a lovely name," said Red, earnestly.
"And I'll tell you," said Blue, turning round with sudden earnestness and emphasis, "I think he's the handsomest young man I ever saw."
The rather odd plan Mrs. Rexford had hit on for lessening the likeness between these two, clothing each habitually in a distinctive colour, had not been carried into her choice of material for their dressing-gowns. These garments were white; and, as a stern mood of utility had guided their mother's shears, they were short and almost shapeless. The curly hair which was being brushed over them had stopped its growth, as curly hair often does, at the shoulders. In the small whitewashed room the two girls looked as much like choristers in surplices as anything might look, and their sweet oval faces had that perfect freshness of youth which is strangely akin to the look of holiness, in spite of the absolute frivolity of conduct which so often characterises young companionship.
When Blue made her earnest little assertion, she also made an earnest little dab at the air with her brush to emphasise it; and Red, letting her brush linger on her curly mop, replied with equal emphasis and the same earnest, open eyes, "Oh, so do I."
This decided, there was quiet for a minute, only the soft sound of brushing. Then Red began that pretty little twittering which bore to their laughter when in full force the same relation that the first faint chit, chit, chit of a bird bears to its full song.
"Weren't papa and mamma funny when they talked about what we should do if he spoke to us?"
She did not finish her sentence before merriment made it difficult for her to pronounce the words; and as for Blue, she was obliged to throw herself on the side of the bed.
Then again Blue sat up.
"You're to look down as you pass him, Red—like this, look!"
"That isn't right." Red said this with a little shriek of delight. "You're smiling all over your face—that won't do."
"Because I can't keep my face straight. Oh, Red, what shall we do? I know that if we ever see him after this we shall simply die."
"Oh, yes"—with tone of full conviction—"I know we shall."
"But we shall meet him."
They became almost serious for some moments at the thought of the inevitableness of the meeting and the hopelessness of conducting themselves with any propriety.
"And what will he think?" continued Blue, in sympathetic distress; "he will certainly think we are laughing at him, for he will never imagine how much we have been amused."
Red, however, began to brush her hair again. "Blue," said she, "did you ever try to see how you looked in the glass when your eyes were cast down? You can't, you know."
Blue immediately tried, and admitted the difficulty.
"I wish I could," said Red, "for then I should know how I should look when he had spoken to me and I was passing him."
"Well, do it, and I'll tell you."
"Then you stand there, and I'll come along past and look down just when
I meet you."
Red made the experiment rather seriously, but Blue cried out:
"Oh, you looked at me out of the corner of your eye, just as you were looking down—that'll never do."
"I didn't mean to. Now look! I'm doing it again." The one white-gowned figure stood with its back to the bed while the other through its little acting down the middle of the room.
"That's better"—critically.
"Well," pursued Red, with interest, "how does it look?"
"Rather nice. I shouldn't wonder if he fell in love with you."
This was a sudden and extraordinary audacity of thought.
"Oh, Blue!"—in shocked tones—"How could you think of such a thing!" She reproached her sister as herself. It was actually the first time such a theme had been broached even in their private converse.
"Well," said Blue, stoutly, "he might, you know. Such things happen."
"I don't think it's quite nice to think of it," said Red, meditatively.
"It isn't nice," said Blue, agreeing perfectly, but unwilling to recant; "still, it may be our duty to think of it. Sophia said once that a woman was always more or less responsible if a man fell in love with her."
"Did Sophia say that?" Weighty worlds of responsibility seemed to be settling on little Red's shoulders.
"Yes; she was talking to mamma about something. So, as it's quite possible he might fall in love with us, we ought to consider the matter."
"You don't think he's falling in love with Eliza, do you?"
"Oh no!"—promptly—"but then Eliza isn't like us."
Red looked at her pretty face in the glass as she continued to smooth out the brown curls. She thought of Eliza's tall figure, immobile white face, and crown of red hair.
"No," she said, meditatively; "but, Blue"—this quite seriously—"I hope he won't fall in love with us."
