Chapter Twelve.
You are Changed to me.
The events in this story followed each other quickly, I must not delay in writing of them. Hitherto I have but skirted the drama, I have scarcely ventured to lift the folds of the dark curtain, but now I hesitate no longer.
Here! I push back the veil, let those who will step with me beyond its kind screen. I am going into a battle-field, and the place is gloomy. Heavy with clouds is the sky, red with blood the ground, and cold with death lie the conquered, ay, and the conquerors too. But enough! my story must tell itself, the shadows must come up one by one as they will.
We were five months at Ffynon, and the dreary winter had nearly passed, a few snowdrops and crocuses were in the little garden, and all spring flowers that money could buy and care cultivate, adorned the pretty cottage within. I had been on a long rambling expedition, and had taken Nan with me, and Nan had entertained me as I liked best to be entertained, with accounts of mining life and mining danger. Strange, how when we are young, we do like stories of danger. I came back a good deal excited, for Nan had been giving me particulars, learned from her mother’s lips, of the fearful accident caused in our very mine in 1856 by fire-damp, when one hundred and fourteen lives were swept in a moment into eternity. “That was a dark day for Ffynon,” said Nan, “not a house without a widow in it, not a home without a dead husband or father. Mother lost her father and brother, and our Stephie was born that very night. Mother warn’t twenty then, but she got old in a minute and never grew young again. Eh! dear,” added the small thing, with her heavy old world sigh, “ain’t it a weary world, Miss Morgan?”
“Well, I don’t know,” I said, “you are inclined to take a dark view of life, but things will brighten, Nan. Owen is making things so delightfully safe down in the mine, that soon you’ll have no cause to be anxious, and then you’ll grow young, as young as me, and enjoy your life.”
“I’ll never be younger nor twenty,” said Nan, solemnly, “never; and, Miss Morgan, I can’t help telling you something.”
“Well, my dear, what is it?”
“They do say, father and Miles, not to me, for they knows I’m so anxious, but I hears ’em whispering when they thinks I’m asleep o’ nights. They do say that for all Mr Morgan is so keen about saving the miners, and making things safe and compact, that he have the coal pillars what supports the roof, cut all away to nothing, and the timber what’s put in, in place o’ the pillars, ain’t thick enough. It don’t sound much I know, but it means much.”
“What does it mean? Nan,” I asked.
“Why, falls o’ roofs, Miss Morgan. Oh! I knows the sign of ’em, but there,” seeing how white my face had grown, “may be ’tis ’cause I’m an anxious thing, and they do say there’s a heap more coal bin brought up, and the ventilation twice as good.”
I made no reply to this. I did not say another word. When we came in sight of Nan’s cottage, I bade her adieu by a single-hand shake, and ran home. On the gravel sweep outside the sunny, smiling cottage, might be seen the substantial form of Gwen, and by Gwen’s side, his hat off, the breeze stirring his wavy brown hair, stood Owen.
Graceful, careless, happy, handsome, looked my brother, as he raised his face to kiss David’s boy, who sat astride on his shoulder. The baby was kicking, laughing, crowing, stretching his arms, catching at Owen’s hair, and making a thousand happy sounds, the first indications of a language he was never to learn perfectly on earth. Alas! what did the baby see in the darkness, that made his face the brightest thing I ever looked at, the brightest thing I ever shall look at in this world. The sight of the baby and Gwen caused me to forget Nan’s words; I ran forward eagerly and spoke eagerly.
“Gwen, what a surprise! how delighted I am! have you come to stay? Oh! you darling, darling pet!” These last words were addressed to little David, whom I took out of Owen’s arms, and covered with kisses. “How much he has grown! What a beauty he is!—like a little king. There! my precious lamb; go back to Owen, for I must give old Gwen a hug!”
Laughing heartily, Owen received him back, perched him anew on his shoulder, while I turned to Gwen, whom I nearly strangled with the vehemence of my embrace. “There! you dear old thing. Have you come to live with us? Oh! how dreadfully, dreadfully I have missed you. Oh! never mind your cap. I’ll quill you another border in no time. Now, are you coming to live here? Do speak, and don’t look so solemn.”
“Dear, dear, my maid!” said Gwen, shaking herself free, and panting for breath. “Good gracious! Gwladys, my maid, I’m a bit stout, and none so young; and you did shake me awful.” A pause, pant-pant, puff-puff from Gwen. “Why, there! I’m better now, and fit to cry with the joy of seeing you, my maid; but,”—with a warding-off gesture of her fat hands—“good gracious! Gwladys, don’t fall on me again.” A peal of laughter from Owen, in which the baby joined.
“Speak,” I said, solemnly; “if you don’t instantly declare your intentions, and the duration of your stay, I shall strangle you.”
