SCENE II
The COUNTESS'S Boudoir. A table R. slanting to the audience with ornamental mirror standing on it. A door at back, L.C. Door in R.H. corner, back labelled "Secret staircase to dungeon." The Countess sitting at the table looking at herself in the mirror. Melissa, her maid, standing, with a hat in her hand trimmed with flowers.
Countess. Now, Melissa, give me my garden hat, please. I feel inclined to go down to the farm.
Melissa [bringing the hat]. Your ladyship is so fond of the farm.
Countess. Indeed I am, and of the live stock there. I should like to direct it all myself, but I don't think the bailiff would like it. He is rather tiresome sometimes.
Melissa. Still, my lady, he is a most honest man, and his accounts, as your ladyship always says, are a marvel.
Countess. Oh yes, in many ways he is excellent, I know, and yet he is not popular with the poultry—no doubt of that.
Melissa. That is true. He doesn't seem to get on with the gander.
Countess. Such a pity. I like the gander myself—he is always very civil to me.
Melissa [laughing]. Really, my lady, he seems such a sensible bird, sometimes you would really think he understood what you say.
[They both laugh. A knock at the door.
Countess. Melissa!
[Points to door.
[Melissa opens the door. The Bailiff is seen.
Bailiff. May I enter, madam?
Melissa. Come in, Master Bailiff.
Enter Bailiff.
Countess. Good day, Master Bailiff.
Bailiff [agitated]. I hope I do not intrude on your ladyship, but I come on a pressing matter——
Countess. What is it?
Bailiff. My coat, madam.
Countess. WHAT!
Bailiff. I beg your ladyship to look at it—there is a large tear in it.
Countess. A somewhat unseemly sight—I should have thought you would have begged me not to look at it.
Bailiff. But it is your gander, my lady.
Countess. What is my gander?
Bailiff. My coat.
Countess. Your coat is my gander, Bailiff? You are talking wildly.
Bailiff. It is no wonder, madam. It was the Gander did it. [Showing tear on coat.] I have been attacked by that vicious bird——
Countess. And wounded in the coat tails!
[Countess and Melissa laugh.
Bailiff. It does not seem a laughing matter to me, your ladyship. Something must be done.
Countess. With a needle and thread. There, I quite agree with you.
Bailiff. No, madam—with a big stick. Something must be done to make the Gander behave better.
Countess. I am sorry you don't like the Gander, Bailiff. I always find him very pleasant.
Bailiff. I regret that your ladyship is inclined to make such a companion of him. He really seems to consider he is on an equality with your ladyship.
Countess. On an equality with me! You are impertinent, sir. No one is on an equality with me in this castle. But I have a warm regard for the Gander, and I consider that you have insulted us both by your complaints. [A noise at the door.] Melissa!
[Melissa hastens to open the door. The Gander and Drake are seen in the doorway. They both bow.
Melissa. Oh!
Countess. Come in, both of you.
Bailiff. What, even here! Miserable birds, how dare you!
[Gander and Drake hiss and squawk.
Countess. You forget yourself, Bailiff. This is not your house. I beg that you will apologise at once for your rudeness to us all. Down on your knees at once and pray for forgiveness.
Bailiff. I am willing to apologise to you, madam, but not to the Gander, and I will not go on my knees, even to your ladyship.
Countess. Do you hear that, Gander? There stands an old man——
Bailiff. Old man, madam?
Countess. Yes, old, compared to the Gander—who will not say his prayers. Take him by the left leg and throw him downstairs.
[Fight. The Bailiff hits the Gander and Drake with his stick. They flap and peck. Melissa opens the door of the secret staircase. The Bailiff falls with his legs through the doorway. They drag him out and a great noise of tumbling is heard. Then they come in again.
Countess. Thank you, Gander. Now we will go for a nice walk and you shall choose it. You shall take me to your favourite place.
[The Gander and Drake both shake their heads sadly.
Countess. What is it? Something wrong? Dear me, I wish you could speak. Lead the way then. Goosey Goosey Gander, whither shall we wander?
[Walk round with steps and out.
CURTAIN
