SCENE
A room in Mrs. MOOCOWS Boarding House. A chair R.C., a settee, or another chair, up stage R. At back L.C. two ordinary folding screens about 2ft. 6in. apart, a curtain hung across the space between them. A picture of a full moon painted on a large piece of cardboard must be propped up behind the opening between the screens, so that when the curtain is drawn back the moon is seen on the horizon, i.e. its lower edge on the level of the ground.
CHARACTERS
In order of their appearance
THE COW
THE DOG
THE CAT
THE DISH
THE SPOON
Cow. Dog!
Dog. Yes?
Cow. Do you like the cat?
Dog. No, I don't. Do you?
Cow. Of course not.
Dog. Why did you have her to lodge with you?
Cow. I really don't know. I thought it would be nice to have someone who was fond of music.
Dog. I'm fond of it, but not of the cat's music.
Cow. No, her music is a disappointment.
Dog. I don't care about that great lumpy fiddle of hers, either.
Cow. And she will accompany herself on it when she mews.
Dog. And then, she's so vain.
Cow. Yes! She told me she could jump better than I could.
Dog. Oh, how absurd.
Cow. She says I can't climb a tree.
Dog. And can you?
Cow. I've never tried it—I don't want to. She says you can't climb a tree.
Dog. Well, what then? I can stand at the bottom of it and bark. Can she do that?
Cow. Of course not. And I told her that if I liked I could jump over the moon.
Dog [rather incredulous]. Could you, Cow? Could you?
Cow. If it were near the ground.
Dog. But is it ever near the ground?
Cow. Certainly, when it is quite low down and looks all big and red.
Dog. Oh yes, to be sure.
Cow. And then, the cat gives such a lot of trouble. She must have her dinner on a dish every day, all mixed up with a spoon.
Dog. Such a fuss! Why can't she just have a bone on the drawing-room carpet—nothing nicer than that.
Cow. Or some grass in the field—so simple? The Dish and the Spoon don't like having to come down from the dresser so often. They like being quiet. [Mewing heard.] Not much chance of being quiet with a cat who practises all day.
[Enter Cat L., mewing. She is carrying a 'cello or a violin, preferably the former. She sits down on chair R.C. and pretends to tune her instrument, mewing the note and turning the pegs. If a grown-up who can play the tune on one of these instruments is not available for the part of the cat, the child who acts it can be taught, while mewing the tune through after tuning, to draw the bow across the open D string and A string on first beat, provided the instrument is not too precious for such handling.
Cat. Don't interrupt, please, when I'm practising. I'm going to mew at a concert to-night.
[Goes on.
[The Cow and the Dog join in, mooing and barking.
Cat [at end of tune]. What are you doing?
Cow. We're joining in the chorus.
Cat. There isn't a chorus to that song.
Dog. There was that time.
Cat. Well, don't let it happen again. I shan't practise any more for the present.
Dog. That's a comfort.
Cat. I want my dinner.
Cow [calls off]. Dish! Spoon! Bring the Cat's dinner.
Enter Dish and Spoon R.
Dish and Spoon. If you please, we wish to give notice.
Cow. Notice! Why?
Dish. There is too much to do here. We don't like having to bring in so many meals for the Cat.
Spoon. No, we don't.
Cat. What impertinence!
Dog. Well, then, I'll give notice too as a lodger. I don't like living under the same roof as the Cat.
Cow. Do you hear. Cat? You are breaking up my establishment. I must ask you to leave this day week.
Cat. Certainly not. I've got my rooms by the year, remember.
Dog. Oh dear. Bow, wow, wow.
Cat. May I ask why you don't like me?
Dog. I don't like your ways. You wag your tail when you're angry instead of wagging it when you're pleased.
Cat. It is a silly doggish plan to wag it when you're pleased. How can people know what you mean?
Cow. And you're so vain.
Cat. What about you? You said you could jump over the moon.
Cow. I said I could if I liked. But I don't like.
Cat. I'll bet you can't jump over the moon, whether you like it or not.
Cat. Then we won't bet for money. But I'll bet you you can't jump over the moon, and if you can, then I'll have lost my bet, and I'll go away as you ask; but if you can't, then I'll stay here as long as I please.
Dog [who has slyly pulled aside the curtain—aside to Cow]. Say yes, the moon's quite low.
Cow [to Cat]. All right, I'll take your bet.
Dog. And I'll be umpire.
Cat. Fair play, mind.
Dog. Dogs are always honest, they are not like cats.
Cat. And cats are always polite. They are not like dogs.
Dog. Now listen, Cat. If the Cow jumps so high that we can see the moon beneath her, that shall be counted jumping over the moon.
Cat. All right, then, draw the curtain so that we can see the moon.
[Dish draws the curtain—moon seen on the horizon.
Dog. Now then. One, two, three.
[Cow jumps. Moon seen under her as she jumps.
Dog. Ha, ha, ha! It makes me laugh to see such sport. Cow, you have won. We saw the moon under you as you jumped.
Dish and Spoon. Yes, we did!
Dog [to Cat]. You have lost your bet.
Cat. I'm very glad to go away from you all. I don't like those lumpy-jumpy ways.
All. We're glad too, so we're all satisfied!
[Exit Cat, mewing and fiddling.
Dish. Come along, Spoon. I'll run away with you into the fields.
Cow. Oh, what fun! we'll all elope together. Come on, Dog!
[They all dance round, and finally out. Length of dance ad lib., but they must go round twice at least. As they go from one side of the stage to the other, Cat comes in, in the contrary direction, meeting them. She carries her 'cello and stick in one hand, and in the other a small suit case. She tosses her head scornfully at the others and marches out.