BARGAINING AND PRAYER
The idea of "bargaining" for more time never really occurred to me, although I was quite aware that this type of reaction was often enacted by an individual whose life was to be lessened through physical incapacitation. I shall always smile to remember the movie "The End," wherein a terminally ill man determines that suicide is his only hope to retain dignity in death; he tries countless measures to kill himself, all of which fail due to their haphazard nature. Finally he swims out to sea in the hope that he will tire and drown, but at the last moment, decides he actually wants to live and calls upon God to give him the strength to swim ashore, tempting God with a 50% pledge and regular attendance in church. The movie was a humorous comparison to the way in which some people truly bargain for more time; I feel that this type of reasoning can only injure the individual, especially if God should "reject" his proposal through a worsening of his condition.
A healthier alternative, which also allows for the patient to maintain his religious stance…. if indeed religion is important in his life… is to instead "hope" for a longer life. Hope does not as easily fall into the realm of religion and therefore remains a separate source of emotional comfort; there is no dependency upon God, doctors or other people to cure him.
Given the fact that man was blessed with a mind of his own, which is essentially too complex for him to understand, it amazes me that he continues to speak of the mind of God as if bestowed with acknowledgeable characteristics, abilities, and functions. Often people will say, "God gives one the strength to bear loss… pain… hardship… etc." as if one bereft of inner fortitude can expect to be given that gift through prayer.
I have always believed it to be more fruitful to pray for strength rather than a cure when faced with terminal ailments. I do not believe that one can "lean on" God and await replenishment, since I cannot view the essence of God as a crutch or in any other way which would place Him outside of one's self. If God resides within an individual, He cannot be a crutch.
Perhaps it is better to say that one's belief in God gives him strength; for if God sent strength as an answer to prayer desiring strength, why do not all people receive the feeling of renewal? Why are some left to insanity, psychosomatic disorders or neurotic behavior? To credit God for one's strength would only serve to discredit His "unanswered" prayers, as is the case with physical disorders. I do not believe God would endow one with the fortitude to deliver himself from anguish and neglect the emotional appeals of others. Housing such thoughts can be devastating.
It is one's unrealistic expectations of God that can sometimes create turmoil for an individual, which again may result from the attempt to personify God. This attempt on the part of an individual to personify his deity often results from his need to feel guarded and loved; without family or friends he can still have a heavenly father and thus is not alone. My strength comes from within, and is augmented by loving family members. I tend to think, rather than to pray, for I feel the unity of all creation is within me and encompasses all things; thus even my most quiet thoughts are not spoken in emptiness.
When people said they prayed for me, I looked at their statement as one of thoughtful kindness because it demonstrated that they cared for me and my family. Yet within, a voice would scream that praying for health misused the idea behind prayer. Although prayer means vastly different things to each individual, I like to think of prayer as a way of communing with God; while there are many who ask God for favors in prayer, to me this cheapens it. I feel it should be used for the attempt of attaining oneness with the eternal spirit and nothing more, unless it is to unify one with himself and allow him to dismiss his selfishness to think of and unite with others. This well-known quote echoes my sentiments: "God, grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change, courage to change those I can, and wisdom to know the difference."
To further elaborate on the subject, I would assume that an individual who divulged in prayer such a "bargain" would eventually feel the shame brought about by the realization that he would never have sought this plea or offered his humble services had he not first been stricken by physical illness. Most likely the thought would have never crossed his mind. One would think that the person would have waved God's flag in times of health and prosperity. But, as with the vast majority of people, thoughts of one's own death rarely occur to those caught up in the robust living of life. Thus guilt can both evoke, and be the product of, promises too great to keep.