"Oh, so do I; for it would make him feel so miserable. But I think, Red, when you looked down you did not look prim enough—you know papa said 'prim.' Now, you stand, and I'll do it."
So Blue now passed down the little narrow room, but when she came to the critical spot, the supposed meeting ground, her desire to laugh conflicting with the effort to pull a long face, caused such a wry contortion of her plump visage that seriousness deserted them once more, and they bubbled over in mirth that would have been boisterous had it not been prudently muffled in the pillows.
After that they said their prayers. But when they had taken off the clumsy dressing-gowns and got into the feather-bed under the big patchwork quilt, like two little white rabbits nestling into one another, they reverted once more to their father's instructions for meeting the dentist, and giggled themselves to sleep.
Another pair of talkers, also with some common attributes of character, but with less knowledge of each other, were astir after these sisters had fallen asleep.
Most of the rooms in the house were on the ground-floor, but there were two attic bedrooms opening off a very large room in the roof which the former occupant had used as a granary. One of these Sophia occupied with a child; the other had been given to Eliza. That night, when Sophia was composing herself to sleep, she heard Eliza weeping. So smothered were the sounds of sorrow that she could hardly hear them. She lifted her head, listened, then, putting a long fur cloak about her, went into the next room.
No sooner was her hand on the latch of Eliza's door than all sound ceased. She stood for a minute in the large, dark granary. The draught in it was almost great enough to be called a breeze, and it whispered in the eaves which the sloping rafters made round the edges of the floor as a wind might sigh in some rocky cave. Sophia opened the door and went in.
"What is the matter, Eliza?"
Even in the almost darkness she could see that the girl's movement Was an involuntary feigning of surprise.
"Nothing."
"I used to hear you crying when we first came, Eliza, and now you have begun it again. Tell me what troubles you. Why do you pretend that nothing is the matter?"
The cold glimmer of the light of night reflected on snow came in at the diamond-shaped window, and the little white bed was just shadowed forth to Sophia's sight. The girl in it might have been asleep, she remained so quiet.
"Are you thinking about your father?"
"I don't know."
"Do you dislike being here?"
"No; but—"
"But what? What is troubling you, Eliza? You're not a girl to cry for nothing. Since you came to us I have seen that you are a straightforward, good girl; and you have plenty of sense, too. Come, tell me how it is you cry like this?"
Eliza sat up. "You won't tell them downstairs?" she said slowly.
"You may trust me not to repeat anything that is not necessary."
Eliza moved nervously, and her movements suggested hopelessness of trouble and difficulty of speech. Sophia pitied her.
"I don't know," she said restlessly, stretching out aimless hands into the darkness, "I don't know why I cry, Miss Sophia. It isn't for one thing more than another; everything is the reason—everything, everything."
"You mean, for one thing, that your father has gone, and you are homesick?"
"You said you wouldn't tell?"
"Yes."
"Well, I'm not sorry about that, because—well, I suppose I liked father as well as he liked me, but as long as he lived I'd have had to stay on the clearin', and I hated that. I'm glad to be here; but, oh! I want so much—I want so much—oh, Miss Sophia, don't you know?"
In some mysterious way Sophia felt that she did know, although she could not in any way formulate her confused feeling of kinship with this young girl, so far removed from her in outward experience. It seemed to her that she had at some time known such trouble as this, which was composed of wanting "so much—so much," and hands that were stretched, not towards any living thing, but vaguely to all possible possession outside the longing self.
"I want to be something," said Eliza, "rich or—I don't know—I would like to drive about in a fine way like some ladies do, or wear grander clothes than any one. Yes, I would like to keep a shop, or do something to make me very rich, and make everybody wish they were like me."
Sophia smiled to herself, but the darkness was about them. Then Sophia sighed. Crude as were the notions that went to make up the ignorant idea of what was desirable, the desire for it was without measure. There was a silence, and when Eliza spoke again Sophia did not doubt but that she told her whole mind.
