Scene I.—A railway carriage. The Earl and Countess of Gules—Lady Elaine Bendore—The Hon. Adolphus Gresham.
Elaine. I must really beg of you to stop, Mr Gresham. You cannot think how you pain and surprise me. I am sure I never had the least idea! Besides, supposing papa or mamma should hear you.
Adolphus. Lord Gules is asleep, and her ladyship is absorbed in her novel; besides,
you may be sure that I have taken care to ascertain their sentiments before I venture to say what I have to you. Oh, Elaine, if I could but hope!
Train stops. Guard [looking in]. All the smoking-carriages are engaged, gentlemen; but you’ll find room in here.
[Enter Adolphus Plumper and Mr Flamm. Flamm seats himself opposite Elaine, and Plumper opposite Adolphus.
Flamm [aside to Plumper]. By Jove, Plumper! you never told me you had a twin brother. Polish up your spectacles, old man—you’ve made ’em damp by that race we had to catch the train—and look at your vis-à-vis.
[Plumper takes off his spectacles with great deliberation, wipes them, puts them on again, and stares at Adolphus.
Plumper [aside] stammering. Dud-dud-dud-do you see a likeness? Dud-dud-dud-don’t see it myself. He’s bab-bab-bab-bald, and he’s not sh-sh-sh-ort-sighted.
Fl. Probably he doesn’t stammer either. I’ll try presently. Positively, if he wore spectacles and a wig of your hair, I shouldn’t know you apart.
Lady Gules [aside to Elaine]. Did you ever see anything more extraordinary, my dear? What a horrid caricature of our dear Adolphus Gresham!
El. [aside]. I can’t say I agree with you, mamma. I think he has a more intelligent expression—more soul, I should say.
Lady G. You are quite ridiculous, Elaine. Half the girls in London have bean setting their caps at Mr Gresham for the last few seasons, till they have given him up as invulnerable; and now that you have a chance of becoming one of the richest peeresses in England, you do nothing but snub him. He is as clever and charming as he will be rich when his father dies, and is certain to become a Cabinet Minister some day. He’s considered the most rising young man of his party.
El. That he may easily be, considering he is a Conservative. Oh, mamma! how can you suppose that I would ever marry a Conservative?
Lady G. I have no patience with you, Elaine; a nice mess your Radicals have made of it with Egypt and Ireland. But we won’t go into that now; only remember this, if he proposes, and you don’t accept
him, your father and I will be seriously displeased.
El. [sighing]. I’m sure the gentleman opposite is a friend of the people. See! he’s reading the ‘Pall Mall.’ [Aside to Adolphus.] Mamma has just been telling me that she sees such a strange likeness between you and your opposite neighbour.
Ad. Ah! Plumper—if the name on his hat-box is to be believed; A. Plumper, too. I wonder whether A. stands for Adolphus? I don’t feel flattered.
El. Now that is nothing but Tory prejudice. I am sure he looks very distinguished, though his name is Plumper. I have no doubt he’s a self-made man.
Pl. Pup-pup-pup-pardon me, madam; shall I put the window up? I see you feel the dud-dud-dud-draught.
El. Thank you. No; I prefer it open. But may I ask you to lend me your ‘Echo’? it’s a paper I like so much, and so seldom see.
Fl. Cheap, but not nasty; enjoys a vast circulation among the middle classes. The Conservatives are as far behind us in journalistic capacity as they are in parliamentary eloquence.
Pl. You must make allowances for my friend. He’s on the pup-pup-pup-press himself, and expects shortly to get into Pup-pup-pup-Parliament.
El. Oh, I do so hope he will! You don’t think there is a reaction setting in, do you? Papa says that Mr Gladstone is losing his hold on the country.
Lord Gules [awaking with a snort]. Not, however, before the country has lost its hold upon him. He cares no more for his country, sir, than I do for the Chinese in California. He’s a traitor, sir, to his principles; he’s—
El. Oh, papa, do stop!—here we are at the Victoria—and we have no right to judge any one so harshly. I assure you such strong expressions only make me feel more and more convinced how wrong you must be. [To Plumper, handing back his paper.] Thank you so much. I’m so sorry I have not had time to read it.
Lady G. Good-bye, Mr Gresham; remember that you have promised to dine with us to-morrow night. We shall be quite alone; but I am sure you don’t care about a party.
Ad. I need not say with what pleasure I shall look forward to it. Au revoir, Lady
Elaine. [Aside.] You do not know how you have been tempting me to abandon all my cherished political convictions for your sake. It is to be hoped that the Radicals will not follow up their success with the caucus by organising the young ladies of their party and letting them loose on society as propagandists of their Utopian ideas and political fallacies.
[Exeunt omnes.