“’Twas on account o’ the fever,” said Gwen. At these words my hands dropped to my sides, the baby’s laughter ceased to float on the air, and Owen was silent. “There’s nought, to be frighted at,” continued Gwen, observing these signs; “on’y a case or two at the lodge, and little Maggie and Dan, the laundress’s children were rather bad. The Squire said it warn’t likely to spread; but it would be best to make all safe, so he sent little David and me here for a fortnight, or so. Dear heart, he was sore down in the mouth at sayin’ good-bye to the baby; but I was pleased enough, Gwladys, my maid. I wanted to get a sight o’ your yellow hair, and to see my mistress, and Mr Owen.”
“And I’m delighted to renew my acquaintance with you, Gwen,” responded Owen, heartily. “I assure you I have not forgotten you. There! take baby now,” he added. “I think I hear my mother calling you.” When Gwen was gone, Owen, to my surprise came to my side, and drew my hand through his arm.
“I want to talk to you about the baby,” he said. “What a splendid fellow he is? How sad he should be blind. Somehow I never realised it before. I always knew that David’s boy was without sight, but, as I say, I never took in the meaning of it until I looked into those beautiful dark eyes. Isn’t David awfully cut up about it? Gwladys.”
“I’m not sure,” I replied. “You must remember, Owen, that he is accustomed to it; and then all about baby’s birth was so sad. Indeed, David does not like even to talk much about him; and when we are by, he never takes much notice, when he is brought into the room, only Gwen tells me how he comes up every night to see him, and how he kisses him—indeed, I know he quite lives for baby.”
“Gwladys, I wish you would tell me about Amy? Was she worthy of that noble fellow?”
I looked at Owen in surprise—surprise from a twofold cause, for the voice that brought out the unexpected and unusual words trembled.
“He is the noblest fellow I know, quite,” said Owen, emphatically, looking me full in the face. “What kind of woman was his wife?”
“I did not know her very well,” I replied. “I don’t believe I cared greatly for her. Still, I am sure, Owen—yes, I know that she was worthy of David.”
Owen turned away his face, looked on the ground; in a moment he spoke in a different tone, on a different subject.
“I was quite glad to see that little bit of enthusiasm in you; you used to be a very affectionate, warm-hearted child, and I thought it had all died out.”
I felt my face growing crimson. I tried not to speak, then the words burst forth—
“It has not died away; I can love still.”
“I make no doubt of that, my dear,” continued he, carelessly, “but you have not the same pleasant way of showing it.”
He dropped my hand and walked towards the house, but his indifferent words had renewed the feeling with which I had parted from Nan. He too might be indifferent, but at least he should know. I would tell him Nan’s words.
“Owen, I want to ask you a question.”
“Well!” turning round, and leaning his graceful figure against the porch.
“We are going to be rich again, before long?”
“Perhaps; I cannot say.”
“But you are getting up a lot of coal now out of the mine?”
“Certainly; the weekly supply is nearly double what it was six months ago.”
“Then of course we must be rich before long?”
“There is the possibility, but mines are uncertain things.” A pause, a scarcely suppressed yawn, then Owen turned on his heel. “I am going in, Gwladys; I don’t care to talk business out of business hours, and I want to have a chat with mother.”
His tone of easy indifference, coming so soon after seeing Nan’s suffering face, and hearing her words of intense anxiety, half maddened me. I know I forgot myself. I ran forward and caught his arm, and made him look me full in the face. No fear then, as he gazed at my crimsoning cheek and angry eye, that he should say I lacked my childhood’s enthusiasm.
“You are not going in yet,” I said, “for I have got something to say to you—something, I repeat, which I will say. You need not pretend to me, Owen, that we are not getting rich, for I know we are. But I ask you one question, Is it right that we should have this money at the risk of the colliers’ lives? is it right, in order that we should have a little more gold, that the coal pillars should be cut away, until the roofs are in danger of falling? and is it right that the timber supports should be made thinner than is safe? All this adds to our money, Owen; is it right that we should grow rich in that way?”
“Good God! Gwladys;” a pause, then vehemently, “How dare you say such things to me! who has been telling you such lies?”
“I won’t mention the name of the person who has told me the truth, but I have heard it through the colliers; the colliers themselves are speaking of it.”
Owen covered his face with his hand; he was trembling, but whether with anger or pain, I could not say. I stood silent, waiting for him to speak; he did not, perhaps for two minutes; those minutes watching his trembling hand, seemed like twenty.
“You and the colliers have both made a mistake,” he said then; “they have exaggerated notions of the necessary thickness of the coal pillars. I never have them worked beyond what is safe. As to the timber supports, they are measured with the nicest mathematical accuracy. You and they both forget that I am an engineer, that I work the mine with a knowledge which they cannot possess. Good God! to think that I am capable of risking willingly men’s lives to win gold; to think that you, Gwladys, should believe me capable of it; but you are not what you were. Once, such words could never have been said to you of me. You are changed to me utterly, and I am utterly disappointed in you.” He pushed his hat over his eyes, and before I could reply was several paces away, walking rapidly in the direction of the still romantic and once beautiful Rhoda Vale.