It is a curious thing, this, that when a human being of average experience is confided in, the natural impulse is to assume that confidence is complete, and the adviser feels as competent to pronounce upon the case from the statement given as if minds were as limpid as crystal, and words as fit to represent them as a mirror is to show the objects it reflects. Yet if the listener would but look within, he would know that in any complicated question of life there would be much that he would not, more than he could not, tell of himself, unless long years of closest companionship had revealed the one heart to the other in ways that are beyond the power of words. And that is so even if the whole heart is set to be honest above all—and how many hearts are so set?
"You see," said Eliza, "if people knew I had lived on a very poor clearin' and done the work, they'd despise me perhaps."
"It is no disgrace to any one to have worked hard, and it certainly cannot be a disadvantage in this country."
"It was rough."
"You are not very rough, Eliza. It strikes me that you have been pretty carefully trained and taught."
"Yes, I was that"—with satisfaction. "But don't you think, if I got on, grand people would always look down at me if they knew I'd lived so common? And besides, I'm sometimes afraid the man that went shares at the land with father will want to find me."
"But you said you told him you were coming away."
"I told him, plain and honest; but I had a long way to walk till I got to the train, and I just went off. But he won't find it so easy to fill my place, and get some one to do the housework! He'd have kept me, if he could; and if he heard where I was he might come and try to get me back by saying father said I was to obey him till I was twenty-one."
"If your father said—that—"
"No," cried the girl, vehemently, "he never did."
"You will hear from your uncle in Scotland?" said Sophia.
"I don't believe he'll write to me. I don't believe he lives any more where I sent the letter. It's years and years since father heard from him. I said I'd write because I thought it would look more respectable to Mrs. Rexford to have an uncle. And I did write; but he won't answer."
This was certainly frank.
"Was that honest, Eliza?"
"No, Miss Sophia; but I felt so miserable. It's hard to walk off with your bundle, and be all alone and afraid of a man coming after you, and being so angry. He was dreadful angry when I told him I'd come. If you'd only promise not tell where I came from to anybody, so that it can't get round to him that I'm here, and so that people won't know how I lived before—"
"Well, we certainly have no reason to tell anybody. If it will make you content, I can assure you none of us will talk about your affairs. Was that all the trouble?"
"No—not all."
"Well, what else?" Sophia laughed a little, and laid her cool hand on the girl's hot one.
"I can't be anything grand ever, and begin by being a servant, Miss
Sophia. I say I'm not a servant, and I try not to act like one; but Mrs.
Rexford, she's tried hard to make me one. You wouldn't like to be a
servant, Miss Sophia?"
"You are very childish and foolish," said Sophia. "If I had not been just as foolish about other things when I was your age I would laugh at you now. But I know it's no use to tell you that the things you want will not make you happy, and that the things you don't want would, because I know you will not believe it. I will do my best to help you to get what you want, so far as it is not wrong, if you will promise to tell me all your difficulties."
"Will you help me? Why are you so kind?"
"Because—" said Sophia. Then she said no more.
Eliza showed herself cheered.
"You're the only one I care to talk to, Miss Sophia. The others haven't as much sense as you, have they?"
As these words were quietly put forth in the darkness, without a notion of impropriety, Sophia was struck with the fact that they coincided with her own estimate of the state of the case.
"Eliza, what are you talking of—not of my father and mother surely?"
"Why, yes. I think they're good and kind, but I don't think they've a deal of sense—do you?"
"My father is a wiser man than you can understand, Eliza; and—" Sophia broke off, she was fain to retreat; it was cold for one thing.
"Miss Sophia," said Eliza, as she was getting to the door, "there's one thing—you know that young man they were talking about to-night?"
"What of him?"
"Well, if he were to ask about me, you'd not tell him anything, would you? I've never told anybody but you about father, or any particulars. The others don't know anything, and you won't tell, will you?"
"I've told you I won't take upon myself to speak of your affairs. What has that young man to do with it?"—with some severity.
"It's only that he's a traveller, and I feel so silly about every traveller, for fear they'd want me to go back to the clearin'."
Sophia took the few necessary steps in the cold dark granary and reached her own room.